in the screen shot above, you kind of look like you want to punch her lol.

this was the most frustrating viewing experience! jessica, you were fabulous, and you kept steering the conversation to facts and realities, but everyone else on that damn show kept coming back to anecdotal evidence and refused to even discuss this complex issue at a complex level. you were amazing, keeping your cool in an environment that obviously didn't take the issue seriously.

You did wonderful! I do think that Kathy Lee and Hoda tried to manipulate you a little bit and tried to steer the conversation towards the abstinence-only proponent, but you did great!

It was awesome to see you on TV but I was incredibly frustrated by the fact that the hosts didnt really wanted to talk about the issue seriously. It was too short and taken too lightly when I feel its quite a serious issue. I dont know, these shows always promise more than they deliver.

This was frustrating to watch! I hate the constant interruption in talk shows. Thanks for representing reality and truth on television for us today! You handled everything with style and class. Now I'm definitely buying your book! Where's the best place to purchase?

I love how she claims that basically you two are coming from similar place claiming that we should value intelligence, compassion, kinds etc. But her conclusion is that we should just tell people not to have sex. As opposed to having it be simply another thing in which you weigh the consequences and benefits.

And the janitor comparison? Seriously? I'd say that a hookup is like the interview process, not having "hired" the janitor. You know, a probationary period where you even see if they can perform the job. Not that you've truly given it to them, that's either a consistent hookup or a real relationship...

One nit pick, you prove math equations, and honestly... that's all that can be truly "proven." Any sort of empirical study or experiment only can "show" things. But that's a nitpick coming as a mathematician as well as a social scientist.

yikes, the hosts! i am grateful you had the opportunity to talk about your book (and yay for the banner!) but it's unfortunate the producers or whomever felt the need to have the "other side" represented. i don't watch the today show hardly ever, but i'd guess most author guests don't have to defend their book against an opponent?

I think you did a faboulous job considering the fact that you had to fight three people who were biased to begin with...I am just really frustrated with how it ended and that you didn't get a chance to respond to that last stupid remark on of the hosts made.. very good job, jessica!

It's interesting that so many opponents of comprehensive sex education claim that such programs don't expect students to practice abstinence. I support comprehensive sex education, have yet to have intercourse in my own life, and definitely don't expect my younger sister to begin having intercourse before graduating high school. I do, expect, however, that I will choose to have relationships of that nature when I am ready, and in a position to prevent and/or anticipate possible consequences (ie use contraception, have access to a doctor, etc.).

You appeared very articulate and fabulous. But, no one on that show wanted to let you shine.

I bought your book. You are awesome.

You rocked it out! Not sure how you keep your cool while she bashed the evaluations, but I guess that's why you are there and not me. I mean really, we should always trust the promoters to evaluate their own work? Who would buy that?

Excellent opening and I love how you kept to your talking points. Great job! I think you should get a half hour. You only scratched the surface.

Where do you go if you "give yourself away"?

Jessica, you did a great job. You make all of us very proud ^_^

AAAAGH...
You were wonderful. I just wanted them to let you talk more.

awesome job jessica!! I just HAPPENED to have the today show on while getting ready this morning, and nearly dropped my toothbrush when i heard your name!

First of all, that other lady is so offensive and obnoxious. I've heard her on tv before, and she always uses that stupid, (frankly racist) example about how she needs to know your "real name" not "pootie". And that's just to be her janitor! Wow, what serious sleuthing you do! And her arguments were whack and so disgusting, on top of it.

You did a great job keeping your cool- i thought for sure you were going to snort or roll your eyes cause that lady was SO annoying. But you came off fabulous, and I LOVE that a giant photo of your book was behind the interview the whole time!!

As for the interviewers- gross. I love how Kathy asked why in high school the sluts had awful lives and the abstinent girls turned out great. WOW. maybe because you are shaming the "sluts"? Maybe because they have hard lives in the first place? And lets be serious, you have NO idea who is really abstinent or not in highschool.

Anyways, you were great, and I am buying your book today!

The last ten seconds were REALLY irritating- where she interrupted you, contradicted you, gloated about having the last word, and said she loves to talk about "vajayjays." Grrrrrr.

Jessica, you were fabulous. One must admire and respect your self-control and poise. Thank you for all your hard work.

I'm so impressed you managed to keep your cool with that crowd.

Also, I like how they participate in the double standard they pretend to be all outraged about.

I found this less frustrating and more respectful than what I had braced myself for. I think the emphasis on "what we have in common" is useful in getting people to listen. And while the other side kept going off on tangents, Jessica did a great job of clearly and strongly articulating her point in the limited time she did have to speak.

God that was annoying, I LOVED your over the shoulder laugh over Kathy Lee's quote "It's allot easier to give it away than keep it." Nice way to start the conversation off with a huge piece of bias Kathy Lee. You were the only one trying to make it a real discussion about what putting women into the binary categories of sluts and prudes does to women, instead of talking about the dangers of enjoying your va-jay-jay.

Sorry you didn't really get a chance to get your point across, you're just not loud, bias, and constantly interrupting enough for TV talk shows (which is definitely a good thing!).

The conversation was defiantly bias toward abstinence education, and Jessica didn't get as much in as the other guest.

Seriously Jessica, you did a great job, and kept your cool! Great job!

I think the most obnoxious part was her rejection of your point about evidence that abstinence only doesn't work and she told you that you needed to go to the abstinence only groups to get that information, because that is the "source". Well of course they would tell you it works, they want the monies. Independent sources are usually always best for these situations, no bias.

Nice one, Jessica. That blonde woman was an absolute wanker!

You were really awesome, especially considering how full of shit the other guests and the hosts were.

Transcript? I don't want to wait till after work to know the conversation!

You did an amazing job of not losing your shit while surrounded by people who pretty obviously did not want to hear what you were saying.

I say treat yourself today.

Jessica, you are wonderful. It's amazing to see you in action

Girls "give themselves away"? You should have brought your previous book with you as well. ;-)

Great job!

The abstinence woman made a comment about how youth should be about self discovery, and figuring out who you are, and I just have to say, sex is a part of that!! I'm so glad I discovered my own sexuality while I was young and gave it a chance to evolve so that by the time I met someone I was ready to be serious with, I could express that side of me and be fulfilled. I would say that with the right support and education, being young can be about self discovery in all aspects, including the process of learning to own your sexuality.

You were great! I don't think I could have kept my cool in that scenario at all. At least one of the hosts seemed semi-interested in what you actually had to say, rather than jumping all over you like the other guest and the woman in yellow (I didn't catch their names, sorry! I stink at names!). Remarkable job not jumping up and screaming at them that they're all stupid and need to get their outdated ideas the hell out of the classroom. That's probably what I would have done. You come across much smarter than me. ;-)

I think that the woman up against Jessica
is crazy, and it makes me feel sad. The other two
women acted like like a bunch of neurotic stepford wives. Mainstream media is a
joke. But what really aggravated me is the fact that they think that women face tough lives just because they choose not to practice abstinence by default. Society creates this problem when women are faced with little or no options.

excellent job, Jessica!

Jessica,
You did a FANTASTIC job, under the circumstances. I agree with everyone who has pointed out how frustrating it was to watch that. The constant interruptions and the way the hosts (especially KL) continued to try to steer it back to abstinence only was really annoying. And the language they kept using, like "giving themselves away" or "giving it up" made me cringe.

I don't think Kathy Lee heard a single word you said.

You kept your cool, which is more than I could have done in that situation!

First off: awesome job, Jessica! You were characteristically cool, collected, and smart.

It's also come to my attention that most of the commentors here don't seem to know who Kathy Lee Gifford, "the blonde one" is. In the interest of knowing thy enemy, check out these links.

From Wikipedia, you'll learn that she's a hard-right fundie with a long history of vapid self-obsession.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kathie_Lee_Gifford

But thankfully the brilliant Kristen Wiig on SNL has her totally nailed.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/56640/saturday-night-live-today-show

http://www.hulu.com/watch/52188/saturday-night-live-today-show

I don't know how you held yourself back from standing up and screaming, "WHY AREN'T YOU WORRIED ABOUT WHAT BOYS ARE DOING WITH THEIR BODIES?"

I'm aghast that anyone can really say with a straight face that abstinence-only education is working. And that analogy about tobacco - I might be getting her point wrong, but don't we teach kids, "This is what smoking does to your health"? We don't just say, "Don't smoke." We give them the information about what happens when you smoke.

Very impressive, Jessica. It's not easy to stay on point when everyone else in the conversation is biased against you.

What was up with that one woman's argument that "the girls who slept around didn't have good lives afterward?" Post hoc ergo propter hoc, anyone?

I agree with others that it was frustrating to watch, but you did a great job and I bet there are a lot more people ordering your book right now! People are sick of hearing the same tired old mantras.

Oh and I just got your book today, yay! Looking forward to reading it.

Great job, Jessica! I am proud to have you out there representing this community! But that was extremely frustrating to watch, because they hardly let you speak.
That conversation was so obviously biased toward the abstinence-only proponent, and I cannot believe that the "abstinence champion" actually laughed at you when you stated the simple fact that abstinence-only ed doesn't work. And the language they used, like "giving it away" was completely cringe-worthy.
Good job keeping it together, keeping it classy, and being your intelligent, rockin' self!

Great job, Jessica! Even if they stacked it against you, it's so great to see your book talked about in such a main-stream setting!

I always find it funny that people point to the statistic that most teenage girls wish they had waited. Maybe if we stopped shaming women for their sexuality they wouldn't regret their actions. That is precisely the point our side (if I may generalize) is trying to make! Young women feeling bad about themselves doesn't mean we have to shame them into having less sex, it means we have to teach them that it is ok to have sex! And that it doesn't make you dirty or damaged if you do. Teaching "real" morals over chastity "morals" will empower women to make healthier decisions about their bodies in the first place, and then not feel ashamed of them when they do.

Very very well done, Jessica! I really appreciate the "public health failure" byte on ab-only. You did a great job keeping your cool in that crazy format for discussing something so important... but, hey, that's what the Today Show is all about really.

Emily blogged about your appearance on RH Reality Check here: http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2009/04/23/video-gabbing-about-abstinence-and-giving-it-up

Cheers!
Brady

You were much, much calmer than I would have been.

Lakita should know, when you don't focus all your energy and power into your hymen, you actually value yourself much, much more. When you see the body the way she does, it is black and white, restrictive, and ultimately - dwindles a woman's worth down to her vagina. Lakita has dwindled her whole self-worth down to her virginity.

Overall, well done. I can't imagine it having gone any other way with a women like Kathie Lee and Lakita surrounding you.

I love your book Jessica. It explained in a much more eloquent way than I could ever explain just the frustration I feel. Why does it matter who a woman has sex with? Why is that the only way that women are judged? That is what your book addresses...you aren't saying that women should just have sex willy nilly. You aren't saying that women shouldn't have sex. You are challenging the idea of a woman's morality being tied to her sexuality. I am at my school so I don't have the ability to watch until I get home. I hate, though, that you were kind of blindsided with this abstinence only rhetoric, instead of being able to actually explain what your book is about. I know that you did brilliantly.

Argh! It's like talking to my mother... they just don't get it.

The other 3 on there with you do not see sex as something that the woman/girl enjoys, but instead "it's not something that girls should be judged on, but let's judge it." GRRRR.

I really wish that the conversation lasted longer and you were given more time to speak.

I was talking with some people last night and it came up how, often, when meeting someone for the first time, we won't actually listen to the name of the new person. We thought about why this was, surmising that we were focused on "sizing the other person up," which included discerning physicality, vibe, visceral attractiveness, and immediate assumptions. [Just for clarity, I was speaking with 2 women.]

The way these hosts and other guest "listened" to your answers and posits reminded of this conversation, but in a much more negative way. They were clearly not interested in actually giving your position credence, but rather wanted the opportunity for balance that would tip towards the "right" approach with their anecdotal evidence and pithy assumptions -- abstinence.

Frustrating to say the least. But well done, you definitely channeled your inner Gandhi in the face of such ignorance. Awesome! I can't wait to pick up your book.

I think you should have asked Kathy and Goida if they "waited."

It really sucks that everything constructive that you had to say to the young women (probably unfamiliar with feministing) watching at home could have benefited from was negated. It also sucks that just by saying "No. That's not true." that the other woman's comments were immediately given more gravity because, duh, she's on the side of purity and justice and why would she distort the truth?

I call for a rematch :). Perhaps bringing some real live American teenage girls into the mix and letting them speak for themselves.

Wow. "If you look at the people who did this study (that says that abstinence-only programs don't work), if you look deeply, you find out that it's like having the KKK do a study on the black community. They're always going to talk about Flava Flav over Barack Obama, or 'Lil Kim over Oprah Winfrey" "You have to go to the people promoting virginity and find out what THEY say about what they're doing, not what someone else says about them." ...'cause the people PROMOTING the programs aren't going to be biased FOR the programs, but the people doing a scientific study ON the program are going to be biased AGAINST it. ...um, yeah. And stuff. By the way, I love it when people pull this stuff out of their asses and then offer absolutely nothing to back it up. WTF?

You did GREAT. I cannot WAIT to get ahold of the book. Personally, I don't know that I could have had that conversation without smacking the crap out of someone.

Bravo! I found it frustrating to watch, and very much biased towards the abstinence-only opinions, so you did a wonderful job in the face of that. The book is on my pile of books-I-can read-once-the-thesis-is-done, and I'm very much looking forward to it!

It bothers me so much that people put so much emphasis on the age a person loses their virginity. And just because a person says they would've liked to wait does not mean that they mean they wanted to wait 'till they were older; it could mean they wanted to wait for someone else, ya' know? I don't think most girls (and I say girls because it's their gender of choice in the convo) who are 14 are ready to have sex, but if society didn't make young girls hate themselves they wouldn't be wanting to do things to prove themselves.

And did anyone else notice that Kathy told Jessica they were VERY happy to have her there and not to Lakita? Ahaa...

Kathy sucks, though.

Amazing job, Jessica. You kept your cool with the shitstorm that was flying around you. Hat tip to you because that could not have been easy.

You were absolutely fantastic, but the interview as a whole was super frustrating to watch. Apparently a real dialogue about abstinence is impossible without reverting to slut-shaming and the virgin/whore dichotomy. Egh.

Cool, calm, and collected, I think you did the best anyone could have done in such a situation by directing the conversation to facts and the actual implications of abstinence-only education in our hyper-sexualized culture.

Just finished The Purity Myth. A wonderful read. I can't say enough good things about it.

Kudos, on a great book, a tough interview, and all in all being a badass.

I do not understand how pre-marital sex cannot be like the janitor interview. I mean one can spend time over one's partner and then that breaks up or whatever- it is completely stupid to class "those who do not wait" as sluts. It reduced everyone to the level of what is between their legs. As if denying oneself sex is somehow a superior position. Idiotic

Jessica, I live on the westcoast and was just flipping through the channels and saw this. I had to immediately come here to say good job. The other author was so rude referring to you as "her" instead of using your name. I had a terrible evangelized corporate experience last night and 'she' reminded me of the people there. And how do the hosts know what kind of life the girls who "gave it away" have had? They didn't even recognize for a minute that they were reinforcing your point with those comments. Way to go by returning confidently and calmly to the feminine plural of possibilities within sexuality.

Well handled in a tough environment. Kathy Lee is not interested in anything you have to say and it was a total set-up. You managed to look smart and sensible, which is the absolute best one could get out of that shit-show. Viewers who are not in lock-step with the ab-only crowd will see that you have more to add to the discourse than the other three people there combined.

It would be nice if the MSM were not loaded with venues unfriendly to your ideas; it takes strength to go there anyway and fight the uphill battle.

I thought you did a great job, especially considering that it was 3 versus 1 essentially in terms of attitudes on this topic.

Also, just as an FYI, I'm teaching a college class on controversial issues in sexuality and had them read your book (Double Standards). Obviously students hold the stereotypical view of feminists (cold, analytical, intellectual, angry, unattractive). One comment from a woman in the class was interesting to me - she said she really connected to the book and felt differently about feminism when she saw your picture on the back cover. That it was easier to accept and be interested in feminist claims because you "looked like her and her friends", making it easier to identify with. I'm not sure how many young women will see the Today show, but I wonder how much stronger your voice on the show will resonate with young girls simply because you seem more connected to their age group than the other women on the show.

Count me in as another person who thinks you seriously rocked that interview! You were poised, intelligent, and (the best part) came off as way better-informed and unbiased than the abstinence advocate.

Brava!

Oh, and did anyone else get really annoyed about how smug the abstinence advocate was? It's like, dude... You don't have to justify your existence to anybody. Being the CEO of your own company is great, but it seems like she's trying to say, "Hey, I didn't have sex and a bunch of rude bastards teased me about it, but I'm the CEO of my own company, not some whore! So there!"

Oh, and those hosts... Where the hell did they get THEIR data about how the girls who "slept around" didn't have good lives? It's just so freaking sad and clueless. Like obviously the guys who slept around were totally fine. Way to encourage sexism, ladies! Maybe the next time we've got a major female celeb on that show, they can ask her how many people she slept with and see how it ruined her life.

What was up with Kathy Lee's comment about sluts and virgins turning out different? That was pretty tasteless.
I had sex in high school and turned out better than fine, thank you very much!

You held your ground well, Jessica, but how annoying that u were there to promote your book and then they turned it into a debate. Who was that other woman anyway? Has she accomplished something great or is she only known for "saving" her virginity for her husband? Annoying-they hardly let u get a word in!

I actually watched this segment with my mother and it sparked a conversation between us about virginity. My mother seemed to revert back to the same lines that Kathy Lee was about how I can raise my daughter how I see fit but then I will have to deal with the results when she comes home pregnent. Soo...having sex automatically means babies?

Other than that, I think that the interview was spun so that Jessica's book was promiting sex for young girls rather than the social concept of virginity.

And did anyone else catch how the pro-abstinece woman said 'go to the sourse, go to the source' when shaking hands at the end of the interview?

The "prostitots" thing made me do an actual facepalm that was so loud, my coworker looked up. And the way Kathy and Hoda repeated it in unison, as well as Kathy's final line, literally sounded like an SNL skit. I had no idea how dead-on those impressions actually were.

Barf!

Jessica, you did great. You seriously sounded like your IQ was higher than all three of them combined.

Jessica, I think you did a great job. The other author (she didn't use your name so I'm not going to use hers) was so stupid and flat-out rude. She and the hosts were just spouting stereotypes of girls who have pre-marital sex. Because, obviously, if you have pre-marital sex you must be promiscuous, and therefore you're bound to regret it.

The worst bit was when she-who-shall-not-be-named compared studies about abstinence education to racism. Good lord. But whatever, as others have explained, she just made herself look like an idiot.

I am glad to see that everyone else was as frustrated as I was to watch that interview. They barely let Jessica talk. I had adrenaline pumping just watching it, wanting to scream "You're reinforcing exactly what her book says!" Do you think it would be too much work for them to actually read the book?

Your book is fantastic, by the way. I read it in between classes in only about two days. I can never put your books down. I wish they would've just had you in the interview rather than the other lady who would not stop talking. At least then you could have explained more about what your book is actually about, rather than having to combat their botched comments.

And, telling girls to wait until they're 18? Like they're magically able to make better decisions on their 18th birthday? Please. I chose to have sex at 16, and because I was well-informed about my own body and knew who I was and what I wanted in life, all was well. I'm not one of those girls they claim whose life was somehow "ruined" by having premarital sex. In fact, my life is damn good. Take that, Kathy Lee.

"Except that what they do with their bodies has consequences for the rest of their lives...I love having the last word!"

Way to completely dismiss everything valid you said in the interview. I hated the hosts the most!!!

I thought you did an excellent job of maintaining composure because I became frustrated with the rebuke to the study on the success of abstinence-only education. "Look at the source"!? What source? She suggests speaking with people who teach and practice abstinence-only as if that poll wouldn't be skewed. The fact is it is very ineffective. I live in Texas and grew up near Nueces County. The school district taught an abstinence-only curriculum and the county still had the one of the highest teen pregnancy and STI diagnosis’s in the state. What does that tell you? Also, the statement that less than 5% of a comprehensive sex curriculum focuses on abstinence is just not true. I volunteer with an organization that goes to local schools and runs seminars on sexuality and sexual health. At least 20-25 minutes of an hour program deals directly with abstinence. What it is? How to practice it and the benefits? The next segment is about protection, both physical and emotional. I wish the subject had been given a bigger forum because it is very important. Again, I think you totally rocked it.

Oh Jessica, God bless you for being so cool and calm trough that! I would have probably told them to shut the fuck up. LOL. And yes, the vajayjay ending was beyond frustrating, but as long as people go out and by your book, then it was worth it. You did a great job!!!

So hard to watch this. They kept talking about teaching women to value themselves while ignoring the sort of harm teaching girls to value themselves based solely on sexuality does. Great Job Jessica on trying to keep them on course. I wanted to smack the one lady who said "prostitots" and that their mothers dressed just like them Did they really just ascribe such derogatory identity to toddlers? Did they really just set a worth to those mothers and children based on dress?

ugg.

I don't know how you stayed so collected and cordial. I couldn't have done it. Kudos! I look forward to reading your book, too.

Oh, and does anyone know of an abstinence program anywhere that doesn't shame kids in some way?

It completely escaped them that everything coming out of their mouths reinforced the idea that women are only "good" if they're "pure." You were the only one who came across as actually thinking anything about anything, instead of just regurgitating "sex is bad for girls, mmmkay?" You are Fierce.

And I took some serious personal offense to the comment about how teen girls who slept around don't have good lives. I hooked up in high school AND college AND afterwards (gasp!), and I have a fantastic life. I have a fiercely loyal family, a great job, trustworthy and hilarious friends, and an intelligent, loving, incredibly sexy partner. Just because that woman "waited" doesn't mean she's better or happier than me, or anyone else who chose not to.

You did a fantastic job, Jessica! Way to represent!

I found it very telling that Lakita chose such an extreme way of explaining why the studies Jessica sited were biased. She could have just said that people looking into abstinence only education who find it to be completely ineffective are often intending to prove that from the start but instead she likened those who presented such findings to "members of the KKK". Wow! Talk about living in a binary. You're either with me or you're HITLER. Bravo to you, Jessica, for searching for the common ground rather than resorting to hate speech the way Lakita did.

As for Kathy Lee: she seemed completely incapable of listening to anything but the sound of her own voice. She kept going back to tired phrasings like "giving it up". Giving what up, Kathy Lee? Were you so busy that you couldn't even read the damned title of the book? "The Purity MYTH", Kathy. She displayed zero listening and comprehension skills but expected her opinions to be heard. It's hypocritical, it's nasty, and worst of all it continues to perpetuate every sexist and misogynistic stereotype in the book: that women are nothing more than a bunch of empty headed morons who never shut up and care more about their hair than they do about anything that matters.

You did an awesome job! I've yet to read the book (me=broke) but I read the preview on Amazon and just the introduction brings up a lot of very interesting points regarding how shaky the very definition of 'virgin' is.

Having sex as a young teen in particular may not be the best idea, but for practical rather than moral reasons.

That was uncomfortable for me to watch. I'm currecntly reading your book and I kept wanting to interrupt Latika and Kathy Lee with so many of the point you bring up in the book. You were eloquent, patient and incredible. Thanks for being the voice of reason, even if you were interrupted and talked over, you did an incredible job!

That was uncomfortable for me to watch, I can't imagine what it was like to be sitting up there. I'm currently reading your book and I kept wanting to interrupt Latika and Kathy Lee with so many of the point you bring up in the book. You were eloquent, patient and incredible. Thanks for being the voice of reason, even if you were interrupted and talked over, you did an incredible job!

I'm getting frustrated with people saying that "saving yourself" is so hard and people who have done it have made a great accomplishment. I'm 22 and still haven't had sex and it was incredibly easy.

Beautiful! I will think of you next time I'm in a heated debate and trying not to lose my shit.

Also, I'm a librarian at a smallish suburban library and I'm going to make sure we have a copy of the Purity Myth asap. Cheers!!

Thinking about the interview, I think the abstinence coach made your point for your. In spite of all of her accomplishments, it was her sexuality that got her noticed if you will. So, sure she drops details about her education, and business acumen, but she repeats over and over again, what her sexual status was until she got married. In a way, it wasn't just about pure principles, she could never NOT let sexuality be important. Because if there are no sluts, then being a virgin loses much of its cache, which she has been trading on for much of her adult life. There are a lot of people with vested interests in keeping the Madonna/whore complex alive.

Kjen@
www.fairlyprejudiced.blogspot.com

You were fantastic. You are now ready to take on Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

I'm getting frustrated with people saying that "saving yourself" is so hard and people who have done it have made a great accomplishment. I'm 22 and still haven't had sex and it was incredibly easy.

Toni, no one is saying you have to have sex. Only you should be allowed to make your own decisions with your body.

I think that overall, jessica was the only one who had her head on straight.

all the other females were just spewing what seemed like ideas from society and other people. Id like to know at what age kathy lee "gave herself up".

I think that abstinence worked for this woman, and I think that looking at sex from an unbiased, level-head works for jessica. Id much rather read jessica's book because she actually seems like she has new ideas to combat problems of self-worth among teenage girls.

For Junior High, I attended a private Catholic school. The "sex ed" (if you can even call it that) class we took was actually called "Sexual Morality" (it was even technically a part of our regular Religion class), and essentially consisted entirely of us being informed of the dangers of not merely sex, but also "necking and petting". Looking back on that experience, the most horrifying part of it to me now was how the issue of masturbation was handled. We were literally taught that, for boys, it was physically necessary to masturbate. Girls, on the other hand, apparently didn't have that same "physical need" and thus masturbation was sinful. But only if you're female. Even at 12 I remember thinking that was crazy.

I went on to public school for high school, but most of the girls who finished my middle school went on to attend the all-girls Catholic high school in my city. One of my teachers in middle school informed me of an incident at this high school, where a startling number of students came down with very serious vaginal infections; a few even ended up in the hospital. After some investigation, the school figured out what had happened. Apparently, a large number of students were under the impression that douching with Coca-cola was an effective means of birth control, the logic being that the acid in the Coke would kill the sperm after you had sex. Needless to say, not only does that NOT work, but the sugar from the soft drinks was attracting bacteria and causing the infections many of them became inflicted with. Just one example of the dangers of abstinence-only sex education.

Jessica,

I think you did a great job on the show.

I was really disappointed that NBC chose to make it into a debate. They had the image of your book's cover placed prominently on the set, but really didn't give you an opportunity to speak about your book.

I also feel as though the hosts of the show were not prepared for or interested in having a real, thoughtful conversation about female sexuality. You, remained thoughtful in your responses, and I love that you didn't engage with Latika's odd remarks and disrespectful gestures.

You were great and I can't wait to get my hands on a copy of your book!

For what it's worth, you keep your cool a lot better than I keep my cool. There were more than a few comments there where I would have had to bang my head on something, but you hold it together quite nicely. A good balance between listening and speaking, between letting things slide and jumping on them. Brava!

P.S. I think my favorite line was Ms. Garth's bit about "you need to get an education!" It IS hard for me here at college since, you know, I pretty much just have sex ALL THE TIME. And then 15 seconds later she laughs at YOU.

*Head bang*

For what it's worth, you keep your cool a lot better than I keep my cool. There were more than a few comments there where I would have had to bang my head on something, but you hold it together quite nicely. A good balance between listening and speaking, between letting things slide and jumping on them. Brava!

P.S. I think my favorite line was Ms. Garth's bit about "you need to get an education!" It IS hard for me here at college since, you know, I pretty much just have sex ALL THE TIME. And then 15 seconds later she laughs at YOU.

*Head bang*

Wow. Actually, I'm really impressed! I would not have been able to keep my cool like that, especially in an environment where a 'real debate' didn't seem possible.

Jessica, you were eloquent and lovely. I'm absolutely frustrated that they ganged up on you like that. And seriously, "I'll let you have the last word. Just kidding!" Grr. Kathy Lee makes me angry.

i'm most angry with the hosts of this morning show. that's some really shitty journalism and some opinions that come straight from the anti-feminist handbook.

what a shocker Kathie Lee (former ORU attendee) and Bill Graham disciple would comment twice at the beginning and end) about how "what women do with their bodies" affects "Their whole lives". *sigh* pinhead.
I can't believe that you had to be in the same room as her.
Guh!

Kathie Lee Gifford was so condescending. That little bit about having the last word was so uncalled for. It's like she wanted to wrap it all up with, my opinion is the wisest and the most valid.

Also, why couldn't they have had you on the show by yourself? I guess your ideas were just too "racy" to be presented without a counter-argument. You were fantastic, Jessica. You looked like the only one who wasn't losing it. Cool, calm and collected!

I'm pretty sure this is the first time in history anyone has compared Mathematica (http://www.mathematica-mpr.com/welfare/abstinence.asp) to the KKK!

You did an awesome job.

I wish they could present your book and this whole issue without relying on a debate (if that's what they call their attempt to turn the focus around, talk over you, and shove you in the corner... don't worry it made them look like the bad guys to anyone watching with a brain) to cover the message. It's not like this topic needs anything to counter it when our whole culture is based on keeping this issue down.

Keep fighting the good fight; we're there with you. Slowly but surely, we're getting there. :D

P.S. I put the link as my facebook status and several of my friends have asked me about where to get your book! :) Whoooo! YEAH!

God, you held it together, Jessica. I wanted to tell kathy lee to STFU for once. I have always disliked her, but especially now. She's as annoying as ever.

What was she (abstinence guest) even talking about abstinence being a small part (which % she said) of sex ed? Uh.. that's because there's not much to it. You can't expect 50% of "don't have sex" and the other 50% to fit in STD info, IUD, unplanned pregnancy, proper condom use via demonstration, womens' and mens' bodies...etc.

Abstinence programs DON'T WORK and most of them are heavily backed by religion/religious people, which to me says something about the inherent misogyny linked to them.

Great job Jessica. Calm, cool, and collected. Though I am surprised you got any words in with the person sitting next to you. Glad you were able to get in some important information amidst all the b.s. they were going on about "giving yourself away." etc. Notice they never mentioned how they believe it's equally as important for a male to not "give himself away" Whatever that means! They obviously buy into the whole idea of virginity and loss of innocence, and the rest of those lame NOTIONS.

Great job Jessica. Calm, cool, and collected. Though I am surprised you got any words in with the person sitting next to you. Glad you were able to get in some important information amidst all the b.s. they were going on about "giving yourself away." etc. Notice they never mentioned how they believe it's equally as important for a male to not "give himself away" Whatever that means! They obviously buy into the whole idea of virginity and loss of innocence, and the rest of those lame NOTIONS.

Bravo--you were fantastic in every aspect. I wish the issue were given more time and more serious treatment by the hosts, and that you were interrupted less! I'm buying your book as soon as I finish typing this.

Jessica, you were the epitome of class, poise, and professionalism. It was clear that you were the most articulate and well-informed woman in that room by far! Also, I thought it was incredibly rude of Kathy Lee to sneak that last remark in there after your final statement.

You did an awesome job, Jessica. Latika and Kathie Lee made me want to bang my head against a wall, but you kept your cool.

It's sad that abstinence-only education is even an issue. This is the 21st century, right?

I finished The Purity Myth weeks ago and it's outstanding. Kudos.

The screen shot does look like you want to punch her and after listening to this, I know where that look came from!

I agree with one comment I read that said you don't see other authors who go on television having to DEFEND their books against three people that obviously are against you and the hosts didn't even think that this was a serious conversation to have.

I hate Kathie Lee to begin with, I think she is obnoxious and has no right to be a host on a talk show because she's just one of those people who if she doesn't agree with you or doesn't "understand" what you're doing or what you're saying, then you immediately don't matter and what you have to say doesn't mean a thing. These producers need to get her off television!

This segment is the exact reason why this conversation needs to be had.

You did a great job, Jessica! :)

One thing I don't understand about these abstinence programs: How are you supposed to learn about contraception for when you're older? Say someone decides to wait until marriage, where are they supposed to learn about contraception and STI and HIV prevention?
Maybe once you have a wedding ring on your finger you're magically protected from STIs and HIV...

Congrats, Jessica! You certainly held your own, and Kathy Lee Gifford is extremely annoying.

On a different note, you kinda look like Nicole Park from MadTV.

Wow, you completely kept your cool. That woman reminded me of a tractor, she just would NOT stop. You came out beautifully, and you kept stating the facts and bringing the conversation back to what matters.

And by the way just as a note, I actually was taught in an abstinence only program. It did NOT work. I know 3 girls who went through the same program (out of a class of 25!) who had to have abortions. One because they didn't know how to put on a condom properly, another because she thought she could go unprotected when she wasn't ovulating, and the other because she thought the "pull out method" worked. None of that would have happened if they had been properly educated! I had to educate myself, and thank god because if I didn't I would have probably made a similar mistake.

You were right on. And anyone who watched this knows it.

Wow, that is so frustrating. I really hate how they don't emphasize the responsibility of the boys. Doesn't it take two to tango? Anyway, us Jezebels want to say hello!

Awesome. You def kept your cool. Funniest thing: everything they were saying was proving your point, even when they were trying to promote "values." Kinda like... ummm, duh, guys--teaching your kids to value themselves by "not giving it up" is just as bad as letting them be "prostitots"... they're still putting emphasis and value where it doesn't belong! In the ever-precious hymen and so-called "love."

Jessica, you did a wonderful job staying calm and being civil, and I'm disappointed that they didn't give you a chance to actually talk about your fantastic book. I agree with some of the other commenters that they should have just had you on the show so that everyone could learn more about the other side of the abstinence argument.

I found it very disrespectful that Lakita laughed at you when you stated that abstinence-only programs do not work.

By the way, Earl Grey tea spewed out of both my nostrils this morning when I heard Kathie use the term 'prostitots'.

The most frustrating part of this for me is that at times, they seemed so close to understanding—and then they just always missed the point entirely.

And on another note, comparing sex to drugs or alcohol is ridiculously and a totally inappropriate metaphor. Sure, they could make it illegal for people under 18 to buy condoms and to learn about contraceptives—but you don't need to buy condoms or know anything about safe sex whatsoever to have sex. To get drunk, you have to be able to access alcohol. Safe sex protects, not hurts.

Thank you, Jessica.

It really gives me strength to see you shine easily through the noise of the commercial media machine - I know, ok, it just looked easy :) which is the awesome part. Maybe it was easy?

I would love to know more about how you prepare for a spot like that, tips for how to engage in such a short time-frame and what you think about during it. Really. I am just starting to have to do panels and things like that and I'm finding it challenging to distill complexities. So this was the most inspiring thing I've seen in a while.

i think this was a great demonstration of keeping your cool and sticking to the important issue when almost everything was working against you.
i wonder if the statistic about people wishing they had waited has anything to do with unrealistic expectations/romanticizations of sex (from abstinence only education/family influence whatever) that went unfulfilled.
either way, as a woman who made the decision (me, not my boyfriend) to have sex at 16 because i had no good reason to wait except for waiting's sake, i think a realistic dialogue about sex is incredibly important.
additionally, i think what someone said previously, maybe on another post, about how being ready to "deal with the consequences" of sex always and everywhere means pregnancy, needs to be modified.
regardless, i plan to buy your book the next time i make it to powell's. keep up the great work!

I don't know. I of course don't agree with Lakita Garth, but I thought this interview was pretty balanced. I think that Gifford and Kotb were only trying to bring the conversation back to common ground, not steer it either way. They were mentioning things that both sides agree on, for example that young women are having sex very young without knowing who they are, and using the word "prosti-tots". Everyone kept a level head. Great.

You did good, Jessica - even though they kept talking over you and not letting you get a word in edgewise!

Uh, I didn't even know what Garth was talking about half the time - what the hell was "go to the source"? Source of what? The 80 different studies conducted by multiple medical organizations and universities showing again and again that abstinence-only doesn't work and that teens who get this fake education have more dangerous behavior? What a typical right-wing trope: Oh, jeez, everybody's biased (i.e., "liberal-biased") except for us, the study results are just a conspiracy funded by ... Big Pharma. Or rich liberals.

And "requiring" that kids not have sex 'til they're 18? Really? How the flock do they propose to do that? I think it's fairly normal for people to lose their virginity at, say, 17, even 16. I did - and somehow I managed to not even flunk out of college. People must think teens are brainless morons who need straitjackets because they don't "understand" the "consequences" of pretty much anything, and the only effective way to communicate those consequences is by using abstinence-only scare tactics. It's really no wonder to me, with all the negative crap teens constantly have thrown at them about THEMSELVES, that we have such high teen depression rates.

I'm really excited to read your book, but it also reminds me of one I read in college for a Human Sexuality soc/psych class, Judith Levine's _Harmful to Minors: The Perils of Protecting Children From Sex_. Essentially, this is abstinence-only's goal: protection, sheltering from reality, and casting the healthy and normal (which sex is) as the pathological and abnormal.

Can we PLEASE stop saying "giving yourself away" when talking about having sex? "Giving yourself away" implies that sex is a one-sided event (mostly the female giving something to the male) and that it's a permanent thing, like once you have sex once, you're body no longer belongs to you (which leaves tons of room for date and marital rape apologists). Sex is a shared event. Your body still belongs to you, and you control when you have sex. It's your decision.

I got to hand it to you, Jessica. I could barely watch that. I don't know how you were able to sit there without ripping your hair out.

Jessica, you kicked ASS! You held your own and definitely made your points clear and concise. You sounded intelligent and were well-founded.

I think a lot of the problem was that the other guest and Kathy Lee were of the same opinion while Hoda was just letting them gab about about non-facts and minutiae.

I think you should write a book about how using racism in comparison to abstinence only sex education makes no sense. ;-) It really annoyed me because it showed the other guest had absolutely no idea what she was talking about.

and HELL YEAH for the big poster! At the very least, for the viewers (mostly women) paying attention at home, they'll see the splash and go "oh, hey, that sounds worth a read for my daughter".

I'm going to track down your books and buy them -- once I have a bit more spending cash.

What I loved the most is the look Kathie Lee gave the camera when she was previewing the segment before the commercial break leading up to your “debate.” Gotta love the blatant bias, even before she heard a single word come out of your mouth, not that she was listening.

Jessica, you were fabulous. As a high school senior I have found that abstinence is not the norm, but is quite uncommon among my class. Why then, must women like Kathie Lee and Latika, who should be looking to harbor strength and self-confidence in the upcoming generation of women, refute reality? We get enough judgment. What we need is to know that the decisions we make about our sexuality, whatever those may be, are supported by the women whose responsibility it is to make us feel comfortable in our own skin so those decisions are what we truly want, not what is expected of us.

ugh why does "value themselves" mean "hasn't had vaginal intercourse".STOP making self worth and state of hymen the same thing!
Props for staying so cool.

Have you had formal debate training, Jessica?
I did a lot of speech and debate in high school and I swear it all flies out the window when I'm confronted by wingnuts on such emotionally charged issues. I'm incredibly impressed by your poise and eloquence. Truly, you're an inspiration.

http://www.tfn.org/site/PageServer?pagename=JustSayDontKnow

Yes, let's go to the source of this study. Those evil liberal college professors, that's who! They're so agenda driven! Obviously, the only reasonable response is to accept an agenda-driven abstinence agenda.

Another voice chiming in to say that you were awesome in this clip! So calm, rational and collected in the face of a huge challenge.

I too am puzzled by the use of this statistic about women wishing they had waited. As someone mentioned above, because women are shamed on this issue, of course they will wish they waited longer. Further, isn't it normal psychology to second guess a lot of our decisions? People all the time wish they had done XYZ differently (especially regarding anything done in the teen years), so why would this one decision be any different?

I felt pretty good about the segment in general - it was relatively rational for a conversation on the topic, and I think that like others have said you did a great job at steering it back to the facts and to the positive things you want to promote for young women. Far from the "crazy feminist" stereotype, you looked like the calm one. On the other hand, I wanted to punch that blonde host lady with her "last word." She annoyed me more than the other guest.

I wish you'd have been interviewed by Matt Lauer, instead. Or Ann Curry. You know - smart people.

I wish you'd have been interviewed by Matt Lauer, instead. Or Ann Curry. You know - people who take interviews seriously.

Wow, Jessica, you're great! I would have died of depression when KL opened by saying "It's a lot easier to give it away." Sigh.

You did well, especially being interviewed by those Desperate Housewives! I don't want mainstream shows like the today show, for a reason. Just dumbed down mainstream media.

You did well, especially being interviewed by those Desperate Housewives! I don't want mainstream shows like the today show, for a reason. Just dumbed down mainstream media. I am going to buy your book.

You appeared very logical, to me. You got your points across very well considering the dopey and cowardly adversary thing the NBC put you in. I found the bubbliness of the hosts quite annoying. They seemed nervous. It reminded me of the "Why aren’t you smiling?" random guy on the street assumption thing in "He's a Stud, She's a Slut." I'm probably not applying it right, but I thought of it throughout the spot. Heh, heh. By the way, "The Purity Myth" is a great book. Yer kinna like a Rosetta Stone for the public on feminist thought, I think---like Carl Sagan was for science. You take complex ideas, from several sources, and explain them in an easily digestible and entertaining way. Thanks. Hope yer on TeeVee more.

Jessica, you owned those talking heads. Well done!

Good job Jessica!

Jessica, you did well. Very poised.

The interviewers should have done their homework and not relied on the usual round of stereotypes.

The language. For fuck's sake.

"Giving themselves away."

Yes, let's wipe out any agency a woman or young woman might have. God knows women don't ever have sex because they want to. Sex is just a one-sided event. Something men do to women...

And why does "valuing one's self" come down to the ubiquitous hymen?

And like others mentioned, I love the mention of the "good girls" having great lives while the "bad girls/who had sex" didn't have such great lives.

Has Kathie Lee ever considered that's due to the culture we're living in, where women are shamed for their bodies and their sexuality?

Can we really have a rational discussion until we get over this idea that sex is something done to women [by men] and that it somehow devalues women?

(And then there's the fact that these discussions of virginity are so very heteronormative... I don't even know where to begin.)

Jessica, you might want to consider learning how to communicate more like the other 3 women on the show. This conversation was quite typical of reason (you) vs. appeal to emotion (them) types of conversations. The voice of reason has all the facts down and states them articulately, while the voice of emotion makes a connection with the viewers through anecdotes. I hate to say it, but viewers typically like the anecdote-y person better. Most people think facts are dry and statistics can twisted to mean anything, and most people relate better to an anecdote than to a statement of fact. Chatty styles like the hosts and the other guest use really are perceived more favorably than your calm, poised, polite style. Just something to think about for future debates.

bravo! you make me proud.

They barely let Jessica get a word in edge-wise.

Five minutes and change is NOT enough time to have an actual debate, or even conversation about virginity. Anyone at home watching this who nothing about Jessica and nothing about the other lady would have NO FUCKING CLUE what just happened and would be left still not caring.

Jessica, you handled yourself wonderfully, but the format of the segment makes me upset. Five minutes wouldn't have been enough time for you to make your point, let alone for two women to make their points with two other women interjecting every few seconds.

By the way, I just finished your book today and I'm loaning it to my mom to read tomorrow afternoon.

I LOVED it. I'm buying a copy for my friend's birthday.

Great job, Jessica!
One (smallish) thing that bothered me was the fact that when they were introducing your book, they said "quote, 'the purity myth'"... but Lakita's title didn't get that lovely little addition. Seems like they wrote you off from the get-go. =/ *still* Glad to hear a feminist voice on national TV.

(ps first comment EVER!)

Did you get a contact high from Kathy Lee's breath?

Seriously, very composed and articulate for someone surrounded by three women who enjoy the sound of their own voice and not listening to enlightened, opposed viewpoints. I had to deal with the same kind of abstinence bullshit in highschool and got nothing but anger when I disagreed with lesson plans in health class.
For growing up in a rather liberal, well funded school, I'm still amazed that our health class consisted of "sex is bad, here's a bunch of pictures of venerial diseases," CPR training, and lectures from the evangelical owener of the workbook we used. The same man who when giving a lecture on how horrible, violent, and oversexualized our media was, recounted a dubious story about his being in a hotel room, looking through the cable catalogue and seeing under the ratings that one warning was for "depictions of rape," to which he asked our class "now why would anyone want to see rape?" I told him that the warning is there for people for whom that would be too upsetting, and that rape, along with other horrible things like murder, child abuse, etc. can be included in art respectfully, non-exploitatively to make a point or tell a story. He thought that was non-sense, that I lacked morals, and I left the class.

Another fun high school health class story, my teacher, apropos of nothing, said that she "thanked God her children weren't gay," because of the abuse they'd recieve. I put my hand up, and said "that's condeming the persecuted and removing blame from the persecuters, like wishing you weren't Jewish during the Holocaust." She started trying to back track, and the kid next to me asked me why I cared and asked "what, are you gay or something?!"

Last rambling story, Sophmore year SCIENCE teacher, again apropos of nothing was talking about homosexuality and said "well there's some men who are married and then they just go off and be gay."

I fucking hated high school.

Anyway, as for the interview, at least your book cover was in the background the whole time...

Great job!

Jessica, you are an excellent debater.