Colorado State University Police Chief: "women want the dick, even when they say 'no.'
Colorado State University Police Chief Dexter Yarbrough was suspended on a litany of charges, like falsifying police documents - but it was this quote that stuck with me:
Yarbrough told students in a class lecture that "women want the dick, even when they say 'no.' They want the dick."
Ah rape culture, enforced by media, education and police alike!
Thanks to Brad for the link.
Posted by Jessica - January 21, 2009, at 08:47AM
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Violence Against Women
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Wow. He is the person that a survivor is supposed to report the crime to.
I hope that there is some intensive re-training for all of the officers in this department. Even if they are more sensitive and not actively advocating rape, they work for someone who did.
Fuck. And he was lecturing students about this stuff? That article is so messed up. How did he get away with this for so long? Thank god someone thought to tape him. This is just ridiculous!
"How did he get away with this for so long?"
He was very versed in the system and would contact the Office of Equal Opportunity and Diversity (OEOD) the moment any complaint was lodged against him, and they backed him 100%. He was a very high profile minority hire for the school and the administration was terrified of a lawsuit. He managed to turn any complaint into a racism charge.
The OEOD is mortified that they protected him for so long and are charging him with fraud against the office.
This is mind-boggling on so many fronts.
To have the police say something like that is really just mind-boggling.
No wonder the percentage of reported rapes is so low. No wonder so many of the reported rapes are then dropped. If you don't have the police on your side, actually following through with going after the rapist is like climbing Everest.
Guess I got the mind-boggling word from doubleb's prior post. Ha.
Ugh. My skin is crawling.
My mouth actually dropped open when I read that quote. I now have cereal all over my keyboard, but thats besides the point. What a vile, sad creature.
W...T...F.
Not that it makes it better to get heard saying something like that in a private conversation, but to lecture to a class saying that?
I hope nobody believed him.
But to me, he wasn't 'condoning rape.' Because to him, women actually want 'the dick.' He basically called us liars and said it's an excuse to go ahead and not feel guilty about having sex with a girl who says 'no.'
The thing about rape culture is it pretends that rape isn't really rape, because most people know that rape is wrong, and some would feel guilty had they known what they did was rape (unless it was revenge or something, I know there are exceptions.) We need to start something to let people know that any sex without the other person saying 'yes' the first time and actively participating while sober IS RAPE.
The thing about the rape culture mentality that I do not understand is the whole notion that it's okay as long as it's not my daughter, wife, sister, etc.; that is, as long as it is someone else's property.
I totally agree! My boyfriend and I were just talking about that the other night... how hypocritical it is to say "I'm gonna kick his ass for cat-calling my sister like that...*turns to girl on street* Hey sweet cheeks, shake that jelly my way!" I honestly believe society tricks people into believing this is alright, because no logical person could come to that conclusion on their own.
And this is considered normal. The notion that if you don't know her or care about her, that makes it okay. Sometimes thinking and caring isn't the best thing for my mental health...
"I honestly believe society tricks people into believing this is alright, because no logical person could come to that conclusion on their own."
You'd be surprised at the amount of cognitive dissonance some people are capable of.
See also: the religious, especially the fundamentalists.
That's kind of how things work in general. So long as it isn't a member of your immediate circle you have the luxury of remaining indifferent. An example being the recent culling in Gaza. A lot of people gave meaningful lip service, myself included, to how horrible it was what Israel was doing, but what action was taken? There was an entry on here not too long ago about an American woman who was crushed to death by Israeli bulldozers. Her example is a seeming rarity in the modern world, where an outsider feels the pain of the "other" so acutely they are driven to action and willing to sacrifice everything to make their point heard. How many of us, of anyone really, traveled to Gaza to make our point heard? As far as I'm aware, no one did. We all said our piece and then went back to enjoying the comforts of not being bombed.
Another example, also posted on this website, was the Wife Swap episode featuring the Pageants. Father Pageant was OK with the course they had set their infant daughter on until he realized he was raising her to be some other mans object possession. At that point it all suddenly hit him that maybe everything he believed about raising children, gender roles etc. might not have been the wisest of beliefs.
It's one of those frustrating things that goes with being human, and having a global population that is growing exponentially. We leave ourselves with litter opportunity to connect with one another. On the brighter side, we now have the internet, which helps to close the gaps between us.
That's kind of how things work in general. So long as it isn't a member of your immediate circle you have the luxury of remaining indifferent. An example being the recent culling in Gaza. A lot of people gave meaningful lip service, myself included, to how horrible it was what Israel was doing, but what action was taken? There was an entry on here not too long ago about an American woman who was crushed to death by Israeli bulldozers. Her example is a seeming rarity in the modern world, where an outsider feels the pain of the "other" so acutely they are driven to action and willing to sacrifice everything to make their point heard. How many of us, of anyone really, traveled to Gaza to make our point heard? As far as I'm aware, no one did. We all said our piece and then went back to enjoying the comforts of not being bombed.
Another example, also posted on this website, was the Wife Swap episode featuring the Pageants. Father Pageant was OK with the course they had set their infant daughter on until he realized he was raising her to be some other mans object possession. At that point it all suddenly hit him that maybe everything he believed about raising children, gender roles etc. might not have been the wisest of beliefs.
It's one of those frustrating things that goes with being human, and having a global population that is growing exponentially. We leave ourselves with little opportunity to connect with one another. On the brighter side, we now have the internet, which helps to close the gaps between us.
Sorry for the double-post. Internets is hard sometimes...
Yes, each person that is raped is someone's family, they are a person. I don't see how people don't get that.
But I think the problem is that most guys (I think women too) assume that this (rape) is an not a common problem. But the truth is that you most likely know someone that has been raped. It has probably happened to someone close to you and it's not okay. But as long we can continue to distance ourselves from it then we don't see this kind of thing (making these demeaning statements, blaming the victim, etc...) as a real problem.
Even me, a person that has been raped, can forget how prevalent it is in our society. I was talking to a friend of mine last weekend and she brought up that she had been raped. I was shocked. But then I thought, why should I be shocked? I was raped too. This stuff happens to so many of us.
And you know what I didn't think when she told me? That she still wanted it because all women want the dick. Jackass.
Agreed. As someone who has also been raped, I still don't think it happens as much as it really does. Maybe I just don't want to believe it. The thing is, mine was an encounter that was about submission on my part, not about him forcing me down with a knife. And to think had I taken it court, I could have been blamed for it!
This is perhaps one of the reasons rape is a close issue with me. I know it's not about the image we get where a big man grabs a cute little woman in the dark parking lot and puts his strong man hands on her and she cries. This is the image I think we need to get out of people's heads and let them know: If she/he says 'stop' and you say 'no I'm almost done' and push her/him down when she/he tries to get up and she/he complies....IT'S RAPE.
Yeah, there have been times where I'm with a group of friends and I realize that every woman in the room has either been molested or raped. I'm at the point now where if I hear that someone I know is a survivor, it doesn't surprise me. :(
One of my friends and I were talking one night, and she pretty much summed it up: "Hell, I've been raped, you've been raped, we've ALL been raped..."
I'm also saddened when I hear women talk about "that thing that happened," or to dejectedly explain a situation that in my mind is clearly sexual assault and then quickly add, "but it's not like he raped me or anything." As far as the sexual assault movement has taken us, we still haven't gained the ability to label our experiences. I wonder how different things would be if we could.
I blame hierarchy.
How do people gain and exercise status? In part, by pretending they have more status and others have less status. In this case, they catcall various women, to show they have higher status than the women's families; and they get angry when other men catcall their sisters, because they need to show they have higher status than the catcallers, not lower.
"Property'??? Well, there's some language that needs to stop, NOW. Do you even realize that you wrote that? Because you did. X( NO WOMAN IS ANYONE'S PROPERTY!!!!!! Get that through your skull.
It seemed that wiccaman was saying that that's the way many men view women, not that he necessarily agreed with it or thought it should be that way. Assuming that's what he meant, I agree.
Thank you Ayla and idiolect.
Whoa, simmer down. The word was being used sort of sarcastically there.
I agree that that is an ideology which neeeds to stop. However, if we cannot talk about it, or draw attention to why it is wrong, then we cannot stop it.
That is my take on the fundamental essence of patriarchy, that women are viewed as an other, as less than men. It is not in any way a part of my personal belief system.
Regarding "the thing about rape culture" -- I mean, the thing about rape culture is that there are no women in it. No, really. When people who live in that world are having sex, the only reason it isn't with a blow-up doll is that the made-by-nature kind are just better quality. (I feel nauseous even just writing that, but I think it's true). They don't think it's rape inasmuch as rape, in their minds, requires another human being to be there and to actually be upset and hurt, but their worldview doesn't even allow that agency to women.
You are so right. It's just so horrible to think about : (
Interesting analysis, although I would say that the rape culture is all about women. Rather, I should say that the rape culture is at some level a conscious degree of violence against all women, that it is specifically intended to keep women from having the same agencies and rights as men. It is sometimes difficult to see inside something that is so ingrained into society that the majority of people do not even acknowledge its existence, but if we examine the rape culture's purpose as a method of enforcing patriarchy, then it becomes more evident that there is some degree of direction behind it.
I put my thoughts on Dexter Yarbrough up at the Yes Means Yes Blog, here.
I blame hierarchy.
How do people gain and exercise status? In part, by pretending they have more status and others have less status. In this case, they catcall various women, to show they have higher status than the women's families; and they get angry when other men catcall their sisters, because they need to show they have higher status than the catcallers, not lower.
As an alum of Colorado State, I'd like to say how much this pisses me off and also sort of surprises me. We had a string of sexual assaults on and around campus in my first year of undergrad, and Yarbrough and his staff sent out emails that weren't victim-blaming in the least to warn students about what was going on. I looked for the telltale "don't drink" and "don't leave your building at night" advice in these emails, but nothing like it was there. I guess either he's decent in writing or someone else wrote it for him.
I hope he is fired sooner rather than later -- the university can't afford to continue to pay an idiot like this, especially not in economic times like these.
What year was that? I am also an alum and there was a serial rapist on campus my freshman year, but I believe it was before Yarborough arrived. My first thought upon reading this was how the survivors on campus must feel hearing that apparently they wanted it all along. Just disgusting.
That was 2001-2002, and you're right that Yarbrough wasn't on campus then (at least as far as I can tell from the rather vaguely worded Chief page at the CSU website). Still, I've received emails in the last couple of years (still a student, different degree) about crimes on and around campus that didn't make me want to tear my hair out for the victim-blaming. I just don't get it.
And this policeman reminds me of why my mom says never to go to the campus police when you are raped.
I am speechless. I think my relatively sheltered upbringing has kept me relatively positive in my outlook on the world and even though I am no longer a little boy living in a very safe suburban neighborhodd, I still hope that assholes like this don't exist beyond my cozy surroundings. I mean, what did this man live through to develop such sexist opinions? How can anyone who has a mother, sister, neice, daughter, etc. think these things without regurgitating a little bit of vomit into the back of their nasal cavity so it can burn as a constant reminder of the verbal yak they spew.
I'm sure lots of police officers think just like Chief Yarbrough does - he was just blunt enough to say what was on his mind.
That does NOT mean I agree with him - I'm disgusted with that mentality - but it should give folks an eye into the dominant mentality in the law enforcement world.
And think about this - if he'd stayed in Chicago, enforcing that brand of "justice" on poor Blacks on the South Side or the West Side, there never would have been a scandal.
But when he became the police chief at a largely White university, and shared his unvarnished perspective on police work with a largely White group of college students, then he got exposed.
How many of Yarbrough's fellow officers back in the Windy City still think and act just like him?
Feminists create new interpretations and approaches - to human rights, to development, to community and a family, to the resolution of conflicts etc. From local community to level of world politics we should create the alternatives based on female experience and requirements in “here and now”. An example of the approach on the basis of local community, are “Comedores Populares” - restaurants or the usual dining rooms based by women in France in reply to their economic crisis.
Women buy food by the gross under lower prices, and prepare it by turns, being released thus from daily work. Working together, women affairs of a local community discuss: from availability of pure water before beatings of wives. It has relieved them of isolation, has helped them to realise force of the women who have gathered, and has created a basis for political activity of local women. In Grenoble, concrete actions directed on daily problems, involve women of all world. It inspires and allows to put before itself more global purposes.