Recently in Humor Category

Anything that's going near your delicates shouldn't have any razor-like abilities. Seems pretty logical to me. But don't tell that to the creators of the Womaniser, the sex toy that opens up to reveal it's a shaver. *Shudder*

If a vibrator is going to be a transformer, there has to be something better it can change into...any ideas?

Story and pic via Shiny Shiny

Sometimes the emails we get are too good not to share.

fuck you femenists. when the network crashes you will be raped and made subject to men. you fear this and that is why you hate us. your greatest fears will be realized. you did nothing to help society but you divided it with your hatred, legalized murder of fetuses, and your selfish squandering while you did not help your people.

When the network crashes? Methinks someone has watched The Matrix one too many times.

Via.

Making faces at NeW on 12seconds.tv

I have a lot more to say about this article on this anti-feminist organization, but I thought I'd share my initial reaction.

UPDATE: It was pointed out in comments that NeW's blog reveals them to be truly awful human beings. Did they really mock an old woman with a wheelchair?! Charming.

This email had all of the Feministing editors cracking up:

Why can't I comment on those sucky, factually vacuous blog entries which might appear on feministing from time to time, beneath the article itself? Is it by any chance because you suck so badly and so consistantly, that you don't want the criticism? [...] I am pro-feminist, but your whole vibe makes it increasingly hard to say that, and the anti-feminists on youtube are wiping the floor with you. Distant aloof rhetoric among the feminist elite is wearing thin, and particularly from what should be the radical youth - with some THING to say. Where are you taking on the anti-feminist MRAs head to head, sister? Nowhere. You're running scared and it stinks. Why aren't you wagging your finger in their anti-feminist faces (in debate) like your logo suggests, instead of using it to masturbate amongst yourselves?

Samhita's take: "God I wish I was masturbating instead of reading this fucking email. LOL."

My plan is to totally co-opt that phrase. I'll post on a complex issue, and then ask all of our lovely readers/commenters (in the Mike Myers "Coffee Talk" voice) to "Mastabate amongst yaselves."

A little retro (well, retro for me, a child of the 80s) afternoon video inspired by my it's only wednesday and I'm already this burned out? feeling. Plus, sometimes you just need something light and goofy to break up all this deep shit.

One of my favorite tv shows as a kid was Clarissa Explains It All. I loved her, wanted to be her, crazy family and all. So in honor of hump day, a little Clarissa Explains It All theme music.

What's your favorite retro tv show?

Last week I got an email from the Family Research Council containing a WARNING from Big Tony Perkins about "a series of videos" produced by a Planned Parenthood affiliate in Washington state that were "so revolting that members of my staff were visibly shaken."

What scary reproductive health topics were so disgusting? Were they close-up videos of STIs? Images of two men kissing? Even worse! They featured a girl talking, without shame, about touching herself! Gasp! If you can bear it, watch the offending video (I think it's pretty work-safe. But, Family Research Council warns, "the material is highly inappropriate for adults."):

The great irony, to me, is that this video is promoting abstinence from partner-sex. Conservative groups like the Family Research Council are usually all about that message. Apparently not when it means women are enjoying their bodies without shame.

Transcript after the jump, along with a special video dedication to Tony Perkins.

The real question is, will Sarah Haskins be my best friend? And will someone put this lady on The Daily Show already? Seriously.

(Also, is that MobLogic host Lindsay Campbell in the first commercial?!)

American Apparel, who puts out some of the classiest ads around, is apparently now selling soap. And in case you're not sure how to wash yourself, the site has an instructional video of a nekkid tousled hair lady to help you along. Blech.

On the upside, at least this will encourage some hipsters to clean themselves. Maybe.

Thanks to Sarah for the tip.

Sometimes one sentence speaks a thousand idiocies:

You come across as a man hating group - the only reason nobody does or says anything is because you hide behind your vaginas.

The depth of thought is astounding.

*Scurries back behind labia*

Reader Carolyn points out that there's something kind of hilarious about an abstinence thong. Also, you have to love the tagline: "Earn your right to wear white."

Charming. I especially like the downward pointing arrows.

Also, not to nitpick, but shouldn't it be 'enter' when married? I mean, what kind of sex are these abstinence folks planning on having?

Happy Monday, folks.

We posted on this song before, but now there's a lovely video to go along with it! This is now officially my favorite song titled "Mother of Pearl." (Sorry, Roxy Music, #2 slot for you.)

via Lauredhel (and lots of other feminist bloggers, too). Lyrics after the jump...

We're already well-established Sarah Haskins fans here, so we'll just present this without comment and bask in the funny.

Ok, so I know we haven't blogged about the latest McCain rape joke news. In case you missed it, McCain allegedly told this joke in 1986:

Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, "Where is that marvelous ape?"

Classy, huh? McCain's spokesperson at the time denied it, though the reporter who recorded the joke, Norma Coile, said, "I'm not sure exactly what the wording was of the joke, but something was said. Some joke involving a rape and ape was said. Enough women repeated it to me at the time and the McCain campaign had a non-denial denial."

Yes, the "joke" is appalling. But I think the McCain campaign's response to the joke resurfacing was even worse. A spokesperson defended McCain's humor this way:

"He's long said that he's said and done things in the past that he regrets," Rogers said. "You've just got to move on and be yourself -- that's what people want. They want somebody who's authentic, and this kind of stuff is a good example of McCain being McCain."

I think there are enough examples that we can conclude this is true. Just McCain being McCain.

As long as we're discussing what does and doesn't work as satire, I saw for the first time today (via the Bitch Blog) this video from Thunderant -- aka Carrie Brownstein of Sleater-Kinney and NPR-bloggin' fame and Fred Armisen of Saturday Night Live. Check it out:

I find it pretty funny -- gently poking some fun at feminist stereotypes. But maybe that's just my crush on Carrie Brownstein talking.

What do you all think?

Deeky at Shakesville has a post on a humor website hawking a faux video game modeled on Guitar Hero... called Vagina Hero.

Let me say that before I followed the link, I had some hopes here. I thought, "Maybe it's a teaching tool for women and their partners, informing them of little-known facts about the female anatomy." Jessica commented, "Vagina Hero could be an amazing feminist superhero." Alas, we were way too optimistic.

No surprise! It's really just some sexist bullshit dressed up as humor. Deeky writes,

Here's the premise of the joke: What if the makers of Guitar Hero introduced a new game called Vagina Hero wherein the player had to tap all the right buttons in the right sequence at the right time, just like in the original game, but on a vagina shaped controller to "win"? (If you're not holding your sides now from laughing so hard, well, you won't ever be. The joke doesn't get any better than that. A stupid premise has nowhere to go but downhill, my friends.) Oh, and "winning" here is defined as bringing an on-screen woman to orgasm. In case you hadn't guessed.

Now, I'm all for establishing the idea that a woman's pleasure should be a priority for her sexual partner. But this "game" is less about women's sexual pleasure than it is about establishing the idea that ladyparts are icky and confusing and "other." (Below the jump, because it could be NSFW, have a gander at the "controller.")

Classy 70's-style bow-chika-wow-wow starts playing, and you find your screen assaulted with colored button-press indicators called "E-Zones". The E-Zones (or "EZ's") correspond to the same colored buttons on your Vagina Hero controller, dubbed "HodgePodge". Why HodgePodge? "Just look at it. What the fuck is that? We designed it and we don't even really know. We tried to stay true to real thing, but that's the best we could do."

Translation: Aren't ladyparts weird, icky, and incomprehensible?

As the EZ's approach the middle of the screen, you need to tap the corresponding EZ button on your controller. Sounds easy enough, but this bitch has 6 buttons! Apparently, if you want to be a serious player, you need to get creative.

"Most people just use their thumb and pointer finger on their off-hand, but we've had a few people use other body parts. Personally, if you want to really see what you're doing, the two hand approach is best. You could also just mash all the buttons at the same time with your fist and hope to get lucky."

You could also just mash all the buttons at the same time with your fist and hope to get lucky?!?! I'm sorry, this is hardly "teaching boys something useful." To the contrary. In comments at Shakesville, Astraea points out,

It's not only not original misogyny, it's not even an original video game concept since the Japanese have had cheap versions of that kind of game for ages, and all nicely drawn to make those weird girlyparts nicely hair-free and less complicated for the poor menz who just want to get off.

Even as a Humorless Feminist (TM), I think it certainly would be possible to craft a parody that mocks the fact that some men think of the vagina as icky and foreign. This "game" ain't that. It's not funny because it's got a wink-nudge tone -- the creators are essentially agreeing with every dude who's ever expressed disgust or disdain for the vadge -- and who has wanted a gold star for even attempting to please his female sexual partner. (Plus? It's not even that clever. They should have called this shit Clitar Hero.) Sorry. I'm not laughing.

I have no comment on this; I just thought it was hilarious.

Via BoingBoing.

Link: sevenload.com

Sing it with me, now! (And the hammer-heading hitting thing? That's been me for this past week.)