July 2008 Archives
We showed you McCain stumbling over the question of whether birth control should, indeed, be covered by insurance companies in the same way Viagra is (answer=hell yes). But who asked the question?
Many news outlets have alluded to "the woman from the LA Times," but we wanted to name her and thank her for doing what journalists are supposed to do--ask the hard questions and demand answers from our nation's political power players. Thank you Maeve Reston!
By the way, I love that community blogger JentheFem and others have started to write their own Thank You Thursdays. The best form of flattery!
Carolyn Frederickson of the ACLU's DC office writes on the community blog:
Yesterday, the U.S. Government Accountability Office (GAO) released its report [PDF] on government efforts to address the abuse of domestic workers by foreign diplomats within the United States. The report confirmed what advocates, service providers and victims have long known: that this deeply troubling problem runs deep, and through its inaction and dilatory behavior, the State Department has unwittingly facilitated the exploitation, abuse and enslavement of poor, vulnerable women, some in the shadows of the nation's capital.
Go read the rest. The ACLU's site has more information about these women, including audio clips of them telling their stories. One woman, Raziah Begum, came to New York from Bangladesh to work for a Bangladeshi ambassador to the UN. And then:
Upon Ms. Begum's arrival in the United States, the Ahmeds confiscated Ms. Begum's passport and forbade her to set foot outside of the apartment.The Ahmeds forced Ms. Begum to perform housework from 6 a.m. until 10 p.m., seven days a week without a single day off. They paid her $29 per month -- approximately six cents per hour -- which they never paid her directly but sent to her son in Bangladesh.
The Ahmeds forced Ms. Begum to sleep on the hard floor without a mattress or a blanket. They forbade her to eat at a table or sit anywhere in the house except on one stool in the kitchen. When there were visitors to the apartment, the Ahmeds required Ms. Begum to remain in the kitchen where she could not interact with the guests. When there were overnight guests, the Ahmeds made Ms. Begum sleep under the dining table so that she could not be seen.
The ACLU is pursuing a court case, legislation, and a petition to the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights on behalf of women like Raziah Begum.
Check out this spoken word performance from Sonya Renee; towards the end my jaw was dropped and I was near tears. (And I'm not that big of a softie, believe me.) Just amazing.
UPDATE: Get the transcript here.
A new US/UK study argues that younger women are happier than younger men and older men are happier than older women:
later in life...men come closer than women to fulfilling their material goods and family life aspirations, are more satisfied with their financial situation and family life, and are the happier of the two genders.
This seems dubious to me. Most of the older women I know are really frickin' happy. They've shed their "good girl" conditioning, they don't care as much if they look perfect, and they often have this sort of second lease on life attitude where they try new careers, new places to live, even new partners.
A lot of the older men I know, on the other hand, seem to really struggle when they retire (if they're so lucky) and have to form an identity that's not work-based. I've watched my own dad struggle with this new stage of life. As much as he is enjoying laying on a hammock, reading, taking classes, learning how to cook, he's also really struggled to make meaning out of his new existence. For those who aren't lucky enough to retire, it seems like the work grind can get really, really boring after 40-odd years. In workplaces with age discrimination, these guys can feel pretty pushed out.
And I'm not sure what to make of the younger women being happier part of the argument. I see my friends as pretty equally happy and unhappy, regardless of the gender.
Your thoughts?
The National Women's Studies Association has created a student blog. Check it out and contribute if you're that kind of shiny age.
My fellow Missouri Feminist Mafia™ member, the incomparable Katie Spencer, gave me a heads up about this awesome conference. More info below from the organizers... --Ann
What: Femme2008 Conference: The Architecture of Femme!
Who: Femme Collective, along with speakers Dorothy Allison, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha and Julia Serano
When: August 15-17, 2008
Where: Chicago Wyndham O'Hare
How: Register online! Registration is still open, and is $95. You can get all the conference details at www.femmecollective.org.
Guest post by Charlotte Albrecht, Femme Mafia Twin Cities
For months now, I have been looking forward to attending Femme2008: The Architecture of Femme this August in Chicago. It has been just a few years since I started to claim a femme identity and only in the last year that I began to find community and connect with other femme-identified and femme-supportive people. As a mixed race light-skinned femme who grew up steeped in middle class white American culture, my models for femininity were clear and, like many other girls, I learned to examine all the ways that I deviated from this norm. When I started to acknowledge my desire for female-bodied people to myself and to those around me, I found myself wanting to be visible to those I desired. This desire coupled with my longstanding understanding of myself as "not feminine enough" added up to a gender presentation that was not true to myself. It wasn't until a few years later when I met femmes of my age who encouraged me to embrace whatever feminine parts of me there were, that I ceased apologizing for dressing up and accessorizing, and, more importantly, started to think critically about the relationship between my own femininity and my sexual desire.
I get so many amazing books and I only have so many hours in the day, so I thought I would direct you all to other reviews/posts about some of the great books on my shelf that I'll never get to (at this rate, anyway):
a review of
No Seat at the Table: How Corporate Governance and Law Keep Women Out of the Boardroom by Douglas M. Branson
a blog post on Maria Mitchell and the Sexing of Science: An Astronomer among the American Romantics by Renee Bergland
Firedoglake on The Family: The Secret Fundamentalism of the Heart of American Power by Jeff Sharlet
a review of The Saint of Kathmandu and Other Tales of the Sacred in Distant Lands by Sarah LeVine
some harrowing real life analysis from What About Our Daughters? on Getting Played: African American Girls, Urban Inequality, and Gendered Violence by Jody Miller
Feministing got a request a few days ago to go on a morning show and talk about a new website that offers women a chance to find a "sugar daddy" (I don't want to give the site any traffic, so I won't link to it here). I called the producer back to chat over the logistics and encountered an ugly reminder of just how much most television producers buy into and continually shape sexist narratives.
The producer, a woman, informed me that the first segment would feature a self-proclaimed "gold digger." They were hoping I would come on the second segment and talk about how bad it is that this woman is making this choice and how it is a real step backwards for women's empowerment. Here's the dialogue (roughly) that followed:
Me: I'd actually like to offer a systemic analysis. Women are disproportionately affected by economic downturn, and beyond that, women still make 76 cents to the man's dollar.Her: Really? Do you have data to back that up? I'd get laughed out of the office if I made that argument.
Me: There's a lot of data to back this up; it's not, like, my little theory. I could send you some very easily. Also, it might be good to bring in some analysis about objectification and the ways in which young women are taught to see their bodies as their most potent source of power. It sort of makes sense for a woman like this to resort to this website when you consider all the societal factors involved.
Her: Okay, well we were hoping for a feisty debate kind of...
Me: Oh, I can be very feisty about these issues.
Her: Okay, I'll call you back at 2pm.
Never called. Never wrote. In my fantasy, this producer lady googled some of my claims, marched into her supervisor's office, and quit because she realized she had been underpaid for years. In my sober life, I realize they probably did a really shitty segment blaming the "gold digger" for her ridiculous behavior.
The United States House of Representatives has issued an apology for slavery and Jim Crow.
Congress has issued apologies before -- to Japanese-Americans for their internment during World War II and to native Hawaiians for the overthrow of the Hawaiian kingdom in 1893. In 2005, the Senate apologized for failing to pass anti-lynching laws.Five states have issued apologies for slavery, but past proposals in Congress have stalled, partly over concerns that an apology would lead to demands for reparations -- payment for damages.
The Cohen resolution does not mention reparations. It does commit the House to rectifying "the lingering consequences of the misdeeds committed against African-Americans under slavery and Jim Crow."
I really like what Melissa Harris-Lacewell (who I have a tremendous intellectual crush on) had to say about it:
This story in the NYTimes definitely brings up some interesting debates in the gender and sports arena. Basically the Olympics has a shady history of trying to verify female athletes gender identity. This ranges from forcing the athletes to strip naked and inspected by judges to other varied tests including chromosomal typing and hormone testing.
At first, women were asked to parade nude before a panel of doctors to verify their sex. At the 1968 Olympics in Mexico City, officials switched to a chromosomal test.
For a period of time these tests were mandatory for female athletes (not male ones). The NYTimes article suggests it was due to fears that male athletes would pose as female athletes and have an unfair advantage over their competitors. It seems this has only actually happened once, however, and it was not discovered with any of these tests. For this years Olympic games, a lab is being set up in Beijing that is prepared to investigate any gender-based claims if they arise, as they no longer require these exams of all female athletes.
Since the theme of this afternoon's posting seems to be gender (soon to come, a post about the olympic's and gender verification) I thought I'd post this music video from Athens Boys Choir. He's pretty fantastic and I think the video speaks for itself. I promise it will be stuck in your head.
Warning: Not appropriate for work, unless sexual words are okay...
The BBC reports that a school in Thailand is providing three bathrooms for students, one for boys, one for girls and one for "boys who want to be girls" (phrasing from the BBC).
You can see a short video clip about it here. While I think it's awesome that they are providing a space for trans girls (or boys who are questioning their gender identity), it only leaves space for one other type of gender expression. What about girls who are experimenting with their gender identities as well?
Bathrooms have historically been a point of contention for trans people, and it's really crucial for them to have facilities they can feel safe using. But further segregating people does not in my opinion address the underlying problems with the gender binary which can be confining for people in many different places on the gender identity spectrum.
Cultural context is obviously really important here as well, and I don't mean to criticize the obvious progress this school is making in ensuring the safety of their students. Instead the clip brings up a lot of issues around bathroom safety and gender identity that I wanted to bring up.
See feministing community blogger pow3rful's post about this news item.
Also, a note about language. When referring to a transgender person, always use their preferred gender identity (and pronouns). So, for example, a boy who now identifies as a girl could be referred to as a trans girl. Or a girl who now identifies as a boy would be a trans boy.
The math wars - Economic Woman: Allison at the fabulous blog Economic Woman takes an in-depth look at the recent study showing girls perform as well as boys in math.
Girls=Boys in Math - The Onion: I couldn't let you miss The Onion's take as well.
Recognising 'gendercide' - The Guardian: Heather McRobie proposes that we start talking about gender-based massacres, like Ciudad Juárez, in using the word 'gendercide'.
Our Bodies Our Blog - Tribal Law and Order Act Aims to Address Abuse of Native American Women: "Last week, bills were introduced in the House and Senate that are intended to empower tribal governments to address crimes that take place on their lands, and, among other aims, to 'reduce the prevalence of violent crime in tribal communities and to combat violence against Indian and Alaska Native women.'"
LENIN'S TOMB - Noam Chomsky on Pornography: Chomsky speaks out on porn in the video clip.
Popgadget - Samsung thinks patronising women will get us into tech; Engadget agrees: "As Engadget gleefully reports, Samsung has designed a concept compact hard drive that looks similar to a piece of make-up - and this picture shows it surrounded by make-up, to prove the point."
1960s ad for rice - Boing Boing: For funsies.
American Apparel, who puts out some of the classiest ads around, is apparently now selling soap. And in case you're not sure how to wash yourself, the site has an instructional video of a nekkid tousled hair lady to help you along. Blech.
On the upside, at least this will encourage some hipsters to clean themselves. Maybe.
Thanks to Sarah for the tip.
Newly-appointed UN human rights chief Navanethem Pillay has long been an advocate for women. A co-founder of women's rights organization Equality Now, Pillay also served as President of the International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda and was the first woman of color on the High Court of South Africa.
Pillay replaces Louise Arbour in the position.
Read more about Pillay here and here.
Thanks to Martha for the heads up.
Not only does this headline from 10News in San Diego victim-blame in the worst (and perhaps most common) way, the article itself is no dream either. Not once are the words 'rapist' or 'men' mentioned. Check out the lede, for example:
San Diego police are investigating a rising number of rapes involving young women who go on drinking binges, becoming too intoxicated to fight back or say "no," it was reported Tuesday.
What's so hard about instead writing, "San Diego police are investigating a rising number of rapes involving men who attack intoxicated women." It's shorter, more accurate, and doesn't blame women for being raped. It's like magic! I guess I won't be holding my breath.
This is the second time Snickers will have to pull a gay-hating commercial. (Remember this nonsense?) But this commercial is just one of many that punishes men for being too "feminine," whether it's growing breasts after having the audacity to cry at the movies or being crushed by a giant beer can after screaming "like a girl." Anxious masculinity, anyone?
Via Consumerist and community blogger shellchin.
UPDATE: Renee has more.
Sometimes one sentence speaks a thousand idiocies:
You come across as a man hating group - the only reason nobody does or says anything is because you hide behind your vaginas.
The depth of thought is astounding.
*Scurries back behind labia*
Sounds like a stupid question right?
Anyway, I guess I sometimes I call my period my moon (I know, how 70's of me), but I have never called the week before my period "venus week." But according to this new book, the way our hormones are before the week of our period actually has an impact on our behavior. This is a pretty duh statement for most women out there, but I do think it is interesting. Some points in the book.
Women look and feel best when they are most likely to conceive (that's the Venus Week), but it's possible to optimize Venus and other portions of their hormonal cycle.When estrogen levels are high (during Venus Week) women are more confident, socially agile and at ease; skin and hair looks and feels better too.
Testosterone also peaks during this week, hence the stronger desire for intimacy and heightened libido during these five to seven days.
What I don't think is interesting is when social scientists use research like this to make definitive conclusions in women's behavior. So take it for what it is. Sometimes we like to have more sex before our periods, among other things and you can pretty much assume that is not true for everyone and certainly not all the time.
Other problems with this type of research that I am overlooking?
So yeah, they didn't give her nearly enough air-time, but our own fabulous "Ray of Light"* Courtney Martin was on Good Morning America today discussing Keira Knightley's stand against digital makeovers. Check out the story and video here.
*A nickname recently discovered at the Feministing retreat because of C's shiny-light goodness.
Wha wha, why are women fighting like big smelly men on the basketball court?
You gotta love writers that try and justify sexism by saying, men are gross, you don't want to be like them anyway. Because it is clear that talented women go into sports, because they want to BE men. Could you think any higher of your own gender?
Nein.
And that's not easy to do. I'm not sure if this is an actual Guinness commercial or something some oh-so-clever asshole concocted and put online, but either way I'm horrified. I mean, I'm not anti a good sexy commercial, but this is just anti-sexy. There is nothing appealing about women being portrayed as silent slightly shaking receptacles/beer coasters. This really ruined my day.
Via Broadsheet and many, many emails.
Yeah, don't quit know what to make of this.
Peruvian cumbia singer Leysi Suarez is in shitloads of trouble for taking some photographs that feature her sitting naked on a horse and using the Peruvian flag as a saddle. The pictures appeared in the premiere issue of local magazine D´Farándula ("Showbiz") just a few days after Peruvian Independence Day. Minister of Defense Antero Flores-Araoz has filed a criminal complaint against her for "insulting the symbols and values of the Fatherland."
She may go to jail for up to four years for using a Peruvian flag as a saddle. I guess it is intimidating for the "fatherland" to have a woman's vagina on the flag. All I can say is I hope she got paid well for the pics.
Because I certainly do. And my crush was re-established last night when I got to see her in action (along with Paul Rieckhoff) at Lizz Winstead's Shoot the Messenger. It was bad-ass. Since a video of the show won't be up right away, I figured I'd get my Maddow-fix elsewhere for now. Above is a somewhat recent video of her take on McCain's birth control stumble, which also features the super cool Nation editor (and fellow outer borough native) Chris Hayes. Enjoy!
Yesterday the Meredith Corporation-responsible for some of the most gendered marketing on the block (Better Homes and Gardens, Family Circle, Parents, Ladies' Home Journal, More, Fitness, etc)-released a study discussing a new demographic of women, Gamma women. These are women that are different from alpha women in their desire for success, money and stature. Gamma women thrive on sharing, changing the world around them and social networking, online and off.
The Gamma woman is one of 55 million American women* creating a groundswell in today's new media and marketing landscape. Using multiple media--both online and off--she shares ideas, information, and recommendations with her vast network. The Gamma woman stands in the center of a web of positive personal connections: she aims to bring out the best in herself and others. Her sense of self is guided by her internal beliefs, passions, and priorities. She is motivated by the desire to interact, rather than to impress. She is her family's strong center, her friends' trusted ally, and she models the change she wants to see in the world.
According to the Wall Street Journal, this new demographic of women has yet to be properly marketed to.
The Gamma Factor: Women and the New Social Currency, explains how the social behavior, media habits and sheer magnitude of Gamma women represent a tidal force that is redefining the marketing model. By providing strategies and anecdotes for capturing the attention and advocacy of Gamma women, the report reveals how information travels within the Gamma landscape, and how marketers can effectively communicate with Gamma women to leverage the power of this vast and influential segment.
Reading the WSJ article and the executive summary of the report it is hard to figure out if they are talking about women or robots, but I think it is interesting that one of the groundbreaking lessons here is that women should be engaged with, not talked at. Is this an example of feminism going into the field of marketing? Ha, I wish. Corporate-driven, gender-based mass marketing makes no exceptions, everyone is a possible target for a strategic product sell.
The second highest paid actress in Hollywood is telling the publicists for her latest movie, The Duchess, to keep their airbrushing hands off her breasts. In previous films she was stunned to find her breasts digitally enhanced, but this time she's insisting it be different. I was asked to comment on this and related issues (body image, media etc.) on Good Morning America, which is supposed to air tomorrow morning for those of you with fancy television recording devices.
I'll probably be on screen for all of two seconds, but what I would like to say is this: Keira isn't telling young women anything they don't already know. We've watched Next Top Model. We've taken media literacy classes. What she is doing--and it's significant--is reminding us to honor what we already know: namely that the images we see every day on television, in magazines, online, are notoriously technologically-altered and unrealistic. It's not willpower that makes these women's bodies perfect--it's money, money, money, and a splash of genetic predisposition.
It's important that someone inside the system, someone that has benefited from the system, has the balls to come out and remind us of our own wisdom. Thanks Keira.
A new study, the largest of its kind, shows that girls are equally as skilled in math as boys. (And the anti-feminists cry.)
Sixteen years after Barbie dolls declared, "Math class is tough!" girls are proving that when it comes to math they are just as tough as boys.In the largest study of its kind, girls measured up to boys in every grade, from second through 11th. The research was released Thursday in the journal Science.
Parents and teachers persist in thinking boys are simply better at math, said Janet Hyde, the University of Wisconsin-Madison researcher who led the study. And girls who grow up believing it wind up avoiding harder math classes.
"It keeps girls and women out of a lot of careers, particularly high-prestige, lucrative careers in science and technology," Hyde said.
Judith Warner at The New York Times writes about Congress' new report, "Equality in Job Loss: Women are Increasingly Vulnerable to Layoffs During Recessions," and says,
Women left the workforce when the cost of child care ate up their entire after-tax salaries, or when family-unfriendly workplaces pushed them out. Or when, like women without children or men with and without children, they were laid off in a bad economy.But these naysaying voices have been largely shouting in the wind. No one has really wanted to hear that the much-vaunted new "choices" weren't really choices at all. No one's been scouring obscure academic journals for the real skinny on women's progress. No one's been too eager to embrace grim facts over more-glorious fictions.
Make sure to check it out...
I know we generally reserve our "fuck you"s for Fridays, but this one can't wait till the end of the week. (Especially since I'm already coming late to this one!)
From Mighty Ponygirl at Feminist Gamers:
A new game about to be released for the PSN called Fat Princess is a TF2-like capture-the-flag game where the point is to feed your princess enough cake so that she grows really fat so that the opposing team can't carry her back to their castle....Instead of running out into the forest to find cake to fatten up the princess with, why not go out and find gold (which is a lot heavier than cake) to stuff into a treasure chest. The more gold in the chest, the heavier it would be, and the harder it would be to carry.
Oh, but that's not as "cute" as cake and fat chicks. Right.
Fuck you, "Fat Princess." And fuck you, Sony for putting out this garbage and perpetuating fat-hating. Seriously. Fuck. You. Sorry I can't be more articulate on this one, I'm just too pissed.
Holly and Melissa (who had a awful but oh-so-telling influx of trolls) has more.
Jessica Yee, who has occasionally contributed posts to Feministing, writes on Racialicious (original post at Shameless) about 5 year old Adriel Arocha who is being banned from his Houston-area kindergarten class. Why, you ask?
As an Apache, he has long hair that he has been growing in his Native cultural tradition that "violates" this school's dress code rules.The kicker though is that the school board is willing to make exceptions on religious or other "proven" moral grounds, but doesn't think that being Native American cuts it.
Yee points out that growing your hair is a tradition in many Indigenous cultures: "Long hair carries our life experiences and reminds us about the teachings we've received along the way."
But apparently that's not good enough for Superintendent Curtis Rhodes, who says, "I was trying to find out what recognized religion they are that discusses they cannot cut their hair and the information I received then was basically it's their choice." Sounds like a real charmer. If you want to give Rhodes a piece of your mind, his contact information is here.
Reader Carolyn points out that there's something kind of hilarious about an abstinence thong. Also, you have to love the tagline: "Earn your right to wear white."
(L-R) Jessica, Courtney, Samhita, Ann, Miriam, Vanessa
We had a fabulous time at the Feministing retreat in Woodstock, despite the insane thunderstorms, a power outage, and shaming game of "Never Have I Ever." (Okay, that part was kinda fun.) I'm sure the other editors had a good time for their own reasons, but I have to say that being able to work with such incredible feminists - not only on the site, but being able to just shoot the shit about anything from transnational feminism to queer theory to sex toys - is a ridiculous honor. So thanks, all, for being a part of this project and for being such amazing friends to boot. (Sniff.)
I'm still up in Woodstock retreat-ing with the other Feministing gals, so no Weekly Feminist Reader today. But leave your links in comments and let us know what you've been reading...
So this was my first time really sitting down and looking at the community blog. You all rock! Thanks to everyone who is contributing, I'm really impressed and psyched to have so many new voices at feministing.
Here are a couple of posts that caught me eye:
All this gas talk reeks of classism from SmartLikeMe. I like the play on words.
A different take on the same sex parent debate: My Two Moms by Rachel Setzer
More on the Brooke Hogan debacle: A profound and groundbreaking analysis: Gossip Blogs Edition by Snampire
A review of Mamma Mia! Rave: Mamma Mia by Katz518
A really awesome (and really nerdy) mathematical proof for the anti-choicers: A Simple Mathematical Proof by Rebecca
Happy Friday everyone!
Community blogger Nell (also of Abortion Clinic Days - a blog of abortion providers telling their stories) asks readers, "What makes for a good abortion?"
We often share your stories with our own patients. Hearing that someone else has walked that path with strength and grace--and that they're not afraid to tell their story--our patients describe as the most precious gift they can receive from the women in their community. The abortion stories women provide that describe isolation, suffering or painful rumination--those teach us something too. We should be listening to these women to understand the qualities that contribute to their suffering so that no woman has to describe her pregnancy or abortion experience in this way.So how can you help the women you love to have positive memories of their abortions? I would love to hear from readers about the factors that made a difference in their abortions being positive or negative memories.
If you have a story to share, or would like to comment, please do so on Nell's post.
Also, I'd just like to say thanks to all of the abortion providers out there who literally risk their lives to bring compassionate reproductive health care to women - you are amazing.
In Congress right now there is a hearing to discuss the issue of impeaching President Bush. While there is a lot of hill related jargon that is over my head, it's pretty fascinating. You can listen at CSPAN radio here.
Just to clarify, this hearing is just a discussion about impeachment, and not an official hearing that could result in actual impeachment. Complicated system.
If posting is a little light today/this weekend, it's because all the gals are getting together for a super fun Feministing retreat at my parents' place in Woodstock, NY. It's rare that the lot of us gets together as a group, so we're all really psyched about it. We'll be talking about the new community site and how to make it even better, the future of Feministing, and our (eventual) transition to a nonprofit. (Also, we're going tubing!)
So be on the lookout for some updates next week (and maybe some video) on what we discussed, and what you can expect from the site in the coming months.
Have a great weekend, folks!
At Salon, Rebecca Traister has a love letter to her favorite sci-fi protagonist, Dana Scully:
In this summer of Dark Knights and Hellboys and Iron Men, it's refreshing to be reminded -- as we will be this weekend, with the opening of "The-X-Files: I Want to Believe" -- that not so long ago, there was a science fiction series with a woman at its core, a heroine whose major goals were more about disproving the existence of extraterrestrial life than marrying Big, a chick who spent more time chasing fluke worms down toilets than trying on shoes.
Awhile ago, Starziki6 posted some very similar sentiments on our community blog:
Mostly, my love for the show (and I loved this show for eight seasons) had to do with Scully and how unique her character was. She was introduced to the show as its rational, scientific, and spiritual voice. When Mulder got himself into trouble by following his gut, Scully would reel him into reality by using her head. (It also happened that Scully got into trouble from using her head and Mulder could save her by following his gut, but the roles remained largely consistent.)I cannot love the show more for the way it depicted a strong, smart, beautiful, and ultimately feminist woman.
Apparently there's some new trend of brides getting their bridesmaids Botox and plastic surgery and the like before the big day. You know, just in case American weddings weren't enough about unrealistic expectations, consumerism and all-around bizarreness.*
Some brides pick up the tab for their attendants, replacing the pillbox inscribed with the wedding date with a well-earned squirt between the eyes. In other cases, bridesmaids -- who may quietly seethe about unflattering dresses -- are surprisingly willing to pay for cosmetic enhancements. "Most women, when they come in here, they want it," said Camille Meyer, the owner of TriBeCa MedSpa. "They know they're aging."For Karen Hohenstein, who held her party at the Tiffani Kim Institute Medical Wellness Spa in Chicago, convincing her friends was as smooth as a Botoxed forehead. "It wasn't me saying, 'Hey, we all could use a little something,' " she said. "It was, 'I want to do this,' and a couple of people said, 'I do, too.' "
But for every accommodating pal, there's another who feels going under the knife is beyond the duty of bridesmaid. Becky Lee, 39, a Manhattan photographer, declined when a friend asked her -- and five other attendants -- to have their breasts enhanced. "We're all Asian and didn't have a whole lot of cleavage, and she found a doctor in L.A. who was willing to do four for the price of two," said Ms. Lee, who wore a push-up bra instead.
Because real friends expect each other to conform to gross patriarchal beauty norms! It's better than the new "it" bag!
*I am not dissing your wedding, I swear. It's the wedding industrial complex I'm after!
Marvelyn Brown, my brilliant and courageous friend, was on the CNN special, "Black in America," last night. If you didn't catch it, there should be clips available shortly, but meanwhile you can check out the book she and I co-wrote of her life: The Naked Truth: Young, Beautiful and (HIV) Positive. It will be released August 19th, but you can pre-order whenever. In it, she very frankly explores how she was infected with HIV while in a committed relationship with "prince charming" and all that happened after. Don't sleep: AIDS is the number one killer of black women aged 25-34.
And on a far less serious note, Marvelyn got us a blurb from none other than Ludacris for the cover. Just rap it: "Marvelyn Brown takes a bold approach to speak to our youth with enough honesty and frankness, everybody should be listening! She is an inspiration to men and women everywhere!" Word Cris.
Most of the feministing crew met Marvelyn last summer when we all won ChoiceUSA awards.