Recently in Humor Category

I just had to put this up, not only because Sarah Haskins is the awesome, because I've been meaning to post about that neckline slimmer for quite a while now. Intense.

A little old, a lot of awesome.

You know, we love the Queen here at Feministing, despite her complexities.

Congratulations Professor Foxy!

As of this morning, Professor Foxy holds an elite, exclusive, and hard-earned membership to the club "Lifesite news targets." I, too, am a member, so I can tell you- she's in for a real treat!

This special membership offers guaranteed access to: having your name misspelled and/or your title incorrectly described; having your words taken out of context; being blatantly misrepresented; having your views on an issue warped and manipulated for the anti-choice agenda; experiencing infuriating condescension from a number of sources; and, my personal favorite, having anti-choice news sites show up at the top of the page when your name is googled. Fun!

:-/

I joke, but for real, I am proud of our very own Professor. My mantra is and continues to be, that you know you're doing something right when you're pissing anti-choicers off.

The funny (but not so funny) thing about this is that Rush Limbaugh has literally said something along the same vein: "If homosexuality being inborn is what makes it acceptable, why does racism being inborn not make racism acceptable?"

Every year we read about the worst sexist and racist Halloween costumes. And get really angry or bummed out about what should be a fun excuse to play dress-up.

So let's discuss some alternatives, shall we? Most of these ideas can be thrown together last-minute -- because how many of us really plan our costumes that far in advance? (Warning: Some ideas may contain shoulder pads.)

This is just, wow. I have no words. Ok, that's a lie. I have one word: Bullsh*t. Make that two words: Hilarious bullsh*t.

This website aims to "expose choice as the killer it is".

How, you ask?

Why, by selling T-shirts and bumper stickers with pictures of babies being stabbed by machetes, of course!

But don't worry, that's not the only technique this campaign is using to convince the world of how wrong it is to give women autonomy over their own bodies. They've also created a mascot- That's right folks. Meet Judy, the talking embryo. All she wants is to "get out of here alive." Unfortunately, a machete (the abortionist's tool of choice, don't ya know) enters and puts an end to that dream. The fate of the woman whose cartoon stomach has apparently just been stabbed with a machete is left unclear.

There are a billion things wrong with this picture- the absence of recognition of a woman's personhood being one of them- but the most egregious in my mind is the cheesiness. I mean, as Chloe points out, can we at least have a little creativity? Some alliteration or something? Can I get an Emilia the Embryo?

Additionally, the "testimonies" from the models are hilariously fake, as evidenced by the tiny disclaimer after the fake comments and pics:

"*typical comments from typical young women but not necessarily these models"

Vomit. Next time you're going to launch a campaign against women's autonomy, maybe you should consult some real women first.

Big ups to Audacia Ray for the link.

Hilarious.

It's that time, folks! Here's a gem from someone who just couldn't understand what us "feminists" want:

i don't get it. what do you 'feminists' want? you got your equal rights, you can vote join the army and do everything a man can do. feminism made sense back in 1800 but now it just seems like you don't want to be equal, you want to be better that men. the law is already in favor in women. if a woman consensually has sex with a man, and later says that he raped her just because she wanted some attention the man would most likely have to go to jail, for nothing. Sure there are some men who are sexist, but by being so extreme about this aren't you 'feminists' being sexist as well. it seems to me like all 'feminists' are completely insane and power mad, or have been brainwashed by other feminists. so back to my point: i don't see the point and i would much appreciate it you would stop.

thanks in advance for taking your time to explain!

So after much deliberation, we've made a group decision among the editors to adhere to this person's wishes - this will be our last official post on Feministing.com. Kidding!! Too...power...mad...to...stop...

Now back to our daily brainwashing.

If you want a "real" man, don't use birth control!

This is too amazing. Today's stellar quote comes from "abortion doctors eat babies" Jill Stanek.

From Feministe:

Basically, a study says that women who use birth control tend to be attracted to men with more boyish features with caring personalities, versus "rugged" men with controlling personalities. The study itself is questionable, and the article detailing it comes from the less-than-reliable Daily Mail. But Stanek jumps on it nonetheless, saying, "Also don't forget estrogen from the Pill is water has been found by several studies to feminize male fish. So women on the Pill may be getting what they're helping create, wimps." (Emphasis mine)

Someone needs to read The Wimp Factor!

Warning: Below video is racist, highly offensive

Whatever happened to being a citizen of the world? Why aren't media outlets more conscious about their content in this age of mass information sharing? It is true that I have never been to Australia and probably don't plan on going anytime soon. But it is totally disheartening for me to see privileged, and ostensibly educated, white men appropriating this feigned image of Blackness for comedic ends. Then there is this other problematic moment where the "Jackson Jive" ridicule Michael Jackson's vitiligo and highly complex relationship with color by feigning white face. It's as if, the MJ impersonator wasn't white himself. For shame.

Check out Whoopi's take on the matter on The View:

I don't know what tickles me more, cupcakes that say "Abortion Kills" in icing or this telling excerpt from the site's FAQs:

Q.) What if I run into a pro-choicer and they smash the cupcakes in my face?

A.) Wipe the cake off your face and share the rest of them with someone less angry inside. Go with courage and go with love, the unborn need you to be their voice.

Note to self: Rethink cupcake smashing agenda. They're onto us.

Some morning funny from our girl Sarah Haskins.

My latest Current crush Bryan Safi on why coming out is super gay.

Don't hate me because I'm cute.

You know, I almost forgot to do a Monday Monty blog today - but then I got this email that reminded me. It's from someone who sent along a story they wanted Feministing to cover, and who wrote said email in such a way that it compelled me to find a super cute picture of the dog. (And no, I won't link to the story. Yes, I'm spiteful.)

Not that you ever print anything I've sent in the past, though it's usually more relevant than updates on Jessica's dog, I'll send this article by [redacted] along. Cheers

Paging PassiveAggressiveNotes.com! Seriously, though. We get hundreds of post ideas a day and we do our best to write about the ones we think Feministing readers will be interested in. So thanks to all of you who continue to take the time to email us story ideas sans snarky commentary about my poor wee dog.

I just have one word: momamorphosis.

Oh dear. Miriam Grossman - of Unprotected fame (the book that tells young women having sex will make them diseased drop outs) - has a yet another book out: You're Teaching My Child What?: A Physician Exposes the Lies of Sex Ed and How They Harm Your Child

I found out about Grossman's latest through this column at Townhall that - in the great tradition of unhinged moral panic - suggests that comprehensive sex education wants "to strip our little girls of their natural inclination toward modesty and replace it with an attitude of sexual dominance." Who, me? *bats eyelashes*

Columnist Rebecca Hagelin says that our daughters are "under siege" by those who would teach them about sex and suggest that there is more to life than marriage and babies. You know - feminists.

Make no mistake: this attack on our daughters is also an attack on the nuclear family unit itself. It is an insidiously evil brand of radical feminism that now pervades education and entertainment. If you can warp an entire generation of women into believing that sex is merely a tool to be used for advancement, then you destroy all notions of fidelity, and commitment for both genders. By default, our sons adopt the view that they do not need to be loyal or true in marriage either.

...We are at a crossroads in our nation and the pawn being used by those who seek to check-mate the family - the sacred and basic building block of all civil societies - is a little girl. She will be used and abused and then cast aside as the next little girls are born and brainwashed with ever increasing dangerous messages.

There are steps you must take now to protect and equip your daughter with her own moral authority over those who would abuse her femininity.

What crazy ass sex ed classes has Hagelin been sitting in on?! It's amazing to me how these folks take something as simple as telling the truth about sex and contraception and turn it into a femininity-abusing (what that means) evil indoctrination hell bent on destroying families.

But that's exactly what folks like Grossman would like American parents to think. Let's take a look at what Grossman's past work has asserted so that we can all freak about about....

What Miriam Grossman wants to teach your child!!!:

When girls have sex, it is often at bars or because they're drunk. Also, they're depressed.

The more you have sex, the sadder you become: "As the number of casual sex partners in the past year increased, so did signs of depression in college women." (Cough, bullshit, cough)

Even fictional characters can get herpes: "It's easy to forget, but the characters on Grey's Anatomy and Sex in the City are not real. In real life, Meredith and Carrie would have warts or herpes. They'd likely be on Prozac or Zoloft."

After a one-night-stand, girls are swooning, and guys don't give a shit: "You might think of him all day, but he can't remember your name."

You can say really creepy things about sex, so long as its written in cursive.

Stay tuned for Part 2 when I take you inside Grossman's new anti-sex screed. (But through the front, cause the back is just an exit.)

This latest email is from an admirer who has all the answers as to why I'm a feminist. He also has some interesting questions. (A question of my own: Why is it that I have yet to meet a misogynist who can write an understandable sentence?)

To Jessica, I think your into feminism because your boyfriend dumped you when you least expected it. Maybe you thought that you were his gift from heaven ? Between you and me the girls today are far more maturer than they were 15-20 years ago at the height of feminism. Anyway your wrong, this feminism you preach is all about the same old thing and thats hatred towards men, which works well if your a lesbian. But as in all things what comes around goes around. But will you want what you will get ?

Deep questions indeed: Will I want what I'll get? Am I gift from heaven? (The answer to that one is obvious - yes, naturally.) All I know is that I'm so incredibly grateful that random dudes care enough to take the time to email me with these existential conundrums. Nothing but love for you, guys!

So true....ladies.

You know an article is going to be blogging gold when it starts off like this:

As our society abandons the conservative values that make women into ladies, women with grace and dignity have become an endangered species--especially on today's college campuses. The kind of woman who inspired Tom Jones' song "She's a Lady" has become an antiquated figure from America's past.

Oh yes, Eva Lorraine Molina at Townhall wants us to know that she's no liberal whorebag - and she wishes conservative women would stop acting like us sex-crazed feminists, too!

The feminist movement's war on conservatism in America has killed chivalry and trained too many women to think and act like men. As a result, many young conservative women do not know what it means to be a lady.

But don't worry, Molina is here to tell us exactly what being a "lady" entails.

A lady does not tell dirty jokes along with men and she does not tolerate men telling dirty jokes in her presence. She does not swear, and she is not considered "one of the guys." In spite of new fashion trends, a lady always dresses appropriately, leaving a lot to the imagination. When at a social gathering, a lady does not do things she will regret the next day. Above all, a lady is well-mannered, dignified, gracious, and kind.

Sounds fun. But what's particularly telling about Molina's idealized notion of being a "lady" is that it's directly related to whether or not men will find you marriageable - since getting hitched is the ultimate goal of all ladies, of course.

I have heard many of my male peers place women into three categories: "the ones to mess around with, the ones to date, and the ones to marry." Though this is a rather crude way of categorizing women, it shows that men do recognize and value the qualities that make a woman a lady.

No, it shows that your guy friends are assholes. Big ones.

Ladies are the kind of women that men can take home to Mom and Dad and that most men want to marry. Being considered "marriage material" is an indicator that a woman is to be respected; most men who deem a woman as such treat her with the utmost respect. For men, ladies are at the top of the female totem pole, and conservative women need to take pride in the fact that they are worthy of time, love, and commitment.

Article-skewering aside, this just made me sad. Too many women think that their worth is completely based on what guys feel about them - whether or not they're considered fuckable, dateable, marriageable, etc, makes a lot of women feel valuable. It's all bullshit. And while I feel compassion for Molina - because it can't be fun to think of yourself that way - it irritates me to no end when women perpetuate this crap. Though I suppose I shouldn't be shocked, considering Molina is an intern with the anti-feminist, pro-hope chest, anti-rectum-misuse (seriously) Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute.

So I think I'll continue to curse, tell dirty jokes, try things that I may regret and keep company with women who do the same. Because at the end of the day, me and my ladies know that all people are deserving of respect - not just the ones who fall in line with antiquated sexist stereotypes.

Since we didn't have Monday Monty Blogging yesterday (and due to a couple of readers' requests via Facebook), I thought I'd give a little update on Monty's cousin, Tweet, who I've blogged about before.

She not only has huge feet, but lays on her back all day like a dog so I can scratch her tummy. She also plays fetch; I'm completely convinced she's a dog in a cat's body.

Tweet is also the sweetest cat in the world, so sweet that she wants to lick her brother's face. All day. There's a short video after the jump of her trying to get his face in her grip so she can clean him up, then gives up after much resistance.

Oh, it's ON.

On one side of the ring, we have Senator Joe Lieberman, who said that rape survivors shouldn't have a problem going out of state to get emergency contraception. On the other? Actor Alec Baldwin, a men's rights activist who calls his daughter a "pig" while hiding behind the faux movement of "fathers' rights" and claiming feminism has destroyed American women (but mail order brides are A-OK!) So everyone online is asking: Who is going to get the crown for the Senate seat in Connecticut??

That's right, Alec Baldwin has revealed his intentions to possibly run for the Connecticut Senate seat and defeat Joe Lieberman in 2012. (Which was disclosed in a Playboy interview, I might add. How poetic.) Baldwin says, "I'd love to run against Joe Lieberman. I have no use for him."

Burn!! Lieberman's response? "Make my day." Nothing is more hilarious than two anti-women assholes using cliché sayings to exert their masculinity over one another - and a Clint Eastwood quote, no less.

What's not really funny about is that it's over a seat in the U.S. Senate. But still, thanks for the good laugh, gentlemen.

UPDATE: Baldwin now says he won't run. I guess he knew to back off when Joe busted out the big guns with that Eastwood quote.

For some reason the last couple of days have brought us a lot of fun emails. Here are some snippets from my favorite - in which the emailer keeps insisting that they're a woman. (From experience, I'd say this insistence generally means it's a man writing - but either way, it's irrelevant. Being a woman doesn't make your wack-ass ideas any more credible.)

Honestly, what are you trying to accomplish with this website? I'm a woman, and have been trying to understand what this new wave of feminists are trying to achieve (for instance suffrage in the past). And I just don't see it. All it is women complaining about anything and everything. All you do is bitch and bitch and bitch. Reading this website makes me hate women.

I mean, hate myself! (I also kind of love the irony of someone writing us an email complaining about us complaining.)

Feminists of the past were trying to make change, and they did. You're just making the majority of the population hate you and not take you seriously. Also you should learn that, honey, stereotypes are based on fact. There are some things that guys do better than chicks and vice versa. Deal with it.

Yeah, honey! For example, us chicks are awesome at things like using belittling names for women to put them in their place. Also, sweeping generalizations.

I can only imagine how much you'd bitch about having to do construction work on a highway day after day. We are lucky enough to live in a society that if that's what you want to do, then you CAN do it. So from one woman to another, you really need to keep your mouth shut.

From one feminist to an asshole: No thanks.

Regardless of sex or gender or anything, NO ONE wants to be around a whiny bitch. Then again if that's what you want to be than go for it. You're doing a great job.

Thanks! Now can I have that promotion to raging cuntmonster you've been promising me?

The latest from our new crush Bryan Safi. This couldn't be more true.

Bachmann on "big abortion"

This is too good. Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), an anti-choicer who wants to give eggs rights, was on Sean Hannity's radio show this week talking about health care reform. Check it out:

"That's why people need to continue to go to the town halls, continue to melt the phone lines of their liberal members of Congress," said Bachmann, "and let them know, under no certain circumstances will I give the government control over my body and my health care decisions."

Ahem.

Video via Feministe.

Sarah Haskins did a special Target Women for her recent 30th birthday, and it's awesome as usual.

Not only are women apparently the only ones with poo problems, but our lady bladders are worse too!

It's that time again! This particular emailer was a bit late to the hating - he's pissed about a video I made some time ago - one that prompted an Anonymous attack on the site and myself - that calls out online misogynists for hiding behind their anonymity. (Shockingly, this hate-emailer did not provide me with his real name or information.)

Mr. Late-to-the-Party goes off on the usual rant, calling me a hypocrite who is afraid of the "truth being exposed about feminism" because I disabled comments on the video. (He's right, if you all were able to see users talking about hate fucking me and telling me to "make a sammich," the tenets of feminism would come crumbling down around us.)

He also, of course, kindly elaborates on why feminism is losing influence because of brave dudes like himself. It was this little snippet, however, that I really liked:

A woman's youth and beauty is her greatest asset, because it can determine access to wealth, education, employment, etc. So enjoy what you can while you are young because time is the greatest enemy of the female, and the greatest ally of the man. 10 years from now when you are 20 pounds heavier and less attractive in the face, you will wither away like all the rest.

Justice, fairness, and real truth will prevail over feminism in the end!

Frankly, my biggest fear - other than my nemesis "time," of course - is being less attractive in the elbow. Once my sharp gorgeous joints lose their beauty, I know that I'm fucked. (Seriously, I will be laughing over "less attractive in the face" for the rest of the day. I hope you'll join me.)

Thanks to Community blogger BackOfBusEleven, I'm now obsessed with Current's Bryan Safi.

As you all know, we get tons of charming email - one I got this weekend, for example was just "fuck you" copied and pasted three hundred or so times. (You at least have to give him credit for staying on message!) But it was this recent email that I really enjoyed from ellie8d:

Please don't have children. The world already has too many hate filled people.

My husband always said, "Even the most beautiful woman becomes very ugly when she uses vulgar words." I couldn't agree more.

OMG. Are you calling me 'beautiful'?! Swoon!

Seriously though, I love emails like these even more than our standard "fuck you cunt" messages because their authors seem to believe that they're actually good people just passing on friendly advice. (As if sending a perfect stranger an email telling them not to procreate because they curse too much is a perfectly normal thing to do.)

If you're out there, Ellie, I just want you to know that I'm going to start having unprotected sex - lots of it - just for you. Cheers!

I'm not a player, I just shit a lot.

Can someone please tell me what's going on with women and poop lately? Seriously, it feels like every commercial I see is the sisterhood of the fucked up intestinal tract. Let me be clear. I have no problem with openness surrounding women and bodily functions - it's certainly better than the sexist women-don't-poop thing or the hilarity that dudes find in women shitting (because it means we're like actual people). But I find commercials like these, well...hard to stomach.

Ladies' insides = The Perfect Storm. I'm fairly sure that men have stomach-related problems, so why is nearly every shit-product marketed solely to women?

Take the most famous of crap-making yogurts, Activia. (Said much classier on the Activia website, which notes the yogurt will "reduce long intestinal transit time.")

Or fellow poop-pusher, Yoplait:

Remember the Virginia teen we wrote about who was suspended (and recommended for expulsion) when she was "caught" taking birth control at school? She's featured in a segment for The Colbert Report...

According to commenter Devin (and confirmed by wikipedia), it's Sarah Haskin's 30th Birthday today. So Happy Birthday Sarah! In honor of the big 3-0, here is her latest Target Women segment.

They have a sense of humor.

You may remember a while back I wrote something about getting married for The Guardian. In it, I mentioned that some super cool dude online called me a "ball-cutting cybersuccubus" - and wondered if I could get that descriptor on a business card.

Well, thanks to the awesome Maia at Dandy Lion Press, I have the calling card I've always wanted.

Amazing, no?

Seth MacFarlane, writer of the Family Guy a show filled with dirty jokes and political anti-correctness announced on a panel at Comic Con that he is producing an episode about abortion in the upcoming season of Family Guy, but it looks like 20th Century Fox will not air the show.

MacFarlane revealed he's producing a controversial episode about abortion for the upcoming season. But he and others on the panel said that Fox was unlikely to air the episode.

"20th Century Fox, as always, allowed us to produce the episode and then said, 'You know what? We're scared to f--king death of this,'" MacFarlane said.

The episode will probably be available on DVD, he added.

A Fox spokesperson said that no decision has yet been made on the matter.

There were few details offered about the content of the episode, but given the show's penchant for political incorrectness -- it has in the past featured a character wearing a McCain/Palin button on an SS uniform, among other flourishes -- it's unlikely Planned Parenthood would use the episode in a PSA anytime soon.

They are not sure if they will air it or not and it doesn't surprise me that Fox would be "afraid" to air it. I wonder if another network would air it. This is brilliant marketing for them, since Family Guy is known for pushing the envelope and if they release it on DVD, they will sell that many more.

I guess no one is seeing the real humor in that unless you are avidly pro-life and anti-women's right to chose, abortion is not really a fringe topic that is so edgy it must be banned from TV. Again not shocking, but maybe they should try something easier like period jokes, until they can get with the really big scary stuff.

via Think Progress

Update: Fox released a statement that they will not be broadcasting the episode.

Did you know that Amy Poehler played Rachel McAdams' mother, even though she's only eight years older? Or that, sigh, she and Sarah Silverman were both tapped to play Jonah Hill's mother? Listen as these great ladies discuss what it means to be over a certain age. (Like magazines that don't feature women over 35 years old. Seriously.)

Via Broadsheet.

Anything you say, oh divine one!

Abstinence-only education advocates are not too pleased that their federal funding is pretty much kaput (though I'm still keeping my eye on that "teen pregnancy prevention" money). In fact, they are freaking out.

Leslee Unruh, president of the National Abstinence Clearinghouse and all-around fun person to watch lose their shit, had this to say about losing federal funding:

"We've got news for the condom worshipers, abstinence education is not going away any time soon. Taxpayers will not tolerate their money being used for ideological latex-only programs and the molestation of their children's minds and future."

You know, this is why folks in the virginity movement need to rebrand their image - they can't help but reveal how radical and on the fringe they are. Most American parents want their children taught about contraception; most American women will use contraception at some point in their lives. Calling the majority of the country - who want their kids to learn medically accurate information about sex so they can make healthy decisions - condom worshipers and molesters is simply stupid.

That's why the more media-savvy abstinence-only leaders are now using more mainstream-friendly language and attempting to frame themselves as folks interested in "holisitic approaches" and "healthy lifestyle choices." In fact, last night I was on the Alan Colmes radio show (link forthcoming) debating Valerie Huber of the National Abstinence Education Association (NAEA) - and Huber continued to claim that abstinence-only education did teach kids about contraception and gave them all the information they needed to make healthy decisions. It was bullshit sound bite heaven, and it was desperate. (She also referred to comprehensive sex education as condom-only or condom-centered a couple of times; classy.)

While I'm glad to see that these organizations are scrambling, I'm also a bit wary of writing them off completely - sadly, I don't think we've seen the end of Huber or Unruh. And we have to continue to be vigilant on a state and community level. Even now, in California, there's an abstinence-only debate ranging in Sonoma County schools.

So, please, keep up-to-date on what's happening with ab-only nonsense - make sure to check out Advocates for Youth's Amplify and SIECUS (in addition to us, of course!).

Thanks to Rebecca for the link.

Found on FAILblog:

Let's start the week off right, shall we?

So I totally had a "Get in Shape, Girl" ballet bar, weights and baton - I'm not gonna lie. But it just pains me to watch this commercial.

This is a good one, folks!

An extra Haskins treat after the jump on "Cougars."

I sent this parody of the notoriously horrific and degrading porno video "Two Girls, One Cup" to a beloved guy friend earlier this week and he wrote back that he thought it was meant to be a joke. Which, yes, it is. But that doesn't mean it's a good one.

My response to him: I'm sort of sick of people thinking they're making a joke while using all of the same antiquated conventions of the thing they're making fun of, i.e. objectifying women, promoting perfectionist body standards, fetishistizing blondes and Asians, making a mockery of actual female sexuality etc. etc. etc.

It's not funny. It's like white people making fun of racism by peddling in racist stereotypes.

His response: I hear you.

Little feminist education of the day, done. (brushing hands together)

Thanks to Frisky for the heads up.

Ellen DeGeneres gave a really inspirational commencement speech at Tulane last week, in her usual humorous tone, but was shockingly self-revealing with a handful of quips about how she never went to college and look at her, she is just rich and famous. I love her.

Thanks to Cole for the link.

I was shocked to find out that Wanda Sykes was asked to give a speech at the White House Correspondent's Dinner this past weekend, but was excited nonetheless. She was hilarious, as was Barack Obama himself. The WHCD has a long tradition of giving really edgy speeches that dig into the president, his administration and whatever else strikes the fancy of the comedians that are asked to speak. Let's remember last year's speech from Stephen Colbert.

In the second part of Wanda's speech (first part here), she dug into our least favorite conservative pundit of all time, Rush Limbaugh. She says,

"Rush Limbaugh said he hopes this administration fails, so you're saying, 'I hope America fails', you're, like, 'I dont care about people losing their homes, their jobs, our soldiers in Iraq'. He just wants the country to fail. To me, that's treason.

"He's not saying anything differently than what Osama bin Laden is saying. You know, you might want to look into this, sir, because I think Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker. But he was just so strung out on OxyContin he missed his flight."

"Rush Limbaugh, I hope the country fails, I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a good waterboarding, that's what he needs."

Naturally, conservatives are up in arms about her joke. Which is ironic considering she is a comedienne and so her job is to say things that are edgy and controversial. We hold Rush Limbaugh accountable for his actions because he is considered legitimate conservative thought and is very important to the GOP. I mean we might think he is an entertainer, but he definitely does not. But Wanda? Wanda makes us laugh, unless she is intentionally trying not to and making a statement. Conservative pundits say whatever they want about liberals, calling us socialists, US haters, mocking us. I guess it is no wonder that wing-nuts are up in arms because while their pundits sound like they are making jokes they are actually being serious.

Take this video for example via Natthedem when Tucker Carlson freely admits that he was comparing Osama bin Laden to Howard Dean. He was being serious.

From the always witty Rachel Maddow:

Via Amplify.

Sarah Haskins' latest!

As someone who is often called an aggressive driver, I take personal offense to this stupid piece via Yahoo News Canada in the "car research" section listing 10 inarticulate and sexist reasons women supposedly can't drive. The piece is from Askmen.com, which means it is actually not humor, even if to us that website is hilarious since it is drenched in the cowardly spirit of men that are afraid of vagina.

One of the reasons women can't drive,

No.4 - They have no interest in cars

Another reason women can't drive is a matter of interest -- or rather, a lack thereof. You can't do well at something when your give-a-damn meter reads zero point zero. Women have no interest in cars beyond them serving as appliances of transport. As long as it starts, all is well. So when dash lights flash, components make ugly sounds or smoke appears, it may or may not resonate with the female driver that these are less than ideal operating characteristics.

Right, just like women don't like trains, airplanes, computers and any other modern technological marvel that helps us get somewhere.

Joking aside, I do think there is something to be said about women feeling secure in their driving abilities, since they are told that they are bad drivers and that driving is a manly thing to do. One of the first things you internalize when coming of age as a teenager is that women (along with some ethnic groups) are not good drivers.

Before we start the convo with, "but women really don't have depth perception" I know some really really good female drivers that are aggressive, confident and rarely if ever get lost or in accidents. So, based on my own empirical evidence and recognition of the sexist expectation that women aren't as good of drivers, I call bullshit on the premise of this article. Shame on Yahoo Canada for running such a sexist piece of crap.

Redeem thyself, fornicator.

Get your giant gay repellent umbrella today!

I love this star-studded hilarity!

via Shakesville.

Also, check out the first in this series and last week's video with some great comedians parodying the same concept.

This story is actually true.

A group of Amazonian ants have evolved an extremely unusual social system: They are all female and reproduce via cloning. Though their sexual organs have virtually disappeared, they have also gained some extraordinary abilities.

University of Arizona biologist Anna Himler orginally began studying the ants, called Mycocepurus smithii, because they had incredible success as farmers. Many breeds of ant keep domesticated "farms" where they breed various kinds of fungus for nourishment. But Mycocepurus smithii was able to breed fungus far more successfully, and in greater varieties, than other ants Himler had encountered.

As she and her team studied the insects, they realized there were no male ants anywhere to be found. Himler told the BBC that it's possible the ants evolved so as "not to operate under the usual constraints of sexual reproduction."

That is kind of amazing. How much you want to bet this is what anti-feminists imagine we feminists want to be able to do?

via io9.

Sarah Haskins taking on the "mow the lawn" commercial = heaven. Hilarious.

Because I, like Rachel Maddow, have the sense of humor of a 12 year old.

Thanks to Cole for the link!

Or the GOP is finally coming out of the closet? I kind of love that know one that is talking about it knows what teabagging is slang for.

More at Huffington Post.

But for the real explanation, we look to Charlotte from Sex and the City.

(h/t the Blackjew.)

Disclaimer: This is a feminist issue because I said so!

Making issues out of non-issues...

Because sometimes the best way to understand wing-nuttery is to make fun of it.

via Shoot The Messenger NYC.

Thanks to Baratunde for the heads up (he's the dude at the end).

Cartoon from Questionable Content

This cartoon from Questionable Content, sent to us by a reader who loves our feminist sex shop reviews. I think I've lived the above scenario at least twenty times by now. I am such an advocate of sex shops, particularly feminist ones. I'm also a huge advocate of taking my friends to buy toys. One year I bought a vibrator for everyone as a birthday present (well minus family members).

The whole strip is here.

Thanks to Catherine for the link!

Sarah Haskins takes on the douche factor in Carl's Jr's ads. I have written about some of their ad campaigns before which are definitely heavily laden with the dude-bro sentiment.

I got to see Sarah Haskins give a presentation at WAM. And you are jealous.

via Feministe.

UPDATE: For those wondering how could I use the word douche (!) here are some thoughts on the matter from Ann and from the Bitch blog.

Gotta love The Onion.

h/t to Kuj

My favorite line: "Do you want a vagina full of AIDS?!" (Also, is it wrong that it totally annoys me that this dude has the same drinking glasses - I'm sorry, vaginas - I do?)

But that video doesn't hold a candle to this: "Why it is okay for sex to hurt the vagina." Yes, that's right.

Since I'm sure many of you have the Monday blues this morning, thought we'd give you two videos of Sarah Haskins' latest. Well, we'd really take two (or three or four) of Sarah any day!

Via Feministe, who got to meet the high-larry-us Haskins at WAM this year. Swoon!

I'm not a big prankster myself (although we at Feministing had devised a fun April Fool's day take over that may have to wait until next year) but I figured many of you might have good stories.

So readers, what's your favorite April Fool's day prank, current or past?

From someecards.com

I needed a mid-afternoon pick me up!

Gawd I love The Onion.

Thanks to Rachel for the link!

Ok, so I know the Vatican's actual policies on contraception and safe sex are far from hilarious, but I had a good laugh at this today:

Thanks for the link, Phoebe.

In a great post over at the Chronicle of Higher Ed, Gina Barreca asks how women deal with sexual harassment or sexism dressed up as a joke. I love this conundrum, because it is SO fucking common. Who hasn't heard some appallingly sexist (or racist, or homophobic) comment explained away with a "just kidding" or a laugh?

For example, after Liz Carpenter worked for the Johnson administration she wrote a book about her experiences working at the White House. The book was out for a while, did pretty well. One evening she met Arthur Schlesinger at a cocktail party. He came over to her and smiled and said "Like your book Liz. Who wrote it for you?"

Now, clearly dear Arthur meant this as his little joke. If she had stammered and blushed, he would win the point. He could then say, "see, you just can't joke around with these women." If she'd pounded her fist on the table and threatened to call a lawyer, he could say the same thing.

Instead what Carpenter did was to say in response, "Glad you liked it, Arthur. Who read it to you?"

All she did was take his format and adapt it for her own purposes.

Love it! What are your tactics for defusing sexist/racist/homophobic "humor"?

I appreciate the humor in this.

Thanks to Tate for the link

I had to post this considering I received a Barbie Collector Catalog - Spring 2009 in the mail the other day. I'm guessing it was due to Barbie's 50th birthday, which also inspired Sarah Haskins to respond.

She also wrote a kick-ass Op-Ed in WashPo about it, which I second Jill in that Haskins' childhood playtime with Barbie was all too familiar to my own.

As many of you already know, I'm getting hitched. Deciding to get married brought up a lot of issues for me - politically and personally. Folks had a bunch of questions in comments, so I thought I would use these as a jumping off point to talk about issues of feminism, marriage, and - the current bane of my existence - weddings.

Hara says, "I hope that if you are considering changing your name it is one you both create for the two of you to change to (like a combo, but shorter) otherwise, I suggest not making your name change to his last name."

I'm keeping my last name. I think hyphenation is nice - and that's probably the route we'll go with kids - but I like my last name. A bunch. I've even considered adding in my mother's last name as well, as a little "fuck you" to the patriarchy, but I think Jessica Michelucci Valenti is too much of a mouthful, even for one with as big a mouth as me.

On the issue of same sex marriage, frye886 says, "It seems to me a more powerful action by many couples would be to refuse to get married and publicly state the reasons why not."

Andrew and I discussed not getting married until everyone could, and we think that's an understandable choice. Instead, we're trying use our impending marriage as a pro-active way to talk about same sex marriage among our friends and family, and being mindful of the inequity in every step our process. (For example, in our engagement announcement we asked anyone considering getting us a gift to instead donate to an organization fighting for same sex marriage rights; we're planning on saying something about it as part of our ceremony; and we've taken the advice of several commenters and will have cards indicating we've made a donation to said orgs instead of favors.)

Several of you also got into it about dresses - whether the traditional white dress actually did signify "purity," etc. I'm kind of ambivalent about it, but I ended up getting a not-quite white dress (don't want to give too much away in case the boy is reading!) that I bought from a place where all the money goes to charity.

So that's where I'm at so far. I'm sure things will continue to come up and that I'll continue to try and find ways to subvert them or add a little dash of feminism.

In the meantime, does anyone have any feminist wedding planning tips they'd like to share?

This would be funny if not for this: The Vatican agrees with our 50s commercial heroines; their newspaper says that the washing machine did more to liberate modern women than birth control or the "right" to work outside the home. Yeah.

Equal Writes has more.

Thanks to Natalie for the video!

I recently discovered comedian Luenell. I had seen her in Borat, but I didn't know who she was until I watched Katt Williams: American Hustle (which is equal parts funny, equal parts sexist). However, Luenell stole the show for me, she is funny as hell and also raunchy, so, you have been warned!

Check out this latest bit, Target Demographic, from Jimmy Fallon:

Seem a little familiar? Well, we're not the only ones who noticed. Sarah Haskins, of Target Women fame, has declared twitter war on Jimmy Fallon. (I would imagine not just for robbing her idea, but for making it significantly less funny to boot.)

The comments over at the video are already calling him out, and I imagine he's getting it on Twitter as well, but he has yet to tweet back...

I am sorry, I consider the queering of our most beloved heterosexist characters to be totally blog-worthy.

But maybe that's just me.

via Good As You.

Gawker caught this on John McCain's Twitter feed:

Well, John, during the campaign you certainly had a few ideas about beaver management...

(via Jill's gchat)

This is a silly ad. I am sad if they meant it for serious.

Alright, I usually save cat and dog blogging for other feminist bloggers, like Jessica. But all the joke pet blogging and feminist confessions of love for our animals made me realize I just have to share and also let you know, my pets are the cutest. Yeah, I said it. Anyway, I am totally with Cara, dogs drool, cats rule. You know that gene that women are supposed to get that makes them "nurturing." Well, I didn't get it, so cats work better for me. They are pretty and know how to clean themselves, they are generally self-sufficient, I don't have to walk them (they are smart enough to go to the bathroom on their own) and they don't bark or hump people's legs.

Meet the Mukhopadhyay family pets:

So, I have a full confession to make. I didn't watch the Superbowl, just the acts and advertisements surrounding it. I did watch Jennifer Hudson sing the national anthem, well, because I love her and tuned back in to watch Bruce Springsteen (and got a nice glimpse of the camera crotch shot). In that time, I witnessed a few of the commercials and I have to say, this one truly made me laugh my ass off.

Thought I would give us something to laugh about since Miriam hit on all the sexism displayed in the advertising around the Superbowl, and well, it was not that funny.

LMAO!

Also, I LOVE Amy Sedaris.

One more reason to love Tina Fey.

The number 4 search term that brings people to this site is 'ballbusting'. Just in case you were wondering.

Aw shit...I knew this one had to be coming!

Check out Stewart calling out the idiocy, homophobia and blatant discrimination behind gay marriage bans. The hypocrisy makes Huckabee wiggle, a little bit. Oh and apparently, people that viciously vote to deny rights to our gay citizens do it not because they are homophobic, but because they just really like straight marriage. A lot.

Can someone please find me a Jon Stewart type to make out with? kthxbye.

I'm kind of obsessed with the site Passive Aggressive Notes; I think it's hilarious. This one I found particularly irritating/interesting:

Apparently this woman's supervisor sent this charming note because someone had been complaining (!) about her showing a bit of cleavage. According to the sender, "as I'm currently 7 months pregnant, i could be wearing a turtleneck and still be showing 'too much' cleavage."

Ugh.

The latest from Sarah Haskins!

I have to say, I'm incredibly grateful that we no longer see commercials that depict women's bodies as dirty. Oh...wait.

I am very happy to report that as documented in this blog, racism is over now. I love funny, new, smart blogs that just hit the nail on the head.

A reader writes in...

I went to the OBGYN for a check up, and while I was cooling my feet for two hours waiting for the doctor, I found myself staring at multiple shiny pamphlets advertising laser surgery, microdermabrasion, and botox. In an OBGYN office.

Then I found out that this Laser Surgery place shares all its rooms with the OBGYN. I feel like the two practices are completely antithetical. One should create a nonjudgemental, private, safe and caring environment. The other preys on negative self-image and unbalanced expectations for women's appearance. I felt outraged that they felt it was a good partnership.

Has anyone else found supposedly caring places for women sabotaged?

Yuck. Hopefully this is not a widespread trend.

New blog Awesome and Fablous! asked the question today, "Which Huxtable are you?"

This came up in conversation between the bloggers Soraya and Veronica when discussing how folks are more or less saying Michelle Obama is a 2008 version of Claire Huxtable.

I don't know who I'd be, but I'll say always wanted to be Denise - she seemed so free-spirited and unique. (And cool as hell, not to mention.)

My crush on Henry Rollins is no secret. As I have said before, he may be a complicated man, but I can appreciate that. Moreover, seeing that he not only reads, but recommends Feministing, well that just makes him my destiny.

*swoon*

I have a piece up at The Guardian that takes a look at some of the fab feminist comedians out there and how they're debunking the whole "women aren't funny" myth.

So who is your favorite funny feminist?

The latest from Feministing favorite Sarah Haskins.

The secret is out! Much like TruBlood, feminists now satisfy their desire to eat fetuses by baking cookie-shaped representations of them. We also eat brownies shaped like "traditional marriage." And those penis gummies? Yeah, not just for bachelorette parties. In the gift bag at every feminist event.

(Full disclosure: I stole the title of this post from a Buzzfeed commenter. But isn't it perfect?)

In a recent interview, Sarah Palin - once again attacking the media for supposedly treating her unfairly - scoffed at bloggers as kids "in pajamas sitting in the basement of their parents' homes." The nerve! I haven't lived in my parents' house since I was a teenager. The pajamas are another story... (I like to be comfortable!)

Courtney loves it. Rebecca Traister loves it. What does Sarah Haskins think?

I am assuming you are all as nervous as I am right now. To cheer you up, I thought I would share this really funny video of people reacting to things that McCain has said to really highlight how ridiculous his campaign has been.

Well, it will either make you laugh or cry.

In no particular order.

1. You are expected to dress nice and act a certain way "waiting" to get asked out.

2. You have to play by the rules which generally give men most of the power. (wait till he calls you, don't be too forward, be mysterious-you don't want to scare him off, etc)

3. If you show emotion too early on or too much of it, you are needy.

4. If you don't show enough emotion, you are making the other party insecure forcing them to wield social privilege to silence your daring attempt at independence from self obliteration via coupling.

5. It fetishizes unequal power relations between women. He'll get the tab, he'll get the door as long as he gets the vagina, and that is considered "romance."

6. It makes same sex couples feel "less than."

7. It dictates your interaction in most social settings and social circles, whether you are single or coupled. It is either/or, there is no 3rd identity or in-between.

8. If you have sex too early you ruined it.

9. If you don't have sex early on you are a prude.

10. It is expected to lead to marriage (and if you don't have a ring on your finger you are "on the market.")

Sometimes people ask me how I deal with all the anti-feminist, anti-woman craziness. Well, one answer is that I do things like go to ridiculous (but fun in a puffy paint shirt, huge fan button kinda way) concerts. Joey 4-eva.

From the Associated Press:

A contest that would pay $10,000 to an engaged couple, as long as they abstain from premarital sex, hasn't gotten any takers. The deadline for the Marriage for a Lifetime contest is Oct. 31. The prize includes free flowers, invitations and other wedding treats.

Considering 95% of Americans have pre-marital sex, I'm not exactly shocked.

The contest is sponsored by the Marriage Appreciation Training Uplifting Relationship Education (MATURE) project in Georgia, a federally-funded abstinence program. The group is set to receive $455,510 a year until 2011; the money for the contest was to come from those funds. In an economic crisis, it's pretty awesome to see our federal dollars being so entirely wasted.

I just thought it was weird, insincere and awkward. And the Palin rap, well that just took the awkwardness to the next level. I guess seeing Palin on SNL makes me realize that is where her campaign belongs. In a fantastic comedy world. The Nation has more.

At one of our Feministing retreats, we had a running joke about creating a "Feminist Stereotypes Pin-Up Calendar." (January= Two women making out. February = Birkenstock-wearing earth-mama dancing in a field. March = Frigid career woman in a power suit. April = Close-up of a HAIRY ARMPIT. Etc etc etc...) We all take pleasure in mocking the stereotypes that hit our email inbox every day. Especially given the blatant contradictions that crop up over and over again. So for my first Tuesday Ten list, I'm gonna count down my favorite feminist stereotypes:

1. We're frigid and hate sex.

2. We're sluts.

3. We're lonely "cat ladies" who can't get a man. Therefore, we are bitter.

4. We get knocked up for fun just to have abortions on-demand.

5. We're hairy, angry man-haters.

6. We're just desperate for male attention.

7. We want to dismantle the patriarchy so we can establish a matriarchy! Muhahaha.

8. We are intellectually unserious.

9. We are the sanctimonious women's studies set, with our heads up our academic asses.

10. We are loud-mouthed bitches who won't STFU and make you a sammich.

Ok, so the last one's true.

Check out John Cleese on Sarah Palin; hilarious. (Via Boing Boing.)

Speaking of parrots...check the famous Monty Python sketch after the jump.

For those of you who aren't aware of the wonderful women of The Hysterical Festival, we partnered with them a while back to have a Feministing Happy Hour right before their Hysterical Fundraiser, which was pretty awesome and hilarious.

Their 4-day long festival is already among us, and we wanted to alert you NYC folk to the event. You can check out the schedule here, but a few shows in particular I'd recommend to check out is Thursday's Ambiguously Brown Comedy Hour hosted by my homegirl Desiree Burch, Friday's Girls Gone Gay hosted by our huge crush Murray Hill, and Funny Bones Burlesque on Saturday night. Hotness.

We're also having a NYC Happy Hour next Friday, the 17th, for some pre-hysterical feminist fun. So save the date, location coming soon...

Sarah Haskins for President!

Samhita Mukhopadhyay, Margaret Cho and Vanessa Valenti at Radio City Music Hall.

So Vanessa and I had the pleasure of seeing Margaret Cho on her tour, "Beautiful," at Radio City Music Hall this past Saturday. It was amazing, as per usual. But what was even more amazing is we had back stage passes and were actually able to meet her as well. She said she, "reads us all the time." *dies*

And she did in fact have the whole crowd singing, "Eat me out," at the end of the show.

Thanks for keeping it real Margaret. Real raunchy!

A little image I made to express my feelings about tonight's debate (what's up, Microsoft Paint?!):

After the jump, some highlights from our live chat... (Full thing is here.) And check out other debate-discussion threads at Racialicious, Shakesville, and Jack and Jill Politics.

A couple of my friends found this offensive, but I think it's a hilarious way to shed light on the fucked-up-ness of Palin's involvement in charging victims of sexual assault for their own rape kits.

What do you think?

Here at Feministing we get our fair share of hate mail. And for whatever reason, the last few weeks have brought in a tidal wave of emails and trollish comments (I'm sure you've noticed). So for your anti-feminist mocking pleasure, here's a recent email we got from jcwhite0825@aol.com, who thinks our coverage of Palin is a clear indication that we're just jealous of her superhotness.

Why are you obsessed with Sarah Palin? Are you jealous of her? Are you pissed that she has accomplished things without whining like a little child? Before you get all upset and call me a right-wing nut, I'm not voting for McCain/Palin or Obama/Biden. They all suck. But, you girls on feministing.com are what I would call stereotypical women. You are jealous, angry, and resentful of women who have success. It's probably because she is hotter than any of you girls on feminsting. And that is at age 44. You girls have no chance of being that hot when you are that age. Oh, before you get all upset, it is not sexism to call a woman hot. That is just something that you have made up in your mind. Your site sucks. Samhita is a major league racist. You say you are strong, powerful and independent, yet you are constantly whining about wage gaps (which don't exist), abortion (women have all rights in this arena), and rape (so many false accusations it isn't funny). Do yourself a favor and get a life. You live a pathetic existence.

PS I know you won't reply because you are weak. You are not equal to men because you openly admit this daily on your site by constant whining.

I swear, this actually brought a smile to my face (okay, more like a smirk, but whatevs). It just warms my heart to know that if we're pissing people like this off, we're definitely doing something right.

I just love her so much.

Via Broadsheet.

In the spirit of Courtney's ten things she could do without list last week and all the amazing responses I wanted to do my own list. Now we must pressure the other ladies to do them too!

10. Being told I have an accent but you can't place it, when the closest my accent comes to is California valley girl.

9. Shops that don't carry larger than a size 8.

8. Body hair removal.

7. Being asked for empirical, statistical and quantifiable evidence, policy briefs, historical documentation, video, and whatever other proof that racism exists.

6. Being told that because of my interests and education I am not really a person of color.

5. Progressive men that do sexist shit.

4. The McCain/Palin ticket.

3. Having my weight scrutinized by friends and family on a regular basis even though I am a grown ass woman and it is none of your business.

2. Homophobia/transphobia/queer-phobia/disability-phobia. It is gross, it is tacky and it is upsetting.

1. Dating.

Can I just say how totally sick I am of anti-choice orgs putting out weird shit that implies zygotes and fetuses can do things like vote and carry election signs? (Some can even sport war gear!) Can't someone tell them that it's just creepy, not savvy? *Sigh*

So here's a fact for you, Heritage House...and take those fingers out of your ears! Those pesky things that carry fetuses around? They're called women, and unlike fertilized eggs, fetuses, or any other part of said women's bodies, they can actually vote. You may want to remember that next time you make a t-shirt.

Sarah Haskins does it again.

I will say that the moment I clicked on this link, I had a moment of "oh gosh this is going to be sexist..." Honestly, it is Saturday Night Live and I might be giving them an easy out, but this really did make me laugh my ass off. And while we have consistently pointed out the sexism that both Clinton and Palin have faced in the media, I think having it pointed out by McCain advisers is laughable. Moreso, when her argument for why it is sexist isn't very, dare I say, substantive.

OMG! Really? How about-the substance that is Sarah Palin is filled with very sexist ideas of what is considered an electable woman? Now that is sexist. Pointing out the hypocrisy of Republicans decrying sexism now as opposed to using it virulently during Clinton's campaign, well that is just funny. In that depressing way.

Thanks to Amy for the link.

You can also watch here.

Inspired by yesterday's post on Republicans appropriating classic feminist imagery, reader Patty sent along her version of the Rosie the Riveter poster:

Love the finger.

The latest from Feministing friend Mikhaela Reid.

Amazing. (Told you it was video Friday!)

Thanks to Matt for the tip.

Looks like it's video Friday (we have a couple more coming up), but that's okay with me. Especially when it's Sarah Haskins.

If I didn't know better I would think it was my birthday - because it's not often that an anti-feminist organization gives you a gift like this one.

The Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute* has put out Sense & Sexuality, a handy little anti-feminist guide to sex by none other than Miriam Grossman, author of the slut-shaming book Unprotected (not to be confused with the similarly titled slut-shaming book Unhooked).

Seriously, every page is priceless - so it's hard to know what to highlight. But here are some of my favorite tidbits.

On the biology of why dudes will fuck you and dump you:

When it comes to sex, oxytocin, like alcohol, turns red lights green. It plays a major role in what's called "the biochemistry of attachment." Because of it, you could develop feelings for a guy whose last intention is to bond with you. You might think of him all day, but he can't remember your name.

On the dangers of "hooking up":

As the number of casual sex partners in the past year increased, so did signs of depression in college women.

On why women with HPV are unlovable drop-outs:

Even though these infections are common, and usually disappear with time, learning you have one can be devastating. Natural reactions are shock, anger, and confusion. Who did I get this from, and when? Was he unfaithful? Who should I tell? And hardest of all: Who will want me now? These concerns can affect your mood, concentration, and sleep. They can deal a serious blow to your self esteem. And to your GPA.

On why you should get to the baby-making ASAP:

Remember that motherhood doesn't always happen when the time is right for you; there's a window of opportunity, then the window closes.

On wishing herpes on fictional characters:

It's easy to forget, but the characters on Grey's Anatomy and Sex in the City are not real. In real life, Meredith and Carrie would have warts or herpes. They'd likely be on Prozac or Zoloft.

But really and truly it's page 16, in its entirety, that's my favorite. Check it after the jump. Then laugh yourself to sleep tonight. I know I will.

*The organization that also brought you one of the top 10 anti-feminist videos and the "bring back the hope chest" campaign.

Anything that's going near your delicates shouldn't have any razor-like abilities. Seems pretty logical to me. But don't tell that to the creators of the Womaniser, the sex toy that opens up to reveal it's a shaver. *Shudder*

If a vibrator is going to be a transformer, there has to be something better it can change into...any ideas?

Story and pic via Shiny Shiny

Sometimes the emails we get are too good not to share.

fuck you femenists. when the network crashes you will be raped and made subject to men. you fear this and that is why you hate us. your greatest fears will be realized. you did nothing to help society but you divided it with your hatred, legalized murder of fetuses, and your selfish squandering while you did not help your people.

When the network crashes? Methinks someone has watched The Matrix one too many times.

Via.

Making faces at NeW on 12seconds.tv

I have a lot more to say about this article on this anti-feminist organization, but I thought I'd share my initial reaction.

UPDATE: It was pointed out in comments that NeW's blog reveals them to be truly awful human beings. Did they really mock an old woman with a wheelchair?! Charming.

This email had all of the Feministing editors cracking up:

Why can't I comment on those sucky, factually vacuous blog entries which might appear on feministing from time to time, beneath the article itself? Is it by any chance because you suck so badly and so consistantly, that you don't want the criticism? [...] I am pro-feminist, but your whole vibe makes it increasingly hard to say that, and the anti-feminists on youtube are wiping the floor with you. Distant aloof rhetoric among the feminist elite is wearing thin, and particularly from what should be the radical youth - with some THING to say. Where are you taking on the anti-feminist MRAs head to head, sister? Nowhere. You're running scared and it stinks. Why aren't you wagging your finger in their anti-feminist faces (in debate) like your logo suggests, instead of using it to masturbate amongst yourselves?

Samhita's take: "God I wish I was masturbating instead of reading this fucking email. LOL."

My plan is to totally co-opt that phrase. I'll post on a complex issue, and then ask all of our lovely readers/commenters (in the Mike Myers "Coffee Talk" voice) to "Mastabate amongst yaselves."

A little retro (well, retro for me, a child of the 80s) afternoon video inspired by my it's only wednesday and I'm already this burned out? feeling. Plus, sometimes you just need something light and goofy to break up all this deep shit.

One of my favorite tv shows as a kid was Clarissa Explains It All. I loved her, wanted to be her, crazy family and all. So in honor of hump day, a little Clarissa Explains It All theme music.

What's your favorite retro tv show?

Last week I got an email from the Family Research Council containing a WARNING from Big Tony Perkins about "a series of videos" produced by a Planned Parenthood affiliate in Washington state that were "so revolting that members of my staff were visibly shaken."

What scary reproductive health topics were so disgusting? Were they close-up videos of STIs? Images of two men kissing? Even worse! They featured a girl talking, without shame, about touching herself! Gasp! If you can bear it, watch the offending video (I think it's pretty work-safe. But, Family Research Council warns, "the material is highly inappropriate for adults."):

The great irony, to me, is that this video is promoting abstinence from partner-sex. Conservative groups like the Family Research Council are usually all about that message. Apparently not when it means women are enjoying their bodies without shame.

Transcript after the jump, along with a special video dedication to Tony Perkins.

The real question is, will Sarah Haskins be my best friend? And will someone put this lady on The Daily Show already? Seriously.

(Also, is that MobLogic host Lindsay Campbell in the first commercial?!)

American Apparel, who puts out some of the classiest ads around, is apparently now selling soap. And in case you're not sure how to wash yourself, the site has an instructional video of a nekkid tousled hair lady to help you along. Blech.

On the upside, at least this will encourage some hipsters to clean themselves. Maybe.

Thanks to Sarah for the tip.

Sometimes one sentence speaks a thousand idiocies:

You come across as a man hating group - the only reason nobody does or says anything is because you hide behind your vaginas.

The depth of thought is astounding.

*Scurries back behind labia*

Reader Carolyn points out that there's something kind of hilarious about an abstinence thong. Also, you have to love the tagline: "Earn your right to wear white."

Charming. I especially like the downward pointing arrows.

Also, not to nitpick, but shouldn't it be 'enter' when married? I mean, what kind of sex are these abstinence folks planning on having?

Happy Monday, folks.

We posted on this song before, but now there's a lovely video to go along with it! This is now officially my favorite song titled "Mother of Pearl." (Sorry, Roxy Music, #2 slot for you.)

via Lauredhel (and lots of other feminist bloggers, too). Lyrics after the jump...

We're already well-established Sarah Haskins fans here, so we'll just present this without comment and bask in the funny.

Ok, so I know we haven't blogged about the latest McCain rape joke news. In case you missed it, McCain allegedly told this joke in 1986:

Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, "Where is that marvelous ape?"

Classy, huh? McCain's spokesperson at the time denied it, though the reporter who recorded the joke, Norma Coile, said, "I'm not sure exactly what the wording was of the joke, but something was said. Some joke involving a rape and ape was said. Enough women repeated it to me at the time and the McCain campaign had a non-denial denial."

Yes, the "joke" is appalling. But I think the McCain campaign's response to the joke resurfacing was even worse. A spokesperson defended McCain's humor this way:

"He's long said that he's said and done things in the past that he regrets," Rogers said. "You've just got to move on and be yourself -- that's what people want. They want somebody who's authentic, and this kind of stuff is a good example of McCain being McCain."

I think there are enough examples that we can conclude this is true. Just McCain being McCain.

As long as we're discussing what does and doesn't work as satire, I saw for the first time today (via the Bitch Blog) this video from Thunderant -- aka Carrie Brownstein of Sleater-Kinney and NPR-bloggin' fame and Fred Armisen of Saturday Night Live. Check it out:

I find it pretty funny -- gently poking some fun at feminist stereotypes. But maybe that's just my crush on Carrie Brownstein talking.

What do you all think?

Deeky at Shakesville has a post on a humor website hawking a faux video game modeled on Guitar Hero... called Vagina Hero.

Let me say that before I followed the link, I had some hopes here. I thought, "Maybe it's a teaching tool for women and their partners, informing them of little-known facts about the female anatomy." Jessica commented, "Vagina Hero could be an amazing feminist superhero." Alas, we were way too optimistic.

No surprise! It's really just some sexist bullshit dressed up as humor. Deeky writes,

Here's the premise of the joke: What if the makers of Guitar Hero introduced a new game called Vagina Hero wherein the player had to tap all the right buttons in the right sequence at the right time, just like in the original game, but on a vagina shaped controller to "win"? (If you're not holding your sides now from laughing so hard, well, you won't ever be. The joke doesn't get any better than that. A stupid premise has nowhere to go but downhill, my friends.) Oh, and "winning" here is defined as bringing an on-screen woman to orgasm. In case you hadn't guessed.

Now, I'm all for establishing the idea that a woman's pleasure should be a priority for her sexual partner. But this "game" is less about women's sexual pleasure than it is about establishing the idea that ladyparts are icky and confusing and "other." (Below the jump, because it could be NSFW, have a gander at the "controller.")

Classy 70's-style bow-chika-wow-wow starts playing, and you find your screen assaulted with colored button-press indicators called "E-Zones". The E-Zones (or "EZ's") correspond to the same colored buttons on your Vagina Hero controller, dubbed "HodgePodge". Why HodgePodge? "Just look at it. What the fuck is that? We designed it and we don't even really know. We tried to stay true to real thing, but that's the best we could do."

Translation: Aren't ladyparts weird, icky, and incomprehensible?

As the EZ's approach the middle of the screen, you need to tap the corresponding EZ button on your controller. Sounds easy enough, but this bitch has 6 buttons! Apparently, if you want to be a serious player, you need to get creative.

"Most people just use their thumb and pointer finger on their off-hand, but we've had a few people use other body parts. Personally, if you want to really see what you're doing, the two hand approach is best. You could also just mash all the buttons at the same time with your fist and hope to get lucky."

You could also just mash all the buttons at the same time with your fist and hope to get lucky?!?! I'm sorry, this is hardly "teaching boys something useful." To the contrary. In comments at Shakesville, Astraea points out,

It's not only not original misogyny, it's not even an original video game concept since the Japanese have had cheap versions of that kind of game for ages, and all nicely drawn to make those weird girlyparts nicely hair-free and less complicated for the poor menz who just want to get off.

Even as a Humorless Feminist (TM), I think it certainly would be possible to craft a parody that mocks the fact that some men think of the vagina as icky and foreign. This "game" ain't that. It's not funny because it's got a wink-nudge tone -- the creators are essentially agreeing with every dude who's ever expressed disgust or disdain for the vadge -- and who has wanted a gold star for even attempting to please his female sexual partner. (Plus? It's not even that clever. They should have called this shit Clitar Hero.) Sorry. I'm not laughing.

I have no comment on this; I just thought it was hilarious.

Via BoingBoing.

Link: sevenload.com

Sing it with me, now! (And the hammer-heading hitting thing? That's been me for this past week.)