What We Missed
New research suggests that "designer vaginas" come with more risks than surgeons are letting on.
Indian election authorities announced they'll now be having a third gender option in their voter forms for intersex and gender variant individuals.
Scarleteen has launched a new text service. Awesome.
A Toronto man was acquitted on rape charges due to yet another case of "sexsomnia," which experts say was triggered by him taking mushrooms and having 14 drinks before the assault. Community poster siuvan has more.
Believe it or not, women don't "forget to have kids."
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" Notice that the mid-portion of the right labia is nearly absent and flush with the labia majora. The revision required for the left side to match the right thus giving a "barbie doll" look."
**barf**
!NWS http://www.locateadoc.com/pictures/aguirre-oscar-18089.html
Love that he posted his phone number - I wonder if he'd like to have a conversation about how wrong the above comment is.
Definitely barf! How ... what ... Barbies don't have ... am so confused.
From the BBC article: "Labioplasty involves cutting excess tissue that protrudes from the vagina"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that statement ridiculous on its own? The tissue is from the vulva -- the area AROUND the vagina -- and, as the procedure is usually cosmetic, the tissue isn't really excess.
Anyway, my awesome vulva is happy the way it is, but I continue to support the rights of people to engage in body modification however they like.
"Essentially this is just about removing a bit of loose flesh, leaving behind an elegant-looking labia with minimum scarring. The procedure won't interfere with sexual function."
See, this sounds exactly like what people say when defending male circumcision, so...yeah. Also, I'm sure it won't interfere with HIS sexual function, right? I suppose he wouldn't be opposed to cutting random bits of skin off of HIS genitals, yes? Probably wouldn't hurt anything, right?
Trust me, I am maintaining an appropriate level of disgust and outrage over this, but I am also terribly amused by "elegant-looking labia". What is it, Danish modern?
You're wrong about male circumcision.
Speaking as a man with a circumcised penis, I can tell you that having that excess tissue removed from my penis has never in any way impaired the functionality of my penis.
From what I understand, labiaplasty involves cutting into tissue that contains nerves that, if damaged, can impair female sexual function, and the scars left behind by labiaplasty can cause severe vaginal tearing during childbirth.
With male circumcision, a flap of skin is removed that has no significant nerve endings.
Comparing male circumcision to labiaplasty is like comparing having your ear pierced to having your ear amputated.
I'm not knocking your penis, but according to the owners of uncut penii that I've been in close personal contact with, the foreskin does, in fact, have nerve endings.
For what it's worth, the only man I know who was circumcised as an adult assured me that anesthesia was necessary during the procedure, and that recovery hurt like motherfuck, so again, nerve endings are present.
"Comparing male circumcision to labiaplasty is like comparing having your ear pierced to having your ear amputated."
Um. No, not really. In both cases, genital flesh is removed, not pierced.
You know what one of the major effects of circumcision is right? The removal of the protective flap causes the skin of the the tip of the penis to harden in repsonse to constant friction. This reduces the sensitivity in the tip of the penis. So I have to call nonsense on your account.
Yeah, I have heard this as well. It seems logical that someone who has been circumcised since birth can't really compare their experience to what it would have been if they hadn't been circumcised, since, you know, they never had that experience.
They came out with a new study that said men with circumcized penises dont have any impaired sensitivity during sex.
Do you have any links or a citation for that? How could such a study possibly be done? The only way to know about someone else experiences sexual sensation is to ask them. Most men are circumcised as infants, and therefore have no basis for before and after comparisons. It might work if you could find a large group of men who were circumcised as adults. But then you would have to look at why they choose circumcision. Were they having some sort of medical problem that caused pain or dysfunction? So their pre-circumcision sensation would not be that of the average uncircumcised man.
For the record, I am against both but find labiaplasty to be more disturbing than circumcision. Just because it seems like there would have to be more nerves in the labia than the foreskin, and the risks are greater. But I'm not a doctor.
http://arstechnica.com/science/news/2007/08/study-shows-circumcision-results-in-no-loss-of-sexual-sensation.ars
Just something interesting to chew on. I'm unsure of my opinions on male circumcision but am sure it is not comparable to female mutilation.
That study seems to only address relative sensitivity during arousal, not sex, unless I'm missing something crucial. Sensation during sex is, you know, important.
Male sexual bits =good, normal. So therefore, with male sexual bits, we think the bigger the better (culturally, I mean).
With women, culturally, we want their sexual organs to be near-invisible. Seems kind of fucked up when you think of the implications.
I'll enjoy my sexy big labia, thank you. (Although bike-riding does hurt, not gonna lie)
"But let's talk about the greatest gift a woman can receive: being a mommy."
really? is this woman for real? I'm a full time stay at home mother and I don't think it's the be all and end all of my life. nor should it be.
some of the greatest gifts ive been given were hockey tickets - one of those times being for mother's day.
some of the greatest gifts ive been given were hockey tickets - one of those times being for mother's day.
No one "gave" me my baby. I spent nine LONG months growing her inside my body, a process that left me with insufficient venous function in my legs, damaged teeth, & a leaky bladder, among other sundry effects. And let's not mention all the things I had to give up while pregnant, all the constant ways I had to alter my life. I do, however, now know the location of every relatively clean public bathroom in Greenwich Village. Anyway, having a baby is WORK. Not a "gift."
A friend of mine wrote a well argued op-ed in reaction to Maine repealing their same-sex marriage law. It points toward how denying Gay marriage is unconstitutional:
http://adriancollegeworld.com/2009/11/13/commentary-gay-marriage-should-be-legal-right/
I second the discomfort issue. But shouldn't the solution be to wear looser pants instead of cutting off a part of the vulva?
Also, I think it's sad so many women let society negatively influence their conception of valvular beauty.
sorry - had to lolz - so very logical...
"Those stories to come, and regardless of all the bumps in the road I had to endure, I still stand by this simple truth: You should go for your dream career but never forget that you're a woman who deserves a balanced life that includes a loving family."
This quote was possibly the most egregious in an article full of egregious quotes about why women should not forget to have kids. The thing that angers me so much about articles like this one, beyond the sexist assumption that all women want kids, is the equally simplistic notion that if a woman does not want to have kids, it must be because she is some cut throat corporate ladder-climber (or in search of a "dream career").
I would like to argue that I am neither of these things. I have no intentions of ever having children, but my life also does not revolve around my "career". I have a job, and I love it very much, but it has never been my goal to make my job the focus of my life. My life is about doing good for others/myself, and finding joy in the simple things. While I am not at all maternal, I am also totally un-business oriented (this is certainly different from achievement oriented, which I am). I hate the implication that if a woman isn't maternal, she must be a cold-hearted stock market analyst. so lame!
I think most women would agree with Staceyann Chin..."I am too many flavors for one fucking spoon!!!"
Right On!!!
Damn, I forgot to have kids! Glad I read this article! Quickly, my significant other! To the bedroom!
(*major sarcasm*)
"Designer vaginas?" Please.
Someone call me when they invent robo-vaginas.
I won't be interested until they can grant me the ability to shoot lasers from my vagina.
We can make this happen. This could be a thing.
Ladies like you two give me hope for the future of our great Amazonian nation. I mean American. American nation.
Hm, I have the weird feeling that I'm missing something today. Keys? Nope, got em in my pocket. Wallet? Check. Bus pass? Yup. Outline for class, shopping list... Got it. What else could I possibly. . .
FUCK! MY KIDS! I knew I was forgetting something. Did I leave them in my ovaries or what?
I don't have children, but I do have a family. I have a mother, father, sister, grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins. I couldn't "forget" to have them because they were there before I was born.
The idea that you don't have a family unless you have children really gets on my nerves.
Seriously, I am so sick of these otherwise experienced, successful women preaching about the children. It's like because they feel they are feminist enough, and no one will ever question their motivations that they decide it's okay for them to say these things because they're talking to women.
If women go into a business conference or workshop, and are trying to derive something of worth from a successful woman, I doubt that they need some bullshit lecture about baby making.
Do we really think that when men start talking about climbing the corporate business ladder, that they throw in the whole, make room for the children bit. I highly doubt it. How very condescending.
I used to go to this thing in high school called the "gifted girls conference." It was SUPPOSED to be a forum for gifted girls to meet successful women in the community and learn about the jobs they did and what doors were open to them. There were teachers and interior designers and TV producers and so on and so forth. I think we might have had a politician or two.
I only went for the sandwiches and pasta salad and a day off of school. Because it was such a huge crock of baloney. Nearly EVERY SINGLE WOMAN at the conference would talk about how her job was great because it gave her more time with her family, and "I've done blah blah blah but the BIGGEST achievement in my life was raising my three beautiful children." I'm not exaggerating. Almost every damn speaker I saw (we could choose from several and visit 3 or 4 during the day) said that crap. And it wasn't just a throwaway line. They would go on and on about their kids and how great it was to have kids and to have time to support their husbands' jobs and blah blah blah.
The first year I went, I went thinking I would learn something and come away having heard about strong, empowered women in the community who achieved great things. Instead I got to hear how no matter what you do, what comes out of your vag is the most important accomplishment of all, and jobs are only worthwhile if it gives you time for your kids and husband. Hence, in subsequent years, I went only for the sandwiches. They were really good sandwiches.
Wow. Thats sad! It says alot about gender roles. Funny about the sandwiches though! :)
im CnPing this in it's entirety because really the whole thing is necessary.
"I know we're all supposed to nod politely when someone says that having kids is much harder than getting a job in an incredibly competitive industry, because we know that the people saying this have suffered a great deal of sleep deprivation in their lifetimes and we should honor that. But c'mon! We live in a country with a high teen birthrate, so we have got to know, deep down inside, that platitudes about parenthood like this are off the mark. 16-year-olds find someone to impregnate them and raise kids. But you don't see many 16-year-olds hosting their own talk shows on major news networks. Having a baby is a lot of work, absolutely, but if it required the genius-level capabilities, the human race would have died out a long time ago."
i find this incredibly offensive. should i start throwing around stereotypes of upper level professional woman to prove my point? personally, im getting a bit tired of the mommy wars in all their manifestations.
i expect Double X to have crap but amanda just lost any credibility she had left with me.
agreed. That's super condescending, but I'm finding that Marcotte's writing trends super anti-mom second wave-ish.
I'm lucky enough to have both a professional degree/fancy job and kids, and I have to say that academia and professional life are easier (*for me*) if only because that's where my natural aptitude lies and it's what I've basically been doing since grade school. Parenting, OTOH... welp, they don't come with an instruction manual. (and apparently they come with a metric fuck tonne of judgment from even ostensible feminists)
People's mileage definitely varies, but I think it's just a little offensive to think that we should just chalk up to sleep deprivation the fact that I've cried over getting public benefits or health insurance for my kid or not being able to find daycare WAY more often than, say, studying for the bar or my work.
And now that there is birth control, why isn't everyone having kids if it's so easy? I know there are some people who just don't find kids enjoyable to be around but there is also giving up of time etc and hard decisions to make since you are in control of someone else's life. There are different kinds of hard. Parenting can be hard in a different way than having a career. And I think a lot of 16-year olds who raise kids have some help from their parents.
Has anyone ever talked to a real woman about why she had labiaplasty?
I always thought I looked fine down there, and the last thing I'd want to do is have it resemble some porn star's vulva. But the fact is, the labia minora is composed of extremely sensitive tissue, and not always sensitive in a "good" way. I was rather late in life when I learned that most other women aren't having to "rearrange" themselves down there several times a day to avoid pain (and eschewing tight pants doesn't prevent the problem). And oral sex was generally very painful unless I gave a man very explicit instructions (and he followed them to the letter).
Three years ago, when I had surgery for uterine and bladder prolapse following childbirth (now there's another issue most people are completely ignorant about), I asked my doctor if he could perform a unilateral labiaplasty (the large amount of tissue was only on one side) at the same time. I doubt I ever would have gone in specifically for a labiaplasty. But now I regret that I didn't do this years ago. It's hard to describe how wonderful it is to have genitalia that are always a source of pleasure without pain mixed in. And oral sex...now I know what I was missing all these years.
If you think labiaplasty is "bad," do you also oppose breast reduction surgery in cases in which a woman has developed physical problems because of the sheer weight of her breasts? Labiaplasty, in cases like mine, is akin to that. Sometimes nature screws up and gives you too much of a good thing, and I am more than grateful that surgery can make life easier.
That is a very good point. I wish that were the main reason behind labiaplasty, however. It seems like it is pushed and advertised toward women that feel insecure or embarrassed about the aesthetics of their vagina in front of their partner.
I think if you do have a problem with pain and sexual discomfort than it really isn't a bad thing after all.
I have no idea how many women undergo labiaplasty for reasons similar to mine vs wanting a "perfect vulva" as defined by media/culture.
However, I suspect that newsources play up the latter because it makes for spicier copy than the pain/discomfort angle. They're going to get far more readers for an article on Designer Labia than for boring text on how mucous membranes with external exposure can be extremely sensitive to the point of pain when touched. Sure, they quote a doc who says most women have the surgery for aesthetic reasons, but who knows how many physicians they had to question before they found one who gave the "right" answer? My doctor said precisely the opposite - that he has almost exclusively performed the surgery because a patient had pain and sexual disfunction because of the excess tissue.
I feel like the "don't forget to have babies!" article has the potential to make a good point, but she just used a poor example.
The advice should have been- don't forget to have a life outside of your career, whatever that entails for you. Marriage, having kids, having a partner, hobbies, a rocking single life etc. That's what we shouldn't forget to have.
Even kind of seeing what her point was, that article pissed me off.
About a week ago I listened to a speaker from an engineering company. He was giving advice about how to be a successful engineer. One point that he stressed was family. Keep in mind that his audience was predominantly male. He explained how important it is to keep a balance between your professional and home life. That he had seen unmarried men pretty much die from retirement as they had devoted their whole lives to work and now had nothing to do. I hadn't expected him to talk about things like that. Any thoughts?
I think most men use that more as an image projection device for networking purposes. He can say all he wants about work and family balance but I bet the one whose putting in the long hours with the kids and the house is his wife. Guys dont know what theyre talking about when they talk about kids and work. They havent really put in the blood, sweat and tears tto know the full extent of what that means. Maybe only if youre a modern liberal enlightened guy that does happen to have an egalitarian house, but I'm sure thats in the incremental minority. I havent spoken to my dad in 10 years and he says things like that all the time.
It is a small world. Today at work I asked a customer for their e-mail address. It was an e-mail address from the company I was talking about. He was suprised I knew how to spell the company name and I told him about the speaker from his work. He asked who the speaker was and I couldn't for the life of me remember the mans name (I wrote it down so I wouldn't have to remember). I told him what the speaker talked about. When I got to balancing work and family and spending time with your family he instantly knew exactly who I was talking about. His boss. Apparently the man is well known for this and always makes sure his employees have time for their family. I think its awesome there are employers who care so much.
I think that is wonderful that someone is known for balancing their work and family may that be male or female.
I'm currently a graduate student working full time and find it incredibly difficult to balance my husband with the 10 other things that I must do, so I think that it goes both way. He, on the other hand, is magnificent at it and I must learn from him.
Gopher: I definitely think you have a valid point. A lot of people are just talking. However, I think you would be surprised at how many men attempt to have an egalitarian household. I believe it's becoming more common, though we have a long way to go.
Forget?
FORGET??
Any woman who wants kids isn't going to "forget" to have kids. How insulting! In this economy, with so many having financial problems, people are having to put their parental plans on hold. There are a lot of people who can't part with $7,000+ for a delivery and everything else a baby requires.
It pisses me off that the people who blat on about 'responsible spending' can intimate that my decision to wait until my I have a fucking job to have a baby makes me selfish or FORGETFUL.
Those "sexsomnia" decisions make me crazy, and I'm especially embarrassed that they're happening in Canada. Whatever his condition, a woman was raped, and she received no justice.
Thank you. It's really not a complicated issue, yet am getting flamed on the community forum for arguing just this.
I don't understand why the fact that he has a sleep disorder means that he shouldn't undergo whatever treatment is necessary to to prevent that sleep disorder from having the slightest chance of causing him to sexually assault another woman in her sleep, in the future.
One shouldn't even need to call him a criminal (even if his binge-fest and mushroom trip seems a little criminally negligent to me) to believe this to be so.