If we stay together, we will die together," she says quietly, "but if they cannot find us, they cannot kill us." Her voice shakes when she speaks. "You three have to leave and go far away. Geak is four and too young to go. She will stay with me." Her words stab my heart like a thousand daggers. "You three will each go in different directions. Kim, you go to the south; Chou will head to the north; and Loung to the east. Walk until you come to a work camp. Tell them you are orphans and they will let you in.
Imagine being a mother and knowing that the only way to save your children is to send them away from you, to essentially sever your life from theirs forever. This is what Loung Ung's mother had to do in order to save her; Loung Ung's book, First They Killed My Father: A Daughter of Cambodia Remembers, is--though certainly a tribute to her father--a deep recognition of the courage of her mother.
Loung tells the story of going from being one of seven children in wealthy family in the Cambodian capital of Phnom Penh to being practically starved to death by Pol Pot's Khmer Rouge army in what has become known as the killing fields. At least 200,000 died there. Including Loung's own father and mother. Loung has survived to tell the tale.
And she tells it so starkly that it punches you in the gut. From her childlike perspective (she was five when the Khmer Rouge first stormed Phnom Penh), she makes the nawing force in her belly that pushed her to steal uncooked rice from her own family, stuffing it into her tiny mouth in the middle of the night, real. She gives a profound psychological sketch of the survivor--someone who must turn her sadness into absolute rage in order to have the energy to survive. She provides the reader--withstanding all of this incredible terror--to see that humans have the most profound capacity for resilience and transformation.
Today Loung Ung continues her activist work, is writing on the balance of masculine and feminine, and running a bar and restaurant with her husband in Ohio. I had the gift of hearing her speak at the Omega's Women & Courage conference, and sharing some meals and chats with her afterwards, and I was profoundly moved by her capacity for both deep sadness and ebullient joy. She is a testament to how one little body can hold so very much honest, conscious life within it.
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I just finished reading When Broken Glass Floats by Chanrithy Him, a very similar memoir, and it astounded me with both the potential for cruelty even to children, and the perseverance and resilience of people. Him now works with Cambodian adolescents in the US and studies PTSD among Khmer survivors.
http://www.amazon.com/When-Broken-Glass-Floats-Growing/dp/0393322106
I'm going to have to steel myself and read this book, I know it.
Hey though, because we discuss language quite a bit here, I want to ask about the use of the word "little" in the last paragraph, to describe the author's "little body". As a woman whose a petite size zero, I've felt dismissed and (oh god, I'm going to use this word) belittled because I'm 1/3 the size of the average American woman, and I'm not even going to go into how I feel when we talk about body image and my larger-sized counterparts refer to themselves as "real women". I... just want to point this out, and make sure this isn't what Courtney was saying with that word.
I am going to the library today to see if they have this book and if not I am going to order it on an inter library load. This sounds like a must read book. Just reading the description touched me on such a level. As a parent the thought of sending my children away from me so that they can survive is just haunting.
I read _First They Killed My Father_ a few years ago and it is a very moving read from a very skilled author. Good pick, Courtney.
(And to continue lotus seed's hijack, there must be a better term out there for clothing departments that stock clothes in larger sizes than "woman size." Uhhhh... women are actually lots of different sizes, thanks. Woman-size gives me zero useful information. The first time a salesperson suggested I look in another department because I was browsing the "woman size" department, she had to repeat herself three times and eventually just tell me I was looking at clothes that would be too big on me. I kept nodding and smiling, I thought she was trying to get me to go to the juniors section.)
Read this book in highschool. As a Cambodia enthusiast (hey, it's something now!) I've been interested in that country and culture since age 10. And yes, 'When Broken Glass Floats' is a great one, SO great. I still have that one as well as a few others, though my guidance counselor in high school borrowed Ms. Ung's memoir and I never got it back, heh.
Though I MUST note something: there is some controversy regarding Loung's book. I'm not talking about the factual and landmark inaccuracies (ie. the picture at Wat Phnom being labelled as "trip to Angkor" during a time when Angkor was heavily a battle zone to boot), rather the accusations of racism and classism. Ung is 3 quarters Chinese and came from a well-off family in Phnom-Penh. In her book much of how she describes the invading Khmer Rouge very much reflects traditional racism/classism against ethnic Khmer who often have dark skin and round eyes and who are often farmers in the country side. I do not have it on hand at the moment as I juuuust got back from school, but look her up in wiki and the complaints are listed, as well as her responses (she basically says it is not a reflection of how she feels, rather how she thought as a child in real time due to what she was taught, and that si how she wanted to write the book).
Anyway just thought that was important,t he issue of class and colorism.
But yes - great book, as well as Chanrithy Him's.
Yay! I read this book many years ago in college and JUST lent it out to someone to read. It is an AMAZING story about a young girl growing up in Cambodia during the Pol Pot regime. It is so eloquently written. What a great read, and I am so glad to see it featured here! One of my absolute favorites!
Awwww I truly fell in love with this book, just by reading that one part.
I just have to go buy it now. And I very much appreciate her courage for re-telling her life story.
This book was the reason I decided to go to Cambodia. Still a very crazy/beautiful place.
Btw there is a sequel to the book which is well worth a read.
Thank you so much for blogging about this book. I read it a few years ago and it is one of the most amazing and heartbreaking books I have ever read.
These are mere flavours of a past, not a detailed description. They seek to call forth memory, to suggest and evoke. Everyone can paint their own picture. Lest we are tempted to romanticize, they also remind us of some past dreadfulness, much of which has been overcome – disease, hunger and poverty, at least in the more developed world. On the other hand, grim and hideous as these were, they did not threaten the planet and civilization as have today’s toxic set of chemical compounds and relentless exploitation of finite resources.