Recently in Body Image Category
This weekly Saturday column "Ask Professor Foxy" will regularly contain sexually explicit material. This material is likely not safe for work viewing. The title of the column will include the major topic of the post, so please read the topic when deciding whether or not to read the entire column.
Professor Foxy,
I am newly divorced from a relationship I began at age 17. I am now 29, and playing the field a bit. Truly enjoying some of my new found freedom and exploring my sexuality in many ways, for the first time.
Recently, it was brought to my attention that I am a little different. You see, I don't shave my pubic hair. It's not that I never have, its that I don't really like to. I trim, keep it neat and aesthetically pleasing to my tastes. I have played around with shaving, have bought and used the best and sharpest razors, and really tried to make it work. What I've discovered is that it's a pain in the butt (how does a mom find that much time alone to shave labia!), the shave is never close enough (always the sensation of stubble at least in some areas) and man am I afraid to cut myself! Plus, you have to shave all the time! A vulva with a 5 o'clock shadow is not sexy to me, neither is razor burn, and my crotch feels itchier and sweatier when I'm hairless (where my newly shaven skin touches the insides of my thighs).
Right now, I'm giving up, and I guess I don't understand why so many women do this? Do I just have more and thicker hair than most women, making shaving just not right for me and my body? Is every woman just living with the discomforts I experience? My partner who mentioned it (he's much younger and I think I was the first woman with pubic hair he has ever slept with, haha, I'm proud) basically indicated it was better for him as far as cunnilingus. That seems fair enough. It's a pragmatic enough reason, and for the same reason I prefer it when my partner shaves or at least trims and does basic maintenance.
On the other hand, what the fuck?! I am a woman, not a little girl! The unapologetic feminist in me wants to flip anybody who doesn't like pubic hair the bird!
Why are so many women doing this; pragmatic reasons, purity myth, both? Is having pubic hair such an anomaly that it is something I need to discuss with a new sexual partner before hand? I don't want to have sex with a guy who thinks my pubic hair is a novelty.
Sincerely,
(Insert any catchy non-offensive name of your choosing pertaining to my lovely pubes ;)
Hi IACNNOYCPTMLP -
Hair is one of the new feminist sex frontiers. Pubic hair and its trimming, shaping, and full removal were not the talked about and at times expected topic until the 90s. On its most basic level pubic hair exists to cushion the skin and genitalia of men and women during sex.
While it is now portrayed as the norm to shave and remove pubic hair, I doubt that it is "the standard" that the media implies that it is. On a sex etiquette level, I think some trimming is appropriate (for all genders). It provides easier access to genitalia with less of a chance of getting pubic hair in one's partner's mouth.
You are a grown and mature woman, who has made a decision about her body that is right for her. Stick with it. Lovers who reject you based on your pubic hair are asking you to change your decisions about your body. It may not be as serious as abortion, but it is still your body and your body integrity.
Every woman has different thickness and amounts of pubic hair, there is no standard. What matters is what you want. Some women may love removing their pubic hair (via shaving, waxing, or depilatory). Shaving is not itchy for everyone; it really depends on how sensitive your skin is.
Beyond the pragmatic reasons for removal of pubic hair, we cannot ignore our society's obsession and fetishization of youth. The pressure to remove and limit women's pubic hair is certainly an example of this. There is also another aspect of this that speaks to women being available and ready for sex by having constantly sculpted genitals.
You know what is best for you and have made the decision what works for you. Stick with it. Society will always pressure women to maintain a false version of perfection and this has reached even into our genitals.
Best,
Professor Foxy
If you have a question for Professor Foxy, send it to ProfessorFoxyATfeministingDOTcom.
I knew not to be too excited about this article about plus size fashion when the accompanying picture was a young woman in a frozen food aisle. In the words of Seth Meyer and Amy Poehler, REALLY, NEW YORK TIMES?! You publish a story on "big girls" who--what a shock!--are interested in looking cute, and then promptly choose to lead the whole thing off with an image that insinuates that they're favorite hang spot is the supermarket. Really?!
The piece details all the different clothing stores that have recently started plus size fashion lines, including Top Shop, Forever 21, and H&M (subsequently dropped for reasons unknown). There's a market, it turns out, for women above a size 10 to buy clothing. Who would have thunk it?
A few really annoying things...most of these lines are still only available online, which suggests that a) the stores don't want "big girls" shopping it up in store or b) the stores assume that "big girls" don't want to have a shopping experience like everyone else, that they're oh-so-ashamed. Either way, it's insulting. (I know the stores claim they just don't have room for all their merchandise, but I call bullshit on that).
Annie Maribona, the founder and part owner of Fat Fancy, a new boutique in Portland, Oregon, told the Times: "When you're fat you stand out anyway. It's really important to go all the way and do something fun or even outrageous with your clothes."
Um, I'm all for anyone of any size doing something fun or even outrageous with their style, but this sort of makes it sound like bigger girls have to present as freak shows in order to adhere to the public's expectation. It's fine if a larger woman likes to dress in "outrageous" colors or styles--more power to her--but she shouldn't feel like she has to "go all the way" unless it's authentic to her tastes and personality.
Thank goodness Maribona redeems herself in the short snippet on fat acceptance:
More than tokenism, such fashion and media tactics seem born of a conviction that larger young women have become more self-accepting. "They are inclined to show off the parts of their bodies they love," said Ms. Sack, the Chicago retailer. Pushing the trend is a broad movement of fat acceptance among academics, anti-bias activists and some psychologists. "It's important to reclaim 'fat' as a descriptive, as even something positive," argued Ms. Maribona of Fat Fancy.
But of course they follow that right up with the requisite fat shaming expert:
But others point to serious health consequences of being overweight. Andrea Marks, a specialist in adolescent medicine in Manhattan, suspects that "the vast majority of overweight girls are not so happy."
Sigh. Why is an article about the clothing industry finally recognizing that larger women can be fashion-forward including a doctor dooming them to unhappiness? Would an article about a new kind of bar that men love to go to also include an expert reminding them that alcohol consumption leads to health consequences and increased risk of depression? No.
Why can't we live in a world where there is no need to segregate larger sizes of clothing as if they were specialized when really they are average or not far from it? Why are larger women talked about as if they are a different species of human being, as if it is surprising that they'd like to look good or find clothing that fits them in the stores near their homes?
For real information about fashion-forward styles for larger women, check out:
Young, Fat, and Fabulous
Manolo for the Big Girl
Frocks and Frou Frou
The Rotund
Joy Nash
And check out community poster RMJ on the subject.
Thanks to Wendy and Marjorie for the awesome links, and reader Ali for the heads up.
Latoya Peterson (pictured right), our girl from Racialicious.com, is up first.
Pop culture conversations are vital because it reaches so many people across the world. "The U.S.'s biggest export is pop culture; it's about all we export."
Dr. Laura Plybon, a self-identified Apache Indian and Girls Inc., speaks VERY briefly about her desire to see people from her culture represented in the media accurately and complexly.
Glennda Testone, from the Women's Media Center, is up next. I heart her so much. She talks about the Women's Media Center's work:
The Women's Media Center makes women visible and powerful in the media. Led by our president, the Emmy-winning journalist, writer, and producer Carol Jenkins, the WMC works with the media to ensure that women's stories are told and women's voices are heard. We do this in three ways: through our media advocacy campaigns; by creating our own media; and by training women to participate directly in media. We are directly engaged with the media at all levels to ensure that a diverse group of women is present in newsrooms, on air, in print and online, as sources and subjects.
She also mentions Rhianna and the most recent Disney princess as potential flash points to look at during the conversation.
This is amazing. Each panelist is basically passing the mic. How refreshing.
Anne Zill of the Women's Center for Ethics in Action says she's probably going to be a "little heretical" on this panel today because she wants to talk about ways in which pop culture right now is actually positive in certain ways.
She advocates for throwing away the superwoman archetype and embracing a more communitarian approach to raising families and finding fulfilling work. She also talks about the critical need to foster empathy while raising all children.
Glennda (pictured left) talks about how women are the majority of the population and the majority of consumers are women. Women only hold 3% of clout positions in the media. She talks about an initial meeting with all the bookers and producers from mainstream media that the WMC initially had. They were so excited that there were tons of women with decision making power in the room, but when they went around the room, it turned out that every single one of them reported to a male boss. Management positions in media are 15-24% women.
She proposes the idea of a hiring quota of some kind of people of color and women in leadership positions in the media.
Latoya shows a really interesting graph of Huffington Post's traffic vs. Feministing's traffic and reminds us that, though it's great that we're "making our own media," we still don't have nearly the same bandwith as the mainstream media outlets.
Latoya: "what permeates the social consciousness is at the CNN level."
She refers to Women & Hollywood's recent commentary on the ways in which Hollywood just refuses to believe that women go to the movies and want to see more than chick flicks. Melissa Silverstein advocates, from the audience, that women really need to go to women-oriented films on opening weekend. Buying a ticket, she explains, is like voting. You can sign up for her e-newsletter if you want to get weekly information about what films are opening.
So I totally had a "Get in Shape, Girl" ballet bar, weights and baton - I'm not gonna lie. But it just pains me to watch this commercial.
This weekly Saturday column "Ask Professor Foxy" will regularly contain sexually explicit material. This material is likely not safe for work viewing. The title of the column will include the major topic of the post, so please read the topic when deciding whether or not to read the entire column.
Hi Professor Foxy,
I'm 22 years old and I've never been in a relationship (or even a hook up for that matter) and I am really starting to feel lonely. There are many reasons for why I think this is but for the most part I think its because I am overweight and most of the guys I like are not. Being a feminist, I try to tell myself that that shouldn't matter and I should find a guy who likes me for me, but on the other hand I feel extremely hypocritical because I know I would never find an overweight guy attractive (I actually tend to prefer skinny guys).
The other problem is I just don't really know how to flirt. I feel like there is some sort of code way of talking to guys when you like them and I just never learned this. I have anxiety issues and when I realize I like someone, I get nervous around them and avoid them, assuming they will magically come to me. So, basically my two main questions are: 1) is it unfeminist to want to lose weight for the main purpose of attracting guys? and 2)How can I show a guy I am interested without over or under-doing it?
Thanks in advance,
Lonely
Hi Lonely -
Although I vowed not to bare the intimate details of my life in this column, I cannot help but respond personally as one not-thin woman to another. I have never been thin and get what it's like to walk through a world that tells you that you are inherently unattractive for the size you wear.
I don't doubt that some men will reject you due to your size, but others will not. Still others find women of size the hottest thing since butter on bread.
But I've found that bigger is better only when you sell it that way. Simply put, you have to think yourself Hot Stuff.
What about you do you find attractive? Yes--society, media, etc. says women over a certain size are unattractive, but I call bullshit. For many of us--size irrelevant given the malarkey all women are taught-- it is believing that we are hot that is difficult.
So how do you find yourself hot? What body parts do you like on yourself? Close your eyes and run your hands over your body . . . isn't there something lovely about how soft you are? What do you wear that feels sexy- playing dress up can help us see the erotic parts of ourselves.
There are thin men out there who date bigger women. The trick is finding them. How are you looking to meet men? Have you tried personal ads? In ads you can put it out there that you are bigger and what you want in a man. It helps lower the rejection factor.
For me, a basic tenet of feminism is not to beat yourself up over your likes/dislikes. Yes, there is some hypocrisy in being attracted to a man of a certain size, but your attraction is there and we can acknowledge our own hypocrisy and then move on.
Losing weight is something that has to be done for you. I would urge you not to focus on your size or weight, but instead on your health. How far can you run? How heavy a bag can you carry? Those numbers are often a better reflection of our health than the numbers on a scale.
As for flirting, there is not some magical code, and frankly, lots of people don't "flirt" at all. Men are just people. Talk to them, have a conversation, laugh. Somewhere in there, you will likely find that you are flirting. Nothing magically leads to another, but a good conversation can lead to a good relationship and/or good sex. Put yourself out there; try to be clear about what (and who!) you are interested in.
The risk of rejection is part of dating, regardless of size. The trick is to realize that being rejected is part of life. Only by putting yourself out there in all your fabulous size are you going to meet someone. I'm not saying it is easy, but only by putting ourselves out there do we get what we want.
If you have a question for Professor Foxy, send it to ProfessorFoxyATfeministingDOTcom.
The due date is quickly approaching..... Everyone is eagerly waiting to see the new addition to the family. The pictures that are taken will be in the albums forever..... but wait, who is that unrecognizable monster in a hospital gown? NOT YOU!Finally there is A Dressed Up Delivery!
We at Pretty Pushers believe that you deserve to look your best when you work your hardest. The enclosed five items are sure to keep you feeling fabulous until the job is done!
I'm sure you're dying to know what these five magical items are. 1) Pink lip gloss and a mirror 2) A "delivery dress" 3) A headband 4) A lemon-water towelette 5) Heated massage oil
As a doula who has accompanied women during childbirth I can tell you that the only useful thing in the kit is the massage oil and maybe the headband. Massage can be great for pain mediation during labor, and if your hair is long you might want it out of your face. Oh, and the mirror could come in handy, because some women like to see what they are doing as they push.
Perpetuating screwed up ideas about women's beauty is already infuriating enough, but now we need to mix it in with childbirth. If you've ever actually been with a woman after she's given birth, I'd say she looks pretty damn beautiful, sweat and all.
This is the preview for a new WE TV show, I Want to Save Your Life.
Not only is this creepy, it's just plain wrong in so many ways. Do we really need ANOTHER television show that tells women they are ruining their lives because of what they put in their mouths?
First of all, this guy is like a stalker, following her around, monitoring her. He's creepy beyond belief. Secondly, this once again, for the millionth time perpetuates the myth that everyone who is overweight is secretly and guilty sneaking ice cream sundaes. We should know by now that weight is much more complex than that. Thirdly, this shit is just sensationalist. I want to save your life? This woman does not look like she is at risk of dying because of a few extra pounds.
Also, why is it always skinny white guys who have discovered the secret of weight loss and are going to teach it to women?
As the reader who sent this in said (h/t to caryb):
Since this show is about women, this is yet another example of how women's bodies are community property, and this time the justification is health and in the promo, the woman isn't even that fat, which makes this even more ridiculous. These things are never about health, they're always about body politics in my opinion.I hope this show goes the way of the dodo.
Note: After posting this, I amended the title and added the quotes around the word "overweight." I did this because I disagree with the suggestion that these women, or women of any weight, are not the norm. Also the show obviously is using it's own screwed up standards to decide who needs these interventions.
I feel like I may have been the last person on earth to watch the video of 47-year-old Brit Susan Boyle taking all the "Britain's Got Talent" folks by surprise with her beautiful voice. This morning, nearly 40 million people have seen the clip on YouTube. So what gives? Why is this striking such a global chord?
Well, from a feminist perspective, there are some really compelling explanations. First of all, Susan Boyle defies just about every one of the "ideal beauty" standards that have such a tight grip on the recording industry. She's not thin, she's not blonde, she's not manicured, she's not young. The fact that she's white may be the only way in which her physicality conforms to stereotypical definitions of Western beauty. Her reception when she walked out on stage was such an exquisite example of the way in which we, as a society, vilify overweight people--projecting all sorts of negative assumptions on them because of their perceived weight. The audience members' faces said it all--"She's overweight and ugly, so she must not be talented."
As I write about in my book, psychologists have a concept called "the halo effect"--essentially that we often project unrelated and unearned attributes to people based on their beauty. We see a hot women on the street, for example, and automatically assume she has a great, easy life, a loving partner, a successful career--all because her hair is shiny and straight and she wears a size two! The reverse effect is ever-present these days; when a woman is overweight or doesn't fit the conventional standard of beauty in some other way, we assume all sorts of completely unrelated thing about her--she's lazy, unhappy, untalented, unloved.
Susan Boyle brings all those ugly thoughts to the surface and then highlights their absolute ridiculousness with her gorgeous singing voice.
But that, my friends, is not really why this video is being forwarded like nobody's business. I don't think the majority of us are really willing to look at the ugly scripts in our heads, the fat discrimination, the self-hate (oh so relate to our merciless judgment of others). Instead, I think Susan Boyle represents a certain kind of surprise that we are desperate for in this time of economic recession. The typical power brokers have been revealed in their corruptness and brutality and now we want the little guy/lady to succeed, to have her day in the sun, to indicate for all the rest of us, that we, too, can still dream.
I wish Susan Boyle's explosion on the global scene would make people less brutal in their physical critiques. I'm not optimistic. You?
Sarah Haskins taking on the "mow the lawn" commercial = heaven. Hilarious.
From the same folks who want your to "mow your lawn" comes a commercial telling women that if they don't shave their legs, chaos will ensue.
