There are a bunch of presumptuous questions that transgender people get asked all the time by folks with no business asking about our personal lives. Many of them are based on acceptance of the compulsory gender binary and the belief that the gender we were assigned at birth is our "real" gender. Asking such questions without permission packs the dehumanizing and othering assumption that transgender folk have a responsibility to educate cisgender folk. Being in the position to be educated about someone else's identity is a form of privilege, as those with the most power are not asked to explain their life experience since it has been posited as the norm.
Getting asked inappropriate questions framed in a way that completely erases one's identity over and over again can get incredibly exhausting and frustrating. That's why I absolutely love the below video, "2 Hot Transsexuals Finally Give Some Answers!" Charles and Red respond to a number of these questions in a hilarious way that reveals the problematic assumptions that go into asking them in the first place. My personal favorite answers are to the question "Are you a man or a woman?" but it's all fantastic.
This isn't meant to imply that cis folks shouldn't try to learn more about trans issues, but there's a difference between learning about a group's experience and concerns and asking about an individual's personal life. There are limits to what's appropriate - being trans doesn't mean we don't have boundaries.There's a better way to go about educating yourself without making members of the community you're trying to understand feel like crap in the process.
"Who's your pronoun!"
h/t to love-and-organizing at Amplify.
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"My titties are an offering to the world"
Genius. Loved it. And now I want tentacles.
Genius indeed.
And I've *always* wanted tentacles. Or was that testicles? Maybe I need both!
"They're not tentacles! They're GENticles!" -Futurama
"' They're not tentacles! They're GENticles!' -Futurama"
...and now that we're veering away from the video to tentacle jokes in general, those of you who can read Russian might get a kick out of this: http://maraz-m-moroz.livejournal.com/tag/pasta+dog (as for me, I couldn't even tell it was in Russian instead of Ukrainian or soemthing until I put some of it in WorldLingo).
Really glad to see your voice on here, Jos - I'm often disappointed by the transphobia (and issues with other forms of oppression) in the Feministing commenting community. This is instructive and I hope folks will take it to heart.
This comment has been deleted because it violates our comment policy.
Thank you for the prompt response, mods!
The comment that got deleted before I could post a comeback was basically complaining about caring about transsexual people before 100% of ciswomen's problems are solved. I still want to add my reply pointing out a more realpolitik aspect of the issue:
Actually, I'm a cis, hetero, biological woman of America too who has been harassed for my body not looking "feminine enough" myself. Rigid restrictions on what one needs to be in order to count as "female enough" hurt both transwomen and ciswomen.
Also, check out one of werechick's comments on homophobia:
"...Homophobia is used to police gender roles and in this way, hurts straight people too. A girl can't speak her mind and a boy can't sing in the choir, because the mistaken impression of homosexuality is enough to generate harassment and violence.
"It's for this reason I'm always astonished that straight people don't support gay rights more. The same homophobes that seek to deny their gay neighbors equal protection under the law also seek to keep them neatly in their boxes.
Both decency and self interest compel action."
It's relevant here because the impression of transsexuality, even a mistaken impression of transsexuality, is also enough to generate harassment and violence too!
YES. This is so true! A great deal of sexism is rooted in the belief that people ought to conform strictly to gender roles. The belief that women ought to be 'ladylike' and the belief that people born with female bodies ought to present as female are very closely related.
Trans people also face extremely severe discrimination. They are frequently shunned by their families, often have difficulty finding employment and housing, and are VERY commonly victims of violence. While women do face systemic oppression, the level of oppression trans people experience is particularly horrifying.
What's funny is that I recently got into an argument with someone who said that women's rights should be pushed into the corner until racism is eliminated.
Because, you know, clearly we can't work on both these issues at the same time.
WHY WHY WHY is happilymarriedinohio still allowed to post here? I am sick to death of seeing her ridiculous trans phobic comments or the redacted evidence of her hatred. This should be a safe place for all members of the feminist community.
The response to happilymarriedinohio is making me question ever coming back to feministing.
I think that it is hard to ban people from commenting. I mean yes, you can ban one account, but that person can make another one and then put the same display name in, and they're back in business. It's possible that the mods have done everything they can do. Please don't leave!
I'm not sure. I said in my abuse report that she has a history of transphobic derailing and should probably be banned. I hope the mods act(ed) on that.
Update: Jos replied to my abuse report with the following: "Thanks for reporting this. I deleted the comment. We've had a lot of tech issues over the past few days, but happilymarriedinohio is either banned now or will be very soon."
I loved this! Especially the answers to the surgery question.
That was hilarious. Also, does anyone know if Charles is single and in the LA area? Seriously. :)
hah I'm pretty sure he lives in San Francisco
haha! I am going to be cracking up about the wolf thing all day. "Ooouuu. Hooouuuu. Ooouuuu."
That was hilarious. Also, does anyone know if Charles is single and in the LA area? Seriously. :)
Last I checked he was livin in Boston. Haven't seen him in a while, though.
But yeh, this vid rules.
Red & Charles, you rock!
Is there a transcript of this video anywhere?
It's hard when people post links to interesting videos...but you can't hear.
I'm sorry about that Audentia. I haven't been able to find a transcript anywhere.
While we're committed to providing transcripts for videos we create here at Feministing, unfortunately we can't make transcripts for outside videos we link to.
Is that a legal issue? I have auditory processing problems and often have difficulty understanding videos, so I would appreciate transcripts as well.
It's a time issue. I wish we had the time and resources to write up a transcript for a 9 minute video we did not make, but that's just not feasible. I'm really sorry about the accessibility issues.
Hmm, okay. Maybe in situations like this you could solicit transcripts from readers of the site? (E.g. post with the original video: "If you are able to make a transcript of this video to assist hearing-impaired Feministing readers, please send it here: xxxx@feministing.com."
I'm an unemployed student with nothing better to do, so I'm working on a transcript as we speak! Where should I put it when I'm done?
I'd like to third that; I have sensitivity problems when it comes to video and would be massively grateful for transcripts myself.
I've seen this video around the web a few times now, and I appreciate the point it's trying to make—which you, Jos, make much better in this post. And that's why I don't like the video. Yeah, it's snarky. Yeah, people like me who are in a position to understand its humor will get its message. (In this case, what I mean by "like me" is cis and in a community where information about trans issues is readily available.) But I'm afraid that lots of people who see this video will be more alienated and confused than educated. Ultimately, making fun of people with privilege doesn't teach them anything. This video does not reach out to cis people, encouraging them to get information about trans issues in respectful ways. It sends the message that trans people are weird and separatist and don't want to talk to cis people (at all) or that trans people don't want cis people to understand their issues. Which I'm pretty sure is not, generally speaking, true. It may seem obvious to some people that making fun of these personal questions is meant to highlight the fact that they are deeply personal and invasive questions, but it should also be obvious that anyone who asks such questions does NOT understand how invasive they are. Strange as it seems, we actually do have to educate people for them to understand things like privilege and privacy. Making fun of them doesn't accomplish that.
This video does not reach out to cis people, encouraging them to get information about trans issues in respectful ways.
Strange as it seems, we actually do have to educate people for them to understand things like privilege and privacy.
But B. Peregrine, isn't this sort of the point that Charles and Red are making? It's frustrating when privileged people always expect you to be a polite and respectful educator. On the one hand, you're absolutely correct-- this video doesn't reach out to cis people. On the other, I (and presumably Red and Charles) would argue that this outreach wouldn't be necessary if cis people weren't generally more empathic when it comes to trans people's lives.
Okay, "reach out" may have been a bad phrase to use. What I mean to do is highlight a practical problem: cis people who ask invasive questions of trans people don't understand that they're being invasive. I don't believe that this video changes that.
It is not the job of trans people to educate cis people. However, if this video is meant to do any kind of activist or social work (as I suspect it is), I can only assume that it is intended to highlight the invasiveness of those personal questions. But to whom? My fear is that this video only effectively highlights the invasiveness of personal questions for the very people who already have some understanding of trans issues, and are therefore less likely to ask insensitive and inappropriate questions. I think that this video would be much more effective if it at least hinted at what curious cis people should do to get their questions answered. Or if it pointed to the fact that part of how trans people are marginalized is that trans people themselves are, in many cases, the only reliable sources for information on trans issues.
I guess what I'm saying is, there needs to be a way to educate cis people—including about how personal questions are invasive and inappropriate—that does not either reinforce cis privilege or alienate cis people. Because unfortunately, talking to cis people about trans issues in a way they don't understand doesn't further the cause of making society, as you say, more empathic when it comes to trans people's lives.
Cis people need to find a way to educate themselves. Not every video produced by trans folk has to be cis-friendly. Feministing commenters are notorious for being flat out trans ignorant. I see a video made by two charming people who are venting frustration with the typical barrage of asinine questions.
If the point is to vent frustration, then fine. I just keep seeing it in contexts where the people who post it seem to think it'll help cis people understand where trans people are coming from.
Oh, I do see how that would be confusing.
The questions in the video are inappropriate for a few reasons. One, they're personal and invasive. "Have you had the surgery?" Who cares? What someone's private parts are is nobody's business. Furthermore, this answer is different for everyone. Getting an answer to that question doesn't make a cis person any closer to knowing something about trans people. Secondly, these questions wouldn't be asked of cis people. Nobody would think of asking these questions of cis people because being cis is "normal." Lastly, it ultimately doesn't matter what the answers to any of these questions are. Asking a trans person "What if you were really born in the right body" is like asking an Atheist "What if the Evangelicals are right?" You can't help how you feel and what you are.
I do understand what you're saying, and I've read some blog entries about trans people that sound helpful at first, but then turn into insults against cis people who are trying to do the right thing by educating themselves. There's a big difference between being angry, saddened, and victimized by cissexism and being a jerk. I don't see Charles and Red as being jerks here, since they're responding to inappropriate questions that they've been asked a million times.
The best way for cis people to learn about the stories of trans people is to read them from those trans people who have decided to publish their stories online or in books. Asking personal questions just puts people on the spot.
There's plenty of material out there directed at cis people who have no clue about trans issues. There is no worldwide shortage of Trans 101. People are allowed to talk about trans issues in a way that isn't designed for the edification of the clueless--sometimes (gasp!) we might even want to make jokes! I know, I know, so hard to understand that not every single conversation trans people have is actually directed at cis people who don't know anything.
And really, the humor here is pretty gentle--and for some people is probably an effective education despite it not really being targeted that way.
As I told pepper above, my response to this video is definitely colored by the fact that I keep seeing it in contexts where (it seems to me) the people who post it seem to think it'll help cis people understand where trans people are coming from. And while it may educate a very few people, I think it's silly to expect it can make much of a dent.
But I guess the problem I have isn't really with the video. It's with how many people have tried to use it - alone, with no explanation, and with the expectation of a cis audience.
All the places I've seen it posted were more focused on how hilarious and obviously true it is for anyone who's ever had those questions directed at them.
Is it a more effective teaching tool for the totally ignorant if there's a fuller explanation accompanying it? Maybe. But I definitely think this type of assumption-toppling humor can be a valuable eye-opener and stand on its own as well. Do trans people have an obligation to educate cis people about trans issues? Fuck no. It's often useful when they do, but that's not everyone's priority. I'm wondering if your idea of the intent of the other people you've seen post the video was colored by common attitudes that it's always trans people's job to drop everything and educate. People who see this video and decide "trans people are weird and separatist and don't want to talk to cis people (at all) or that trans people don't want cis people to understand their issues" are ignorant and wrong, and that misunderstanding is their responsibility (especially when there's tons of good information if they Just Fucking Google It) not the responsibility of the people who made and linked the video. The fact that that type of mistaken impression can hurt trans people creates incentive--but not obligation or responsibility--for trans people to educate in gentler, more palatable ways if/when other things fail.
In discussions like this, tactical considerations often get confused with ethical burdens in ways that are harmful to the oppressed group under discussion. Be careful of that.
I actually haven't run into a lot of Trans 101 material online, but there's a Trans 101 post in the Feministing community right now: http://community.feministing.com/2009/07/common-trans-questions-and-ans.html
A quick google yields enough Trans 101 material (try the search terms "Trans 101", for example) that I'm pretty confident there's no shortage. Trans 101 stuff is inherently of limited utility for real learning anyway; it's a good start for terminology in order to read other things but I don't think most people learn much else from the terminology scattershots. For anything past that I think people are better off reading the more complicated stuff even if it confuses them at first. And I'm not really crazy about the community post you linked, unfortunately, though I guess I'm glad there's an outlet for it in the community.
I wrote a long comment in another thread on this post that, alas, had too many links and is caught in spam-land. But in particular if you're looking for Trans 101 the Sylvia Rivera Law Project's is a pretty good one, so I'll link it again: http://srlp.org/node/123
A quick google yields enough Trans 101 material (try the search terms "Trans 101", for example) that I'm pretty confident there's no shortage. Trans 101 stuff is inherently of limited utility for real learning anyway; it's a good start for terminology in order to read other things but I don't think most people learn much else from the terminology scattershots. For anything past that I think people are better off reading the more complicated stuff even if it confuses them at first. And I'm not really crazy about the community post you linked, unfortunately, though I guess I'm glad there's an outlet for it in the community.
I wrote a long comment in another thread on this post that, alas, had too many links and is caught in spam-land. But in particular if you're looking for Trans 101 the Sylvia Rivera Law Project's is a pretty good one, so I'll link it again: http://srlp.org/node/123
A quick google yields enough Trans 101 material (try the search terms "Trans 101", for example) that I'm pretty confident there's no shortage. Trans 101 stuff is inherently of limited utility for real learning anyway; it's a good start for terminology in order to read other things but I don't think most people learn much else from the terminology scattershots. For anything past that I think people are better off reading the more complicated stuff even if it confuses them at first. And I'm not really crazy about the community post you linked, unfortunately, though I guess I'm glad there's an outlet for it in the community.
I wrote a long comment in another thread on this post that, alas, had too many links and is caught in spam-land. But in particular if you're looking for Trans 101 the Sylvia Rivera Law Project's is a pretty good one, so I'll link it again: http://srlp.org/node/123
A quick google yields enough Trans 101 material (try the search terms "Trans 101", for example) that I'm pretty confident there's no shortage. Trans 101 stuff is inherently of limited utility for real learning anyway; it's a good start for terminology in order to read other things but I don't think most people learn much else from the terminology scattershots. For anything past that I think people are better off reading the more complicated stuff even if it confuses them at first. And I'm not really crazy about the community post you linked, unfortunately, though I guess I'm glad there's an outlet for it in the community.
I wrote a long comment in another thread on this post that, alas, had too many links and is caught in spam-land. But in particular if you're looking for Trans 101 the Sylvia Rivera Law Project's is a pretty good one, so I'll link it again: http://srlp.org/node/123
A quick google yields enough Trans 101 material (try the search terms "Trans 101", for example) that I'm pretty confident there's no shortage. Trans 101 stuff is inherently of limited utility for real learning anyway; it's a good start for terminology in order to read other things but I don't think most people learn much else from the terminology scattershots. For anything past that I think people are better off reading the more complicated stuff even if it confuses them at first. And I'm not really crazy about the community post you linked, unfortunately, though I guess I'm glad there's an outlet for it in the community.
I wrote a long comment in another thread on this post that, alas, had too many links and is caught in spam-land. But in particular if you're looking for Trans 101 the Sylvia Rivera Law Project's is a pretty good one, so I'll link it again: http://srlp.org/node/123
That's hilarious!
Although now I'm very eager to hear a more serious answer to some of the questions. I've never had a transgender friend or family member...so transgender issues aren't usually on my radar/I don't have a very nuanced view of transgender issues.
I think one of the points of this video was to highlight how inappropriate it is to ask some of these questions.
I'm not seeing a single appropriate question on there--that those aren't the right questions for you to be asking is the whole point of the video. Why not go read some blogs/essays/books/watch more youtube videos by trans people instead? If you're interested in what trans people's lives and experiences are like, there's a lot of material out there without you having to ask disrespectful, invasive questions.
Well, I wouldn't ask "Have you had surgery??"....but I'd wonder how one comes to the decision whether to have surgery or not. I'd wonder how one decides how they feel about the pronoun issue etc.
Do you have any suggestions on any blogs to read? Personally, since I visit feministing a lot, it would be nice if they covered more here.
I'm seconding the Questioning Transphobia (http://questioningtransphobia.wordpress.com/) suggestion. Her blogroll is full of other good places. Google is also your friend. For the love of God don't go around asking random trans people. And don't stick with Feministing as your only source of trans-related information.
I think it's worth noting that many of the questions in the video are problematic not just because they are way too personal, but also because they assume that a trans person's "real" self is the gender that corresponds to the body they were born with, or because they take the gender binary for granted. I am not trans and am still at Trans 102 myself, but my understanding is that "What pronouns do you prefer?" is an OK question, but "Are you a he or a she?" is not. One shouldn't expect trans people to share the sorts of private and personal details that one would not normally share with a stranger (e.g. the person's birth name, if ze has changed names), and one should always address trans people in a way that respects the reality of their experiences.
I don't know of a lot of good 101 resources--I learned most of what I do know about trans people from having LiveJournal friends who are trans--but I do see a blog called Questioning Transphobia mentioned quite a bit.
Absolutely. These aren't just questions not to ask strangers, they're questions no one should be asking of anyone because they inherently delegitimize the gender, body, and gender presentation of the person being questioned.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjqsB1huDxg&videos=A4O8MnTCeD8&playnext_from=TL&playnext=1
thank you, i was looking for that one.
I laughed my ass off.
One of the bright spots in my day.
Do Red & Charles (jointly or separately) have any other videos or sites?
Aww. I didn't want it to end! I can't stop giggling.
I loved the whole video! The moment that gave me the most pause (as a cis-woman) was when Red asked, "What if you were born in the right body?"
I mean, I know it was a perfectly delivered snarky comeback (which I love), but it also made me freeze for a second. I'm not sure why ... I'll get back to the group.
I really shouldn't be shocked that people ask some of the stupidest questions. My favorite stupid question was "what does your real voice sound like?"
hey Jos,
thanks for this. I think that we all need a reminder once in a while that no matter what we are all equally human and really that is the only thing that should matter in our interactions with people who we barely know. One of my best friends has recently come out as trans and it seems that all I do anymore is put my foot in my mouth. Now I know its not your responsibility to educate the rest of us about your life or anyone elses for that matter, but do you have any websites that you would reccomed for those of us who truly just want to know more, but who don't want to get the massive amounts of misinformation that there is on the internet?
I just noticed the "related posts" feature at the top right of the screen here. There's a lot of useful information in those posts and the comments. There's a basic Q&A post here: http://community.feministing.com/2009/07/common-trans-questions-and-ans.html
"...Ultimately, making fun of people with privilege doesn't teach them anything..."
How about making fun of stupid questions? ;)
Also, "are you a he or a she?" is ruder than "which pronouns do you prefer?", isn't it? Personally, I'd really want to know which pronoun to use because I've spent too many years trying to get my mom to understand that English does have separate pronouns for male people and female people, that using male pronouns for me is one of the way jerks at school bullied me, and that her accent is no excuse for not using female pronouns for her daughter. At the same time, I don't want to be so blunt that I'd piss off the person I'm trying to avoid pissing off!
"...It sends the message that trans people are weird and separatist and don't want to talk to cis people (at all) or that trans people don't want cis people to understand their issues..."
I'm cisfemale myself and I totally didn't feel targeted when I watched this.
Meanwhile, now I wonder how Charles and Red would "answer" the stupid question "are you going from male to female or from female to male?" (I mean, even if I can't tell when I meet someone, it's none of my business, right?).
What a great video! Hilarious while also saying something very important. I actually thought it did a pretty good job of pointing out how inappropriate some of those questions are, especially the surgery one. I absolutely LOVED Charles' answer to that by talking about the "oozing" ingrown nail surgery!
I LOVED this video! It made me realize the privledge I have and how I myself can think similar to the way of thinking this video mocks.
I personally loved the line "My real name is John Tesh". hahahahaha
No way Marie! I'm also totally interested in Charles-- so so hot. Hilarious video but I had trouble focusing because I was so entranced by teh hotness!!
Oh my gosh! I watch Charles on youtube religiously, I love his insight on life and trans issues and I'm so proud to see him on here! :D
"I'm going to go with option Sie."
Loved it!
Heh, what a great video! Unfortunately necessary too. Cis people (I am a cis woman myself) who cannot understand something so simple like Trans folks deserving as much respect as the rest of us, should not be demanding respect in turn. The Trans community does not owe them a damn thing.
As an aside, someone should do a sex worker version of this. Perhaps a spoof on a university class talk…where they seem to think it is appropriate to ask questions like ‘do you shave your vag?’ or ‘do you like it up the butt?’.
Any takers?