God, I love Julia Serano.
Via Womanist Musings. Transcript after the jump.
We are often told that we are living in a mans world, and this culture no image represents power more than the phallic symbol and if the penis equal power then I am illegally armed. My body full of freckles and curves is like a stealth bomber, I fly just under everyone's radar, but only because they choose not to see me. Only because no one wants to believe that a sweet petite green eyed girl like me could ever possibly be packing heat. They say it's not the size of the wand but the magic that it does. Well after many months on estrogen my penis is pretty darn small, but she has supernatural powers. She is like some pissed off ancient Greek goddess. My penis changes the meanings of everything, and because of her every single one of my ex heterosexual girlfriends has slept with a lesbian, and every guy who hits on me these days could be accused of being gay. Because my penis bends everyone who is straight and she can make the most entitled catcallers and womanisers scurry away with their balls between their legs. All because of six small words, I used to be a man. And being a transsexual I realize that most people see my femaleness as a façade, as an elaborate hoax, but I am more real than any of them could ever hope to be. I am real because unlike them my gender is not based upon what other people think of me and that may make me an object of ridicule but I am not the butt of anyone's joke, because I know that people make fun of trannies because we are the one thing that they fear the most. I am more badass than any gangster, more dangerous than any marine core , my penis is more powerful than the cocks of a million alpha males all put together. Because when a man is defined as that which is not female and a woman is defined as that which is not male, then I am the loose thread that unravels the gender of everyone around me. They say it's not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean, well my penis gives most people sea sickness. It makes people dizzy because most people are not secure enough in their own masculinity or femininity to serve a night in the sack with me. My penis turns simple sexual pleasures into political acts. She turns biological impossibilities into cold hard facts. My penis is the curiosity that you have been told will kill your cat. See, my penis can be deadly, especially to me, and I have hear d almost every true story about what frightened macho boys do to trannies; every bludgeoning and mutilation, bodies beaten beyond recognition and I have imagined it all happening to me first person. Everytime I get up in front of a crow to perform one of my outspoken word pieces, I can feel myself morph into a slow moving target. After the show when I walk back to my car I will be holding my breathe half expecting that inevitable blow to the back of the head. Sometimes I wonder why it hasn't happened yet, and sometimes I wonder why they just don't get it over with and sometimes I just wish I was dead, I wish I was dead. You see I never wanted to be dangerous and I spent most of my life wishing that I didn't have a penis. I used to hate my body for not making any sense to me and these days I often hate it for being so in between. Some mornings I can hardly get out of bed because my body is so weighed down with ugly meanings that my culture has dumped all over me. You see I have made to feel shame and self loathing so that everyone else can take comfort in what their bodies mean. And if I seem a bit cocky it is because I refuse to make apologies for my body anymore. I am though being the human sacrifice offered up to appease other people's gender issues. Some women have a penis, some men don't and the rest of the world is just going to have to get the fuck over it. If I am destined to be the loose thread that unravels the gender of everyone around me then I am going to pull and pull and pull and pull and pull until everyone is exposed, till they all finally see that all along that they were merely wearing the emperor's new clothes . I know that people don't like it when I turn the tables on them but what the hell else am I supposed to do, play a hand from a deck of cards that was stacked against me? If I seem a bit cocky, it's because I have spent my entire life being backed into a corner and like a frightened animal packed full of adrenaline and sick of hunger and hiding I am finally desperate enough to come out fighting.
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I liked the transscript, but damn, woman, stop taking Adderall with your coffee.
Seriously Milla? That seems off point. Shes running off of adrenaline, (and righteous anger) not adderall, crack, or guarana.
Yes. I am an intersexed transwoman with the exact same transfeminist rage, but the performance is so over-the-top and overdone, it makes her seem irrational and somewhat insincere.
That was fabulous. loved it! The focus of my activism efforts center on transgender rights and issues, so this is very personal to me.
that made me cry.
And for the record, I would totally spend a night in the sack with her.
=)
Just beautiful. She's intense, brilliant, and so fabulous! Thanks for sharing this.
I LOVE THIS WOMAN SO MUCH! Thank you for posting it!
I liked this allot - she rocks!
Now my comment is going to veer wildly off topic because there is something I want to ask about and I cannot think of another internet community in which I would receive an honest and reflected answer.
Let me qualify by saying my question is asked from privilege and in ignorance but looking for answers and has no harm intended whatsoever.
In all of the articles that I have personally come across, or interviews on television where transgendered individuals talk about how uncomfortable they felt in their bodies and with their gender identities (especially in articles that were discussing transgendered children) I have noticed a trend. It seems that these individuals (at least the ones that make it into the articles I have come across) identify their gender with the most steriotypical norms and expectations.
Men/boys would then discuss how they longed to wear dresses, to wear makeup, to play with dolls and other activities that are steriotypically associated with women.
Women/girls would discuss how they were "tom boys" and were frustrated by the hormonal and physical changes their bodies were making in puberty. They talk about steriotypically masculine activities and pursuits that they were drawn towards.
Can someone point me to a discussion/essay/article/study that does not discuss transgendered identity in these superficial steriotypical gender roles? Is there a way that the concept that these "gendered identities" are completely a social construct (which I think most feminists would agree with) can be reconciled with the idea that an individual should undergo a painful and expensive surgical and hormonal replacement process so that they can enjoy the superficial "gendered identities" that society has created?
The ignorance here is that I just *know* deep down in my heart that there is SO MUCH more too it than wanting to belong to the other "club" when each club is just a socially defined standard with no biological meaning.
I would love to gain some insight into what goes deeper than the superficial male/female when it comes to transgendered individuals, particularly the kind that seek to have surgeries and go through what I would imagine to be a painful and emotionally draining process to physically become another gender.
I have absolutely NO wavering on the idea that trans-gendered individuals deserve the same and equal protection under the law and rights of course of course!
I really just want to prove to myself that this kind of decision isn't about gender identities and if it IS then I am curious if transgendered individuals are interested in tearing down these constructs! I mean, if it is about gender roles, to a large degree, what better evidence is their of their harm?
Not that transgendered individuals are bad or harmful, but it breaks my heart to think that a person would have to put themselves through PHYSICAL and EMOTIONAL and HORMONAL hell just to feel comfortable in their body. Major surgeries are never fun and all of this sure gets expensive.
I wonder if the gender lines were blurred, if boys and girls were given equal choices and opportunities and could wear and play and be whoever they wanted to be ... I wonder if people could be more comfortable in their own skin or if this is something beyond that.
I hope that this comes across the way I intended. :/
First of all, I loved this video
Anyway, onto your comment, deerly...
I'm trans, born male, and for me, my being trans isn't about my body or hating my penis, and it isn't about being a girly girl, it's just about knowing that the box labeled 'man' wasn't right for me. I don't know that I'm 100% comfortable with the box labeled 'woman', but it fits me better than the 'man' box. Of course, day to day, my gender is hardly much of a thought, like with most people.
Anyway, if you wanted to talk more, reply to this and we can figure out some way to chat :)
I think that the "liked to play dress-up" or the "was a bit of a tomboy" is just basically fluff that the TV programs like because most people haven't tried (hard enough/ at all) to relate to transgendered people and the TV thinks they need to be spoon-fed. Like, "OH, I GET IT. THEY LIKED TO DO GIRL-THINGS BECAUSE THEY HAD GIRL-BRAINS." Unfortunately, this does make things a little awkward for the boy who loves being a boy and also loves dresses and dolls. But the same people who really start to think about transgender issues after hearing about them on a TV program, I think, will be open to an argument that maybe we can't tell whether someone is a boy or a girl based on what they like, or what they wear, at all.
I've asked myself the same kinds of questions that you have, and the answer I've come up with is that I think all people have a right to make their body the way they want it to be, the way that makes them comfortable. People do have the right to be comfortable in their own skin, yes, but "their own skin" isn't always the skin they were born with, but a home one creates for one's self.
I've wondered the same thing.
That's something that honestly never occurred to me, thanks for bringing that up. I look forward to reading the discussions about this.
...And for the record, I too would totally spend a night in the sack with her.
As a pre-medical-transition transman (born female, socialized female, will eventually be legally male), I should note that not everyone with a non-normative gender identity or expression (girly guys, tomboys, etc) is trans. This is the stumbling block I keep running into when I come out as trans to lots of my friends -- many of whom are, in fact, non-gender-role-normative.
Just because for me, it turns out that 'woman' is the wrong box, and 'man' is the right one, doesn't mean that femalebodied people who've spent their lives behaving much like I do 'have to' transition.
Also, when people ask me why it's not ok just to live as a weirdo woman the rest of my life, why I feel the need to switch teams, I have to say that, of the basic responsibilities and obligations that -- like it or not -- come with each gender in our society, I feel a kinship and close match with the male ones, whereas the female ones make me feel like I have to throw up (on a good day; on a bad one I feel like punching someone).
Elliott in Chicago
yeah, female responsibilities make me wanna throw up too! lol and a lot of other women here on feministing, i'm sure.
=)
-alma
Second that! After watching a day of TV and seeing womens representations and how that reflects 1.) either societys expectations of women, 2.) or how many women still take this shit it makes me want to blow everything up (or throw up) and start over from a non-patriarchal origin. I think its especially tough when youre a girl and you are aware of this type of reality, like I'm sure all the posters on this forum were.
word! thank god for feminism!
=D
Actually, Julia Serano wrote a piece addressing this subject.
I think it's called "Skirt Chasers". It was in Bitch magazine, i read it in Bitchfest (book) but i remember that it adressed some of the questions i had, which were similar to yours. It's a short article, but i think it's a good place to start.
hope this helps!
Great video Julia, you rock.
" Is there a way that the concept that these "gendered identities" are completely a social construct (which I think most feminists would agree with) can be reconciled with the idea that an individual should undergo a painful and expensive surgical and hormonal replacement process so that they can enjoy the superficial "gendered identities" that society has created?"
I'm a transsexual woman, and I've thought about it a lot. What you say is like the "trapped in a man's body" meme, and both are ways of explaining something that's invisible to cis-sexual people; I think that the brain determines what sex we think we are - so trans people have a physical sex that doesn't match their brain sex.
Where does all that social construction stereotyping come from then? Same place that yours did - your brain tells you what sex you are and therefore you pick up the cultural cues that match and give you your gender. Trans people automatically pick up the cues for their brain sex, but also have to act the gender performance for their physical sex or be punished. All the way up to severe beatings and death. So we have to work hard at the pretence, pre transition.
Once we do decide that living a lie is worse than transition, we've not had much time to work out exactly how to present the gender that our brains tell us we belong to, so to start with it's all a bit - simple? Did you never wear a skirt too short or some other stereotype when you were a teenager? Transition is like a second adolescence, we have to work out how to be the women we are in society. And unlike teenage cis women, forgiveness if we get it wrong is in very short supply. So if we do fall back on stereotypes - that's the safe option.
As Julia says, we're a loose thread that unpicks everyone else's gender. If you want to push the gender stereotype envelope, please do, but don't expect trans people to fight that battle as well.
"Where does all that social construction stereotyping come from then? Same place that yours did - your brain tells you what sex you are and therefore you pick up the cultural cues that match and give you your gender"
Totally disagree with you on that one. That doesnt make any sense. Stereotypes and the forced conformity into gender roles by those in power (typically parents) to those not in power (children) along with other cultural influences (such as the media) are where stereotypes or gender moulds and ideas come from.Theres nothing natural about them. If what youre saying is true then we wouldnt have females playing football with boys on the school field during recess (I did that), building things, or even making fart jokes and performing other gross humours (embarrassing...but I did that too) because if my brain said 'female' then I should automatically like to cook and clean and play with dolls and babies and want babies. Our stereotypes of what a female is, is based on thousands of years of oppression and forced inhibition. Only feminists and those that wanted to challenge this have been the ones changing this idea along with the roles of women and its representation. Then my mind said 'male?' Thats weird, because I always thought I was a female doing natural female things but society was too stuck up its ass to evolve?
I don't think that's what she's saying, Gopher. I think that what she's saying is that our brains have a deep-seated sense of what sex we are, and this deep-seated sense may have nothing to do with what's between the legs, or what society tells us is masculine or feminine. It doesn't mean that we're programmed to conform to societal norms; it just means that on some level, we know what sex we are, independently of whether we like to play with footballs or play with dolls.
Yeah, I think you have this right.
Also, if anyone is ever so inclined, The Tangled Wing by Melvin Konner (specifically, Chapter 6) has some really interesting discussion on the role of hormones (especially in utero) in the formation of gender and the effects on our brains.
Loved the speech!I liked how she twisted the idea of a 'cock' being seen as traditionally powerful by the old patriarchy and making it have meaning in a subversive and progressive way.
gopher>1. cultural influences (such as the media) are where stereotypes or gender moulds and ideas come from.Theres nothing natural about them.
I didn't say the stereotypes were natural. I said that the brain knows what sex it is, and picks up those cultural stereotypes from the culture. Pretty much what you're saying, in fact.
Then of course, we find that the stereotypes don't fit exactly, so we bend them.
And social construction goes a lot further than cultural stereotypes that can be bent a bit.
Once you've got rid of the M/F on passports and driving licences, gendered toilets / restrooms and changing rooms, let me know, ok?
"if my brain said "female" I should like to cook..." etc...
Yunno, I'm living in this culture too. Try reading my post again.
And pardon me for trying to clarify a complex issue for someone. What's YOUR theory then?
I think this would be a good discussion topic for a new post.
I too have trouble understanding transgenderism, not in the sense that I judge it or anything like that, but in the sense that I don't know what it feels like and I have a hard time creating a conceptual framework for that reality... what does it mean to be you? I think that's a question anyone would have a hard time answering. I can't explain why I feel like I am a woman in a physically female body, and I don't understand what it would mean to feel like a man in a physically female body. It is a very complex question. And in that sense, when I don't even know what it means to be me body in my, then how can I possibly ask someone else to explain what it means to be them in their body?
I don't like the concept of brain sex in general though. Some theorists, for example Simon Baron-Cohen, have tried to prove that sex is in the brain, but that idea doesn't sit well with me. It seems overly deterministic. We are born with a certain brain, but that brain is highly malleable. The genes and the brain do not necessarily determine who we are but who we are isn't entirely shaped by the environment, either. It's a little bit of everything. So maybe I feel like a woman, and I have woman parts... but I don't think that is all I ever could have been. Of course, this is where I need to learn more: I don't know what it means to feel like a man. I don't know if what I feel myself to be is really "a woman" either, but I know my self fits my body. So I think that maybe in talking about transgenderism we would need to think beyond "feel like a man" and "feel like a woman" and realize that SELF doesn't fit nicely into these pretty little categories. My self and my body are easy to meld into one, for me, because I happen to have a body that matches with the self I am. But for someone else, when that doesn't come easily, how can that person explain what it means to feel like "I am a self that does not fit this body." I am rambling here, but what I'm saying is that I don't think gender stereotypes really explain this reality, and neither does brain sex. Brain self does, but brain self is forced into these male/female categories because our language and culture have a gender binary and we cannot conceive of anything outside male/female. You can be a woman and still have a penis and feel okay just so, and you can be a woman with a penis and have an operation to remove it and be happy like that. Gender binary doesn't cut it. We need an ontology of selfhood, I think.
"We need an ontology of selfhood, I think."
Yeah, I think so too.
Well said.
What a courageous person. I hope she keeps fighting the good fight, and hopefully a world where she doesn't have to feel so afraid anymore.
This was a fantastic video; what an incredible speaker! I love that she explicitly stated that people make fun of trannies out of fear. That was RIGHT ON.
There are so many smart transwomen writers out there, but I've never understood the appeal of Julia Serano. I find her voice grating, her attitude self-righteous, her delivery cliched and her thinking over simplified. Am I missing something?
There are so many smart commenters out there, but I've never understood some people's need to be antagonistic and vicious. I find your comment inflammatory, your attitude self-congratulatory, your delivery artless and your thinking vacuous. Am I missing something?
(What I'm saying is if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all, or, alternatively, if something doesn't suit your tastes there are better ways of saying so than "everything about the thing I am critiquing is stupid and lame.")
Eyes Wide, shouldn't you be saying nothing at all about this comment, since you have nothing nice to say?
I'm comfortable with my hypocrisy.
"ontology of selfhood"...nice
My partner once asked me "What does it mean to you to be a woman?" It's a tough question to answer, if you take it seriously. For me, it's just being myself. I don't know what it feels like for other women to be women, but there does seem a lot of common ground in the way we act and react. I don't know that your experience of colour is the same as mine either, but we can still communicate. And - my body fits myself better in a more female configuration than it did with the male bits. And mostly, so does the social stuff. But if a shelf needs putting up or the cooking needs to be done or any gender stereotypical task - it gets done by me or my partner depending on who wants to, or dislikes it least, not by checking our genitals.
PS: I knew when I was 5 yo. I also knew that I would be in awful trouble if I told anyone. So I pretended... during puberty I was convinced that my male bits were going to fall off, and I actually did start growing breasts. Apparently this happens to a lot of teenage boys - too much testostereon gets converted into estrogen, or something. I had quite large breast buds, and I was convinced that somehow they would grow it would all be ok, and my body would end up how it should be. Children can believe all sorts of things. Then they went away. And a long time later I realised that magic doesn't happen easily, so I found out how to really make my body change to how it should be, and made it happen. It's not easy, and no-one would undertake it lightly.
@deerly. I must second iheartchai's recommendation regarding Julia Serano's essay. That does answer a whole lot of questions about this aspect.
Of course, if you spend your life wishing for something, you're going to idealise it to a greater extent. so, if I could be blokey or relatively androgynous without causing comment, then I'm not going to identify these capabilities with my desire for something that I am not or cannot have. So, yes, hyperfemme dreamings do come into play while still male, and do form the staple diet of transvestites and drag queens, but a lot lot less amongst transitioned transwomen. Frankly it's too much like hard work unless you've been practicing all your life.
So, what are we striving for ? I think all transexual people explain our need to transition to ourselves in different ways, so I'm not sure others would agree with this, but once I started taking hormones I discovered it's a physiological need. I'd always felt like there was an itch I couldn't scratch in the centre of my head that, like the proverbial chinese water torture, had been slowly and surely driving me mad all my life. Within a few weeks of taking hormones, the itch went away. Nobody told me that would happen, indeed I'd lived with this "pain" all my adult life to the extent it was my normal. The moment I realised it had faded away was a moment of revelation I've never forgotten. Literally a "so this is what it's like to be normal" feeling.
At that point all ideas about social acceptance etc fell away. I'd found the core of what transition meant to me and could be me without any of the trappings or all of them. "Female" was inside me, the root of me. It had nothing to do with what people thought of me or how I "performed" my gender.
It's something that somebody who has been happy and untroubled by their gender can never understand. And I envy you that ignorance.