Vintage Sexism: "Park or be Popular" Edition
I just love these "educational" videos that classes were shown back in the day in efforts to keep The Sex from tainting young ladies' precious vagdes reputations.
My favorite line: "No, girls who park in cars are not really popular. Not even with the boys they park with."
Thanks to Sarah!
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This video shows a lot of restriction and control of women by men. It's really sick that girls who "park with boys" are more disrespected than the boys themselves. But I think it's good to point out that sex with no strings attached doesn't lead to balanced, respectful relationships. I think that should apply to everyone equally, regardless of gender, but it is an important message to help people develop healthy relationships.
and there's the problem with teaching about "healthy relationships"... i think sex with no strings attached is fantastic, as long as both parties are informed, consenting, and respectful. i think it would be hard to get a consensus as to what a "healthy" relationship is...
"...sex with no strings attached doesn't lead to balanced, respectful relationships."
Actually, it can.
"sex with no strings attached doesn't lead to balanced, respectful relationships"
I think this is probably because people don't discuss their expectations or communicate as opposed to the sex factor.
You know, when I was in middle/high school, the Health teacher would tell the girls that if we had sex, we would get a bad reputation and everybody would think we were "sluts." This was in the mid to late 90s and in a "liberal" state, so I guess not a lot has changed.
My favorite part is how the guy is bragging to his friends that he totally got to second base or whatever with the "whore" character, which is pretty much a guess what? you're a dick! moment, yet it's the girl's fault the other guys decide to judge her. And the guy never gets ominously judged by the middle-aged male voiceover at all.
Is there a counterpart to the term slut for guys? I mean I've heard man-slut, but I don't think that's very well used...and I don't think it has the extremely negative connotations that slut has...
Nope. Men get to fuck however much they like however they like. There's no word for them.
I found this video ages ago. Oy.
"Is there a counterpart to the term slut for guys?"
Womanizer?
Player?
That's a good example, but both those terms imply exploitation. And it is the exploitative behavior that is considered bad rather than being promiscuous itself.
I think one reason why "She's a stud and she's a slut" is that men refuse to be ashamed of being promiscuous. Furthermore, it is assumed that men all want to be promiscuous and if a man has had few partners it is assumed that it is because he has failed to have more.
Yeah there is. Use "slut" for men and women. Or don't use it for either. Your choice.
I don't think that that is fair, because calling a woman a slut and calling a man a slut is not the same thing.
A man would not get offended or hurt if someone called him that, because it's a female-centric word. And usually a man would laugh if anything, at being called a slut.
But if you call a female that then you can definitely fuck with her head, and hurt her feelings. There's more power in the word when used in regard to women, men not so much.
It's not the same thing.
Exactly how I feel when people try to defend using the word by saying they use it indiscriminately with both men and women. Basically, if it were to be used with the same meaning and outcome with men as women, that really wouldn't be much of a victory anyway. The concept that a person's value should be judged by their sexual behavior is wrong and until we start to judge people based on their accomplishments and their actions toward others and their community, and not their personal business, words like slut will have harmful power. :(
We make words mean how we use them.
man whore.
I find with the term "man whore" that still implies that women are initially the "whores." Like, using the word "whore" is a word to describe women, but "man whore" makes it masculine. I think it just perpetuates the stigma that women are "whores."
It's a bit old fashioned, and doesn't quite carry the same sneering vitriol, but "cad" has long been a word for a dishonorable man.
Datedness aside, it really doesn't carry the same level of offensiveness or anything though. I remember in middle school I had this history teacher who used to tell "funny stories" about various historical figures (and most of them were true, not urban myths I later found out) to prove her point and there was one story about one of those old English Kings (for the life of me I can't remember which one) who was pissed at his son so he called him to the palace, claiming it was really important, you know making him travel all the way from wherever he was and then wait in the sitting room to see his father. When the son came in to see him the father looked him over and then shouted "You dress like a cad, you act like a cad, you are a cad, now get out of my sight!" and pulled a gun on him.
The way she told it it was a really funny story and proved her point about what a "feisty" old king she was talking about. That's really one of the only times I've heard that word used in context. But if you imagine the same story with a King and his daughter and him calling her a slut, the whole thing seems not at all funny and downright abusive.
Long random story over, I just think there's really no way to accurately translate the word slut over to be used for a man. There's too much stigma involved with the word and just too much judgement involved in criticizing a woman for her sexuality. Because of the way society has conditioned us, men in general aren't going to be as upset being accused to sleeping around as women are.
you know, i do wish we addressed relationships as part of that whole nebulous sex ed/"family life" curriculum. Kids and teens should be educated about what constitutes emotional abuse, for example, and I don't recall rape ever really being discussed. It was all the bare facts, use a condom (i had comprehensive sex ed), but don't have sex, and, oddly enough, some slut shaming. huh.
i guess therein lies the problem: it's inevitable that some conservative douchebags would get their curriculum mixed in, too, and I don't know why, but I have a feeling they would be against a meaningful discussion about content, control, abuse, and healthy relationships.
sorry, that should read "a meaningful discussion about CONSENT"
We actually did cover consent and healthy vs. unhealthy relationships in my health class; that was in 2005, I think.
Yeah, in my health class (in the 90's) we talked about rape and physical abuse, but not so much about "not rape" and emotional abuse. One approach to solving this problem is to teach a more comprehensive list of abusive behaviors, but there will probably always be some out there that you've missed. This is part of why it's so important to teach not just about bad relationships but about good ones. If health students could approach relationships and sex equipped with a vivid vision of supportive partnerships and enthusiastic consent, then any creative attempt at abuse would stand in sharp contrast to that vision.
That was a strange film. I am not sure exactly what it was supposed to show. It began to feel like a nature documentary.
I guess 'parking' refers to having some form of sex in a car. That sounds really exposed. How do they not get caught?
It may have been just making out.
Oddly, a girl I know sent me to that exact video a few years ago, saying that overall, it was good advice for a clueless young man wanting to date. (Incidentally, she is a girl who is not shy about wanting to "park with boys," to borrow the video's euphemism.)
Notice he says "because she seems as interested in boys as she does in girls" with respect to the REAL popular girl versus the girl who apparently parks with all the boys. Perhaps this video is implying something much different? ;)
In all seriousness, though, it's upsetting to see how that mindset has carried into current times, although it's changed quite a bit. Most people would have the sense to look at this and laugh nowadays, but the double standard is still there. It's not so much tied directly to religion, morality, purity and the kinds of ideas so blatantly expressed in this video, but there's definitely a problem when words like "slut" and "whore" are so loosely thrown around when talking about women -- sometimes even regardless of their sex lives -- when there isn't even any such word that refers to a man. One of the above comments suggests "womanizer" and "player" but even those don't quite have the same connotation and aren't so broadly applied to men in such a demeaning way.
That was my reaction, too! "Sluts aren't popular, but bisexuals sure are!"
I think my favorite line is "When Jerry brags about taking Ginnie out, he learns that she dates all the boys, and he feels less important."
Because it's all about how he feels, of course. Can't bruise the old ego.
Yeah I know I would have been very unpopular back on those times. I can care less on how a guy feels because I didn't only "park" with him when he probably "parked" with half the school. I would be more mad that he bragged.
OK, the parts about poor Ginny the Slut were bad. But honestly, some of the advice about dating was pretty good (if dated). Both people should have a say in where to go, you should usually give a person a heads-up before you ask to take her out (maybe not so she has time to do her hair, but still). And the girl who "went steady" was bored and I got the sense that the other girl felt sorry for her ("Don't you go out with anyone else?").
Of course, I loved the part about having a boy over for brownies to "repay" him for a date, which he obviously has to pay for.
Yeah I thought the "payment for entertainment" part at the end was pretty interesting too. Especially considering nowadays we're expected to put out as payment instead of just give men baked goods. *rolls eyes*
I would even add that offering baked goods to a guy after a first date scares him off nowadays. "Ahhh! She has baked goods! She wants marriage! Run!"
I actually found the brownie thing OK. In a world where men are expected to pay for dates, this gives a way for women to contribute equally to the relationship. Plus, brownies are cheep and easy to make so it's not like a huge burden. It feels like an attempt to make the relationship equal using the socially acceptable methods available at the time.
Of course, I prefer it now that I don't have to tip-toe around this equality and just pay for half the dates.
I agree. It definitely had some offensive slut-shaming, but really would have been useful for me in high school as someone who had no idea how dating was supposed to work. I think a modified version, without the slut-shaming, modeling how dating and appropriate relationships in high school work would be a good thing for high school students.
Anyone who keeps a "date calendar" so she doesn't forget who she's going out with that night is definitely a slut. I kid!
Excuse me, I have to go bake some brownies. A LOT of brownies...
Yeah, I also liked that the girl had to write "do hair and nails" in her date calendar so she wouldn't forget. I can hear the announcer man saying, "Look how unkempt Sally is on her date. She forgot to jot down a reminder about grooming in her calendar--and John won't ask her out again!"
My favorites:
The girl is on the costume committee, the boys are stagehands, because girls apparently can't handle lighting, building sets, lifting heavy objects, and such, and boys just can't sew or pick out costumes. (Side note: I now use the power tools on the tear- down of our sets at school and it is AWESOME!)
"do hair and nails" is a good note to write yourself any night, because, you know, women must look impeccable all the fricking time.
"as much as I hate to admit it, carolyn found many things I couldn't hunt down" because that's emasculating, for Carolyn to find a prop that Wally just couldn't.
cook food for your man to repay him. Because you date him, you owe him something, no matter what.
"I'll take good care of her" because you know, Carolyn is just totally helpless and cannot take care of herself.
Ugh. I wish I could just laugh at this and think "wow, times have changed," but a lot of these standards still hold.
I'd rather owe a guy brownies or a meal than sex. Just saying.
I don't see why you'd have to owe him anything. What if the date was totally shitty and you didn't want to give him brownies afterwords? Or have sex, for that matter. But I agree, better the brownies than the sex.
Honestly, I think its solid advice. Lots of girls think they have to have sex with every guy at school to be popular! (Come on, we all either knew those girls or were those girls). The "sluts" at my high school had no female friends because we all thought they had diseases and all the guys wouldn't talk to them in the halls. That's completely different than just the girls who were having sex with their boyfriends or whatever..
"Lots of girls think they have to have sex with every guy at school to be popular!"
We should be teaching women that they don't need to have sex or look sexy to be liked. We should also teach them being popular is overrated. They should learn what is important is having good friends and feeling happy with yourself.
"The "sluts" at my high school had no female friends because we all thought they had diseases"
Like leprosy? Tell me, did you shun the "diseased" boys who slept around too?
"and all the guys wouldn't talk to them in the halls."
I'm sure they would talk to them at some other secret location, right?
*applaud*
I hate when sex always goes on the girls and not the guys. I thought it takes two to tangle. I hate it when Jerry brags and now he feels less special because he wasn't the only one so now Ginny isn't popular. Why didn't Jerry's bragging about being with her not hurt his popularity.
Personally in my school I'll talk to a girl or a guy weither they're considered a slut or not. I always thought it was the inside that counts.
Same! i get a lot of crap for just treating everyone the same 9cept my close mates, their VIPs! :P) Like, a girl in my form class is considered a slut and has is known literally around all of Wellington for being a total whore, but by treating her the same as evry1 else and actually talking to jer normall, i found out that she is in fact, just like everybody else!!!!
Funny. I remember being one of those "sluts" that none of the girls or guys would talk to in school.
Except that I wasn't a slut at all. I was a virgin all the way through high school; while many of the other girls in my high school were getting pregnant, I was wishing that I had a boyfriend. The only reason everyone called me a slut was because it was the easiest way for them to ostracize me. So you might want to rethink that attitude.
Good thing for me people grew up a bit between school and the military! I had great sex with all the guys I wanted to have it with (no strings attached) AND got to have other women as friends AND all those guys willingly talked to me in public places, to boot. How cool is that?
I guess you didn't talk to any promiscuous boys then, either. FYI, you don't get oh, say, herpes from talking to somebody.
Was there a similar social stigma/fear surrounding the boys who ran around having sex outside a steady relationship?
Did they have the same "diseased" aura around them that everyone was afraid of and grossed out by?
What you are describing is horrible and you certainly shouldn't be parading it out as a standard/example of why girls ought to act a certain way or how they ought to choose the people they want to sleep with.
Sounds like people are your school were assholes.
Haha, "Cars" by Gary Newman just came on my iPod shuffle while I was reading this.
The "parking" girl is an unpopular slut for having sex, but the boys she "parked" with are good, non-slut characters for the same action!
The video also explicitly states that the key to a girl being popular is to look "nice"... don't forget to always do your hair and nails, girls!
Oh, and don't dare let the girl decide where she wants to go out... that would put her small feminine brain on the spot... and we sure don't want that! The boy should only give her a few options for things he wants to do and be such a gentleman to allow her to determine from these 2-4 options! Golly!
Oh - also, don't forget... he expects you to repay him for your date with him... so you better feed him! You know - be a good woman and cook for your man! The other obligations come after marriage! Wink wink!
Stephen Colbert, Paul Dinello, Amy Sedaris, and... some other people used to have a show called Exit 57, and one of their sketches parodied this very video. (Almost word-for-word in spots, a la the SNL takeoff on Sarah Palin's interviews. Sometimes it just doesn't get any funnier than the reality.) Here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jNYlBJNYtk
These films lose their charm without the MST3K crew's shadows parked in front of them.
I swear, I recognize that announcer's voice from MST3K (I think it was The Home Economics Story.)
"Perhaps Wally and Carolyn will bring another couple home with them. That would be fun". Ahh..Hahaha. I also love when Ellie looks at Carolyn like she wants to kill her during the getting ready for the dates scene.
I believe MST3K used this short in one episode?? Anyone have a link to that? 'twould be hilarious, me thinks. :/