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Anything that's going near your delicates shouldn't have any razor-like abilities. Seems pretty logical to me. But don't tell that to the creators of the Womaniser, the sex toy that opens up to reveal it's a shaver. *Shudder*

If a vibrator is going to be a transformer, there has to be something better it can change into...any ideas?

Story and pic via Shiny Shiny

I know when I was a little girl, I dreamed that someday I'd be a robotic-man-washing-machine.

Thanks to Jay for the link.

Copyranter points out this latest Wonderbra ad, one in a long line of...interesting takes on boobies and bras.

It seems that the Wonderbra will not only allow you to crack through glass walls (not painful at all, of course), but they'll also allow your girls to hold umbrellas, make train-riding a little more interesting, ensure that you don't have oh-so-horrible "pancake tits," and will even make you bodacious once you're dead.

You know, I think I'll stick with my un-Wonderbras - they may not make my breasts boobs-of-steel, but they also don't reduce me to a body part.

American Apparel, who puts out some of the classiest ads around, is apparently now selling soap. And in case you're not sure how to wash yourself, the site has an instructional video of a nekkid tousled hair lady to help you along. Blech.

On the upside, at least this will encourage some hipsters to clean themselves. Maybe.

Thanks to Sarah for the tip.

And that's not easy to do. I'm not sure if this is an actual Guinness commercial or something some oh-so-clever asshole concocted and put online, but either way I'm horrified. I mean, I'm not anti a good sexy commercial, but this is just anti-sexy. There is nothing appealing about women being portrayed as silent slightly shaking receptacles/beer coasters. This really ruined my day.

Via Broadsheet and many, many emails.

Reader Carolyn points out that there's something kind of hilarious about an abstinence thong. Also, you have to love the tagline: "Earn your right to wear white."

Have you ever wanted to sport a shirt with Gloria Steinem, bell hooks or Frida Kahlo on it? Well, now's your chance. Check out KMStitchery - which touts itself as eco-friendly feminist fashion. Hotness.

Are you sick of only wealthy women being able to afford "designer vaginas"? Well worry no more! Now hating your genitals is easy, affordable, and comes in packaging that looks like a cross between My Little Pony and White-Out!

Liquid Virgin "work to temporarily tighten the walls of the vagina." The drops also contain Potassium Alum, which according to the website (and I'm super curious as to why they felt like sharing this fact), often appears in cartoons: "The character eats some Alum and their mouth is shown to pucker up. Often seen on Tom & Jerry."

With the Tom & Jerry seal of vaginal approval, how could I say no?

Via Feministe.

I don't even really understand what this shirt is all about. But it's being sold on Amazon. And it's grossing me out.

Thanks to Anique for the heads up.

It seems that someone thinks it's hilarious, oh excuse me - "heelarious" - to make fake high heels for infants. Yes, I know it's supposed to be funny and clever. But then why does it just make me sad?

Via The F Word and The Frisky.

Thanks to, somewhat appropriately, Mz.Stilletto for the link.

Via Consumerist, we find out that Kmart is claiming their True Love Waits sweatpants have absolutely nothing to do with abstinence.

A spokeswoman for Sears Holdings Corp., which owns Kmart, told The Buzz the pants have absolutely nothing to do with taking any kind of position, either way, on abstinence. "It was not associated with any group or any cause," said Amy Dimond. "It was just a graphic put on the pants."

Piper & Blue, Kmart's private label brand, designed the sweatpants as part of its summer collection that hit stores in late April.

Although the pants were not designed to make a statement, Dimond admitted that "there may be some (customers) who made the (abstinence association), but it was not the intention."

Oh, wow. How stupid of me! When I saw the description of the pants on Kmart (right after "drawstring waist) as having a "bold abstinence screen print," I must have been hallucinating. Oh wait, no. There it is.

Note to Kmart flacks: If you're going to lie, make sure to cover your tracks.

Aw, shit. Kmart is selling abstinence-gear for juniors.

Featuring what Kmart calls a "bold abstinence screen print," the True Love Waits sweatpants come in blue, yellow and gray. I also think it's no coincidence that on the same page they carry "Life is sweet" pants. I have no idea if the pants are in any way connected to the True Love Waits organization, but I'm disturbed nonetheless.

Thanks to reader WM for the link.

Many of you have emailed us about this Klondike commercial. And I agree, it's atrocious. Not only does it feed into the sexist idea that men deserve a cookie for being halfway decent human beings, but it also denigrates men by suggesting that they're animals, unable to resist any ass that that happens to pass their way. Thumbs down.

Because what home would be complete without a kneeling ass chair?

Shakes has a ton more in her series on disembodied woman things...

Gross.

Thanks to Erika for the link.

Okay, so it's not exactly back-to-school time. But these school supplies from the fabulous Sticker Sisters are a must have any time of year. (Though I totally want a pen that says 'action is glamour'. But I'm just cheesy like that.)

Deborah Brenner is the author of Women of the Vine and proprietor of Women of the Vine Cellars. While writing the book, Deborah and winemaker, Signe Zoller met and teamed up in 2006 to launch a first-of-its-kind wine company; bottled and produced by Women of the Vine Cellars.

From 2002-2005, Deborah ran her own marketing and public relations firm, SmallFishBigPond, and worked with such companies as Cinecitta Studios of Rome, Quantel, NBC and CNBC. Prior to that, Ms. Brenner spent over 16 years working in the film, television and the post production industries and was involved in four technology startups.

Here's Deborah...

I couldn't help myself, I needed one.

UPDATE: To those who asked... the "/" symbol is akin to "end" in coding. Hence, /patriarchy = end patriarchy!

Via Gizmodo and a ton of emails from you lovely readers, we find the "Bitchcruiser" bicycle, which apparently is for sale on eBay. Sometimes, there are just no words.

For more in disembodied misogyny, check out Shakesville's ongoing (horrifying) series.

Via Hear Me Roar, we find out that David & Goliath has pulled the oh-so-funny rape t-shirt (at least online, it seems). First Wal-Mart's panties and now this - we're on a roll, folks!

But don't worry, they still have the classic "I'm too pretty to do math" shirt. (Sigh.)

You know, I just have no words. I'm too fucking mentally and emotionally exhausted to yet again explain why rape isn't fucking funny.

Lodge your complaints here.

Thanks to Ariel for the link.

A premium denim company, Fiorana, is has created a "Latina-cut" jean.

"The Latina body is different in waist and hip structure," says Mike Braden, Founder and President of Fiorana, Inc. "When wearing Anglo cut jeans, there is always a fit problem around the waist area. Our 'Latina Cut' collection will provide the American Hispanic woman a sexy, sophisticated premium jean that caters to their feminine curves."

'Cause all Latinas look like J-Lo? What? Laura Martinez responds,

Still, reading and re-reading the staggering conclusions of the apparel maker's internal research among Hispanics, I couldn't help but wonder: Could it be that the jean maker is simply generalizing about what a Latina body is supposed to look like? Either that or I'm going to have a serious talk with my parents, as perhaps I am really not what they told me I was, but the adopted child of a non-Latino, voluptuously challenged family clan from some far away place.

I am absolutely, 100% in favor of a wider range of denim cuts and styles (cue commentary about how hard it is for every woman to find jeans that fit well). And I don't have a problem with culturally-conscious marketing. But this is different. It implies that curvaceous is the only "authentic" Latina shape. Women like Laura Martinez, who aren't particularly curvy, don't count. I mean, is Fiorana planning on rolling out a style of jeans for every race/ethnicity? "African cut," "Asian cut," etc.? The company would *never* make a "Caucasian cut." Why? Because it's acknowledged that white women come in a variety of shapes and sizes. There's not one specific shape stereotype attached to the "white ass" (unless I'm unaware...). But, uh, last time I checked, women of all races came in all shapes and sizes. Perhaps Fiorana should stick to selling jeans by their measurements, not by ethnic stereotype.

Copyranter is on a roll with the vintage sexism! (You can view the full-sized ad my clicking on the picture.)

This 1974 ads reads: "Be the you he likes. Good to be around, any day of the month." You know, not like those bitches who don't take Midol. They get dumped.

Amazing.

I don't really know what to make of this ad for Target that's hanging in NYC's Times Square. I mean, there's a part of me that feels like it's just an innocuous ad that passed through the cracks without someone noticing that the model's vag was in the center of the target. But then I think about how much money is spent on advertising, how many people it's vetted through, and how so much of advertising is deliberate. And then I puke a little. Thoughts?

Jeff at Shakesville has more about Target's, well...interesting response to complaints about the ad.

Thanks to Jeff K for the link.

This one has got to be on our next Disturbing Product Poll, despite the fact that it's a little more, um, complicated than your typical sexist toy. Move over Real Dolls, "re-born" babies are becoming a trend in the US and UK. And it absolutely terrifies me.

Thanks to MAC for this disturbing shit. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go buy a stroller for my new fake baby.

Yes, that's a child's size. A toddler size. And then I die.

Via Feministe.

While misogynist pencil sharpening products are all the rage now, we can't be too surprised about a "moaning" beer bottle opener. Either way, it's just as heinous.

Via Nerve.

Because then when someone makes an asinine comment, I could just silently point to the wall.

Asinine comment via Chicagoist.

The Philippines Bureau of Customs seized several sex dolls from PETA, who have been using the dolls to protest against KFC in Thailand, Japan and the red light districts of the Philippines with a banner reading, "KFC Blows."

Wow.

And what a great way to teach our gals about finance during this holiday season o' debt - a credit card that doesn't run out.

Thanks to Amy for the link.

I've never been much of a boat person, and now I'm pretty sure I never will be. Say hello to the Butt Buoy, a lovely way to float relaxingly on the water and appeal to your inner misogynist. Good times.

Thanks to Katie for the link.

Reader Scarlett saw these oh-so-charming panties in the junior department of her local Wal-Mart on Kildare Farms Road in Cary, NC. There's nothing quite like telling adolescent girls that they don't need to worry about finances since they have their very own moneypot between their legs.

Contact customer service here and corporate offices here: let them know that preteen vaginas aren't commodities.

Photo by Steed Media Service

In the 1990s, Celeste Beatty traveled Europe, Central America and Africa as an exchange student to study local beer brewing customs after perfecting duplicates of American ales like Samuel Adams. She founded Harlem Brewing Company, the maker of Sugar Hill Golden Ale (delicious, I've tried) in 2000.

Harlem Brewing recently sealed a partnership with the major distributor Manhattan Beer Distributors, which supplies 35 percent of New York City’s market. The deal is helping to get Sugar Hill Golden Ale into bodegas, supermarkets and restaurants around New York City.

A native of North Carolina, Celeste gives 10 percent of her company’s income to charity, usually to jazz organizations. Here's Celeste...

Apparently there's more than one woman-hating pencil product out there. First there was the headless doggie-style sharpener, and now Shakes shows us this: Lusty Linda the pen holder.

You'll note from the packaging that Lusty Linda can utter "8 lusty sayings," which fall into one of two categories—"good mood" or "bad mood," controlled by the click of a switch. Says one site (screen cap) that sells Lusty Linda, "too bad all women did not have such a switch." Ho ho ho!

Her "bad mood" sayings include "Ow," "Help, Help!" and "Get out you, you dirty old man." You know, because rape is hilarious.

Recently "men's rights activists" scoffed at the idea that we were offended by the pencil sharpener, which blogger Glenn Sacks wrote "depicts a conventional, common sex act which women enjoy." (What woman enjoys fucking without her head, I don't know.) I wonder if they'll find more excuses as to how "Help!" and "Ow!" are actually cries of unabashed pleasure.

Cara puts it well:

This promotes rape. If you buy one of these things, you are promoting rape. If you laugh at one of these things, you are promoting rape. If you don’t laugh but still think that it’s a harmless joke, you are promoting rape. If one of your friends has one, or thinks it’s funny, and you don’t say anything about it, you are promoting rape.

How many more times do we have to say it? Rape is not funny.

Than a stark reminder of how the world sees women? (It seems the perfect woman is almost always dismembered and frequently being penetrated.) Just fucking kill me now.

Thanks to Journey for the link.

Tiara included!

We should be excited that there's a new book coming out specifically reaching out to young female gamers, but not with this cover and pitch:

Do you want to take on the boy's at their own game and beat them every single time? You want to prove that games AREN'T just for the guys anymore! Are you, your daughter, your niece or your best friend a Nintendo DS or DS Lite girl gamer? Tired of other gaming publications ignoring all your favourite games in favour of the latest big boy's toys? So you want all the latest gaming gossip and the hottest hints and tips especially written for you? So do we, and its about time. The Girl's Guide To Gaming! is the must have accessory for all Nintendo DS and DS Lite gaming girls, just like you. (Emphasis mine.)

It doesn't get much worse than this.

I'm actually kind of speechless on this one. And that doesn't happen often.

Thanks to John for the link.

Oh, puke. How predictable. (But there is a mudflap girl on there...just not the cool kind.)

While gendering toys is no new thing, Tonka takes it to the next level.

Wowzers.

Hat tip to reader Monica.

What better way to start the week than a reminder that women are nothing more than headless piss depositories!

By the way, Shakes has a great round-up of some other dismembered woman parts as fun novelty products. Good times.

Thanks to Mary for the link.

It's time to bring out the heinous in Halloween.

Between sexy mustard and Anna Rexia, I don't know which is worse. But when these ridiculous, "sexy" costumes start getting marketed to kids is when the nausea really starts to kick in. Girls costumes categorized as "occupational" on this site include "Major Flirt Child," "Nurse Child," and "French Maid Child."

The women's "occupational sexy costumes" are disturbing as well; their careers consist of being "Ella Mental," (shown after the jump -- because tied up and mentally ill just screams sexy), "Shop-A-Holic," "Trophy Wife," "Working Girl," and a "Deviant Housewife."

So a crazed shopaholic, deviant trophy/whore of a wife fits the bill of what it means to be an "occupational" woman for Halloween. Hot.

Apparently, in light of Bush claiming that we don't use torture methods in our war tactics (cough-bullshit-cough), it is OK to use torture imagery to sell products. Add a little sexy, sultry, brunette action and you are good to go.

It is all about sex and violence to sell products and women's hair products are so important that of course we need the strictest of *interrogation* tactics.

via Democracy Cell Project.

Thanks to Dianne for the link.

In addition to being heinously ugly, this shirt represents some serious misogyny. And it's being sold at Wal-Mart. A woman in North Carolina who noticed the shirt is also a stalking victim, and she's justifiably horrified.

"People don't realize how serious stalking is," she said. "You constantly live in fear, look over your shoulder and suffer from psychological and physical symptoms due to the stress of the stalker."

She wondered aloud: What's next?

"Some say it's rape, I call it hot sex"? Or: "Some call it domestic violence, I say I'm just teaching her a lesson"?

Exactly. "Joke" shirts like these only further promote the idea that stalking is just romance taken a little too far. It's not. It's about power and control, and it's fucking scary as hell.

The NC Coalition Against Domestic Violence says that they're taking action and have been in contact with Wal-Mart. So far, no response.

I suppose we shouldn't be surprised however, when you consider the company's history with sexist shirts...

Here's some contact info for Wal-Mart's corporate offices, but they seem pretty nondescript. If anyone has better contact information, leave it comments.

Thanks to Alaine for the link.

Birth control pill cases with a built-in alarm to remind you when it's time to take them. Amazing!

I think the American flag design is pretty hilarious:

Contraception is totally patriotic!

And if you remain unconvinced, the site has the stats to change your mind:

• 58% of women sometimes forget to take their pill
• 16% of women have at least one pill left over every month
• 1 million women in the U.S. become pregnant every year due to taking the pill incorrectly.

Via the gals at Nerve, who prefer the leopard print.

So creepy on so many levels.

After last week's ever-so-disturbing "Jingle Jugs" (which Rebecca Traister reminds us of the ever-so-popular song that accompanies the product, "Titties and Beer"), reader ekf sent me another dismembered body part product for your "browsing" pleasure. Shudder. Beware, the description makes it all the worse:

Slip into something a little more comfortable for work with the hot, hot, HOT Body mouse. Rock this body all day long at your desk, working or surfing the Web for…well, you know. ;) Designed to feel good in your hand, the Body mouse will give you something nice to think about when you need a break from crunching numbers, designing web sites, or whatever it is you do all day long.

Perhaps the creepiest thing I may have ever read. Feel free to let them know how you feel about this charming product.

Okay, I started shaving my legs when I was a young teen--so I'm certainly in no position to hate on hair removal. But this just seems...creepy.

Now Nair, the depilatory maker, is finally breaking that mold — by aiming at even younger customers. This year the company introduced Nair Pretty, a line aimed at 10- to 15-year-olds or, in industry parlance, “first-time hair removers.�

It's that "first-time" reference that give me the heebie jeebies. The Nair Pretty marketing scheme is half hilarious, half terrifying. Hilarious because of the obvious attempt to speak to young people in contrived slang:

It's not that you're obsessed or anything but maybe you've noticed that the hair on your legs (and other parts of your body) is just a little bit thicker and darker than before. Chill. You're growing up...it's all good.

I almost expected the next line to be about "getting jiggy" with hair removal. But it's still terrifying because the message of Nair Pretty is that you can't be pretty unless you're taking care of that unsightly leg (and everywhere else) hair.

And as Gawker put it, "We're probably months away from Baby Brazilians."

Via Broadsheet

Just in case you didn't get the oh-so-subtle hint the first time around, Tom Ford wants to make sure that you know he has the most cock-like cologne around.

This may be one of the most heinous (and most ridiculous) displays of dismembered women's body parts I've ever seen. The question is, is it more disturbing to dismember with functionality like a sink, or just straight up for display?

The fact that this product in particular is being used as a substitute for a dead animal makes it a wee more heinous for me, but it's a toss-up.

Thanks to zuzu for the heads up.

Scented underwear? Huh?

Melon scented underwear utilizes a new technology that weaves the same material from a drier sheet into the underwear fabric, creating a powder fresh scent that lasts for up to fifteen washes. The underwear not only smells great but it's light seamless fabric feels like second skin. This is the most comfortable pair of underwear you will own! The underwear comes in 4 colors (thong and fullback) and has a variety of melon signature color bands on the top.

Melon, started by Brooke and Meredith Sloane two sisters from Los Angeles, has become the leading designer of sexy-funky lingerie. Through word of mouth and celebrity support, they have already built a name for themselves synonymous with quality and style.

Questions and terror are rolling through me. Why would I want my cooch to smell like a dryer sheet? My vagina and
I agree with Slut Machine, "Three little letters come to mind: UTI."

Gross. And, they're temporarily sold out on Drugstore.com. Call me crazy, but I don't really want a "powder fresh" crotch. And maybe my drier sheets are just cheap, but I don't think they're soft enough to hang out in that particular area.

[Via Jezebel]