Quick Hit: Beware the Willy Bits
Dr. Ross Ardill, a doctor in Dublin, was found not guilty of professional misconduct yesterday, though he used some truly questionable and outrageously hilarious terminology when trying to figure out if one of his young female patients was either pregnant or potentially infected with a sexually transmitted infection:
He said he asked her was she "next or near a man's willy bits" in the last six months and in relation to her sleeping he did suggest a drink, light exercise, a trashy novel or some "rumpy pumpy". He said he used this kind of "childish" language with all patients to make them feel at ease. Nobody before had found it offensive. He said he would not use the term "willy bits" again.
Um, I feel bad for the patient who had to deal with such a numskull, but I'm kind of happy for the rest of us who get to laugh our arses off at his language.
Thanks to a reader for the heads up.
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You know what makes me feel at ease, when my doctor talks like she fucking went to medical school.
Of course, I must now ask my husband if he wants to strip down to his "willy bits" for a little "rumpy pumpy." I have no choice.
Ummm...this doesn't really strike me as being all that bad. Of course, it would be annoying to be spoken to like a three-year-old, but I personally have dealt with a lot worse from sexist, fat-hating doctors in the past. I absolutely defend the patient's right to press charges, I guess it seems like a bit much to press charges for this. Am I being too callous?
"Am I being too callous?"
I don't think so. It would be something to get up and walk out over, warn friends about, and possibly to write a letter to the board about, but I don't think it rises to the level of pressing charges. It's childish and unprofessional, but not malpractice.
Well... patronizing language aside, the fact that he told her to "'find a willy and have sex' to help her get into a sleeping routine" sounds like sexual harassment, IMO.
It's a technical term don't you know. Latin and such.
LMFAO. Am I reading this correctly? He *recommended* she have an alcoholic beverage in order to sleep better? And *recommended* she have sex? I'm confused.
I'm pretty confused about this whole thing. Maybe I need to read it again.
But my (female) doctor has recommended both an alcoholic beverage or having sex to help me sleep as well. They are pretty standard methods to help one sleep. But then again I'm married and she knows this and she also knows I don't have a drinking problem.
Weird story all around.
Yeah, I don't think it's out of line to suggest a glass of wine before bed if someone's having trouble sleeping. It's a pretty common and harmless way of relaxing. Now, if he were suggesting she down the whole bottle, that would be a different issue.
Actually, drinking alcohol to help with insomnia is possibly the worst advice I've ever heard. For one thing, alcohol is a diuretic. It can also lead to middle-of-the-night awakenings for other reasons. Doctors really ought to know that.
I can't help but crack up whenever I imagine that photo (with the exact same expression) repeatedly saying willy-bits!
That's really funny. Is he related to Ned Flanders?
LMAO!! XD
I think that this is probably one of those classic "tragedy is when I cut my finger, comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die" moments. Although it's amusing looking in, I probably would have been seriously irritated if any doctor of mine had treated me like that.
I would have acted in a very dignified and haughty manner; coldly asked him if he was a doctor or a preschool supervisor, and if he was unable to answer me to my satisfaction, then could he at least point me in the direction of a *real* doctor? Then on my way out I would have yelled "PENIS" "VAS DEFERENS" and "EPIDIDYMIS" loudly and repeatedly.*
*Or not really. ;-)
You make the word "epididymis" sound very haughty and dignified.
Thanks - I'll take it as a compliment that I'm still considered dignified even when I'm wandering around randomly yelling anatomical terms. ;-)
Although not quite on a par with the delightfully eccentric glories of "widdiful" and "pronk"* I've always thought "epididymis" to be one of the sillier words in the English language.
*(to name but a few of my favourites).
My midwife calls sex "family games," as in "you're getting close to starting labor, might want to play some family games tonight to bring it on."
I should have gotten litigious and maybe gotten a few bucks out of her. I'll keep that in mind if she tries it again.
First of all, she didn't sue him for money, she reported him to the medical board.
Second, I don't know about you, but I get kind of uncomfortable when a medical caregiver uses euphemisms instead of proper medical terms.
To echo your tone:
First of all, I never said she did sue him for money, it just sounds like a reasonable next step. Second of all, I don't know about you, but I like that there are different caregivers with different approaches so that more people are able to find ones that they are comfortable with and that provide the most effective treatment for the individual.
This doctor may have worked with enough young women who answered "no" when asked "have you had sex," which could result in an undiagnosed STD, that he came up with another approach. I can definitely see where his wording would put some people at ease, or even surprise them enough to make them answer truthfully and allow him to order more targeted testing and provide more effective care.
In the case of "family games," when I laughed about it my midwife explained that more people actually did have sex when she called it that as opposed to saying "intercourse might help advance labor." Most of her patients have read that a hundred times, but the tiredness of pregnancy, the apprehension of the impending birth, and all of the daily chores and work responsibilities that come with being an adult all interfere.
If she calls it something out of the ordinary, however, the patient is more likely to think about it on the way home, mention it to her partner over dinner, laugh about it that night, describe the insult of it on a message board, and, most importantly, have it that night.
I like interacting with a caregiver, not just having a medical book recited to me.
I once had a Dr. I was seeing about a yeast infection tell me that I had too many "deer" in my "forest." Meaning that the microbial flora of my vagina was unbalanced. Couldn't bring himself to use the V-word. The worst part was that he had a med student observing. Actually the worst part was that he suggested that I have a glass of wine and light some candles to deal with the excruciating pain I was experiencing with sex. My current Dr. prescribed physical therapy, which worked like a charm.
my doctor told me once that I had "yeastie beasties" I was 17 years old and had never been to the gyno before, had just told my mother i was sexually active, so her preschool terminology on top of all that was just the icing on a big, awkward cake.
I hate it when people that aren't doctors use euphemisms for genitalia, I'd be pissed if my doctor used them. I'd probably just say, "I'm sorry, what? What do you mean by that?" until they actually said "PENIS" or "VAGINA" or whatever they were beating around the bush to say.
"Deer in the forest"?
"Yeastie Beasties"?
It's amazing that somebody with a MEDICAL DEGREE would talk like that!
Also, there is a sexist element to this - doctors generally don't talk to MALE patients using childlike euphemisms, why do they feel they have to talk that way to grown women?
I think the more offensive thing was to suggest that she needed 'find a willy and have sex' in order to sleep. I didn't realise that all we needed was to have sex with a man and then we would be fine.
I'm not saying that having sex won't make you go to sleep or even that it's a bad thing to recommend but to put it that way is quite offensive (to me at least).
((Hehe, Firefox considers 'willy' a misspelt word))
Funny! He sounds like a pretty good doctor to me. I wish my doctor had half as much personality.
In a way, this reminds me of those horrible Extenze commercials that come on late at night on comedy central. Everybody in them says "That certain part of the male body", even the so-called doctor. It always irritates me and leads me to yell at the tv, "it's a penis you dumb fuck! Act like a fucking professional and not an 8th grade substitute teacher in health class!"
Even though I found the recommendation to "find a willy" offensive, the board's finding was hilarious:
>>They found the second allegation that he had prescribed sex as part of a treatment plan when this was not medically justified unproven.>>
I nearly did a spit take from laughing when I read this. When is prescribing sex medically justified? I mean, I know it has all kinds of benefits besides just being awesome fun, but I've never heard of a doctor saying, "You know what would REALLY work for that condition? Fucking."
Unless, I guess, you were trying to get pregnant?
I appreciate professionalism, but I find doctors willing to be personable by using humour tend to be more receptive to my concerns.
Incidentally, "whoody-who" is one of my favourite synonyms for vagina.
Rumpy pumpy sounds like a delicious Irish dish.
I can appreciate a doctor telling a patient who can't sleep to have a beer instead of handing over a sleeping pill prescription. However, asking about a patient's daily proximity to a cock is definitely out of place when a woman just has "flu-like symptoms" as the article says.
I just figured out how to treat my insomnia.
*chugs several beers and runs off in search of rumpy pumpy*
Fuck that guy for trying to be jovial and informal. He should have been cold and mechanical.
and suggesting an alcoholic beverage to assist in sleeping? He should have his practice suspended for not giving her a scrip for some pill with about a million potential side-effects!
Oh and furthermore to suggest to a sexually active patient that sex might also help with a sleep problem?!?! The nerve!
When I go to a doctor or other medical professional, I'm not interested in "jovial and informal" because it is NOT A SOCIAL CALL.
Something is seriously wrong, and it needs to be cared for, and it's beyond my capacity to self care.
I'd be really uncomfortable with seeing a physician who talked about "rumpy pumpy" instead of SEXUAL INTERCOURSE and "willy bits" instead of PENISES, or for that matter if he/she talked about "your tick tock" instead of the HEART or asked me to "go tee tee in the little potty" instead of GIVE ME A URINE SAMPLE.
Professional situations call for professional language - especially in life or death situations.
When is prescribing sex medically justified?
To kick start the onset of labor, for one.
It's also good for cramps!
Very funny. I know I have a lot to learn in medical school, but even before I got there, I knew I would have to stop calling the vagina a "hoo-ha" by the time I became I practicing ob/gyn.