This is not the kind of news I like to hear on a Monday morning. (Or I guess any morning for that matter.)
Nearly half of the 200 Boston teenagers interviewed for an informal poll said pop star Rihanna was responsible for the beating she allegedly took at the hands of her boyfriend, fellow music star Chris Brown, in February....Of the teens questioned, more than half said both Brown, 19, and Rihanna, 21, were equally responsible for the assault. More than half said the media were treating Brown unfairly, and 46 percent said Rihanna was responsible for the incident.
Ah, victim-blaming. It's always with us. What particularly depresses me about this statistic is that the victim-blaming is coming from young people. There's this optimistic part of me that likes to believe sexist attitudes and hating women will lessen with new generations. Articles like these snap me back into reality.
Thanks to Alise for the link.
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Among my (8th and 9th grade Namibian) students, it's primarily the girls who stand up for Chris Brown. I don't understand it at all.
Interesting. I was wondering about the racial makeup of the group surveyed, and how much perceptions of race & gender have to do with it.
Would there be so much blame on her if she looked more white? If he was white?
Also, does this point to an underlying phenomenon of abusive relationships amongst young people, who are used to this?
They're all of the Ovambo tribe that lives in northern Namibia. Their skin is almost uniformly a beautiful black color, about as dark as anyone I've ever seen.
And abuse, rape, and murder of women is catastrophically high here. It's part of traditional culture, and efforts to root it out and promote equality and respect for women are VERY new. I'm not really surprised that attitudes like that are prevalent in the area, but it horrified me because I teach at the best school in the region and these girls are strong, proud, intelligent, educated, and would never think of deferring to the boys in class. They want to be doctors and find a cure for HIV/AIDS, and we have a fierce bet going on which of our countries (I'm American) will elect a woman president first. Yet apparently they think their future boyfriends would under circumstances be justified in beating them bloody.
Ah, you were referring to the poll's survey group, not my class.
They're probably fangirls, in which case expecting logic from them is futile...
I've noticed a lot of women do this, especially when very young. I think they are trying to convince themselves that it couldn't possibly happen to them, because they're nicer/better/stronger/smarter, etc, etc, etc...
It's a pretty rude awakening for the heartbreakingly high number of young women, that learn the hard way, that it can, indeed, happen to you.
Unfortunately, I think some of it has to do with the fact that Chris Brown was more or less solely a teen idol, whereas Rhianna appealed more to the masses. Probably a lot of these teenage girls don't want to believe that someone they've always thought was cute, enjoyed his music, etc could do something so heinous. Maybe some of them were jealous of Rhianna to begin with.
Oh, and this is just me trying to think back to how I used to think when I was a teenager.
As a Boston teenager myself, I'll tell you that, unfortunately, you're pretty spot-on. I witnessed a conversation between an 18-year old guy and a 17-year old girl in which the girl insisted, "It's not his fault, she started it..." and the guy kept incredulously repeating "...but he still beat her." Girls won't believe that someone they thought they knew could do something so horrible. I see it also when an instance of rape or sexual assault happens inside our own school - when it's a classmate that we know, we don't want to believe that they could be guilty. It's pretty frightening.
Tali, thanks for the perspective offered of a teen. The rest of us (presumably beyond our teen years) can theorize all day about what teens think, but it's not the same as actually being in that community. I'm so glad to see younger women on feministing.
That is disgusting. So much for starting my Monday on a good note...
Many tweens and teens act like they are invincible, girls notwithstanding. Girls have quite a few defense mechanisms and one of them is outright denial that they can be a victim. In closed company a lot of girls will talk trash about how they wouldn't even let a guy get a hit in edgewise, blah blah blah.
I saw a video clip about this and the poll and I saw a some black faces interviewed so I'm assuming blacks were well represented. Considering that black women are the least likely to marry, I think the psyche in some of these communities is at a point where any perceived attacks on the men is an attack on the whole of the community. Despite the stereotypes, black girls and women want to see themselves as having some kind of opportunity for partnering and will protect it at all costs.
Keep in mind that the people being interviewed are teenagers - and some of them barely that. (The article said that they interviewed kids 12 - 19.) At 12 - 19, I was still very much my father's daughter: a staunch Republican, anti-choice, Bush supporter. Give these kids a chance to mature into the rational beings they have yet to become before you succumb to the belief that misogyny conquers all.
Last month there was an article in the Chicago Tribune that is similar. There is a strong focus on how education can help to bring the incident to light. I'm not sure if it made the rounds here. I personally found it very interesting.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/lifestyle/health/chi-teen-domestic-violence-20-feb20,0,1424689.story
Oprah did a show last week (Thursday?) on the Chris Brown/Rihanna story and dating violence. I was particularly curious to hear what Oprah would say, because she has had Chris Brown on her show before and fawned all over him. I was devastated to hear a 15-year old girl tell Oprah that Rihanna started it by hitting him first. WHAT??? Oprah tried to set her straight but the girl kept shaking her head no and said CB had a right to defend himself. Finally Oprah got the young woman to a point where she accepted that self-defense and beating the crap out of someone are two different things, but she never actually agreed that you don't provoke beatings.
i think this just shows how inherently misogynistic american society is. kids are growing up perceiving women as constantly provoking men to beat them, rape them, etc. but no one seems to realize that this is harmful to both women and men.
You have no clue how much worse most of the rest of the world is in this regard.
When I asked my 9th grade students what they thought about it, I received the same response. The most vocal about the situation were the African American girls in my class. They said that Rhianna deserved it "because she gave Chris Brown an STD." Now, I don't know if the STD thing is just a rumor. I don't know where they got that part from.
What a completely shitty, down right depressing news day. I don't know whether to cry, scream, or just try and forget about it.
For me, it is more depressing and unbelievable when girls/women begin blaming the battered female victim..showing no sympathy.
I think hip hop culture and hip hop music play a role in this as well. Where else do you hear of women being abused and insulted so brazenly?
Tonight when Larry King interviewed Judge Judy, he invited her to comment on this Boston survey concerning Chris Brown and Rhianna. He asked if she was surprised by the responses of the teenagers. She said that she was not surprised by the results because 1. Women can be violent 2. Women know how to provoke men.
The general theme was clear: Women know how to trigger men in such a way that they lose control and inevitably cannot help but beat their partners. What I hear beneath all the commentary is that when a woman is silent, pleasing and deferential, she does not provoke abuse. Is this what we want to teach the next generation of young women? No matter what the particular angle may be, I keep hearing the same message: "If you don't want to be abused, just find a way to please your man."
Judge Judy's statements echo much of the recent public discourse I've heard about the assault. Tonight I witnessed another media figure repeat the myths that perpetuate violence against women. What disturbs me most is that abused women all over the world are listening. I am writing here, so that another voice can be heard, a voice of hope, the voice of a woman who discovered what she needed to walk away from abuse.
Although I am disturbed by what I heard, comments like this awaken my deep sense of gratitude for what the feminist movement has given me. When I was trying to leave a life of abuse, radical feminist writers gave me the language I needed to voice my experience and create enduring change. Their companionship nurtured my courage and reminded me to trust my own knowledge.
For anyone interested in reading an excellent critique on abusive relationships, I highly recommend:
Why Does He Do That?
Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
by Lundy Bancroft
Bancroft writes from his experience working with abusive men in a rehabilitation program located in D.C. His perspective helped to expand and clarify my view after reading much of the classic feminist literature on violence against women.
Are there feminist writers who transformed your perspective on abuse? Who gave you hope when you were struggling with these issues? Who gives you hope now? I would love to hear from other members of the community about anything that helped you walk away from abusive relationships or heal from a legacy of violence.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you sacredsiren for your comment. I too have learned alot from Lundy Bancroft and his book Why Does He Do That (www.lundybancroft.com). It especially helped me when I was going through an abusive relationship a couple of years ago.
Unfortunately, no feminist writers in particular helped me through it at the time. Although I do have Lenore E. Walker's book, Terrifying Love, about battered women who killed their abusers and have been meaning to finish it--fascinating stuff.
As for how I finally managed to stay away from him permanently after moving out 6 different times--I would say girlfriends and money. I had a female coworker at the time whom I didn't know real well but she immediately offered for me to stay there whenever I needed to when I told her of my situation. I also was on the phone with another girlfriend when I was packing up my stuff to move, crying and packing while she gave me support. And finally I had the money to get another apartment. So emotional and financial support--both are crucial.
I recently started a blog on domestic violence and women and self-esteem FYI, www.thelychee.com
It's sad that the victims of abuse become guilty in the eyes of society just because those who commit the crime did not learn/practice basic ideas from childhood, like not hitting someone, respecting one another, etc.
This is so disheartening, no wonder so many women who are abused are reluctant to do anything about it i.e. report it or leave the relationship. How can someone be blamed for being attacked? Especially in a romantic relationship you should be able to be honest and say whatever you would like without fear of some kind of negative physical reaction, it's just disappointing that so many think it was HER fault.
This is so disheartening, no wonder so many women who are abused are reluctant to do anything about it i.e. report it or leave the relationship. How can someone be blamed for being attacked? Especially in a romantic relationship you should be able to be honest and say whatever you would like without fear of some kind of negative physical reaction, it's just disappointing that so many think it was HER fault.
So incredibly sad...
http://hateonme.com/2009/03/31/hitting-women-is-wrong-wrong-but/