Target Women: Jewelry
Aw shit...I knew this one had to be coming!
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Assuming the gift is not a "pay-off" for wrongs done, what is a proper, non-utilitarian gift to give? Or are utilitarian gifts the only ones worth giving? What would be a new paradigm for gifting your partner, while including some sense of romance?
Obviously it's a matter of personal taste. Right now I know my SO would appreciate something like a rare first edition of one of her favorite books. Art is always good (spoken as an artist). You know, anything that doesn't have buckets of blood all over it like most diamonds do.
The "proper" gift is something that your partner actually wants or you think s/he would actually LIKE, rather than a gift that a commercial told you s/he would like. For some women, jewellery IS an awesome present. But the rest of us resent it being the default "I'm obligated to get you something 'romantic,' so here" gift, the same way not every guy wants power tools for Christmas. This is not a difficult concept. :\
"The "proper" gift is something that your partner actually wants or you think s/he would actually LIKE, rather than a gift that a commercial told you s/he would like."
Right on! Don't as us for "a new paradigm for gifting your partner, while including some sense of romance," ask your partner! :)
If you ask your partner, where is the surprise?
If you know your partner well, you will probably have a pretty good idea of what s/he would want.
There are also wishlists. My SO and I are still surprised by what we gift each other because we make wishlists throughout the year and forget what is on them.
It lies in the fact that you asked.
You're being a bit hard on me. Given my handle, I obviously am not the power tool kind of guy, so I get that we are not all the same. However, the women in my circle constantly complain that the men in their lives are hard to shop for and the men in my circle say the same about women in their lives. What the diamond culture does is create a gifting situation where you can "never" go wrong.
Relationships are difficult and in most cases they are inhabited by good people desperately trying not to make a mistake.
The point of diamond culture is the story of sweet guys trying to delight their partner with something that can't be given everyday (I guess the 1st Edition qualifies here but book collectors are at the edges of the Bell Curve, rarefied bunch), that is one-of-a-kind (unlike the ubiquitous Wii or XBox), and that lasts pretty much forever, as a metaphor for a person's love for you.
This is steeped in a hetero-centric gender culture, since the only men I know who wear diamonds are rappers, time-share and used car salesmen, and mobsters. But, generally, we are good people trying to be nice in a hard, hard world.
Jeebus, people, it ain't that hard.
the women in my circle constantly complain that the men in their lives are hard to shop for and the men in my circle say the same about women in their lives.
ok, these men and women, they are in your friends' lives, yes? They spend a lot of time together? Paying attention to each other? They could, maybe, notice the things the person in their life likes, file them away for future use, and pull out the information at gift giving times.
What the diamond culture does is create a gifting situation where you can "never" go wrong.
No, it creates a gifting situation where you never have to really think about your partner.
Yes, exactly. Thinking about the person, thinking about what they like, and thinking about it in advance aren't really that hard to do.
My father does this every year. Instead of thinking about my mom he has me think for him. If we can't find something to buy on short notice we walk around the mall like idiots when it's obvious there's nothing there she would want/like. It drives me insane.
The whole point of these comercials is to make sure everyone remembers that jewelry must be the default gift for women. Much like how everyone knows that when there's a birthday party for someone you don't know you buy them a candle. Ugh.
Why does a gift have to be a surprise exactly anyway? WHY does gift giving have to be some kind of test? .)_.)
Am I alone in thinking that "how well I know you / how much I care" comes down to a pass/fail system on giving gifts is pretty cruel?
What if you have the best S.O. in the world but this person is not a savvy shopper or a good little consumer, gets anxious or whatever, gives a less than thrilling gift... especially if trying to navigate a stormy gulf of cultural gender division differences. The paradigm is you the recipient should be disappointed or angry right? Doesn't anyone else think this is whack?? So you could be with a person you love that walks your dogs because you have an evening class, does the dishes when it is your turn because you are tired, makes soup for you when you're sick, etc. and then poor person earns contempt for not being dazzlingly perceptive/psychic enough to round up the perfect gift by a deadline. :p Utter. Silliness. Hello remnant of Victorian romance.
Also "gift" and "obligation" seem like interchangeable words now. I would rather give and receive spontaneous thing at random time in the year than on command deadline as retail driven social norm.
if someone gave me jewelry, i'd probably be pissed off. my wife told me, "if you ever buy me a diamond, i'm divorcing you!" and I said, "me too!"
it's like a gift card, it says you didn't really think about what they want...
you don't have to be a book collector to enjoy a good book (not a rare 1st edition). i think books make great gifts, as do video games. most people have hobbies - buy them something that helps them with that. it's really not hard...
i'm getting my wife a bonsai tree because she mentioned once that she loves them. hmmm... i hope she doesn't read this...
What would be a new paradigm for gifting your partner, while including some sense of romance?
And IUD, of course!
How about something that she (or he) actually wants? Why is it that people assume women want jewelry? I find jewelry a pretty unromnatic gift, myself, because it's expected to be romantic. How is THAT any fun?
Get something that reflects her interests.
One Valentine's Day, my husband bought me a gorgeous emerald-green brocade dice bag. Obviously not a gift for everyone, but it is the envy of all my gamer girl friends.
Last year he commissioned a mutual friend to make me a stained-glass dragonfly window. Dragonflies are my favourite bug.
A guy whose blog I read sometimes bought his wife an Evenstar pendant. Sure, it's jewelry, but it's not a generic ostentatious bling -- he bought it because he knows she loves Lord of the Rings.
All of these things were surprises, but they were all proof that these are men who listen to their partners before listening to the advertisers.
OMG Brilliant! Haha.
No matter what I think is embedded in the tradition of giving women jewelry. . .I think the stupid jewelry commercials needed to be attacked in the just the manner Sarah Haskins attacks them.
Jewelry is fine as a gift. . .every girl like pretty shiny things, jewelry included. . .but the way they sell it--that it has to be purchased for a man, worn for sentimental attachment reasons--is ridiculous. (I hate to be the one to reference SATC) but it reminds me of the part of the SATC movie where Samantha gets pissed because Smith bought her the gorgeous bird ring that she wanted to buy with her own hard-earned money. I've never seen a jewelry commercial that encourages women do reward themselves, has anyone else?
Hmm I meant purchased "by a man." Oops.
Yeah, there was a whole campaign of women buying themselves diamond rings "for their right hand" simply because they wanted it.
I thought it was pretty lame, but it existed. [http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0EIN/is_2005_June_3/ai_n13794359]
Yeah, there was a whole campaign of women buying themselves diamond rings "for their right hand" simply because they wanted it.
With the subtle implication that the left hand is to be saved for the engagement ring. I didn't like that ad campaign.
Andi Zeisler's latest book, Feminism and Pop Culture, actually references the ad campaign to which Katie just linked.
While I never saw them myself, apparently there was a mini-slew of ads targeting women being able to purchase things themselves! So they should purchase what would have been bought for them anyway, and buy into the same paradigm of what women want...
If I recall correctly, this was something some other jewelry chains participated in as well.
"every girl like pretty shiny things, jewelry included"
Uh, no they don't. Some girls like pretty shiny things, jewelry included. Some girls think jewelry is the worst gift possible, and will leave it at the bottom of their underwear drawer with the tags still on.
The only pretty, shiny thing I like is that glossy XBox 360 controller with Master Chief on it. Oh, or the new DSes. My poor white one looks so sad next to them.
Thank you.
I love my DS, PSP, and various consoles. The only jewelry I wear everyday is my wedding ring.
I've never been a fan of jewelry. I'd much rather have the gift of games or books.
Hey--I include the shiny white surface of my Wii and all its various parts as "pretty shiny things." As well as the way my car sparkles in the sunlight or the way the field of my favorite baseball stadium looks under the stadium lights. There of plenty of things that aren't "pretty shiny things" that aren't marketed directly at women.
Jewelry just also happens to be a "pretty shiny thing" as well.
I'm glad you reacted so calmly to the "Well I don't love shiny things", Mary... people tend to raise the Wagging Finger of Correctness a little too quickly on this site.
Everyone has a special fondness for *something*, and hopefully no one snaps at people as quickly in real life as they do online.
I think it's possible to question gendered social norms without either wagging a finger or snapping at anyone. I object to the fact that in our culture I'm supposed to love jewelry because my feeble lady brain is attracted to bright shiny things. I'm not snapping or waving a finger - just pointing out a sexist social norm.
Thanks, Katie :) I agree that sometimes these web confrontations get out of hand, and thanks for mentioning the "for your right hand" campaign above. I vaguely remember it. . .and also thinking it was pretty lame.
And Rachel--I very much agree with everything you said in this comment and the other one you left. I actually have feelings about the females NEEDING jewelry stereotype that are very similar to yours, it seems (which is perhaps why I was a little surprised that this comment is the one of all the ones I've left that generated a mile-long chain).
I don't like diamonds, but I do enjoy jewelry. . . and what I meant to indicate by (perhaps misguidedly) referring to SATC is that I enjoy it most when I purchase it on my own terms. These commercials seem to suggest that a woman can only have jewelry through depending on a man to get it for her, and I think that's what offends me most, perhaps even more than how femaleness + shiny seems to equal a perfect match.
I was a little surprised that this comment is the one of all the ones I've left that generated a mile-long chain
It can be incredibly hard to predict. :D
Yeah, I hate the whole diamonds-and-gold thing, partially because of the social implications of the diamond industry, and because I'm a bit of a non-conformist and balk at being told what I should like by commercial interests. My partner and stepdaughter went to a bead store in town and made me a necklace out of some subtle but cool wooden beads on a leather band in a style that I do sometimes wear, and I appreciated that gift because it showed they knew what I like and they got to have fun making it. To me that's the kind of gift that's romantic.
every girl like pretty shiny things, jewelry included
Um, not necessarily. It's true that we're taught that we're supposed to, but there's no necessary connection between femaleness and liking pretty shiny things.
.every girl like pretty shiny things, jewelry included
Uh, you do realize this is a feminist site, yes? Most of us come here because it is a space in which to avoid such stereotypical tripe, not to be subjected to it.
Would you have preferred it if I said "every human likes 'pretty shiny things," jewelry included"? Because it's true. People are drawn to things they find aesthetically pleasing--or shiny in the sense of "good" (like they use it in Firefly) and attractive.
I was under the impression that people come to this site to read about issues that interest them and participate in open-minded and progressive discussions which happen to be conducted by people who have feminist ideals. The "stereotypical tripe," as you put it, are those stupid commercials that Sarah Haskins lampoons, not my comment.
"every girl like pretty shiny things, jewelry included"
I wag my "Finger of Correctness" at you!
Haha, just kidding. As soon as I read that, I wondered how many people would comment about it.
Wouldn't it be nice if we could all communicate with each other less vociferously?
"every girl like pretty shiny things, jewelry included"
No, not every "girl" likes shiny things, or jewlery.
"I guess we'll be having the sex now"
Ha! Priceless.
There we go! I thought her last ones were not up to scratch, but it looks like she's back on her game.
I especially dig the sign language one. Because really, why learn to speak with your wife when you know enough to give her shiny things? And what phrase could be more useful the other 364 days of the year?
I thought that one was a little weird. Some of my Deaf friends date people who don't know ASL, but I can't imagine any of them marrying someone until after he or she learned a hell of a lot more than that. Maybe they aren't married, but still. It seemed like an odd clash to me, with the apparent intimacy of giving jewelry against the decided non-intimacy of barely knowing ASL.
I thought it was nice that someone with a disability was featured in a commercial that wasn't about their disability (like a wheelchair advertisement, for instance) for once. In my mind, the backstory was, "I met this woman who seems really cool, but she's deaf. Instead of wimping out like the other dudes I know, I got to know her and am doing my best to learn a new language, which EVERYONE knows is NOT easy. We're in the early stages of our relationship, but I got her jewelry anyways."
That's what I thought when I saw it, anyway. I was hoping it would show up on Feministing eventually, to see what other readers thought of it.
I'm with you. I actually thought it was very sweet- he may be 'buying into' the jewelry campaign, but he's treating his deaf girlfriend like she deserves respect. Sarah Haskins joked that he spent money on jewelry rather than 'sign language classes', but he just got her a present rather than making a big deal of her hearing.
I thought it was all about her deafness. If they had just been signing back and forth casually but talking about, say, the jewelry instead, I might agree with you, but making it so that he is specifically talking about her deafness and sign language focuses our attention on it.
Oh I am so glad my partner is getting me Undeclared on DVD for Christmas and not a stuffy looking diamond jewelery thingy that I'd be obligated to be grateful for even if I hate it.
I thought it was nice that someone with a disability was featured in a commercial that wasn't about their disability (like a wheelchair advertisement, for instance) for once. In my mind, the backstory was, "I met this woman who seems really cool, but she's deaf. Instead of wimping out like the other dudes I know, I got to know her and am doing my best to learn a new language, which EVERYONE knows is NOT easy. We're in the early stages of our relationship, but I got her jewelry anyways."
That's what I thought when I saw it, anyway. I was hoping it would show up on Feministing eventually, to see what other readers thought of it.
Deafness isn't a disability..
Under the law it is, but most Deaf people do not see themselves as disabled.
I agree, though. Deafness isn't widely thought about and it's wonderful that Deaf people are beginning to have a greater presence on Tv.
The commercial did give me a weird feeling, though. I can't put my finger on it, but I know it has something to do with the privilege of the hearing man.
As I said above, for me, it has to do with the clash between the supposedly intimate gifting of jewelry and the non-intimacy of their stilted dialogue.
I agree, that commercial squicked me out. I'm not fluent in ASL (far from it) though I understand a hell of a lot more than I'm willing to sign (I'll admit it - I watched two people fighting in ASL on the T one day going to work) but... I mean, how could they communicate, really? And it really annoys me that he was talking while he signed, but didn't use the sign for "not" or "don't" so what he ended up signing was "I'm sorry my sign language good."
Sure, diamonds are shiny and pretty, but the whole culture around them depresses me.
Diamonds make me think of photos I've seen of 6 year olds in African villages crawling down the shafts for pennies a day, instead of starting the first grade.
Diamonds make me think of the naive 19 year old at a club where I worked, who consistently showed up with bruises from her boyfriend. She turned down other girls' offers of a place to stay, to gang up and confront the guy, to call the police, but walked in one day with a huge ring he'd given her saying "This proves that he loves me!" No, that just proves he can afford a diamond.
Diamonds make me think of that parody ad on Family Guy where the man gives the woman a diamond and she drops her head to his groin, and the words "Diamonds: She'll pretty much have to" flash on the screen, and yeah, Family Guy is a pretty misogynist show, but they did kind of hit the nail on what some men's mentality is in regards to expensive gift giving. Diamond ads play on insecurities of both men and women. (Men-are you successful enough to give this as a gift? It's the only way she'll really love you. Women-are you desirable and worthy enough to be gifted a diamond? Recieving one shows your worth to all your friends you know!)
Women are supposed to dream of men giving them a diamond (The band Rasputina also has a pretty spot-on parody of this, set to that diamond commercial music.)I suppose that would impress my parents and all, but what's REALLY cool is a guy who TALKS to me enough to KNOW my views on the diamond industry, and doesn't think he needs to play into it to "prove" anything.
Sure, diamonds are shiny and pretty, but the whole culture around them depresses me.
Diamonds make me think of photos I've seen of 6 year olds in African villages crawling down the shafts for pennies a day, instead of starting the first grade.
Diamonds make me think of the naive 19 year old at a club where I worked, who consistently showed up with bruises from her boyfriend. She turned down other girls' offers of a place to stay, to gang up and confront the guy, to call the police, but walked in one day with a huge ring he'd given her saying "This proves that he loves me!" No, that just proves he can afford a diamond.
Diamonds make me think of that parody ad on Family Guy where the man gives the woman a diamond and she drops her head to his groin, and the words "Diamonds: She'll pretty much have to" flash on the screen, and yeah, Family Guy is a pretty misogynist show, but they did kind of hit the nail on what some men's mentality is in regards to expensive gift giving. Diamond ads play on insecurities of both men and women. (Men-are you successful enough to give this as a gift? It's the only way she'll really love you. Women-are you desirable and worthy enough to be gifted a diamond? Recieving one shows your worth to all your friends you know!)
Women are supposed to dream of men giving them a diamond (The band Rasputina also has a pretty spot-on parody of this, set to that diamond commercial music.)I suppose that would impress my parents and all, but what's REALLY cool is a guy who TALKS to me enough to KNOW my views on the diamond industry, and doesn't think he needs to play into it to "prove" anything.
Sure, diamonds are shiny and pretty, but the whole culture around them depresses me.
Diamonds make me think of photos I've seen of 6 year olds in African villages crawling down the shafts for pennies a day, instead of starting the first grade.
Diamonds make me think of the naive 19 year old at a club where I worked, who consistently showed up with bruises from her boyfriend. She turned down other girls' offers of a place to stay, to gang up and confront the guy, to call the police, but walked in one day with a huge ring he'd given her saying "This proves that he loves me!" No, that just proves he can afford a diamond.
Diamonds make me think of that parody ad on Family Guy where the man gives the woman a diamond and she drops her head to his groin, and the words "Diamonds: She'll pretty much have to" flash on the screen, and yeah, Family Guy is a pretty misogynist show, but they did kind of hit the nail on what some men's mentality is in regards to expensive gift giving. Diamond ads play on insecurities of both men and women. (Men-are you successful enough to give this as a gift? It's the only way she'll really love you. Women-are you desirable and worthy enough to be gifted a diamond? Recieving one shows your worth to all your friends you know!)
Women are supposed to dream of men giving them a diamond (The band Rasputina also has a pretty spot-on parody of this, set to that diamond commercial music.)I suppose that would impress my parents and all, but what's REALLY cool is a guy who TALKS to me enough to KNOW my views on the diamond industry, and doesn't think he needs to play into it to "prove" anything.
Love her!
Sure, diamonds are shiny and pretty, but the whole culture around them depresses me.
Diamonds make me think of photos I've seen of 6 year olds in African villages crawling down the shafts for pennies a day, instead of starting the first grade.
Diamonds make me think of the naive 19 year old at a club where I worked, who consistently showed up with bruises from her boyfriend. She turned down other girls' offers of a place to stay, to gang up and confront the guy, to call the police, but walked in one day with a huge ring he'd given her saying "This proves that he loves me!" No, that just proves he can afford a diamond.
Diamonds make me think of that parody ad on Family Guy where the man gives the woman a diamond and she drops her head to his groin, and the words "Diamonds: She'll pretty much have to" flash on the screen, and yeah, Family Guy is a pretty misogynist show, but they did kind of hit the nail on what some men's mentality is in regards to expensive gift giving. Diamond ads play on insecurities of both men and women. (Men-are you successful enough to give this as a gift? It's the only way she'll really love you. Women-are you desirable and worthy enough to be gifted a diamond? Recieving one shows your worth to all your friends you know!)
Women are supposed to dream of men giving them a diamond (The band Rasputina also has a pretty spot-on parody of this, set to that diamond commercial music.)I suppose that would impress my parents and all, but what's REALLY cool is a guy who TALKS to me enough to KNOW my views on the diamond industry, and doesn't think he needs to play into it to "prove" anything.
Sorry for posting that rant, like four times, my computer has the hiccups. If the mods could delete the repeat posts, I'd appreciate that.
I love this video and I love Sarah! I don't watch TV so I don't know how obnoxious these commercials are - but from what she presents it is a good laugh! When I do get a peak of TV, visiting a relatives house, it is true that these commercials only have white middle class heterosexual couples which is sickening!
This might be my favorite Target Women! ever.
I thought the same thing when I read the headline. "Finally!".
"I was worried I was a boring guy in a thweter" XD
saywhat ...journalist? not so much. not at all actually. this is a long ramble without a point.
hate for white middle-class heterosexuals perhaps.
strikes me as... narcisstic rambles of self-righteous homosexual girl with a very big need to seek out anger management class:-)
So, you're uunfamiliar with social satire, then?
Dear me, I am a white middle-class heterosexually married woman, and I despise diamond advertising. According to your "logic", I must be full of self-loathing.
Congratulations. You've won my weekly award for "Most Inappropriate and Irritating Smile Emoticon Use."
I especially loved the "jewelry face" montage. My mother is really into jewelry and as such likes to receive it as a gift, but she's always saying how ridiculous most of the advertising is. I'll have to show this clip to her!
My favorite part was when she said: "All kinds of white, middle-class, heterosexual people buy jewelry for each other!"
Two Sarah Haskins videos in one week?!?
How awesome!
Kind of reminds me of that parody Rasputina did of the music in the DeBeers commercials, "Diamond Mind." I'm still amazed that, considering how much of an economic target women are, the diamond shops haven't really gone after us with more than the ad campaign mentioned above. (It would still tick me off, but at least I'd have the satisfaction of knowing that my wallet was valuable...I think...no, wait, it would just tick me off.)
Jewelery is not a "safe bet". I would be disappointed to get any of the items I have seen in these commercials and I won't touch diamonds due to the blood business surrounding it. A really interesting and unique piece of jewelery discovered in a funky shop or online I could appreciate. Of course, I also would appreciate a new cell phone, Ipod, camera, books, music, dvd's, tv, interesting (not cheesy) knickknacks, etc. The list goes on and on.
I like jewelry. Do I get my feminist card revoked now?
Oh, did anyone say that liking jewelry was anti-feminist? I didn't hear that part.
I was being facetious.
I just thought it was funny how everyone here was denouncing the evils of diamonds. Granted, jewelry commercials have always been ridiculous, but I'm sure as hell not going to turn down a diamond necklace if given to me.
Except for those who were calling to attention the socio-political situation in the diamond-exporting countries, no one has been talking about the "evils" of diamonds; just their banality. It is a matter of opinion to like shiny things, diamonds or otherwise. I like jade myself, and if someone gifts me a diamond, I would smile and thank them and accept it and never wear it. Which is what I did when my father bought me some on my birthday.
Moreover, the focus here is on the advertisements proclaiming that you can never go wrong with a diamond and those who are posting are those who disagree with that message. Because, they don't like diamonds or the idea of a diamond as a gift or the concept that a man has to buy them for a woman.
If you like diamonds and the idea of them as a gift, then you can just say that while adding your opinion that you still find the ads insipid. As other posters have done (wrt jewellery at least). Why get so defensive about it?
I like jewellery, but not the shiny sort and never diamonds. And I would never, ever want anyone to buy it for me because I CANNOT trust their taste. Jewellery is something personal for me so it is something I have to choose for myself. Having said that, go Sarah! But seriously, the jewellery commercials from my country (India) are even worse. There is one that I particularly hate that has a girl durign an arranged marriage meeting declare that she is okay with *anything* (wrt the boy, the dowry, the arrangements) as long as the jewellery is from *this* store.
-anin
Sarah always hits it out of the park.
A few points:
Women do not INNATELY love jewelry. In case you haven't noticed, we're socialized to adorn ourselves with baubles from the time we're little kids. And men are socialized to believe (generic, mass-produced) jewelry is something all women want. I can't help but think the clueless dudes pacing back and forth at the jewelry store could have made life a lot easier for themselves had they taken the time to get to KNOW their partners' interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes.
As far as diamonds go, WAY too many women think the size of their rock is a reflection of the depth of their partner's love and devotion. I like certain jewelry but I'm more likely to pick something hand-made off Etsy than run into Zales. And since my boyfriend is familiar with my personality (what a concept) he knows I'm not the type to squeal at the sight of a Jared box.
I don't want to support the diamond industry, and since reading an article about the gold industry in National Geographic yesterday, I don't want any part of that, either.
The commercial featuring the deaf woman makes me so uncomfortable. She and the man can barely communicate but they're serious enough that he bought her a diamond tennis bracelet for Xmas?!
I like jewelry because I work in an environment where all the other women wear jewelry while working, so wearing some earrings makes me feel "normal." I think that the women I work with and female customers are more accepting of me when I paint my nails and wear some make up and jewelry.
And then I get home and take it all off.
Except I've had a small stud in my nose for about 6-7 years now and I never take that out. But a lot of people don't notice, it suits me and it's tiny.
I avoid the type of guys who buy jewelry like the plague. I dated a guy briefly who always wanted to buy me "things" like jewelry and tendy girly clothes. I felt like a whore.
My favorite type of gift is something thoughtful that isn't an object - I like spending the day with my friends or family doing something we all enjoy, something we can remember. I'm a nerd, so I like to go to the museum, stuff like that.
there is nothing wrong with loving jewelry. as long as you got the money for it. I do not see a problem with this.
sterling silver jewelry
hmm.. Jewelry make womens goddess.. i love jewelry and i have business of jewelry.. check it my blog for my fav. jewelry
http://antiquejewellery-victoria.blogspot.com/