As a feminist I believe that the personal is the political. In other words, what you do is political, and yes, it is complicated. All of us at Feministing have bore our personal lives on this blog and they have been picked apart, reprinted, chastised and cherished. But instead of writing a really personal post about how difficult this process is (I will save that for another post), I want to focus on another internet phenomenon that is about sharing. Specifically, the "25 things meme," on Facebook where you share 25 random facts about yourself and tag people to do the same or at least read the ones you put together.
Last week there was an article in the NYT and TIME magazine about the 25 things meme. I specifically found the Time piece to be powerful. The author really hates the 25 things meme.
But it's just so stupid. Most people aren't funny, they aren't insightful, and they share way too much. Facebook is a loose social network; a "friend" on Facebook might translate to someone you'd barely recognize in real life. I don't care that my college roommate's sister is anemic or that my stepcousin's boyfriend gets nervous around old people (apparently he's afraid they're going to die)
My immediate reaction was pity for this woman, because it sounds like her friends are super boring. I had a completely different experience with sharing 25 things and reading those of my friends. Most of my friends are amazing, actually all of them are, they are interesting and amazing to me, and I found that reading about their lives gave me more insight into who they are and why they do the things they do, are passionate about the things they are passionate about. It was a story-telling tool.
But maybe, I have a different relationship with these lists. I have lived a very public internet life for the last few years. Who I am is what I do in many ways, that is how my identity plays out. I blog under my own name and you can easily find pictures of me. I have also had to make personal sacrifices with knowing that people that I know from all walks of my life have probably read about what I do, so I can't pretend to you know, not be a feminist or something. So my sense of personal privacy is different then someone who has a boss that might read their list.
But given that Facebook has really effective privacy settings, I find this hatred for 25 things really interesting. I find it an honor to be tagged in someone's note, that they wanted me to read these things about them. But other's find it to be a chore, embarrassing and difficult to manage. They would prefer to get to know people as they chose and in the real world.
I find criticism of oversharing to be complex. I think as women and as women of color it is hard enough to speak truths on our lives, so if we are doing it, we should be supported in doing it and say fuck you to internet standards and etiquette. I have never been one for etiquette.
On the other hand there are a lot of things I do not share on the internet. What is your experience with sharing on the internet? When is sharing, oversharing?
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On the internet, as in RL, my rights end where yours begin. I may overshare about my gyno visit, I can post bad poetry ad-nauseum.....
But I can't tell secrets about and make you easily identifiable.
Just like my right to swing my fist ends where your nose starts, my right to overshare ends when i reveal something pertaining to your identity.
Seeing as I had the cops show up at my house last month after oversharing my supreme irritation at my non sleeping 4 year old on Twitter, I'm more than a little paranoid, and have become more "private" than before, locking things down to only the people who DO know me and my frightfully awful sense of humor.
I like the 25 things, and have also learned some neat stuff about people. I think we're so closed off from each other that this is how we connect and bond-what once would have been groups of women talking over coffee is now groups talking over the internet.
It's just a lot scarier.
I have been both bored and fascinated by other people's "25 Things." I don't really understand an angry reaction over boredom- just don't read the damn things. I do, however, get cranky when being tagged or sent a meme like this comes with strongly worded imperatives about HAVING to respond. Then it starts to feel like getting a chain letter in the fifth grade, complete with threatening stories about how the last person in the chain was hit by lightning or fell off a cliff. Then I usually delete things just out of spite.
Also, if you're so agitated about a meme that you write and publish an article, it seems to me like you haven't broken the self-revealing chain, you've just upped the ante a bit.
This is definitely a complex issue. I personally am in agreement with you, Samhita. I love reading these mini-narratives about my friends, and I loved writing my own. However, some people in my life had a very strong negative reaction to this phenomenon. My partner thinks it's dangerous to put so much information about myself on the internet, and he was actually kind of pissed about my 25 facts being exposed for all to see.
But what is the harm, really? What is so wrong with sharing the qualities that make you interesting and weird and beautiful with the people in your life (be them family or just acquaintances)? I think this is just another way for people to build community. Maybe it's a strange, passive-agressive community, but it's a community nonetheless.
I can't believe the NYT covered the 25-Things meme. What next: the scare-mongering forwards from your aunt warning you about the tricky new ways predators are targeting women in their cars?
Anyway, I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with oversharing on the Internet. I do it all the time: here, on other woman-focused blogs, on my own blog, etc. A lot of people really lack self-awareness, though, as is evidenced by *how* they broadcast their personal information, and to whom. I know way more than I ever SHOULD know about acquaintances I never even spoke to when we attended high school together.
At the same time, I think people are desperate to make connections with other people, and as we sit alone on our computers we look for ways to reach out to other people who are alone on their computers.
Wow, I've never thought about it like this. I don't really take the facebook that seriously. Maybe I'm oldskool. And the 25 things...I mean the people that I love and am close to, I already know most of these things about them! Some other people have some interesting things, but its not everyone. And maybe its just my experience, but a lot of people, (esp people I knew from high school, whyyy I am friends with so many?) are already extremely privileged, and just like writing stuff like "money matters." or other shallow things to get more attention and be obnoxious. I don't care.
For you, and your blogging and sharing of your life, you do these things at communities or sites specifically geared to people who want to read that stuff. You write about your experiences as a WOC, or about your relatives giving you a hard time about weight, or about any issues that can help illuminate discrimination in daily lives, etc. You're doing a great service. I think blogging in that sort of a context, or in a community that has a specific point or audience is totally different. But to me, writing 25 things about how your boyfriend has a sexy body or how much money you spend on sushi every month is really self-important and not the same thing.
I've been participating in online communities since the early '80s. Maybe it's a generational thing but I really don't care for those "25 things" things. They're extremely self-conscious and encourage posturing, even from people who really aren't posturers. Everybody wants to be interesting. Most people are, but so often in ways they're really not aware of. Posting a "25 things" post is like saying you have eclectic taste in music (which I also don't much appreciate). It's a layer-of-indirection-revealing, saying more about how you want to be perceived than who you really are.
I vastly prefer the way people reveal themselves gradually, through interaction. These info dumps — bleah.
word, Melinda.
"saying more about how you want to be perceived than who you really are"
My bff/roommate actually wrote a thesis on this aspect of internet-advertising your person, perception versus reality, etc. I'm not saying all this stuff is always *bad*. But I do think its important to note.
maybe...or maybe, it can be a window into how people see themselves. I think it depends on the individual. On the whole I agree, though.
Melinda, I am totally with you.
I don’t mind the meme and finding out funny little things about people I know. My problem is with how terribly brag-y, and subsequently unbelievable they often get.
From looking at many of my FB friends’ memes you would see a disproportionate number of intellectual geniuses, child prodigies (several mention being asked to join professional world renowned dance/music troupes as small children), and black belts in karate…for real, it seems like everyone is a black belt in karate!
Sharing is fine but boasting or exaggerating for the purpose of impressing people just makes me think that you are rude and/or lying.
I have successfully resisted the 25 things meme, but not because I don't think it's important for women to share. I do think it's important for them to share. But it's important to do so in a self-aware manner, it seems to me, and therein lies the rub. Most people writing overshares are not accepters of the "personal is political" feminist angle - they are exhibitionists. And that does make a difference.
For example, I wrote a share-y blog post a few days back because it seemed to fit a discussion I was having in my own head about feminism well, but I agonized over posting it, because I did not want to make myself the subject. I wanted feminism to be the subject. And I did get an initial avalanche of compliments that made me kind of profoundly uncomfortable.
Actually I have to say that Facebooks privacy settings are mediocre at best and when the full implement beacon they will be horrible.
While there is granularity as to what people can see, there is no granularity as to who can see what. And since you end up granting sweeping rights to third parties with the Applications and Facebook Connect.
What specifically is wrong with their privacy settings? You can make endless lists of people and make different privacy settings for each. If you wanted you could make a specific list of people who are allowed to see your notes.
Most of the apps are stupid, and you certainly don't HAVE to ad any of them. Also they made beacon opt-in after the initial outcry.
When I was in middle and high school (circa 2000), my group of friends all had livejournals, and we were all LJ friends with each other, and these sorts of memes went around all the time. Some people also sent them by email. Some of them were lists of random stuff, most had more specific questions or themes. There used to be drama over who had said they had a crush on someone and who hadn't, etc. So to me they seem like a juvenile thing I've grown out of, like talking all night on the phone with a girl I just spent all day at school with. But maybe people now are writing more interesting, grownup things in them.
I think its funny that the big news outlets have picked this up all of a sudden (Slate is also conducting a poll on it) because to me it is nothing new. Maybe its noteworthy because so many people have seen this one, but I think that's more just evidence that everyone uses facebook now, than evidence that this meme is anything different from the others. I'm pretty sure chain letters like this were passed around in study hall on notebook paper in the dark ages before the internet. It doesn't really seem like anything new to me.
To be honest, I've seen several on my news feed but I haven't bothered to read them. I'm very busy these days and most of the people who've done them aren't people I'm really that close with. I don't plan to write one myself. But I have nothing against people who are enjoying them-- I think it all has to do with the writing skills of your friends.
But maybe people now are writing more interesting, grownup things in them.
Very likely. When you were in middle school and high school doing those on LJ, I was in my 30s doing them. When I answer memes, those answers are generally about or from the perspective of a woman in her mid-late '30s, and so by default are about more adult things.
"They would prefer to get to know people as they chose and in the real world."
Facebook, as well as other networking sites, are all about meeting and getting to know and staying in touch with others. Profiles on Facebook are essentially the "25 things" game, telling about yourself and your interests. If the author of the article doesn't like the "25 things," then perhaps she shouldn't be on Facebook and instead be meeting people "in the real world."
Count me as another one who's surprised someone thought this meme was important enough to write a news article on.
That said, though I've read my friend's memes and don't mind seeing them, I haven't filled it out myself. It's weird, I can be very blunt about things most people would regard as personal, but I'll usually do this in some sort of context. Meaning whatever the topic is, be it sexual assault or something as random as pet care, I'll be happy to share my thoughts and experiences regarding it, but when it comes to just offering up information at random, i kind of freeze and don't know where to begin. Tell you 25 things about myself? Well, uhhh, what specifically do you want to know?
rustyspoons, you expressed my thoughts almost exactly. I am very opinionated and those who know me in real life know that I usually have LOTS to say on the topics that interest me, but though I share a lot in conversation with small groups of friends or acquaintances, I am loathe to do the self-revelation thing in a public forum. I read my friends 25-things list and most of them are mildly amusing, but I am not going to respond in kind. If you want to know stuff about me, let's just sit and talk over coffee :) I love Facebook though...such a guilty procrastination pleasure and a lazy way to keep up with people.
Samhita, to me it's amazing that you and the other women of Feministing can be as up front about your lives online as you are. When I started commenting here in Feministing's first year, I decided to stay pseudonymous because I wanted to be able to talk frankly about sexuality and BDSM and how that influenced my views as a feminist. I knew that doing that would mean I could never say on the blogs precisely what I did in the practice of law, which is hard for me because it is something I am passionate about.
Years ago when I started meeting folks IRL that I knew from online, it was very disconcerting. I had the sense that these people all knew so much about me, though in fact people often recall very little. Years after that, when my spouse first met people I knew from online, she had the same reaction: that these people knew all about her, from thing I said on the blogs.
That imposes a certain separation in my life that I can't entirely get away from. I don't want every lawyer I know from work reading my comments, or my posts at the Community or over at Yes Means Yes Blog, because I don't want my sexuality to be a political football in the bar, and most of my colleagues don't know that I've been published. And my spouse long ago imposed some restrictions. What I do as a BDSM bottom is fair game, but what we do when she bottoms is off limits because she doesn't want even strangers criticizing and weighing in on that.
That's where I'm at and how I got here.
I thought this NYT story was pretty pointless, as is my personal opinion of the "25 things" exercise. I think some of those who find it aggravating are more peeved by the "chain latter" aspects. By tagging other people with the note, you seem to be signaling you not only expect that person to read it but to respond as well.
I compare it to a casual acquaintance cornering you, telling a long, personal story than suddenly expecting you to do the same. A bit of an exaggeration, but I think it gets at the heart of the matter.
It might sound a little silly to suggest people can't resist the subtle pressure to do so (and I'm not), I can say friendship obligations and reciprocity norms can be powerful. Some people are worried about being considered the sour apple in the bunch if they refuse or abstain.
Yeah, it's very in-your-face. I think your comparison is apt. There is something very exhibitionist about it.
Meh, being tagged in a note isn't a big deal as far as I can tell. If my name isn't actually IN the note I figure its more the equivalent of someone putting up a sign on the bulletin board at school and asking everyone to participate. You've been notified about something but you certainly don't have to read it or respond. Even mass emails don't really require a response in most cases.
Well spoken. I myself replied because I felt pressured after being tagged. But I liked making the list all the same. Initiatlly, I didn't tag anyone. But then I thought others who had tagged me were waiting to be tagged, so I starting tagging as well.
As you so aptly wrote and I so conviently exhibited, friendship obligations and reciprocity norms can be powerful
Down with the tagging.
On with the lists - they are endlessly entertaining.
We control our social networks. If the Times author doesn't enjoy reading what their friends put on facebook, they could just remove them from their friends list.
you know, for me the hatred of the "25 things" isn't because my friends are boring (well, not my true friends, though i do admit i have some acquaintances i'm not all too thrilled with) or anything else negative about them. it's that i'm not a fan of this concept of listing facts about yourself - not out of a privacy issue at all, but it just seems so ridiculous to me. and then to post these "things" for others to read just seems strangely too "oh, look at me!" for my taste. i did try to have fun with it was i was tagged. but, i wouldn't have done it at all except the friend who tagged me is very sensitive & i knew she'd be hurt if i didn't then go on to do a list myself.
As someone who's actually just done that 25 Things meme (and a few others) on FB, I don't have a problem with it. Yes, I was tagged by a friend. yes, I'm 38 and I do memes. I also learned a little bit more about some good friends on a couple topics I may not have thought to discuss with them, and I liked finding that out. Really, if someone hates them so much, it's not that hard to tell your friends "don't send me that junk", or even to just not do it. There's no command programmed into a meme tag.
It's also not like I'm posting my address, cell phone number, and bus route. If someone asks me in real life my sexual orientation, or my favorite hobby, or my opinion of PETA (grrr), I'm not ashamed to tell them. So I'm not ashamed to write it down. No site is going to have perfect privacy protocols, but I look at the great majority of things on the net as self-censorable. As in, if I don't like it and it doesn't really hurt other people... I can click off it. I'm an adult.
Am I boring? I thought at least a couple of the TIME author's 25 most hated facts were kind of cute.
I think it's fun to write such things, as said above, in context. Facebook and the like shouldn't be taken too seriously, and neither should reading or writing random facts.
Did you know that my Mom dressed me as Mr.Clean for Halloween when I was in 2nd grade? I think that's pretty funny (now, not then). This information likely doesn't enrich my friends' lives or give them any more insight about me, but it's entertaining for a moment.
I think it's important to take a holistic view of one's Internet Presence. I've recently upped my privacy settings on Facebook--not because I have anything there that's really all that embarrassing or shocking, but because I'd like my in-person self to be the one influencing first impressions.
While I'm happy to stand by anything I've said on my blogs or included in any of my social networking profiles, as someone who works in education I have to be extra careful about the things I share publicly.
As for the meme itself--I did it, I enjoyed a few of my friends' lists, and I didn't read some of the others. I think it's far less insidious than some of the crap people write on my wall. ("You've been run over by the pretty truck"? Really?)
I did it because I got tagged by somebody who I'd like to get to know better. She's the girlfriend of one of my friends, and I've been trying to reach out to her and create a bond so that she feels accepted in our social group as her own person instead of some accessory of my friend. The meme was an excellent opportunity to do that. *shrug* I like it. I tagged a bunch of people who I have "friend crushes" on and a couple of them reciprocated. Awesome.
(A friend crush is somebody in your social network whose awesomeness you've been admiring from a distance. A person who you would very much like to be friends with, but haven't quite made the connection.)
Mmm, I'm a reluctant Facebook user, and just tend to get annoyed with this stuff when it pops up in my news feed. I'm not all that active in online communities either; I voraciously read blogs, sites, newsmagazines, newspapers, etc., but I don't often post to them -- I'm much more of a lurker who engages in my own brain or in my very old-fashioned paper *gasp* journal. Yet here I sit posting ;)
If people want to overshare, that's their thing. My friends know I probably won't.
I am very paranoid about the Internet. I remember we were interviewing people for a job at my company and one of the applicants had found my online journal and commented on how funny it was. Now, I don't post personal details on it (it is more of a book review journal) but it was scary. I also had a colleague I had never met in person google my picture and said I was cute.
I keep my real life details to a minimum on sites like this because of that.
I think this is kind of silly, all the hand-wringing about over-sharing, especially put in the context of the 25 Things List on Facebook. A good friend of mine from college tagged me in hers, so I went ahead and did it, and it was pleasant for me. She shared some goofy things about herself, most of which I already knew, and wanted to read some goofy things about me. I tagged my sister, my brother, some other cousins, and friends, and some of them also did the list. I’m sure some completely ignored it. I just don’t take Facebook seriously enough to read these things as though they’re actually important. I also don’t have the sorts of friends who are desperate for attention, so maybe that’s the difference, but I really enjoyed reading my sister’s and finding that even though we feel like we are coming from completely different places, we have quite a few quirky things in common. It seems like there’s a lot of over-thinking going into this! I’ve never felt like there was some sort of imperative for me to fill it out, and I only have friends on Facebook who are my actual friends, so I don’t feel like I’m broadcasting some version of myself that isn’t actually me.
Has anyone seen Margaret Cho's 25 Random Things Song? She's so silly. It actually made the 25 Random Things seem less annoying when it was in song form. :)
It cracked me up.
I've been tagged by about 20 friends to do the 25 list...and I've been reluctant for numerous reasons.
Anyway, when I read Margaret's I posted the link as "Margaret Cho's Top 25 - FTW!" (because I know MANY of my "friends" would not have normally been exposed to it) and then added "I give up, no list from me."
Samhita, I think you make a really good point about the particular necessity of sharing details, mundane or otherwise, particularly among people from marginalized groups. When I read this post I couldn't help but think of earlier Feministing discussions of the importance of salary transparency among coworkers -- the better to determine patterns of discrimination and try to nip them in the bud.
Like a lot of the other commenters here, I'm surprised by the newsworthiness of this "25 things" meme -- mostly because like MissKitty, as a longtime LiveJournaler, I've seen them circulate for years.
But I also see the big differences here: Those LiveJournal memes usually had more direction (e.g., they were more structured or asked for more specific information); they frequently were read only by a small audience, at least among my confessional friends who locked all their entries (I have 45 friends on LJ, all of whose lives I follow via their journals, but about 200 on Facebook -- including coworkers whom I would NEVER let read my journal); and they were posted within context of a dynamic journal focused on the written word, not just a single page stuffed with photos and lists of favorite bands.
(Like rustyspoons, I find context key and have no desire simply to list information about myself unprompted. I guess that's part of it: I don't want to share information just for the sake of sharing. I share information for the sake of some kind of connection, or of working through something for myself confessionally, or of honing my writing, or of expressing something in particular.
Memes on Facebook, which is supremely impersonal to me, certainly don't foster that. Melinda was right, I think, in calling them "info dumps." I much prefer to build relationships on the ongoing accumulation of knowledge from the way somebody writes, the regrets she's voiced about an ex, her habits when it comes to self-criticism. Some of my best friendships, actually, have come through years of reading that friend's journal before ever meeting him or her.)
I don't care that my college roommate's sister is anemic or that my stepcousin's boyfriend gets nervous around old people (apparently he's afraid they're going to die)
Does this writer realize you can a) not friend people you're not interested in, or, b) set up your feed to only show you updates from people you want to hear from?
I have dozens of "friends" on FB who are from high school - I don't particularly care about keeping up with them, but they sent a friend request and I figured, why not?
To keep their updates from overwhelming my feed, I just use the option to prioritize the update feed - now I see all my close friends and family members first, and it's rare I read an update from someone I'm not too close with.
I think it's nice - now in addition to my normal every-few-months phone calls with my cousin and her husband, where we spend an hour playing catch-up, I also get to trade daily updates with them, goofy comments that might not get said otherwise. And I don't worry about the privacy thing - my FB page is so locked down that I don't even think you can find me unless you happen to friend someone who's on my friends list.
My annoyance with 25 Things doesn't come from five new notifications of posts (that, let's face it, I probably won't read) clogging up my newsfeed every time I log onto facebook. I don't particularly mind how detailed, obvious, boring, entertaining, or irrelevant the points can be.
I just don't like how blatantly self-indulgent the notes are. Write 25 things about *yourself*. Come up with 25 things that make you unique. Describe yourself in the way that will make you feel the coolest, and don't forget to include one or two points that you can pretend to fake a blush about because they're--oh, don't make me say it!--they're just too embarrassing! And how about the points in which individuals admit their flaws, but only in a completely controlled manner and in the best light possible?
Being tagged to write 25 things about yourself is the perfect opportunity to talk all about yourself under the guise of revealing who you are. The only problem is that the person who is presented frequently resembles Narcissus.
Yes yes yes! You said it so well. So many special snowflakes out there, right?
Really? Anything in pop culture that gets people to speak well about themselves is good by me. Most of my friends could use a little more narcissism and a little boost to their self-esteem.
My favorite part of this article "I like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur."
I wouldn't mind if one of my Facebook friends wrote that because it's hilarious.
I totally thought the same thing! That was totally my favorite one as well -- the only one that really made me chuckle.
I always find it puzzling when someone thinks they have the right to decide how much sharing is "too much." If they don't want to read about their internet acquaintances' personal lives, they have the freedom not to do so; posters, by the same token, have the right to use their blog space for as much or as little personal revelation as they choose.
The petty, peevish, arbitrary nature of such demands remind me of moments in my life when someone has told me that I think too much. Who the hell is anyone else to decide that? Is the opinion of someone who dislikes thinking, for god's sake, really worth listening to in the first place? I suspect the motivations behind both kinds of remark are similar, and revolve around the age-old desire of some people to belittle others in order to increase their own social status.
I had a bad experience when I inadvertently gave information that allowed two right wing women on a political message board I frequented, to discover my rl identity. I had no idea how easy it was to do, I was very naive.
I ended up having them post my address, phone number, names of my relatives, my SS number. One of them had her IP blocked for the SS posting, this was on the old netscape, now the aol, boards. But she got back on, I guess she just changed providers. Still now, and this is several years later, they found the new message board i post on, they have stalked me through the peace group I belong to, they have put up advertisements of me as a hooker, and they have put up false profiles in LinkedIn advertising me as a "street walker". I found that last one out only recently when I googled my name after I had published something. LInked removed the two false profiles.
So, is it harmless for your identity to be revealed? No, it can cause you harm in your reputation and even in your business. Of course, this is dependent upon your attracting just the right kind of freak. But let us be honest...outspoken politically active feminists attract those kind of freaks, don't we? Just like magnets.
I actually just filled out my own 25 things, but mine was titled "26, because I'm indecisive." I have been reading them for a while now and yes, some are very boring and not all that insightful, but some are amazing. My sister was the one who persuaded me to do it, and only after reading hers did I really understand how powerful they can be. She is my best friend, and there was quite a bit in that note that she had never mentioned to me.
As human beings, and as women particularly, I think we're constantly narrating our own lives. We're finding ways to explain ourselves to others, but also to ourselves. (Dominant society has excluded us from the metanarratives, and so we must build our own.)So writing my own note was somewhat emotionally therapeutic. I wrote things that I had never articulated for myself before - things both painful and beautiful. And I got a lot of positive responses from friends. Many people said, "thanks for being real." I think that says something about what we all need. If facebook is where this much-needed honesty can breathe, then I think it's great.
As someone who read the article a couple days ago on CNN and did the meme himself, I can say I'm pretty much underwhelmed by the article. This author clearly just has really awful people on her friends list, or just doesn't know how to *not* read something on Facebook. I'm not entirely sure of either.
I've found 25 things from my *real* friends I have friended to be pretty insightful, even if sometimes a bit shallow. I think the most interesting 25 things come from the people who are actually the most introverted -- the come to be the people who come out with the thing that really show who they are as people.
I think the author of this article takes the internet a *little* too seriously.
I participated in the meme on facebook as well...and even though I'm generally a pretty open person (I like to think of myself as a Radically Honest person), there were still some things that I didn't know if my closet friends were truly aware of. Two examples:
3) I really cannot understand homophobia, racism, sexism, ageism, ableism or any other prejudices. The world would be a much better place if people respected others pursuits of happiness. I also have recently come to the decision that I will not get married until this country respects the rights of all it's citizens, and legalizes gay marriage.
and,
19) If you don't already know this: I'm a feminist.
I spend a lot of time talking about what I believe in, but who's to say that people take you seriously? When you have the opportunity to say it plain, in one sentence, I feel like that goes a long way. I also cemeted my bi-sexualism in that meme. I wasn't ever afraid of admitting any of these things, but now I feel like people know I was being serious. I'm generally not a 'survey' person, but this was one instance where you could say whatever you wanted to, and maybe be taken seriously.
I struggle with this issue a lot- I'm a feminist who just left an abusive marriage and is going through a messy divorce in israel. my blog is very personal, againstmybetterjudgement.wordpress.com, but also because of the lack of women's rights in divorce in Israel, i blog anonymously so that there is less of a chance it can be used against me in rabbinic divorce court. it's complicated but posting about myself publicly, whether my funny parts or my 'private' parts (not those private parts, perv!), is both freeing and a little dangerous for me.
More ofthen than not my friends' memes made me laugh out loud!
But I also had a friend admit to being raped in college on hers. I knew it had happened, but I never heard her use that word before about that particular situation. She disclosed this in a very public way, but she knows who is on her friends list and who can see her notes. I'm proud of her for being so candid.
Frankly, I am getting more than a little tired of the NYT and other outlets like it displaying their complete lack of knowledge about the internet with their OH MY GOD SOMEONE DID SOMETHING ON FACEBOOK THIS IS TOTALLY NEW AND EXCITING attitude. I mean, the 25 Things meme has been around for years - is the fact that it's currently having a go-round on Facebook instead of blogs and LJs really that interesting? I swear I'm going to post the '3 truths and a lie' meme on my Facebook and then call the NYT, because apparently it's national news.
Many of my friends and family did the 25 Random Things meme and we all had a lot of fun with it. I learned things about some of my friends and family that I didn't know before.
I maintain a blog where I discuss both my grad research and my personal experiences in recovering from an eating disorder. My personal website is my name.org, so there are no secrets there, either. I hope to publish someday, so it's somewhat necessary that I identify myself on these sites.
I'm pretty much an open book online in terms of my research and recovery efforts, but I do take pains to keep parts of my identity confidential. Many years ago when I was first starting out on the net, I moderated a large graphic design board. One member didn't like an action that I took and looked up my phone number and called me at home at midnight. It spooked me and I've been careful since. I use a PO box in all my internet dealings and I pay extra money to block domain registration information from public view. I also never mention my employer online and I'm somewhat murky about where I live. If someone were really obsessed in finding me or my personal details, I'm sure they could. But I'm not gonna make it easy for them.
I did the 25 things meme (and am shocked it's gotten this much attention, seeing as though these things have been around since the dawn of blogging). I took it as a fun thing, nothing serious, and surely I didn't scare anything that could come back to haunt me -- I don't think.
Lately though I have been questioning why I do this blogging thing, given that in my "real" life I am reluctant to share anything too personal with anyone but my closest friends, or family. Generally, I don't share too much on my blog, and at times it's made me feel less than honest. I've even had online friends act as if they are owed a certain amount of disclosure. I can only answer for myself. Some bloggers are incredibly open (TMI moments, anyone?), and it if works for them, fine. But as small as you think your circle is, you are, in fact, publishing something, and unless your blog is private, it's accessible by anyone. I think people forget that.