I'm really excited to announce that The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women is out. (Though super nervous too!)
And while I'm anticipating some backlash - shit, even the title/cover of the book generated some conservative hand-wringing - I'm hoping that it will further the conversation about how the conservative movement uses young women's bodies and moral panic myths to push traditional gender roles and punish women who don't fit into the "pure" ideal.
If you want to get more of an idea of what the book is all about, you can download the Introduction here. Hope you enjoy it!
You can buy The Purity Myth on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Powell's or Indiebound.
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A much-needed book for this generation! I don't suppose a table of contents is available? I would love more detail on what topics are covered in the book.
We're proud of you, Jessica!
I have every intention of buying this book...and possibly citing to it in my debates with radical far-right Evangelicals and patriarchalists.
Congratulations.
Sure - here's the TOC:
1. the cult of virginity
2. tainted love
3. forever young
4. the porn connection
5. classroom chastity
6. legislating sexuality
7. public punishments
8. beyond manliness
9. sex, morals, and trusting women
10. post-virgin world
A big Congrats, Jessica!
And thanks!!!
A necessary book. Congrats on it coming out.
Teaching high school last year, some of the things my students had been taught to believe and feel made me want to cry and/or kick things! Condemned, not (only) because of ignorance as much as deliberate lies they were raised on and the bad emphases they were encouraged to.
I've been waiting for this. I think I will try to get it at Books-A-Million. I got your last book there but I had to special order it. I have a discount card there so I tend to buy all my books there.
I know what I am doing immediately when I get home!! Congatulations and thanks... I cannot wait to read this!
I know what I am doing immediately when I get home!! Congatulations and thanks... I cannot wait to read this!
p.s. i love the pun ;)
Congratulations!
Brilliant, congrats! As soon as I get my allowance, Amazon here I come :P
Awesome, I can't wait to buy it!
I grew up in a conservative atmosphere, and yeah, there are tons of fundie I grew up with kids who have been brainwashed by the "purity myth". Really sad actually.
I'm glad you're putting this out there in the public arena Jessica! I just wish it came out sooner so that I could have cited for my paper on virginity and sexuality. You can still bet on my purchase though!
I pre-ordered this baby a month ago! I can't wait for it to arrive!
I love the cover art. I think it was last year that I saw, right here on Feministing, the whole metaphor that every time a woman has sex before marriage, she's like a rose getting a petal plucked.
It was just so funny. I love seeing something similar on the cover of the book.
I can't wait to read it! My friends have been so excited for this release. I'm particularly interested to read it as a virgin who doesn't believe in the purity myth.
Hey, same here, a virgin who refuses to believe in the myth of virginity.
I have it on pre-order. I'm waiting for it to get here!
Me too!
I'm so excited to see how Jessica approaches all of the media contradictions about female sexuality that are so prevalent in our society.
Jessica, I think I might try to read this when I have the time (currently swamped with finals!). I grew up in a home where virginity is extremely important, and where my mom said point-blank that she'd rather see me flunk out of college than have sex before marriage. I'm quite tired of the virginity on the pedestal argument and would love to read something intelligent that counters it.
Wow...I own all of your books and Courtney's as well. That introduction was the calmest most articulate peace a work discussing a woman's morality and the disgusting idea that her morality is determined by her virginity or lack there of...not by her actual status as a good and moral person.
Awesome -- congrats!
I tried to stop at my local B&N today to pick it up, but they won't have it in stock until april 1 :P
So instead I just ordered it from Amazon and will get it Monday! Can't wait to read it :)
sounds great
one thought i had when seeing the title: "shameless self promotion" is often used on blogs semi-ironically, but doesn't the idea that it's shameful to be outspoken and to talk about the projects you have done just another arm of a culture that silences the voices of so many?
of course people can get obnoxious in talking about their stuff -- but i don't think there's anything inherently shameful about it -- especially since feministing readers will be interested in most content relevant to the blog.
sounds great, it's on my infinitely long reading list
one thought i had when seeing the title: "shameless self promotion" is often used on blogs semi-ironically, but doesn't the idea that it's shameful to be outspoken and to talk about the projects you have done just another arm of a culture that silences the voices of so many?
of course people can get obnoxious in talking about their stuff -- but i don't think there's anything inherently shameful about it -- especially since feministing readers will be interested in most content relevant to the blog.
i just bought my copy! CAN'T WAIT for it to be delivered!
Just ordered my copy! Very excited!
I posted on my facebook status that everyone should order it, to which I got a reply from one random fundie girl I haven't seen/spoken to in 8 years
"so does she say girls should not stay virgins until marriage?"
Ummm...what? Did you even read the description? But I took it as an opportunity to educate her on sex culture a little, and hopefully, got through a little (doubtful-as she was the 19 year old bride because she wanted to have sex....And was just the "slutty feminist"
Anyway, congrats! I also ordered "He's a stud/she's a slut" since I didn't have my own copy.
Kara S., I am so glad you did this.
I missed the social networking boat by a few years (and like to believe the rest of my generation did, too--yes, I'm willfully oblivious), but I know from watching my students that Facebook is a huge part of their lives.
Your simple act may make a world of difference to people who may never have stopped to think about feminism as a paradigm worthy--or necessary--to adopt.
I'm buying this and Yes Means Yes as soon as I pay my fucking health care deductible...
Maybe that's why Republicans don't want national health insurance...otherwise we'd all be able to buy feminist books the day they come out!
Hi Jessica I'm a senior and I can't wait to the book to get gout since i'm doing my project on Abstinence pledges( Do they work? is my question), so this will benefit me greatly.
Congrats, Jess. Can't wait to read the rest.
Few things bother me more than the implication that unless you are celibate, you must be fucking everything under the sun. Despite the stat we all know that 95% of people have pre-marital sex... I've even seen it play out in the comment section here.
From a kindred spirit who was labelled a "slut" long before I had sex with more than one person, I thank you whole-heartedly for writing this book.
After reading the intro, I can't wait to read more! Congrats Jessica :)
Hope to read it. Low on cash now but my parents said they would buy it. I should ask my teacher to order it for the class, she loves your books and she even had us read Full Frontal Feminism for Women's Seminar.
But yeah Jessica, this topic of the book has inspired me for my science project this semester. I'm going to look up the "scientific" facts and studies that abstinence programs tell kids and I'm going to compete with them with real studies and real scientific facts on sexuality.
I am absolutely thrilled beyond belief that this book is finally being released and I will be making a trip to Barnes and Noble this weekend! I can't understand why so many are still believers in the Church of the Almighty Hymen. Sheer ridiculousness. I have no words for it.
I am absolutely thrilled beyond belief that this book is finally being released and I will be making a trip to Barnes and Noble this weekend! I can't understand why so many are still believers in the Church of the Almighty Hymen. Sheer ridiculousness. I have no words for it.
I'm going out tomorrow to buy myself a copy, and I'll happily recommend it to every conservative I know.
I'm very excited to read your new book, although I was content rereading "Full Frontal Feminism" while waiting :)
I sometimes feel that the safety of feminist forums and women's studies classes have me shocked when I express opinion outside of these settings. I'm often so stunned by what people have to say, I am speechless.
As a for instance, my friend argued with me that although the chastity movement is extreme in the ideal it proposes, it also isn't good that girls are turning into sluts, as an alternative.
My response, albeit mostly shock, is that there rarely is a middle ground anymore. Problematic words such as slut/whore are thrown around far too easily and well, the bounds of virginity can be argued. Mainly I argued that choice is what's important when it comes to female sexuality.
But she simply added, "So as a feminists, you would rather they be sluts than repressed women following this purity myth? Because I don't think it's right for women, or men, to sleep around."
I just don't know what to say anymore...I feel defenseless sometimes in argument
What your friend simply added was the same virgin/whore dicotomy framework that feminists fight against. Its like asking "Did you stop beating your child?" The question implies that you had been beating your child. Just as your friends question sets up the virgin/whore dicotomy as the only interpretation of a person's sexual actions.
What is interesting is that people who wish to keep the purity myth alive believe that if it is gone, everyone will just go out and have as much sex as possible; that no one will choose to abstain. They don't seem to understand that the same personal choices can be made based on facts rather than purity myths.
I'm glad you haven't shied away from discussing porn; I'm curious to what your take will be on that.
I was so excited for this to come out my boyfriend pre-ordered it for me, without knowing it was a few months away! I can't wait to tear through it!
Congratulations Jessica!!!
I live in Canada and likely will be buying it in stores, will it also be available in stores in Canada April 1st or will it be later?
And also Congrats!!! Looking forward to what I am sure will be an awesome read!!
Much like the movement to shine light on the fact that many many women have abortions, I think there needs to be more public record of how women are enriched by their sexual experiences outside of marriage. As a married woman, I feel like I'm encouraged to forget every sexual moment before I was married (most of which occurred with the man who is now my husband). I wouldn't have ever gotten into a serious relationship with my fantastic husband if I'd reserved sex for marriage. One of the reasons we're so closely bonded now is that we had sex ALL THE TIME when we first got together. It's shaped my coupled identity as being very physically affectionate, which I value highly.
While I agree with the first part of your statement--that there should be an open exploration of how sex before marriage and multiple partners does not hurt all people and how, in mutually respectful and healthy cases, can be quite a good thing--I think your own story wouldn't be good evidence offered in support of it.
You ended up marrying your pre-marriage partner. Your admission that you were emotionally bonded to him through physical intimacy is precisely the "evidence" Abstinence-only advocates point to to cry that sex before marriage is a great ill. Your experience is the first weapon in their arsenal, and it is quite an effective weapon.
I have been deeply entrenched all my life in the Abstincen-only milieu of two cultures, one of which is the U.S., and here are the [non-religious] premises upon which their arguments are based (I exclude the religious arguments, because even religious advocates have created parallel secular arguments to introduce into public schools and reach the non-religious):
1. Sex is an emotional, spritual bond between human beings--it is never "just sex," and trying to nake it only a physical thing is a deviance that degrades sex and harms people (esp. women).
2. Emotional, spiritual, intimate bonds borne of sex are at their best--their most emotionally stable, their most unselfish, their most disease-free--within the confines of Marriage. [Cue "kids should have two parents and sex creates kids" arguments here, as well].
3. Because of the above, it is highly physically, emotionally, and spritually risky to "bond" oneself to anyone (or ones) who is not one's spouse. The Sex Bond is akin to marriage, and creating powerful mini-marriages before marriage will not only cause emotional turmoil when the relationships end, but, more importantly, will irrevocably damage the eventual legal marriage in which a person does end up (they will have less of their heart to give; they will be haunted by the emotional intimacies of past lovers; etc).
***
Thus, in order to combat Abstinence-Only ideology, we must strike at the very idea that "emotional bonding with anyone other than one's spouse is terrible for one's well-being." Your story only proves their point. We need to offer examples of people who enjoyed sex with one or more non-married partners, created an emotional bond, and were actually better off in marriage to another person for those reasons. Perhaps they learned more about their limitations; they made mistakes from which they learned and which will help them in their legal marriage; etc.
This leaves the Ab-Onlies with no more secular legs on which to stand, and they will then revert to their religious arguments, which are not effective amongst the large numbers of the population that are irreligious or follow religions that do not proscribe premarital sex.
There wouldn't be any marriage here without the premarital sex. This one would have "gotten away" with no fanfare if I hadn't been open to extramarital sex. I would never have considered sleeping with only one person over my lifetime. I did luck out by marrying youngish and happily, but we both had experience to draw on to make a decision.
Having a relationship to begin with (whose outcome I did not predict when I was 18) required that I be able to experiment. My experiment was successful (It proved the hypothesis that I dig this guy in a huge way.), but that doesn't mean I knew what would happen when I laid eyes on the dude.
That sex with my husband is uniquely meaningful to me doesn't mean anything in particular about any other sex I may have had over my lifetime. I liked it before I knew we would marry, and what I got out of it helped encourage me that I wanted to be with this man forever.
I see what you're saying and acknowledge the point it illustrates (that one of the potential benefits of premarital sex is that it develops and progresses relationships that would otherwise not have progressed to the marital stage).
Unfortunately, for Ab-onlies, the end result of being married (in the heteronormative bliss they exalt above all else) does not cancel out the perceived damage of the premarital sex.
Indeed, hardline Ab-Only advocates already use stories similar to yours as evidence to prove their own point. I'm subscribed to several far-right Christian Evangelical newsletters and magzines, and they occasionally run stories about relationships such as your own to show how "emotionally and psychically bonding" sex is, and to use this to bolster their arguments against premarital sex. They argue that there is no way anyone can see into the future to know that this current sex partner will be the person they end up marrying.
(Then they take it further and argue that even people who are already engaged to be married should not indulge in the sex act before the saying of vows because it will cheapen the vows by serving as a constant reminder that they put their physical needs above their spiritual and emotional love).
You appear to approach sex holistically (as I believe is a good thing), viewing it as something organically intertwined with the rest of your body, mind, and spirit, to use a hackneyed term. The various components of your self are not
We must remember that many Christian Ab-Onlies often view sex from the Hellenized early Gnostic and neoplatonistic standpoint, in which the body is seen as something entirely separate from the heart and soul and mind, and which must not be allowed to carnalize or pollute the latter. The body, in this framework, becomes polluting when the sex is pre-marital. Within the marriage relationship, it is sanctified and can allowably intersect with the mind and heart.
Sorry, I got cut off in the second to last paragraph:
The various components of your body are not components at all, but integrated within you, forming your whole Self.
Sorry, I got cut off in the second to last paragraph:
The various components of your personhood are not components at all, but integrated within you, forming your whole Self.
(I'm typing while in the middle of a meeting)
This book touches me quite deeply. I am interested to read more and to develop my own perceptions.
Although I have chosen to remain abstinent until marriage, I fully understand the kind of deeply personal choice one's own sexuality is and I could not possibly claim the right/ability to know what the correct choice is for someone else. I disagree with abstinence-only education and have found no home for the combination of my personal choice and political beliefs.
I had the opposite experience to the virgin/whore situation described in other comments...I have experienced the cruelest betrayals and social condemnations because of my choice. The kindest reaction I had was the friendly warning that, as a straight female, I will be alone for the rest of my life if I don't "give it up."
I only recently decided to delve into a study of feminist theories and discovered this blog along that journey.
I was fascinated by the introduction to this book - I'm definitely getting a copy. The idea that a requirement of "giving it up" or hiding it away IS the problem is a new one to me...and one I think is profoundly true. My personal experiences including but not limited to the one I mentioned here had led me to believe that "choice" always translated into "you must have sex or there is something wrong with you." This is the first time I've encountered a philosophy that actually supports all conscious and informed choices.
I was non-sexually active (with a partner, that is!) for many adult years and also, erroneously believed that the "Choice" emphasis of feminism was utterly against my personal choice not to have sex.
Do you know where this idea comes from?
Not from feminists.
It comes from the Abstinence-ONLY (i.e. only option for everyone) asserition that "feminism forces sex, sex, and more sex, and doesen't understand how it's really hurting women, and how deep down women WANT traditional relationships!" Ab-Onlies set up two poles: Abstinence-which-recognizes-the-sacredness-of-humnan-sexuality, and Feminism/Humanism which view humans as beasts ruled by the body, consequences be damned.
The perniciousness of this falsehood lies in its masterful linking of Feminism/Humanism to an ideology which is not its own. True feminists are the first to jump up in outrage when a woman is pressured... TO have sex....or to NOT have sex. It is NON-feminists who have bought into patriarchy who argue that women should force themselves to "lose your v-card, already!!" and who encourage Girls to Go Wild.
Hooray! :D
It's all sold out at my local Barnes and Noble! I was all disappointed i wouldn't get to read it yet, but happy to see such a great response. Wooo, Denton, TX!
great! I've already pre-bought it on Amazon:)
I just finished the Purity Myth and will be incorporating it into my graduate teaching for sure. I appreciated how thorough and thoughtful the book was, and found the language accessible and engaging. The central thesis of the book is one that most people haven't considered (and therefore need to hear).
I also really appreciated the reference to language we use to insult men vs. women (I have to buy the earlier book). It came at a great time, as I'd just had a Facebook argument with a friend of mine who was getting kudos for having called a guy a pussy. I challenged her twice. The first time, she said that she also uses "cock" and "dick" to insult men (this was supposed to be a jusitification), to which I replied that it's not the same (since we don't tend to refer to women this way)--in other words, it's misogyny to refer to men as pussies and doesn't help the case to call them cocks and dicks. Since that posting, my friend asked me to "stop lecturing" her and several of her (unenlightened) friends have taken to insulting me in all sorts of sexualized ways.