My favorite line: "Do you want a vagina full of AIDS?!" (Also, is it wrong that it totally annoys me that this dude has the same drinking glasses - I'm sorry, vaginas - I do?)
But that video doesn't hold a candle to this: "Why it is okay for sex to hurt the vagina." Yes, that's right.
NSFW
One of the best lines (cause there are many): "Sex is not really meant to be pleasurable for the female." Good to know. I'm sure the ladies are lining up to meet this guy.
Now, why am I posting random videos from YouTube? Because it is simultaneously hilarious and terrifying and it makes me laugh. (Also, full disclosure, I'm sick and having a hard time writing today.)
UPDATE: I'm hearing from some folks that they think this dude is being satirical...if he is, he's a dope actor. What do you think?
Via Andrew Sullivan. And thanks to Matt for the link!
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I love his "science" ...using things that in no way resemble what they are meant to stand in for, and then using the results as proof! lol! Jessica, since you are sick today, as am I, let's hope this idle time does not have us beginning to think, "You know, I bet if I left some cream to rot in the fridge for a while I could use it as AIDS sperm. Not COMPLETELY rotten, because then there'd be no AIDS, only sperm. Genius!"
WTF?
Now that I watch the second video, I have to wonder if this guy is joking. If not... I foresee that clementine as being the only vagina he ever finds himself in the company of.
CLARIFICATION: I asked him, and he responded:
"It's not satire done with a really straight face, it's just satire. My face is normal."
So there we have it.
i wonder why everyone is ignoring this post
I put it up rather late, but near the top so people could see it.
Holy crap! What a fucking HILARIOUS video! I would still love to see this broadcast in a classroom setting because this just sums up exactly what the Right, abstinence only religious wackos are always saying. I was totally taking it seriously based on his other videos. Originally I was teetering on thinking it was humour but then omitted that based on the other subjects of his videos until he responded back and said it was just satire.
Funny, funny, funny!
Thanks also for going through all the work and asking him!
Oh phew. He's kidding. I can go back to finding him totally hot now. *relief*
Oh. My. God.
Those vids were painful to watch. Literally, because they made me laugh violently, right after I did 500 sit ups.
Gotta go submit these to failblog.
I know. That was the greatest laugh I've had in a long time! I couldnt stop laughing!
I can't figure out if this is satire or not.
Doubtful..
Same here. After I heard him scream "YOU HAVE A VAGINA FULL OF AIDS" I thought it had to be a joke, but after looking at some of his other vids it seems like he's actually serious. Mindblowing...
Agreed. Some of this comments are a bit out there. But looking at the other videos, I really do think he's serious. And ridiculous.
Almost as good (and useless) as the abstinence-only education I received in my fabulous SE Tennessee public school. Far more entertaining, though.
Who the hell does he think he is? What makes him think he is a credible source? He doesn't give us ANY information about where he acquired his "facts", doesn't give a name or any credentials.
I seriously hope that no one takes this guy seriously.
i just watched one of his other videos- on abortion. he suggests that women who have abortions should be fed baby soup. it's hard to tell whether i should laugh or scream.
Oh god!!! That second video was probably the funniest thing I've ever seen. Is he serious? The best part was when he was telling lesbians about what a good guy he is...mhmm...
I found these both absolutely hilarious. I couldn't even take it, he's so insane.
IT'S SCIEEENNNCEEE!!!!!
*ahem* please excuse that outburst.
Love,
the physicist
First video:
...Because married people don't get AIDS. Yeah, someone has AIDS, get married, the second the ring slips onto their finger, POOF! AIDS is CURED! Only if you get the ring from the magical unicorn fairy of Iceland.
I think he's serious, which makes this even funnier than if it was satire.
I also have glasses, I mean vaginas, like that.
Second video:
"Sex is not really meant to be pleasurable for the female."
...LOL. Seriously? Someone SERIOUSLY believes that bullshit?! This is the DUMBEST video EVER.
His "real science" is impressive... NOT.
HAHAHA I wonder if the neighbours heard me laughing? Funniest thing I've seen all day. Good thing my condoms don't look like sieves and I'm not planning on getting busy with some expired cream - now I know i'm safe from AIDS!
He looked a little bit too enthusiastic when he was spoon-thrusting that poor clementine. hahaha
Great laugh!
I think this ought to be shown to students taking a womens studies or human sexualitys class because it sums up so much of the 'abstinence only' ignorance in a short little video. I think you'd see classrooms of people laughing. You could use this to encourage more people to become more negative to abstinence only education and the other claims made by the right-wing.
I can see this video replacing that crying Britney Spears fan YouTube clip as the next weird and hilarious YouTube clip to be played on tv talk shows everywhere. Played on E Talk Soup or something. Hilarious!
After watching the second video, and the thumb baby coming out of the orange, I'm betting on the side of this just being a bad attempt at satire.
I snorted when he started talking about vaGINal sex.
I think we should send him a copy of The Female Eunuch with a note that says "Read up! Love, the readers and writers of Feministing"
you gotta believe that if God does exist... he's rolling his eyes
xLx
Oh goodness.. I needed a good laugh today and that was perfect. This guy is out of his mind. I'm also having a hard time deciding whether he is serious or not.
The fact that he can say that stuff with a straight face is scary. My favorite line: "If your man has had a rough day, all he wants to do is put some sperm into you." Pure gold.
Bear in mind that I can't view the videos, so am responding to others' quotes.
First off, does he tell himself sex isn't supposed to be pleasurable for women in order to make himself feel better about being crappy in bed?
Secondly, if it's not supposbed to be pleasurable then my partners and I have been doing it wrong all these years! Oh noes!!11!1
Third, if you're using barrier protection that resembles a sieve UR DOIN IT RONG!
From what it appears, he is a virgin. At least that's what he implies in the first video when he says "Don't use a condom, wait until you're married. That's what I'm doing."
LMFAO!!!! I cannot believe this guy!!! SERIOUSLY?! LOL WOW... wow is all I can say right now...
I'm calling Poe's Law. Please, let this be a joke...
My favorite part was the random lesbian tangent. "You'll never become heterosexual dressed like that."
I'm a tad concerned that this guy has 1500 youtube subscribers, though happy to see a few people are posting longwinded response videos mocking his understanding of math, science, and sexuality.
I actually think this guy takes himself seriously.
I hope these are a joke or I'm going to feel bad for laughing so hard while too sick to be laughing that hard. The asides and spontaneous madness have to be wind ups.
If not, that's really sad.
Seriously, though... the word association part on this one is rich...
Spoon, teaspoon, coffee spoon, egg spoon, grapefruit spoon... Reminds me of that bit about nuts in Best in Show.
That video was fabulous.
"...All I have to say about that is, the vagina WAS full of AIDS. Just look at the video, it was. I don't know what you're laughing about, AIDS is not a funny thing. Having a vagina full of AIDS is not funny. And a vagina is a good AIDS receiver. AIDS likes being in a vagina. So there is nothing funny about that."
Not HIV, AIDS.
I don't think I have laughed so hard in a long time.
And I'm not sure it is satire, I sort of hope it isn't because that makes it so much funnier. He's so ridiculous.
I'm wondering, if he isn't being satirical then who the hell raised him?
It is definitely a good laugh, however I hope there aren't too many people who really believe this bullshit
I believe this gentleman has confused "scientific experiment" with "deeply-flawed visual metaphor."
His "why gays and lesbians are often immoral" is so much funnier.
Perhaps he should try peeling the vagina first.
I just had to laugh at this. It's so freaking stupid. "Do you want a vagina full of AIDS?" At least, if he's going to pretend to do a "scientific experiment" at all, why not use an actual condom? A strainer? Are you kidding me?
Yeah, I'm trying to figure out if this is satire or not. I think his video's utterly stupid, and not worth watching. Horrendous.
I hope some poor teenager doesn't watch this video, and decides not to use condoms, because he's telling them they'll get AIDS. Gross.
I am deeply saddened to see that a terrible crime has taken place. I would expect nothing less than a massive community outrage from Feministing but somehow this crime seems to have gone unnoticed.
That crime is child molestation.
We all clearly saw this man lick his thumb baby. Somebody please contact the authorities to stop this sexual deviant before he strikes again.
Don’t let the innocent suffer, think of the thumb babies.
Oh my sides hurt!
Oh...my....god. Can you start making videos or something?
Oh, my god! The thing is, I actually didn't hear most of what he said, because I kept on focussing on him saying, "Blah, blah, blah, vag-EYE-nal. Blah, blah, blah, vag-EYE-nal."
It's obvious this guy is a world-class lover: he doesn't like anal, he doesn't like cunnilingus, he doesn't care about your pleasure and he's actually asked himself how Jesus feels about "licking the clitoris." Ladies, who's in line to hop in the sack with this fucko?
(sarcasm) Its a surprise he's a virgin!
Woah.
Sadly enough, I think he is serious. He takes too much time to quote the bible and seems to take pleasure in his 'reasoning'.
So god didn't intent women to enjoy sex.
God gave birthing pains to women as punishment.
And god denied him sensibility.
Everything is clear now!
cant.
stop.
giggling.
The funniest part has got to be when he's talking about the clitoris, and he says, "but I'm not sure how Jesus feels about licking it." Internet gold, I tell you.
On the upside, he's the first crazy fundie I've heard that said female masturbation (or any form of masturbation) is okay. One of my favorite things to do is ask the insane fundamentalists preaching (well, screaming) in front of the Union on campus the following question: "If sex is purely for reproductive purposes and masturbation is wrong, why did God give women the clitoris, which is the only organ whose sole function is pleasure?" They normally respond that the clitoris is for your husband to pleasure you with during sex (for reproductive purposes and only inside a marriage). So, let me get this straight: My hypothetical future husband can play with my clitoris, but I can't?! Whatever.
The best time was when this one guy was spouting off about how incest is wrong (which it is!) and "fornication" is wrong (um, not so much) and then he started talking about Adam and Eve. He relayed the whole "Eve came from Adam's rib and they had sex and babies whoopee" bit and I pointed out to him that, since Eve supposedly was made from Adam's rib and Adam and Eve weren't technically married, wouldn't the sex and babies he so joyously spoke of be an example of incestuous fornication, by his own definitions? He just looked at me for a bit and went off on a whole other tangent because I got him. Nice.
" He relayed the whole "Eve came from Adam's rib and they had sex and babies whoopee" bit and I pointed out to him that, since Eve supposedly was made from Adam's rib and Adam and Eve weren't technically married, wouldn't the sex and babies he so joyously spoke of be an example of incestuous fornication, by his own definitions? "
Sweet! I love seeing people dismantle the idiocy of the Xristian nuts!Why was Eve punished for wanting knowledge anyways? Its all just so stupid!
I'm Xristian, so can I get a qualification that only the people who think they actually know what's going on in the Bible are nuts? 'Cause Eve was punished for knowledge, but perhaps that was God's intention, and what was Lilith (the non-rib produced wife) about anyway?
I believe in it, and I'd still like the Pope to admit it's just highly interpretive allegory, so I can sleep at night.
"can I get a qualification that only the people who think they actually know what's going on in the Bible are nuts? 'Cause Eve was punished for knowledge, but perhaps that was God's intention, and what was Lilith (the non-rib produced wife) about anyway?"
What? I'm from a former Xristian household so I think I know a thing or two about it. Its my knowledge that its more of the atheist, agnostic crowd that knows more about religion and the Bible than those who subscribe to it.
Bad sentence structure. I have no clue what you're saying. Rewrite it so I know what youre attempting to say.
You know, though, some TrooBeleevers are actually willing to face this horrifying reality and follow it to its logical conclusion:
Oh, geez. His reason for why he doesn't believe in evolution is because giraffes don't have wings. I wish I was joking.
This guy has got to be satire. He kind of gives it away I think.
At least I really, really hope so. My favorite part is when he eats the "vagina" and goes, "mmm". Also the baby bursting from the orage was priceless.
I think he meant it.
Also,its completely idiotic how he thinks that when gay men have sex that's its painful because its to tell them that its wrong and to stop it. What about lesbians? He says that sex between man and woman is paniful but what about between two women.
Update: looks like you're right about the satire.
Bloody hilarious though!I havent laughed like I did in weeks!
I HAVE to believe this is satire, just to preserve my sanity. My rose-coloured glasses are stuck firmly on my face today.
I totally took that as him licking the orange "baby". Ha!
If it walks like a satire, talks like a satire, is named like a satire and has favorite'd a video that calls it satire on its YouTube channel, it's probably a satire.
OMG! I couldnt stop laughing! What an idiot! This should make the rounds on tv networks to represent the idiocy of the abstinence only, right-wing, Christian claims.
And the last video...theres more reasons than his politics why he's still a virgin. No one wants to have sex with a guy that thinks an orgasm is something 'extra' for the woman and that sex 'hurts' the vagina.
Ewww...nut!
This guy really upsets my sensibilities.
Well, the decomposing cream clots DID put me off sex. Does that mean he's won?
Before this post I had already seen another of his videos where he disproves atheism... or rather he "proves" that there's at least 51% likelihood that God exists, and so agnosticism is wrong... or something. It was so absurd and the flaws of reasoning were uncountable. After seeing these 2 videos, which made me laugh over and over, I have to conclude that he must be ironic.
This cannot be for real. Either he's one of the most ignorant people on this planet with his twisted logic (I mean, using a strainer to show that it does what a strainer is designed to do in order to prove that a condom which is designed to do the opposite does the same...???) or its brilliant satire. Its hard for me to believe that someone can be that consistently bizarre without doing on purpose.
I'd love to know if anyone knows whether he's for real or ironic. His videos sure are a hoot!
He lost me when he said, "AIDS might get through the condom, if you're not careful." And the first thing I thought was, what, does he think a condom is like a sieve or something? Yes. Yes he does.
I've seen a couple of this bloke's other videos that he's done about religion. Just as ridiculous as those above. There is speculation in the atheist community that he is a Poe.
Who says feminists are humorless? I laughed and laughed at these videos.
"It's civilizations that could be lost . . ."
So many beautiful lines, so beautiful . . . so effortlessly confused by any aspect of sexuality, science, life...
you think that's his parents' kitchen?
I asked him, it's a joke.
Since his name is "Jesusophile" I'm gonna say it's a joke.
You should see his explanation of how "Jesusophile" doesn't mean that he wants to have sex with Jesus... high art!
Poe's Law. 100% Satire. On his home youtube page, he has a video favorited that explains him as satire. If only he wasn't so much like the real thing...
Is it bad that the second video made me slightly aroused? He's cute!
Agreed. I can definitely go for a long-haired satirist. Although I think I'd probably ruin any postcoital moments by asking, "Is my vagina full of AIDS now?"
Well you'd at least have to discuss beforehand how Jesus feels about licking it.
I think my favorite thing about the second video is that he encourages women to masturbate. He says we get to play with our "gift from God" because it has "no reproductive function" and is therefore not useful for the "sex that is not meant to be pleasurable for the woman."
Hmmmm I wonder how people would feel if I started calling masturbating: playing with my gift from God? An fun experiment I think.
Considering many people view children as "gifts from God", that might get awkward at times.
I became convinced it was satire when he was making the baby "talk" and then said something about not knowing why it spoke with an accent...
Think of it as a very frightening, very specific PSA. The message: DON'T EVER HAVE SEX WITH THIS GUY. And also: IF ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH THIS GUY, MAKE SURE THEY DON'T. And in the meantime: DON'T HAVE SEX WITH GUYS WHO THINK LIKE THIS GUY.
Apologies for the all caps, but this particular issue has become very important to me.
Definitely satire. I didn't realize it on the first video until he got to the "vagina full of AIDS" part, but the second video is pretty obvious about it. Abstinence-only folks want to keep sex as far from your mind as possible. There will be no spoon-thrusting of clementines or mimed masturbation in any actual ab-only video.
But I think we are really missing the point here, and the point is that I am extremely jealous of his beautiful hair.
This guy's accent is more ambiguous than Christian Bale's.
At first, I thought it was southern, but somehow it started to sound Australian to me.
It's Dutch. He obviously learned English with a standard American accent but there might be a bit of British inflection due to living in Europe. Sorry, I'm in linguistics, couldn't resist :P
Ah, ok. Thanks a lot.
I definitely figured this was a satire. I'm glad it is. He's pretty cute too.
I am convinced now. It absolutely must be satire. And it's hilarious.
I watched these through Sullivan earlier today. The first one didn't entirely read as satire to me (or maybe I was just deeply squicked out), but the second one clearly is.
I now think I love him.
"vagiYnal sex"
"I'm not sure how jesus feels about licking it..."
incredible.
"vagiYnal sex"
"I'm not sure how jesus feels about licking it..."
incredible.
Oh Yes, VEERY Scientific (Rolls eyes)
Look! I don't know what this guy has heard but I am not putting it into tangerines to tangelos "all the time". Once or twice over nearly 40 years is not "all the time", so I'm calling bullshit on this guy.
WTF does a Dutch dweeb (or Afrikaans) know about how often have sexy time with fruit.
/for the record, he's right on the money when it comes to soy milk containing HIV and men doing all the work in bed.
So breasts are there for men's pleasure as is the va-giii-nal sex...the sperm lives in the womb and becomes a baby (cause the egg is incidental)...Lesbians are just disappointed in men...wow...I pray pray this is a satire...cause if not I want to cry a little big...but at least we got the clitoris, our little toy, gift from God...
If this guy isn't a satire then it is really really sad and...he will never ever have sex...ever...who would have sex with someone who a)believes that condoms are comparable to strainers...2) thinks that sex doesn't need to be pleasurable for the woman and 3)that the man should just put the sperm in you and that he shouldn't lick your clitoris...cause that is our little gift from God...
There are no sane coherent thoughts that come at this point...
Guys, I'm about 100% sure that these are parodies. (whether they're funny or not is up to you--I was dying laughing, esp about the Jesus licking the clit thing)
I surfed around the Net and based on things I found, I'm positive that he's joking.
I'd like to think he's not serious. But then, I'd have liked to think Ted Seeber and Brice Wellington weren't serious.
Wow, this guy just trolled the shit out of like 90% of you.
I think I'm in love.
I think it's great Poe's law satire all-round. I recommend some of his other videos -- hilarious!
Is it totally wrong that I laughed out loud really loudly when he said "The Fagina Is Full Aff AIDS!"
He may be a troll or satirist but he represents the faulty logic used by the fundamentalist crowds.
hahahahah I laughed at the 'FAGINA is full of AIDS!" part too.
oh my god how scary is this guy. He is endangering the lives of innocent people by proclaiming the only way to stay safe is to forgo using a condom and just not have sex till married, the ignorance of some people is astounding to me sometimes. I would love to meet this man and ask how he came up with this "Bill Nye the science guy experiment". Using a drinking class as a vagina, obviously he is not familiar with their biological design
this HAS TO be satire.
"There's nothing stopping me doing this!
There's nothing stopping me doing this!
There's nothing stopping me doing this!"
hahah
I wonder if he actually says that when he has sex: "So that's an ejaculation right there, that's enough."
I haven't watched this one yet, just the one about why vaginal sex can hurt. I love how he starts right off with a contradiction. Anal sex hurts because it's wrong, vaginal sex hurts because that's just how it goes. And ah, the orange thumb baby with a crazy accent. Doesn't get much better than that. I laughed like mad. I refuse to believe he was being serious and so happy that almost every single comment was about how stupid the whole thing was and how wrong he was. I can't help but think he's never in his life seen a vagina.
P.S. I had to look up the Poe's Law that spiffykt mentioned, and oh my god, Wikipedia has a list of eponymous laws.
I haven't watched this one yet, just the one about why vaginal sex can hurt. I love how he starts right off with a contradiction. Anal sex hurts because it's wrong, vaginal sex hurts because that's just how it goes. And ah, the orange thumb baby with a crazy accent. Doesn't get much better than that. I laughed like mad. I refuse to believe he was being serious and so happy that almost every single comment was about how stupid the whole thing was and how wrong he was.
P.S. I had to look up the Poe's Law that spiffykt mentioned, and oh my god, Wikipedia has a list of eponymous laws.
-Lindsay
Poe's law in action. Clearly.
Really sorry for the double comment. I had no idea I submitted twice.
He's dutch, he's definably joking. I'm Dutch and bashing religious people by acting like them is kind of eh... humour here :p Because of the increasing of religious influence, so yeah. Its a joke.
And he was using Apro Soya :p he's vegan too :D
Bad sentence structure was on purpose-- I was laughing about the simple fact that the story of Genesis is and always will be confusing. My point was it's impossible for anyone to 'know' the true meaning of the story of Genesis, especially when two different versions of the same story exist side-by-side.
I wasn't implying that you knew less, or that I knew more; my point was that nobody *knows* anything.
I'm pretty sure God didnt go walking around some Garden of Eden and tell them that they cant educate themselves or have knowledge and that this God would punish Eve for doing so in spite of his warnings. No God is misogynistic.
hi girls.
if condoms (latex/kauchuk/gummi) let through those teeny-tiny aids viruses, then i wonder, why on earth, why, why, why, do health care providers insist to use latex handgloves to protect themselves from getting bacterias, viruses from their sick clients. and wouldn't touch an infectious person without it.
seems to have some default in the logic.
really Ladies,
This guy is totally spoofing on the Pope. I catch some of his videos regularly, he spoofs on a lot of backwords culture norms. I kinda like him actually, he's cool.