Recently in Gender Category

Reader Julia sent us a link to this posting on Madison, Wisconsin Craigslist. Pretty amazing stuff:

I'm married. Been married for 14 years. I moved away from my family to be with my wife's family, left my career, friends, & family behind. I now work out of my house because my wife got a "better" job else where and now I do ALL of the cooking and cleaning and take care of my 3 kids. She's the typical MALE now...comes homes, I have dinner ready. She works more at home. I play with the kids. She goes to bed, I have to go to bed. My whole life revolves around her now. She's the Sun and I'm Uranus. She leaves dirty clothes on the floor. Trash on tables. HAIR everywhere!! I SIT to pee now cuz I hate to clean up pubic hairs off the toilets....it's disgusting.

Yes, he's experiencing what many women have experienced for decades. But no one deserves to feel this way about their life or relationship. What I dislike about the entire tone of this post, however, is that he's not just pissed off about the unequal nature of his relationship. He's pissed because he's "THE WOMAN" -- as in, women are the ones who should doing all the shit work:

I feel I'm being converted to a female in some sick way. I AM NOT A WOMAN! I love women. But I now know what they put up with. It sucks. No thanks for dinner....not even "dinner was great dear...how 'bout I clean up the dishes"....NNOOOOOO. Just a couple of grunts and it's off to work....kinda like a guy going to the garage for the evening. I have tools. I'd love to go to the garage and work. But I think my kids come first. I'd love to have an affair but don't think I can deal with the guilt. If I start to PMS.......I'll scream. Oh...and don't think she's "MAN" enough to mow the yard or shovel the drive...nope...that's me too. Who gets the groceries....ME. My nipples stick out in the frozen food section too by the way. No one tries to pick me up though. I did get asked by the cashier what was for dinner once!!! I must have something written on my forhead. So women, ladies, how do you put up with it???

I'll admit to laughing at the nipples-in-the-frozen-food-aisle line, but I genuinely feel bad for this guy. In light of our conversation last week about balancing relationships with chores and the ins and outs of living together, does anyone have advice for this man?

Via Kay Steiger, an article in the NYTimes about gender roles at fancy restaurants.

Back in 2003, I spent a summer working at a fancy five star country club restaurant. I worked there because the pay was really good, with an automatic 18% gratuity and my brother was able to get me the job. The restaurant was in North Carolina, so Southern hospitality was the law. Gender rules, whether it was for the servers or for the customers were a non-negotiable. We even had menus without prices for the women (not always used, but available). Women were served first, in order of age. I had to use the southern "ya'll" to refer to the customers, because "you guys" was gender inappropriate and too informal.

I wish I had a picture of me from that summer, the outfit I had to wear was absurd. I looked like a penguin. Everyone had to wear tuxedo pants, white button down shirts and black bow ties. Needless to say I didn't look great in my pleated tuxedo pants (think high high waist).

While I didn't criticize these gendered practices at the time, this article brought it all back for me. In my everyday life I am constantly confronted with gender stereotyping. Every time I walk into elevator or walk through a door, or interact with salespeople, I'm reminded that they are treating me differently because I'm a woman. Men always hold doors for me but will wait an eternity before letting me hold the door for them. I always have to walk out of elevators first, and then of course I get called "sweetie" and "honey" often.

Luckily I don't go to many fancy restaurants these days, where these rules seem to be important, but it's sad to see that it's still enforced for new restaurants. All these things are just reminders that women's liberation be damned, these subtle differences aren't going away anytime soon.

I can't believe it. I actually like something Hillary Duff has done. I need a drink.

It is rare that armed resistance movements are given positive news coverage. And understandably so when groups use brutal force on civilians. However, the dialog of acceptable and unacceptable moments of violence has been dominated by a history of colonization. Basically, war is only acceptable when it is protecting the interests of rich and white people. But for those of us that believe in a more fair and just world where everyone should have access to the means of production and women should not be enslaved by patriarchy it is good to hear in some places people are fighting for their own rights. I don't support their tactics of hurting or killing civilians, but I do see what they are fighting for.

The women of the PKK (Kurdistan Worker's Party) believe that without a dismantling of patriarchy no one is free. They have been branded as a terrorist organization by NATO, Turkey, Iraq and the United States. The PKK wants an independent Kurdish state in Kuridistan. The women's demands are simple,

"We want a natural life, a society that revolves around women -- one where women and men are equal, a society without pressure, without inequality, where all differences between people are eliminated," says Rengin, the head of a female battalion of the Kurdistan Workers' Party, or PKK.

Perhaps this is a leap of imagination for those socialized to think there is only certain types of right and wrong violence. We don't want violence in our communities or anyone else's. But given the context they are working with in, a country ravaged by war and a place where women are subject to inhumane conditions, I can actually empathize with their frustrations.

Revolutionary movements have been around for decades now, both using violent and non-violent tactics to fight for the world they want and generally focused on an anti-colonial stance (one notable example being the Zapatistas, who also believe in gender equity). We may not agree with them, but I think it is important to understand them.

Related:
Kurdish women fighting on the frontlines.

I am really into lists lately. After Courtney's ten things she can do without and my own replica, along with all the responses we got, I figure why not make it a weekly feature. So similar to Amanda's Friday Random Ten, here is my second crack at the Tuesday Ten.

I have been thinking about highlighting men that do feminist work in their blogging (sort of in the vain of Twanna's Manly Monday, but different trajectory). Many of these men, I don't know personally, so I will not say they are feminists, however, in much of their writing I have found they support many of my ideals.

So here goes. This is my list of who I consider feminist friendly male bloggers.

1. Scott Lemiuex from Lawyers, Guns and Money

2. Nezua from the Unapologetic Mexican

3. Kevin from Slant Truth

4. Jay Smooth aka the Illdoctrine

5. Jesse Taylor from Pandagon

6. Baratunde Thurston from Jack and Jill Politics

7. Kai Chang from Zuky.

8. J Brotherlove.

9. Hugo Schwyzer

10. AngryAsianMan

Check out Courtney's critical piece at the American Prospect that captures perfectly why Palin appeals to the patriarchy political machine with her use of conventional gender tropes.

And, in perhaps the most offensive display of her "wimp factor" agenda, she attempted to discredit community organizing by feminizing it. She sarcastically told conventioneering Republicans (along with millions of Americans watching on television), "I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a 'community organizer,' except that you have actual responsibilities." It was an eerie echo of what oblivious men in positions of traditional power have been saying for centuries: that the work of community building -- whether it be child-rearing, elder-caring, teaching, nursing, social work, or, yes, community organizing -- isn't really work at all. That, despite being the backbone of our economy and the heart of our civic life, it doesn't count because it doesn't involve power suits and bottom lines. What makes this ridicule of community-building even more ironic is that the GOP is simultaneously glorifying Palin's role as caregiver of her own sprawling family.

Just really go read the whole thing right now because it frames the story the right is trying to tell by picking Palin.

I was recently browsing around youtube, and found a link to this Logo episode that is a favorite of mine. There are also some really interesting youtube channels of videos made by trans and genderqueer people sharing their experiences.

From the logo website:

This original documentary explores the shattering of the confines of traditional gender identities by individuals who define themselves not as male or female, but something that incorporates both. Jill, who comfortably identifies as gender-queer, faces the challenge of coming out to family. Kim wants to undergo top surgery but must also address the effect the surgery will have on her relationship with her girlfriend Michelle. Lauren encounters confrontations from the gay community in Lauren's conservative home town regarding Lauren's gender-fluid identity and must decide whether to stay or move to another city.

You can watch all the clips and see more about the series here.