Hey, Courtney -- I'm just wondering what you dislike about the term "women's issues." And if you have blogged about it in the past, would you post a link so I can check out the discussion?

your friend,
maggie

The wedding industry.

The wedding industry.
Cosmopolitan magazine.
Thongs for kids.

When my female friend informs me I really should be wearing a thong with that because *gasp* everyone can see my panty line.

And when my otherwise enlightened self says I am "bad" for just eating that dessert. Because I know better.

Men who advertise that they have a room they want to rent on Craigslist, and insist on having female roommates-just sounds creepy.

ooo a ranting space! i could do without...

-being called "lady," in what are often obvious attempts to (re)affirm my lacking hegemonic femininity

-characterization of patriarchy-questioning, unshaven, vegan feminism as a bad thing, or as a necessary "i'm not that kind of feminist" disclaimer

-frat-tastic white bros' appropriations of hip hop style and other "desirable" parts of blackness, esp. while telling or enjoying racist BS commentary/jokes

-gender-specific bathrooms, or nasty/fearful looks from women in women's bathrooms (at least get rid of that stupid triangle-dress-wearing "woman" icon! who looks like that?!)

-james freaking dobson

1. Getting horrified stares when I tell people that I work in the anti-sexual violence field.
2. "You're a feminist?" accompanied with a smirk and/or eye-roll.
3. Being called baby/sweetie/honey/darling etc. by complete strangers.
4. Feeling ugly without makeup.
5. "It's just a joke" in place of real discussion about why a "joke" about rape, DV, race, gender or sexual orientation isn't funny.
6. Having my ideals or opinions dismissed because I'm "too young to get it."
7. Feeling too intimidated to confront certain people on their oppressive attitudes or actions.
8. Men calling each other pussies, douchebags, fags, gay, etc. and not understanding the problem wth it.
9. Men getting offended when I insist on splitting the bill.
10. People who take non-stranger rapes less seriously.

People (men AND women, sadly) who say: "Are you sure? Maybe I should ask him (points to male coworker who knows half as much about topic as me)."

Guys who won't let me hold the door for them and insist on getting in my way to get the door for me (I don't mind if a guy or gal holds the door for me, it's a matter of who it is convenient/polite for).

Top 10 things I could do without:
1) The Girls Gone Wild franchise
2) Tucker Max and all his sycophants
3) Glenn Sacks and his MRA cronies
4) Having Bible passages quoted at me to justify why women need to be "submissive." How can I argue with God?
5) The fact that there is now a size smaller than 0.
6) People who say female circumcision/honor killings/stoning women who commit adultery/child brides is part of someone's culture, and to decry it is Western cultural imperialism.
7) "Should you really eat that? Aren't you afraid your husband won't love you if you get fat?"
8) "Women don't think, they just feel."
9) "Why are you so angry? Don't you think that's unfeminine?"
10) "Women are like children, and need to be treated accordingly."

1. "Smile, honey."

Ohhhh, this reminds me of something that happened yesterday.

I live in Houston. My city is in shambles. I had just finished biking to check on my toy store before I went grocery shopping. I took my bicycle because gas is in VERY short supply. I almost got into three wrecks with inattentive cell-phone drivers, and one person purposefully pushed me off the road.
I was understandably a bit miffed as I picked over the remaining apples at Kroger.
The stock boy decides to tell me "I thought ladies liked shopping!!"
I let him have it. I told him that, NO all ladies do not like shopping and that all ladies probably don't appreciate the sexism in that comment.

It's my face. If I wanna scowl, I'm gonna scowl. *scowls*

Something on the list I don't appreciate:PINK MARKETING. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I want a bicycle with flowers and crap on it in a pastel color! Grr.

I wanna do a special gamer version!

1. Women in video games having way too big tits/small waists/very little muscle.
2. Being told that's okay, because video games are made for men.
3. Video games being made for men--who declared that you need a penis to enjoy blowing things up or vanquishing evil?
4. A set of armor covering everything on a male avatar, but being a bikini on a female.
5. Races that have no lore reason for it, but have no females present in game
6. Guilds that don't allow women because they "cause drama" when the drama comes from pigs who don't know how to treat women like people.
7. Not wanting to play anything in public for fear that I'll enforce the idea that women can't play games.
8. Kotaku's coverage of "booth babes" and their creepy pictures of scantily clad women sleeping
9. Advice columns on how to get your girlfriend to play games.
10. Age of Conan. Pretty much everything about it--unrealistic female models even for video games, having women in cages at their booth at conventions, quests involving hookers chained to rocks and using their blood to "sully" "pure" women.

This goes along with the "smile, honey" one...

I could definitely do without feeling like I can't make eye contact with guys when I'm out walking my dog because I don't want to have to deal with the potential ass-hatery--"hey, baby, where you going," "come back" "what a pretty dog" (they clearly mean something else). Of course, not all guys do this, but it happens often enough that it makes me not want to ever be friendly and just say hello as a I pass because I don't want to deal with it.

What's worse? Catcalls from guys driving by in big pick-up trucks. At least with the guys I might pass on the street they might imagine (wrongly, but still) that their "flirting" could maybe get them a date, but the guys driving by are just doing it to assert their masculine power/prowess and be rude. And to think some men actually think girls/women like being whistled at!?

Nightingale, you are awesome!

May I add: Assuming that, because I'm a woman, I won't like any games other than RPGs?

I will see your "people who ask 'when are you going to get married" and raise you a (while I am looking still looking for a job after being laid off in May) "why don't you just stay home and have a baby?"

Um, because (1) I have a rewarding career, (2) I am our primary wage earner, (3) I have no health insurance, and (4) I hear babies take nine or ten months to make, so what exactly am I supposed to do until next summer?

1. being told to have more of a sense of humor when i don't laugh at degrading jokes
2. being treated like a novelty because of identifying as feminist
3. people thinking me crossing my legs is an invitation to ask about my sexuality
4. not being able to order a drink because the name is disgusting
5. having to defend simple ideas like "rape is bad" or "racism exists"
6. having privilege and not knowing what to do about it
7. the "men's interest" and "women's interest" periodical sections in bookstores
8. movie posters
9. having liberalism attributed to being young and wanting to be "different"
10. being pressured to like sports or at least pretend like i like sports

I don't mean to tee-off everyone by saying this, but the #1 I could do without is activists who take themselves too seriously. For any cause.

This isn't to say you can't be passionate and have serious, meaningful conversations about complicated subjects. I just see a lot of opportunities to educate and accept lost in peoples' need to be "deep".

MHeald, I totally feel your pain on your #1.

2. Catcalling.
3. "Bi girls are just doing it for attention."
4. The "Feminism/Gay/Lesbian" section of the bookstore. It's always in the back, like it's shameful to stand there.
5. Prank callers on the rape-crisis hotline.
6. Casual swearing, like "Oh, I have sh*t to do, it's a f*cking long week, but I'm going to be one hot b*tch in my dress". Just makes me wince.
7. The horror in other feminists' eyes when I reveal I've had plastic surgery.
8. Violent video games.
9. Worrying that I talk to much in class/meetings. I know better than to be ashamed to know an answer.
10. Those "Marriage is Better" ad campaigns.

1- having everything in a male and female version. (Male Toilet Paper: to make your asshole tough, and ...rugged?)

2- Associating random societal norms with my genes or biology (No, women are not genetically attracted to the color pink).

3- Arguments by anti-feminists on how all of our choices are inherent to our biology. (In fact let's get rid of anyone drawing conclusions about scientific, or evolutionary issues without being an expert in that scientific field.)

and here are a few things I could do without in the feminist community:

4- Perfectionist Feminists who like to jump on other feminists' throats if they make a mistake.

5- Only complaining instead of organizing, making coalitions and taking action to make things happen.

6- Saying someone is not a woman because she is anti-other-women. (unlike being a feminist, being a woman does not hinge on your world view or actions - if you say you are a woman, I will accept that no matter what you stand for)

oh and I could definitely do without Sarah Palin, Dr.Laura, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter,... and other such characters.

5. Hearing my otherwise enlightened girl friends say they're "bad" because they just ate dessert.

That one breaks my heart when I hear my friends and family say that.

Platform, wedge and heel shoes for little girls (no, not just heelarious...ones they are supposed to WALK in!): http://www.nextag.com/Kids-Shoes--a-Shoe+Type-_-Platforms--zz2700343zB4z5---html (scroll down a little, and check out the sizes - 1 to 13 kids) My husband and I own a shoe store and every season someone tries to get us to buy one of these little foot binders.

On that same vein, having to re-introduce myself to company reps over and over and over again because they can't be bothered with remembering that they've ever met me, although they know my husband by face, name AND phone number, and they see us just about as often (although he's the one who corresponds with them).

Being told by one company rep that "the younger women like (turning to look at me) excuse the term (turning back and addressing only my husband again) bitch heels." WTF? When did that even become a term? Did I miss something here?

Feeling like I can't have a baby because it will mess up my career. Oh, and thanks to the costs of childcare, I can't afford to have both anyway.

Being called dude or bro on Warcraft.

Rape jokes and their popularity amongst gamers.

Feeling like I have to explain myself for liking G-strings. I hate stuff on my ass. I don't notice the string. No I'm not a slut and no I'm not an antifeminist. I don't do it to be sexy or to avoid vpl; I just truly find them to be the most comfortable, always have.

Feeling internal pressure to lose weight, even though I'm in the so-called healthy range.

Not wanting to walk home from work because I don't want to be cat-called for the umpteenth time.

The phrase "man up"

Just finding out today that women were beaten and tortured for having the audacity to protest for sufferage. That is certainly not the version of history I was taught.

Those Glade Plug-Ins ads.

1. When female friends let guys lift stuff.
2. When female friends insist on getting guys to lift stuff, EVEN WHEN I OFFER.
3. Having classmates call me selfish for demanding equal treatment.
4. Sexist anti-feminists masquerading as male sexism activists.
5. Female anti-feminists who buy that male sexism shit.*
6. Sarah Palin.
7. Female friends who say, "But that's the thing, I LIKE looking nice for my man."
8. Fellow liberals who fall under any of these categories.

I could list a thousand more. Those are just the ones that have happened in the past week or two.

* Note: of course both genders experience sexism. The difference is, women experience it because we are women. Men experience it when they act "too much like women" (wanting to take their spouse's name, enjoying knitting and baking, etc.). Why is it so hard for people to see which gender this really reflects? Not to mention that no, you will never convince me that sexism against males is anywhere near as frequent or as dangerous as sexism against females.

Having to allow people in chat rooms to assume I'm a guy to avoid constant floods of sexually-explicit PMs and jokes.

Off of that, being called a "freak" by other women when, upon revealing my gender, I call men who are suddenly nice and flirty with me (with some even asking me to look at their dick) pigs.

People saying "oh, we can't have a woman president, she'd start wars while PMSing, har-har!!" (Both sexes are guilty of this. Huh?)

1. Being told, "You're too sensitive."

2. The bad yoga teacher who commented on someone in class being, "so nice and thin."

3. Bill O'Reilly, Sarah Pallin, Dr. Laura, James Dobson, John McCain, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, Chuck Norris

4. The phrase, "Put on your big girl panties."

5. People who ask me when I'm going to have a baby.

6. Feeling like I should wear a bra when I don't because I'm afraid it might "look bad."

7. The woman who referred to my Birkenstocks as "lesbian sandals." Implying that I should be afraid to wear them since I happen to be straight.

8. People who don't get the significance of making women pay for their own rape kits.

9. Those baby shoes with the high heels.

10. Not feeling safe walking at night.

It frustrates me when I am mistaken for an assistant or dental hygienist when I am actually a dental student here in Southern California! Not a single male dental student is asked which program he is in. Even at my bookstore, the woman at the checkout rang up my DAT (dental admission test) book and ask which hygiene program I was applying to! It is shocking that many people assume that women wouldn't want to become a doctor or a dentist.

9. Advice columns on how to get your girlfriend to play games.

OH GOD THIS.

I am a comic book nerd. Being told to "get over" all of the misogyny because "comics are made for guys anyway" annoys the hell out of me, but not as much as the assumption that I'll like certain comics that have more romance in them better than what I already like, because, y'know, women who read comics totalllly read them for the romance. No, I don't want a teen angst drama drawn into a comic, I want an actual comic book.

Advice on how to get your girlfriend to be more of a nerd offends me the most. Most guy nerds seem to want a nerdy girlfriend but always talk about how female geeks and nerds are "either enormous hambeasts or huge whores." If we like these male oriented things we must of COURSE be horrifically unattractive or only do them for male approval. Riiiiight, I love the social ostracism I feel when I mention that the last things I've read were George Eliot's Adam Bede and Amazing Spiderman 571.

omg you're INVITING me to complain?! after the day I had that is like a dream come true...let's see.

1. same as courtney's. I once had a guy tell me to smile while I was EXERCISING!

2. my current gender studies class. I feel like when we bring up gender issues here there's actually honest intellectual debate, but right now in this one class everyone just spews the feminist party line they were taught in gender studies 101. personally I think a study that shows women's features are more symmetrical during ovulation is fascinating & groundbreaking, but the rest of the class mocks every scientific study we read...one girl even said she can't wait 'til the day science is viewed in the same way we currently view astrology. I agree there's crap pseudo-science out there, but we owe SO much to the scientific method!!! lol sorry moving on...

3. people staring at me judgmentally when I'm dressed skimpily on a 90-degree day while out power-walking...but ignoring the topless guy who runs by

4. on that note, having guys suggest I cover more skin to avoid catcalls when I complain about #3.

5. not being able to walk around topless. lol this is a huge issue for me...I will never experience that freedom in this lifetime

6. having my BF jump on the feminist bandwagon & then decide piggyback rides aren't fair cuz girls can't give them to guys. in this case there's literally nothing we can do about that... (he came around though, lol)

7. not being able to have an orgasm during sex (I can otherwise, but stupid evolution should have PUT MY CLIT IN MY VAGINA lol!!)

8. feeling ugly without makeup...someone else said that, I second it.

9. having to shave my legs and/or underarms to feel presentable before I leave the apartment on hot days...although I would rather have hairy legs in shorts than wear jeans, I just don't get girls who do that on HOT days

10. being told I should "keep my pants on" & other fun you're-a-slut comments after writing a letter to our college newspaper defending the choice to be sexually active. that's REALLY fun

ahhhhhh that felt good thanks!!!

Agree with a lot of these. A little to add:
It actually cracks me up every time someone calls me 'dude' 'bro' or 'man' on Warcraft. Something about the irony combined with clear evidence that behavior clearly does not indicate gender reliably. Plus I get to make cute jokes privately to my boyfriend, who usually is playing right alongside me. How did he never realize that I'm a dude!

Oh, another aside. At the beginning of a large game (40 players on our team, mostly random people who'd never played together before), one player was complaining in the chat about how bad most teams are and how we were so going to lose. Another helpfully replied to the effect, 'stop being such a woman.' So I busted in with 'dunno about you men but real women like me win games. stfu and get playing'. Surprisingly instead of being vilified two more players actually chimed in. :) Oh, and we won.

Best to pick your battles in that kind of environment--a lot of scary unthinking teenage misogyny. But sometimes it's worth it. And you never know when there might be other women silently annoyed with the same bs.

Being programmed to think I will never be good in math or science, because I am a girl.

i hate it when i'm having a conversation with a man i've recently met... Feminism comes up, i mention my passion for it, politely ask his views about the topic and he says:

"I'm a MAN, why would i be a feminist/why should i care about feminism/why should i care about sexism?".

note that the tone they use indicates that this isn't actually a real question, but a statement.

By the way, im new. i've been reading the site for a while but this is only my second post so...Hi everyone!

- When calling people to encourage them to vote for pro-choice candidates, being told by much older women "oh, I'm beyond all that now." ummm... how about looking out for the rest of us who are sexually active?

- Being made to feel like I don't have enough feminist credibility because I am happily married.

- Seeing my cousins fight with their friends on Facebook, especially when it goes to "you're so gay in that picture."

Yay for the video-gaming list! I'm really glad to learn I'm not the only woman who becomes scared to play in public for fear of enforcing the "women can't play" stereotype. Lemme add:

1.) Awesome female characters (ex. Samus from Metroid and the FFX girls) being "sexed up" in later game releases.
2.) Video games "made-for girls." (Especially if they have pink on their cover).
3.) Guy gamers who assume they've "found the one" just because you're a girl that likes gaming.
4.) Being hit on by guys in Massive Multiplayer Online Games just because your character is female.
5.) Feeling like I have to apologize for liking RPGs because it's assumed girls only like games with pretty graphics and a dramatic storyline.
6.) That several Japanese visual novels for men have been translated compared to only one for girls.
7.) Large boobs that jiggle like water balloons. Even more absurd that you can get this movement just by having the character walk forward (I'm looking at you Soul Caliber).
8.) Dead or Alive games.
9.) Gaming magazines that dedicate an issue to female characters and use pictures of the characters in revealing clothing and sexy positions.
10.) The lack of female main characters and the fact that those few games where the female is the playable character, she's nothing short of a teenage boy's wet dream.

1. Being told I have "the perfect body" by gorgeous older women. (I realize this is not strictly a sexist thing; my very lean boyfriend gets the same kind of admiration from older, straight, out-of-shape men like my dad.)

2. My sister saying "I would never have an abortion" like there's nothing worse she could do.

3. Worrying about offending people by telling them I find, say, the Sarah Palin schoolgirl doll they find so funny really offensive.

4. Emails from my dad that refer to my feminism in scare quotes. ("I think that as a 'feminist' you'll find this article interesting...")

5. Those emails containing links to Camille Paglia-penned pieces.

6. Being told I'm acting embarrassingly and combatively after I protest when, in a restaurant, one male friend refers to some husband's rape of his wife in a movie as "not really rape, because you could tell she kind of enjoyed it." Or when, in another restaurant, another male friend likened his sister to "a Muslim woman" for her subservience in relationships.

7. The implicit cuteness requirement of women in indie rock these days.

8. Women not winning enough shit! Like book deals, record contracts, presidencies and Pulitzers!

9. When at work (I'm a reporter), avoiding calling the female lawyers on cases because I know pretty well that they're probably associates or in any case not lead counsel.

10. Being told that, or asked if, I "wear the pants" in my relationship.

having old professors telling young females at scientific conferences things like "I love the smell of cunt" and thinking its ok

Rob.W,

The "not being able to order a drink because the name is disgusting" kills me. I can't so much as order a 'sex on the beach' because, seriously, that can't be the name of a foodstuff and I can't look a bartender in the eyes and ask for them to give me a "blow job"(you drink it by putting your mouth around the shot and flipping your head back) or anything else. I don't know if those drink names are explicitly sexist, but they are explicitly stupid.

I thought I was just being a prude.

Ugh, number 8 is number 1 on my list. Since I turned 18 my dad has been 'joking' about when I'm going to pop out some grandbabies for him. I'll be 21 in November and his 'jokes' have become more and more serious. My mom also has a friend who is CONSTANTLY planning my wedding. And picking out husbands for me. She's so adamant about it that she's actually introduced me to guys to get me to try and date them.It's so fucking frustrating that I just want to scream. I'm so young and I have so much that I want to accomplish before I even think about getting married. Hah, wait until they find out I'm a lesbian. That will be fun.

"having liberalism attributed to being young and wanting to be different"

YES.

And people telling me, "Oh you'll change your tune when you grow up, get a job, and have to pay taxes.
Ugh.

In no particular order...

1. Maxim

2. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition

3. women being devalued, denigrated, sexualized,insulted, etc., in movies. Not every female role has to revolve around men or titillating men!

4. The increased sexualization of girls and teens (is sexualization a word?)

5. women who feel threatened by other women, and the moments of weakness when I do as well.

6. Anything on mainstream radio

7. the term "man up"...someone else said this too. I HATE that! It makes me cringe

8. gender specific toys for kids (like cooking sets for girls, and guns for boys)

9. Oprah's book club

10. removing body hair in any way, on men or women

Oh, I gotta add: Reality TV. yuuuuuuck. If you want reality, turn off your TV!

1. Celebrities saying crazy things for publicity. Like Micheal Savage saying autism doesn't exist. Much of the time when a celeb says something like that, they don't really believe it they are just trying to get attention.

2. Low-rise jeans, so uncomfortable.

3. People who have a problem with the fact that I'm child-free.

4. People picking on vegetarians/vegans. I tried to become a vegetarian but I couldn't do it, but during that time I was constantly picked on for that. People complain about vegetarians trying to convert people but I see the opposite happening a lot more.

5. The Westboro Bapitist Church. They're making Kansas look bad.

6. Prejudice. Period.

7. Extremism.

8. People trying to convert me to Christianity. I'm an Atheist, deal with it.

9. People who complain about the movie not being exactly like the book.

10. Bullying. I suffered severe emotional damage thanks to that.

1. Being at my friend Marc's place recently and meeting his friend Matt, who introduced himself to everyone in the room individually except me, the only girl, and referred to me only as "Marc's girl." Because clearly I couldn't be there just as one of a group of friends; I had to be attached to a guy. And be that guy's possession.

2. Stupid labels whose sole purpose is to avoid the squickiness of actually talking about anything to do with women having sex or menstruation. Like the "feminine paper" aisle at the pharmacy -- just call them pads and tampons! Or those ads Sarah Haskins talked about that framed the pill as "period control".

3. Having my own brother complain about helping me carry shopping bags because one of them contained tampons, and he didn't want his "sister's cooter-shoots" anywhere near him. And then saying that it's okay to talk that way because his female friends don't complain about it. As if his female friends, who are either afraid to speak up or think that shaming women for things they can't control is acceptable, are the objective judges of sexism.

4. Hearing someone close to me make a sexist or racist joke. It's heartbreakingly disappointing, because I always think better of them until that moment, and they usually say that I lack a sense of humour when I call them on it, which brings me to number 5...

5. Feeling too shy or outgunned to call people on their racist, sexist bullshit when I hear it. As if I'm the one with something to hide.

In conjunction to #5 on the original list: that I can't eat without assigning myself "good" or "bad" depending on what I ate and how much.

Being told by my mom after getting a diagnosis of no-more-contacts-ever (because they were causing me to lose eyeball muscle control) that I just MUST get lasik before my wedding next summer.

That I cringe when a woman asks an obvious/dumb question in class, but I don't when a man does.

"You're hot for an engineer".

"You're smart for a blonde".

"Everyone's a liberal when they're young and have no money. You'll grow out of it".

Said by a man, "Oh, I'm not a sexist. I actually think women are BETTER than men."

6. Also, feeling ugly if I don't wear makeup and carry out all kinds of hair removal. Men might be considered less attractive by some if they don't shave, but they aren't less manly. Women who don't remove hair from legs, underarms, bikini lines (or worse), eyebrows and anywhere else it 'shouldn't' be are considered unfeminine.

*jiggles her boobs threateningly at konkonsn"

1. Being called Dear, Honey, Sweety, or any variation thereof by people who call my business, assuming I am a secretary and not a CO-OWNER.

2. My husband saying, "You're not gonna cut your hair and go all butch, are you?" when I talk about pro-choice election issues.

3. Despite #2, other feminists looking down on me because I'm married.

4. Hearing men on conference calls automatically discussing future assistant hires as "she" and and future leadership-role hires as "he."

I almost forgot: the co-opting of science for use in whatever the hell totally NOT science thing you want to prove. Examples: Evolution couldn't have happened because of the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics; Social Darwinism; Women evolved to [fill in stereotype], so it's just natural; pretty much every "scientific" argument against global warming being caused by man; "Intelligent Design".

1. catcalls, catcalls, catcalls. at least 5 times a day.

2. the sexism, bias, and inequality in my chosen careers of academia & journalism.

3. otherwise smart, educated people who defend anti-feminist, pro-capitalist, or libertarian beliefs.

4. that "women's studies" has a negative connotation & is the subject of mockery.

5. about 90% of people who comment on the internet

6. when people blame rape victims, or say that minority groups "victimize" ourselves

7. when people say thin celebrities are fat

8. the fact that four significant women in my life have had serious eating disorders

9. the fact that the two women closest to me (mother and partner) have been sexually assaulted multiple times

10. the fact that our country has not yet recognized that medical care is a HUMAN RIGHT, not a luxury for those with money

11. the fact that, after being raped, I had to spend the next five years going to counseling, experimenting with meds, and staying in the hospital just to survive, while my rapist could just move on with his life.

12. when women call other women "skanks"

13. our culture's fear and disgust over vaginas

1. Racesims and Sexisms
2. Being called fat, if I eat more that 2 slices of pizza or I happen to eat a lot
3.People telling me to dumb myself down
4. Girls saying I need a boyfriend
5. Joe Francis
6. rape jokes
7. People who think it's o.k to catcall or graph my butt
8."Women don't think, they just feel." arrgg
9. Women aren't as smart as men
10. people thinking the only purpose of a woman is to have a baby.

1.) The most important thing that I can do without is giving people favours or simply saying no. I have a hard time saying no to people but have concentrated my efforts extensively on this and getting better.

2.) The decrease of sexist, racist and all other forms of blame being bombarded at me through my television screen. This is because I'm white and a male.

3.) When I say I'm a conservative; people think I have my wife locked in a cage. OMG

4.)I can do without marriage being a state matter. It should just be excluded from laws or tax incentives.

5.) People who have no manners or respect for many things.

6.) People who pull all tricks to shift away responsibility or accountability.

7.) Inflation and Deflation.

8.) All unnecessary drugs and negative messages fed to the youth.

9.) Valentine's Day.

10.) Income Tax.

#6 drives me insane!

1. Cosmo Magazine. What a bastion of faux-feminism.
2. Fucking Axe commercials. I have to mute the TV or change the channel when those come on, otherwise I'm likely to break the screen.
3. Straight chicks who make out with each other to get guys' attention, then causing actually bi chicks to be accused of "doing it for the attention."
4. That a good friend of mine and my boyfriend's always introduces me to people he knows as my boyfriend's wife, despite being corrected every fucking time he does it, and defending it with "You've been together for five years, you might as well be married." No. We are very deliberately not married. Please respect that decision. And stop asking us when we're going to GET married, for that matter.
5. The fact that his five-year-old daughter is always asking me if me and "uncle Lloyd" are married. And that when I say we're not, she gasps and says "But you have to be!" I ask her why, and she says "Because that's what you do. You grow up and be pretty and get married."
6. The phrase "Feminine hygiene" - where the hell is the "masculine hygiene" aisle?
7. The fact that my female friends admire my relationship not because my boyfriend's a great guy, but because he'll willingly and without complaining buy tampons for me at the store. Cause, y'know, that's totally the pinnacle of what we can expect out of our menfolks.
8. Men who insist that "Women actually have all the power in the world, cause you control the sex."

Now for the gaming edition:
1. The looks I get when I walk into the game store.
2. The guys who "joke" that my strategy ought to be to wear a low-cut shirt and bend over the table a lot in order to win the 40k tournament next month.
3. The people who say it's "cute" and get all dismissive because my boyfriend and I are teaming together for the tournament.
4. The way gamers assume the only reason I play Sisters of Battle in 40k is because it's a "chick army". No, dammit, I liked the special rules and the models better than the other armies.
5. DOA Beach Volleyball 2, and the fact that when I freak out over the way those boobs KEPT MOVING EVEN AFTER YOU STOPPED THE CHARACTER'S MOVEMENT FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS, guy gamers just say I'm "jealous". Dude, if my boobs moved like that, I'd see an exorcist.
5a. How the physics generator for the boob-movement took months and months to design. Couldn't they have put two fucking weeks into making any other aspect of the characters look real?
6. Douchebags on MMOs who try to get me to take off my character's armor and run around naked.

1. With you on the smile: but specifically by random men that I pass on the street who litterally stop me and say "smile". Like I know them? Like I insulted them because I wasn't up to par with their standard of pleasant scenery?

2. Health care companies who cover viagra and not birth control - and the companies currently using those health care companies and who lobby to keep it that way i.e., catholic charities, religiously affiliated hospitals.

3. Hospitals that do not provide emergency contraception to rape victims, nor transport the victim to a hospital that does, nor inform them that it is even an option, and the universities that have contracts with those hospitals that these abominable hospitals will be the transport destination for any victim on university property.

4. The fashion industry that glorifies my back-breaking size boobs (litteraly, they contributed to a spine fracture) yet does not provide clothing that fits said boobs.

5. Men (and women) that will only feel comfortable with my recommendation if another male coworker seconds the motion and agrees.

6. Sports bras made of stretchy material (which is cheaper and provides that 'sexy bounce') despite study after study that it is not supportive and hurts your back.

7. Sarah Palin. The fact that the first woman vice president may be one who only got there because she swallowed her own opinions, sold out women, and agreed to do nothing but serve as a mouth piece for her male superior - that the first VP may be a woman who was not a trailblazer, but a hitchhiker.

8. Being part of a constituency that is 52% of the population and is still considered a minority.

9. The fact that if you have a vagina and you cry, you must be bipolar and should take drugs that pose severe risk to people who are not bipolar.

10. The fact that the feminist movement is still being run by the same people who ran it thirty years ago. Doesnt this raise a red flag about generational issues? Who's movement is it anyway?

When someone who claims to be a feminist says this about the presidential election....

"I'm voting for McCain, because the most important issue to me is homeland security."

What about women's rights being secure in our homeland?
What about LGBTQ rights being secure in our homeland?
etc
etc

Just because McCain has experience in the military, said feminist believes we'll be SAFE with him in office...

pfff.

As a guy who recently learned that I has been far more sexist than I'd like to live with and has decided to change I'd just like say:

1. I have called some of my friends and peers "honey" or "sweetie" before. I'm sorry, I really am, some of my friends and I do still refer to each other like this but it is was sexist of me to assume others wouldn't find it patronizing.
2. I have made gay jokes, I used to think it was just a simple joke, luckily a friends of mine who is a gay student representative at my university helped enlighten me.
3. I am still afraid to call myself a feminist, and I hate that.

and as for something that I could do without, being told I am not a feminist because I am a straight, white male and that I only say that for attention. It couldn't at all be because I respect my mother, sister and close friends and feel they deserve fair and equal treatment, no not at all.

Please...., women act like they have it so bad when the reality is, women don't have it that bad at all these days.

In fact they have it better than guys in a lot of ways.

Ex. Laws and the justice system- the female sentencing discount (women on average receive lighter sentences than men for the same crime), or being able to have a man kicked out of HIS OWN house and hauled of to jail for domestic violence simply by uttering the magic phrase "he's intimidating me" in light of no physical evidence. Having complete control and power over reproduction. A woman can abort or chose to carry to term and the man has absolutely no rights or say in it whatsoever, but if she does have the baby, then all the responsibility is forced on the man whether he wanted the child or not (I believe that it was feminists in the feminist movement that were first to argue that rights AND responsibilities go hand in hand and that you shouldn't have one without the other). Sorry that one came back to bite ya.

And having the media and government be focused disproportionately on politically correct women's issues (statistically, vastly more government funding goes to breast cancer that prostate cancer) , or simply having practically every movie, tv show, and commercial be "woman friendly" meaning essentially that the woman is always cast as the sarcastic, critical all knowing, moral authority and the man is cast as a moronic, morally inferior, emasculated, inconsequential jackass.

Maybe instead of blaming men and "evil patriarchal system", you should realize and acknowledge all the many powers and privileges women do have these days. Remember it's the year 2008, not 1958. Remember, as woman gain more and more entitlements as they are today, I hate to break it to some of you, but its going to be increasingly harder for women to, not only find legitimate things to complain about, but to garner sympathy for those complaints from the rational, mainstream public. If feminism thrives on gaining equality for women and fighting discrimination, unfortunately in the near future, its not going to have to much to thrive on.

Maybe some of you need to accept it and just get over it.

1. Fox news. Stop masquerading as news.

2.When people insult my intelligence by assuming I support Sarah Palin because we both have vaginas

3. When people voice disapproval over the fact that I didn't change my name when I got married. How is that their business? I don't tell them I think it's creepy that they changed their name!

4. That female musicians have to be cute hipsters or boobs on a stick to get any attention

5.The role of first lady. Why does that still exist??? Why do we expect a President to have a wife devoted to redecorating the White House??

6. How difficult it is to get affordable contraceptives!

7. The way that I feel I have to look good, or people won't listen to me/won't respect my work/won't give me a chance

8. Gossip Girl-type young adult books - when did that happen??? I read books about smart girls having adventures when I was their age, *grumble*

9. Ascribing gender to food. A salad is "chick food." A steak is "manly."

10. And, this was already said, I too cringe when I hear a woman in class say something stupid, and I don't when it's a man. I hate that I do that!

1)The voice in my head that still tells me to consider everyone else’s needs before my own. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t make it shut up completely.
2)The daily fundamentalist, sexist, pro-life, etc. emails from my mother in a desperate attempt to save my soul.
3)Trying to improve my health but only getting complements on my weight loss - my skin is clearer, my hair is shinier, I have better muscle tone – but apparently only my weight is worth noticing. There is more to getting healthy than just shrinking in size.
4)People who want their conservative ideals tolerated, but won’t tolerate liberal ideals. I want to make my own choices AND I want you to have that same right as well.
5)Men who practically knock me down to get to a door so they can open it for me in the name of chivalry. And the corollary: Men that look shocked when I hold the door for them or hesitate to walk through the door before me. Courtesy doesn’t need gender, damnit!
6)Dirty looks when I wear a t-shirt with a feminist message. I thought I was going to get knee-capped in the grocery store by an older man when wearing my “John McCain called his wife a cunt” shirt – I watched his face change colors as he read it.

1. Being the only woman in the Computer Science Dept.
2. Having sexist jokes made by profs and students alike, in my presence and otherwise, because "I must be used to it."
3. Not wanting to protest, because I have to work with these people for the 2 years until I graduate.
4. My roommate saying that I need to buy more clothes if I want to be "sexy."
5. Her putting up with her emotionally abusive boyfriend, "until someone better comes along," because she's afraid to be unattached.
6. The dozens of times I've been told to "get in the kitchen."
7. Feeling guilty for making people feel bad for making sexist jokes, and apologizing.

One more:

Anti-feminist posts of the "Men are discriminated against more than women!" variety.

"Smile" is the bane of my existence.

I kid you not being cat-called from behind while I was out jogging, and then being told, "Aw, man, you're flat-chested" when the car passed.

And people that think I can't possibly be straight when my hair is short or shaved.

juliannakiev, don't like those annoying posts, huh.

I kid you not being cat-called from behind while I was out jogging, and then being told, "Aw, man, you're flat-chested" when the car passed.

And people that think I can't possibly be straight when my hair is short or shaved.

#11 When lots of people on this thread post great comments about contemporary sexist things that bother them, only to be told how bad things used to be for women and how we should just "get over it" because the womenz get away with everything these days.

Men who think that the home they share and pay for WITH their partner is THEIR OWN home, where he should feel safe but she doesn't necessarily have to.

Domestic Violence victim blaming

Men who think that impregnating a woman gives him the right to make her personal health decisions.

Men who call women's equal rights "entitlements"

The idea that because things are better now than they were in 1958, we should all just shut up and be grateful that men gave us any rights at all.

Saying that women who bring up civil rights issues are "complaining".

Anyone who says "Sorry, but...", but isn't actually sorry.

* Note: of course both genders experience sexism. The difference is, women experience it because we are women. Men experience it when they act "too much like women" (wanting to take their spouse's name, enjoying knitting and baking, etc.). Why is it so hard for people to see which gender this really reflects? Not to mention that no, you will never convince me that sexism against males is anywhere near as frequent or as dangerous as sexism against females.

I will agree with you that sexism affects women worse, no arguments there. This post proves that without a doubt.

However I would have to disagree with the absolute-ness of “Men experience it when they act too much like women”. In my experience, while this may be true in some cases, it is not true in all cases. Sometimes, the sexism men experience can be because that they are men.

For example, in one of my previous jobs in a design, brand and event company, I was the only man working there out of 8 employees, and all of the others were women. Now, I was not the lowest one on the totem pole, but because I was a guy, I was asked to do all the “hard physical stuff”, like lifting heavy crates, assembling Ikea tables and cabinets, buying and hauling the groceries from the parking lot to the office, going out to remote areas to check venues for possible events, lifting sound and PA equipment on stage, etc…. The women did not ask me to do this because I was acting “too much like a women”, but because they said that as a man I could do physically hard work by myself, thus saving them time. I have to say, sometimes it got a bit tiring, but what was I going to do...complain to my boss? Who had the power to fire me if she wanted to. She even said in front of everyone that that was the reason she hired a man. I couldn't tell whether she was joking or not.

When I was working with one of the Big 4 Audit companies, almost 80% of stock takes (physical inventory counts at a client’s warehouse) was done by the male auditors. Female auditors got the nice stock takes (inside hotels and boutiques and air-conditioned offices) whereas male auditors got the hot and smelly stock takes (hot and dusty warehouses, garages, industrial factories)….heck, there was even one stock take where we guys were sent to see people burn up poisonous cat food. This also applied to when clients required us to work interstate….if it was just a bunch of guys going to do the audit, the client would usually pay for some cheap motel. But if there was a female colleague going along, we find that most of the time the clients immediately upgrade it to a 3 – 5 star hotel. While I do not begrudge my female colleagues for getting nicer assignment, as I understand certain situations are more dangerous for women, I also note that this incident once again shows that the sexism was not because we male employees were “too much like women”, but it is just because we’re men, and people expect us to get down and dirty and really do the dirty work.

There is also the case of Singapore, in which when men come to a certain age, they are legally required to do 2 years of compulsory military service. Evading military service is a crime and can be punished by incarceration (unless your parents are rich or powerful enough to bribe the officials). The same compulsory military service is also required in South Korea.

These are just some examples which counter the statement that men only experience sexism when they act too much like women. In some cases, men, just like women, also experience sexism just because they are men.

Having said that, to keep the topic on sexism against women, I’ve always been curious. In the US, are male hair stylists (who cut and do your hair) more popular and prominent than female hair stylists? I know here in Asia, male hair stylists are often more popular than the female stylists, both with the men and women, because people perceive them as more creative and more “out there”, compared to female hair stylists who people perceive as more workmanlike and steady but not as wildly creative.

Oh no, I've angered the masses. It's always easy to tell when people begin to feel threatened. I guess the truth hurts.

Getting angry about someone being a 'wad, and their response being "It's just hormones."

BOTH of my parents used to do this to me. They would set me up, and if I became angry, they would blame it on hormones. If they ignored me saying "I don't want to be friends with _________ anymore because they're abusive and I don't enjoy their company," they would say "Oh, it's just your hormones."

I wasn't allowed to drop friends until I was 17.

In no particular order:

1. Elite music review websites often ignoring or dismissing indie female musicians as precious.
2. My female best friend thinking I'm crazy for caring about gender studies, dismissing it as irrelevant these days because "feminism is over."
3. My straight female friends warning me that you can't flirt with men by being witty.
4. Being told that being straight somehow makes me less of a feminist, or that being a feminist will make it more difficult for me to be straight (aka- men will run away screaming).
5. Axe body spray commercials
6. Being made to feel guilty if I wear clothes that are slightly revealing
7. White male writers being automatically considered more universally appealing/neutral/not having a particular cultural bias than any sort of minority. I get so sick and tired of people considering authors like Virginia Woolf and Toni Morrison to be too whiny to appeal to anyone outside of women/black women and to have no genuine literary merit outside the gender/race of their authors. These women could/can write!
8. My best friend's little sister worrying that she's not pretty enough to go to school in LA.
9. Movies assuming including a woman who says, "Girl power!" makes them feminist. This especially goes for movies set in Medieval or Renaissance times.
10. Burger King commercials

squeezle, do you honestly think it was the "feminist-ness" of your t-shirt that was upsetting to the older man in the store? You wore a shirt in public with the word "cunt" on it, and an person from an older generation changed colors, and you say "gosh, he just can't handle my feminism!"

I'm not saying you shouldn't or couldn't wear that shirt, but if you get upset when it gets negative attention, you are being willfully obtuse.

Oh yeah, my list begins:

1. Willful obtuseness

Actually, IndyKat34, "the truth hurts" isn't the issue here. Not that what you think "the truth" is has any relation to the actual truth whatsoever.
What does hurt, however, is constantly being belittled and ridiculed by the likes of you for pointing out things that we don't like and want to see change in society. And yes,sometimes these are small things.
And here's "The truth" -- it is often the small things that are so insidious, and, taken together, form that much bigger problem.
But I shouldn't waste my time with you, since you are clearly not here to listen to me or any of these women. You are here to shut us up and put us into that little box you have marked "the woman's place."
I take your box, set it on fire, and tell you to go fark yourself.
Goodbye.

1. Girls Gone Wild
2. PETA
3. Axe commercials
4. Free Credit Report commercials (esp. the one where the guy complains about his wife's credit)
5. Having to shave/wax.
6. "Well, she should've just bit his cock" in defense of forced oral sex.
7. Chick lit
8. People thinking that Sarah Palin is a feminist because she has a vulva.
9. The use of "vagina" to mean "vulva" (English degree!)
10. Being called a "Marxist dyke" for organizing an anti-violence rally.

Jetgirl said:

5) The fact that there is now a size smaller than 0.

Sorry, I find this offensive, largely because I live in an Asian area and my sister in law is Chinese-mixed and did in fact come UP to a size 0 after her pregnancy. Why should she have to wear children's clothes just because she was born small? The same will most likely go for my stepdaughter. She is tiny, at 5 years old can still fit into a 3T shirt/shorts (pants fit around waist, but are too short). I understand the anger behind the sentiment, but it's just as evil for bigger people to hate on little people as it is for little people to hate on bigger people.

Also, I'm not sure this was ever addressed for the first response, but: "women's issues" is a male way of excusing any untoward behavior by women as a result of her menstrual cycle.

"But you're attractive, so why don't you have a boyfriend?"

"Smile!"

and

"I hate it when women have short hair."
--CC

Your #5 is spot on for me. I want to gag when my female friends say they are "BAD" or "BEING NAUGHTY" because they are eating something sweet. BARF.

Things I could live without:

1. "Women's food" commercials: I hate how the only way to make a woman buy food is to tell her it won't make her fat, or even better! it'll help her lose weight. Seriously, that yogurt isn't a super food, and 100 calorie packs are still full of suger, if you want to eat, just eat, you're not "cheating".

2. You were right on with the "smile honey"

3. When my friends talk about how fat they feel

4. That as soon as I bring up feminism/double standards/women's issues (sorry Courtney), people bring up the term "feminazi"

5. Axe commercials

6. Judd Apatow movies, where the women are stunning and the men are below average, and yet they always get the girl anyway, I'd like to see a movie do the opposite.

7. eliticism!!!!!!

8. Victim-blaming

9. When men see themselves as the victims of feminism

10. Despite being a feminist, I still put a lot of emphasis on my appearance.

One of the biggest things I could do without: male co-workers who ask for my help with the fax / copy machine / computer, even though my job has nothing to do with those kinds of administrative tasks... not to mention, most of their problems would be easy to figure out if they spent a minute thinking about it, rather than running for the nearest young woman in the office. It may seem like not a big deal, but it really disrupts my working day, and it makes me feel less valued professionally. It also bugs me that I don't have the guts to say "that's not my job" but instead pretend not to know the answers to their questions.

jetgirl70, While labeling someone offering a dissenting opinion as "You are here to shut us up and put us into that little box you have marked "the woman's place.", is probably comfortable for you, I challenge you to point to something in my original comment that is untruthful.

Differences in sentencing between the sexes?

Causes for arrest in "pro-arrest" or "must-arrest" states for domestic violence?

Rights and responsibilities in reproduction-men vs. women?

Gov't funding-breast vs. prostate cancer?

The way men are typecast and "dumbed down" on t.v.?

Maybe you find those truths inconvenient.

Spider, many apologies for offending you. My frustration with the size zero thing has more to do with the fact that women's clothing is never sized according to actual measurements, like men's. There would be no size zero if they did this. But we are all taught to be ashamed of our measurements, whether small or large, and being anything over a 12 is despicable while being under a zero is infantilized or nonexistent.

My frustration with the size zero thing has more to do with the fact that women's clothing is never sized according to actual measurements, like men's.

I've always wondered about that. Does it only apply to dresses (as in a one piece dress), or does the size issue apply to other women's clothing as well - ie, a skirt, a suit jacket, etc.

and if so...why? Why create an arbitary size system that, as far as I know, is not standard among all designers (a 6 from X could be diffent from a 6 from Y)

How would a measurement for a dress work? using the xx-xx-xx measurement system?

uno-Being called 'extreme' when I call out sexism or misogyny that I see.

dos-The taboo of female mastubation.

tres-Showing affection to female friends (like simple hugging) must mean I'm a lesbian!

and lastly-Calling your vag 'down there.' It's called a vagina folks, don't be scared to say it!

There are plenty more; I'm just really lacking sleep at the moment.

Excuse the misspelling on number 2.

1. Meeting a man for the first time and the FIRST thing out of his mouth has to do with the size of my chest.
2. Knowing that being big breasted has probably had a greater impact on my life than anything else that I have done, achieved or experienced.
3. Orange Glo/Oxy Clean infomercials.
4. Elizabeth Hasselbeck
5. Reality television.
6. The door-to-door recruiters for Jesus.
7. Stores that carry XXXXXL sizes for men, but women's sizes that stop at 14/16. Because, you know, I love wearing men's clothing that doesn't fit me.
8. Men who snore. Loudly.
9. Being lactose intolerant.
10. Being told women "always" over-react. Sometimes I think the next time I hear that, I'm going to show them what over-reacting really is.

Certain double standards stand out:
Women are considered more emotional than men-
As if violent crimes are committed without emotion.
As if "crimes of passion" are not a lack of control of emotions.
Speaking of not being able to control emotions
they can't take the heat either.
Violent crimes committed by men increases when the temperature rises.

A woman is only considered strong while she is giving birth, if the father happens to witness it.

How a single father who struggles to raise his child is a hero, but, a single mother is pitiful.
How raising children and maintaining a home is not considered as good on a resume as being in the armed forces.

How much of a bitch I am at work, where if I was a man, I would just be "getting the job done".

That even feminist say "she's got balls"
When everyone should know by now that
I DON'T NEED BALLS-
I HAVE COOCH!

Also...

1. The word "vagina" - As I recall, isn't the etymology from a Latin word meaning "sheath"? Hell no, I do not want my relevant bits defined by their relation to a man's bits. Not to mention, say it out loud. Doesn't it just sound weird?
2. I'm with people on the clothing sizes. I wish my pants were as simple as 32x36 or whatever, which would then NOT VARY from brand to brand. As it is, I'm a 12 at Old Navy, a 1 at Lane Bryant, a 14 in Levis, and a 16 at Target.
3. That even comprehensive sex education doesn't cover clitoral vs. vaginal orgasms, or female ejaculation, leaving many women completely unaware of how their pleasure works - and for many who do ejaculate when they orgasm, feeling like freaks because they don't realize what's going on.
4. People saying "Oh, you'll change your mind" when I say I don't ever want kids.

Spider Jerusalem:

I didn't take it to mean that JetGirl70 didn't like that some women are small. I took it as a comment on the ridiculous vanity sizing that's going on. People haven't gotten skinnier--if anything, we've got larger--but the clothing sizes have gone down. Sizes have nothing to do with measurements now--they're just another marketing ploy.

my response to the "smile" line is
either:
with sarcasm and an evil grin,
"give me Katie Couric's salary and I too will appear to be bubbly as long as I have to."

or

"Oh no, you don't really want me to have a ridiculous grin on my face while I am negotiating with crew and vendors. Trust me, appearing dim witted will not serve this production.
But hey, thanks for reminding me that men still think women should smile for them.
Will anyone be asked to tap dance next?"

Just reading all of these lists is making me more and more ANGRY.

The fact that I don't have any original examples (because so many of us women deal with the SAME SEXIST SHIT.)

When I voice my opinion about inequalities (whether it's in relation to racism, sexism, homophobia,etc.) people joke that I "need an outlet" or that I have "anger issues."

Or what's even worse is when I voice my opinion about inequalities and people say things like, "Why do you care? You're not gay."

Hara, I also agree that it's fucking sad that women are viewed as "bitches" in the workplace, but men are viewed as "getting the job done."

If feminism thrives on gaining equality for women and fighting discrimination, unfortunately in the near future, its not going to have to much to thrive on.

IndyKat, did you seriously just threaten us with success?

There's a blog for people like you: Finally, a Feminism 101 Blog

There's also a name for people like you: Sexy truth-teller

The fine people at Feminism 101 are there to hold your hand, gently dispel your unoriginal arguments, and teach you how to not to be an obnoxious troll. The people here are just trying to discuss their issues in a safe environment. Run along.

I am not sure why you think showing smart, attractive women paired up with overweight, inept morons is a good thing. Why do fat, lazy jerks like homer Simpson or Peter Griffin deserve attractive, smart wives that put up with them no matter how badly they treat them? Just once I would like to see an attractive, smart woman dump the man and move on.

I am a feminist. What makes me sad is that I'm often not taken seriously for it -- by other women -- because I like pink, I like wearing heels, I enjoy manicures...somehow, in the eyes of other feminists, this devalues my passion for so many of the things that all of us stand for here. I'll fight vehemently in my corporate workplace, with my family, with total strangers, for the principles of feminism and my support of women.

I was excited to read people's reactions to this original post, but reading it I realized that "feminism" so often remains a closed club to someone like me.

I respect everyone's choices on how they want to live their lives -- to me that's part and parcel of being a feminist (not to mention compassionate human being). What's sad is that often that openness is not reciprocated when you might notice my blond highlights, french tips and high heels.

We're all in the same boat -- I won't judge you for your unshaven legs if you won't call me less of a woman because I wax mine. Body hair doesn't matter -- our rights do.

I could pretty much copy-paste yours, Courtney... (and everyone else's too).

I'll add some:

1) Having technology-related people (e.g. computer store employees, cell phone tech support, etc.) automatically take a condescending tone with me--I'm guessing because I'm female (meanwhile I work in hi tech).

2) Hearing people go on about how "boys love their toys", (e.g. music equippement, gadgets) and then simply not believe me when I tell them that, well, so do I.

3) Having my awesome and smart and independent Mom come out with really traditional remarks like it's my responsibility (not my bf's) to always make sure there's food in the house.

4) Having my otherwise awesome and smart brother start talking about "fiery feminists", battle axes, etc.

5) Hearing other women openly and harshly make fun of "fat" people.

6) "muffin top"

7) "panties"

8) Telling people I work in education and having them assume I work with elementary school kids, when really I work with computers.

9) Other women talking to me as if it's a given that I want to have kids.

10)The ongoing under-handed homophobic comments and/or severe ignorance (although I must say I did recently delight in informing a co-worker that, no, not all lesbian have a "look", that in fact *anyone* could be a lesbian. hehh heh)

IndyKat, everything you've said has already been addressed previously. You're not the first MRA who's come here to argue, okay? Read more of the archives.

And then, if you still want to argue about these topics, comment on a post that actually addresses them.

1. Whiny "nice guys" who cry victim because the big, mean women don't appreciate how hard it is to be the societally-favored gender.

2. Sarah Palin.

3. Cindy McCain's multi-thousand dollar outfits, and the individual who wears them.

4. Being told that I need to dress better or my name will be sent to "What Not To Wear" - by FEMALE friends.

5. Having people take my plans for graduate school, in a field that finally suits me, where I can actually get a job that isn't in the clerical ghetto, as evidence that I'm being a dilettante.

6. Attacks on women's colleges.

7. The Dominionist movement in religion.

8. The bad behavior of little boys being excused while the bad behavior of little girls is reason for a spanking.

9. Magazine covers that exhort women to "BAKE THIS DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE CAKE!" while they're on the "MIRACLE DIET - LOSE 40 POUNDS A MONTH!"

10. So-called feminists who won't vote Democrat because Sarah Palin has a vagina.

We could expand this list to "10,000 Things a Woman could do without." I am sure many of us could come up with more. What everyone says is great!

1. Teeth whitening -- as if the only way to tell if my teeth are healthy is if they are bleached to near-oblivion.

2. My mother saying that she's concerned I might have "extremist views" because three of the 7 books I read this summer were about feminism.

3. Yeast infections.

4. Being accused by people who don't know me of being too emotional -- when people who do know me say that I am ultimately logical.

5. People who claim to be feminists, yet shame other women because they are married, pretty, have kids, like lipstick, heels, and shopping, etc. Further, people claiming that I wear make up and short skirts and heels in order to please men. While I may not be married or have children (or plan on pursuing either), it really breaks my heart/pisses me off when I hear feminists who are married or have children saying that they're made to feel less-than by virtue of having children or being married. For that matter, anytime anyone who doesn't "fit the bill" gets ostricized by feminists/liberals/progressives/whatever for not being a "real" feminist/liberal/progressive/whatever. That really gets up my hackles. You believe in pay parity, choice, and equality regardless of gender (biological or identified)? You want to identify as a feminist? I, for one, will welcome you into my feminism, and I am certain I am not alone in that.

6. The term "MILF".

7. "I can see Russia from my house" foreign policy.

8. Me being depressed and my partner suffering from insomnia. The only relief I've felt since I've started feeling like this is lying next to him, but he's been having trouble sleeping and has been crashing on the couch. We're both a mess right now.

9. People who insist on talking to me about politics with the preface "I don't follow/know anything about politics".

10. Whining without action. Not. Okay. Do something.

9.

Okay, I'm feeling the need to add some positivity:

1)Having a bf who supports and agrees with my feminist talk.

2) Having an older musical instrument store dude say: "wow you know a lot, you should apply here".

3) Hearing my slightly older, straight boss joke about how wearing a pink shirt isn't exactly riske for him and then adding "I mean my main hobby is cooking and my wife owns all the power tools".

4) Having my mom admit that I've always been the "fix it" person of the family (more than my bro).

5) Seeing same-sex couples walk down the street holding hands.

6) Hearing about the minister from my old church coming out to the whole country-wide church and being accepted and encouraged.

7) Having people tell me the bit of gray in my hair that's starting to show is pretty.

8) Watching a show like CSI (original) and seeing a story that basically tries to combat assumptions and prejudices toward LBGT communities.

9) meeting people who are encouraging of me in non-traditionally female domains.

10) the fist bump

I liked your post Nightingale!

I work at Gamestop so I see all kinds of sexism. This made me think of something that happened earlier tonight when I was working. A man walked in with his young daughter and he looked at me and said, "Finally a chick working here!" And when I said in a clearly appalled manner, "A CHICK, huh?" he seemed to think I was joking with him.

I could do without these men who think I'm "just one of the guys" and that they don't have to treat me with respect because I work at a video game store. I would hope that he wants better for his daughter than to be disrespected in the way he disrespected me.

"Why on earth did you want to go to a girl's school?"
WOMEN'S COLLEGE, you cretin (generalized "you").

"I don't see how feminism has helped ME" (from a fellow Women's College attendee"

"I don't see race/gender/class/etc. "

Dirtsa,
You're welcome in my feminist club. Your color and grooming choices are irrelevant, your support of equality for women is what's relevant.
I hear what you're saying. I've had women who identify as feminist tell me I am a traitor for being heterosexual, and then for getting married. But I never stopped calling myself a feminist because of them, so please don't let a few unpleasant people get you down!

Re: "Smile." Oooh, that one makes me absolutely livid. The last guy who said that to me made me so incoherently angry that I shouted "I want to shoot you in your motherfucking face!!!1" Uhh... what an odd thing for me to say to someone. I'm not a violent person and have never held a gun, but "smile" really, really gets to me in a way that not many other things do.

I am not a decoration in a man's landscape. I do not owe random men on the street any of my time or attention. It's crazy, I'm just like a real human being, with emotions other than "happy robot sex machine with creepy vacant grin." Sometimes it even shows on my face when I am upset or mad or tired or have to pee or my back hurts. UNMITIGATED TEMERITY, I tell you.

OH AND ANOTHER THING.

So this summer I was friends with this guy. We hung out all the time and we were BFFs. When a mutual friend told me that he was only hanging out with me because he wanted to sleep with me, I was horrified. Anytime I express surprise or disdain or disappointment or sadness about this, the response (from everyone!) is "well, what did you expect, are you really that naive?"

Uh, maybe I expected that someone could see me as a friend rather than an object. Maybe I expected that people could think of men as more than uncontrollable animals. Is that really so hard to believe?

1) Being told I look really good by everyone, even my family, (with the exception of my oldest brother) ONLY when I'm wearing girl's clothes.

2) Gender specific bathrooms. I'm really tired of being scared to use the women's washroom even though I'm female.

3) Being asked "Are you a boy or a girl?" by total strangers who act like I'm a freak.

4) Feeling like I have to hide my breast binder from my family.

5) Not being included by my friends, the majority of which are guys, and brothers because I am female.

6) Being repeatedly harassed for sex and or nude pics by other gamers, even ones I consider close friends.

7) My mom's continued persistence in trying to get me to wear girls clothes.

8) My best friend, who claims to be open minded, citing his belief that souls are genderless as the reason for accepting how I am now, but quoting the bible for why I shouldn't take it any further.

9) Girl's clothes with flowers and hearts on them.

10) My mom telling me that if I'm not gonna shave my legs than I should get them waxed.

Being laughed at for : -

*not knowing about cars (something typically masculine is deemed more important to know about that the things I know about)
*sneezing like a girl (I AM a girl)

AND

*pussy being used to describe someone feminine and therefore weak

Are some fo the many...

"Uh, maybe I expected that someone could see me as a friend rather than an object. Maybe I expected that people could think of men as more than uncontrollable animals. Is that really so hard to believe?"

No, that's this hard wiring that just doesn't want to evolve. Instead of evolving it tries to maintain that structure. Call it universal/biological/etc.. law. So, while he really wanted to be your BFF; he still has this attraction to you. He is hard wired that way. You'd have to change his DNA and hope there are no consequences.

1). Being told that feminists are just interested in sex.
2). Being told I can't be a feminist as a man.
3). Being distrusted because I'm male.
4). Sexual assault, sexual harassment, patriarchy, etc.
5). Feeling like I need to prove that not ALL men are sexist, chauvinist, potential rapists, etc.
6). Having an extremely enlightened female friend say that I exhibit characteristics of 'progressive white male syndrome' (whatever the hell that is).
7). Any term of endearment from any stranger.
8). Leftwing sanctimony: Enough with 'making the world for a better place for our children' spiel; if you want to make the world a better place for your children, don't f*$kn' have any! 7 Billion people is enough!
9). People expecting me to know everything because of my gender or ethnicity.
10). Not being able to find enough feminist friends (of either/any gender) in supposedly progressive Seattle.

Note: # 1 should read "being told that MALE feminists are just interested in (feminism) for sex

My Top Ten (Teen) Dating:
1. Guys who think it’s “cute” that I’m “causey.” Or “interesting” that I am a feminist.
2. Guys who lose interest when they discover that I would never want biological children, and that if I got pregnant would put the child up for adoption or force the father to take complete custody. I just hate having guys think that it’s wrong or weird--I’M SEVENTEEN!!! OF COURSE I DON’T WANT BABIES. I also feel that it is unfair that they think I am “cold” for wanting to put a career above settling down and having a family. Double standard much... And I think they are a bigger freak for making that a disqualification at our young age.
3. Somehow managing to be a slut simply because I know more about sex than my guy friends. Which is kind of funny in and of itself because 1. I am a virgin, and 2. I am a virgin because I don’t want any of the nasty diseases that are going around.
4. Being called “easy” for any of the following:
Kissing on the first date. REALLY PEOPLE! COME ON! It’s a kiss. GET OVER IT!
Having the audacity to ask the boys out.
Being a flirt. I like to flirt. That means nothing besides I like to flirt.
The mentality that doing anything makes me easy. The term itself makes it sound like anyone and everyone has access to my body. Somehow that smacks of rape culture. My body not being mine, but instead public property--the assumption that anyone can touch it. It just makes me really angry. And to quote the Hulk--you won’t like me when I’m angry.
I am sick of guys calling girls sluts for being sexually active and patting their guy friends on the back for their sexual exploits.
I am tired of guys saying I am “kinky” because I enjoy an intelligent conversation about sex and will discuss any form, style, orientation, choice, disease, etc. the same way I might discuss the latest releases at a theater. Just because I am open with a discussion on it does not mean that I am doing. Nor should we condemn those who chose to do it. I am just really tired of people being assumptive arseholes.
I am sick of getting messages that guys thought they sent to their friends about me that prove they are just yet another jerkface. I am even sick of those messages that I don’t mistakenly recieve, but know they exist. I am sick that guys feel they have the right to talk about another HUMAN that way. I am sick of guys bragging about how they might “get somewhere with this one.”
5. Guys who tell me that I am hot but not worth dating. Because I am:
Too intimidating.
Too independent.
It just wouldn’t work.
I’m fun, but I’m not girlfriend material.
I’m a little too “easy.” For kissing too soon. I would love to hear that one in a Sleeping Beauty context. She didn’t even talk to the guy or agree to a scam, and she got kissed. Oh, right. Girls can’t initiate it. Because that is being “forward.”
6. The fact that I am strong and independent and don’t need a boyfriend to complete me and make me feel better about myself making me undateable. Also the fact that I have an ego, am self-assured, and know that I am gorgeous and intelligent and sexy working against me. I like my confidence. If you don’t shove it. I also don’t like being told I am beautiful by guys too often--I want people to like me because I am fun, have a great sense of humor, and am intelligent--not because there is an eleven inch difference between my bust and my waist.
7. Shallow guys. Especially ugly shallow guys. Especially nerdy ugly shallow guys.
8. Guys who think that because I was flirting with them I am automatically going to say yes to a date.
9. Creepy old men stalkers. Especially creepy old men stalkers who want a relationship and we could “work out” the fact that I have parents. And that I am a minor. Plus that they ignore that I have told them I am uninterested because they are too old because I am apparently I am young and “don’t know what I want,” and will realize I want a “real man” and want to date them. Puke now.
10. The inability to find a guy who can withstand the stregnth of my personality and not be patronizing about it.

1. People that say "I'm not trying to offend anyone, but..." Yes, you are. STFU.

2. My girl friends, who are so progressive in every other way but have internalized all the shit about feminism so that they make fun of me for bringing it up.

3. Guys that are way too forceful about chivalry. If I tell you I'm paying for my own meal, carrying something heavy, opening a door for you, or whatever and you try to interfere because of chivalry, bad shit will go down.

4. Sleazy guy: "Can I get your number?"
Me: "Nope."
Sleazy guy: "Well you're an ugly bitch, I didn't want your number anyway!"

5. Rape apologists.

6. Christianity telling women (and my mom telling me) they should submit to their husbands.

7. Axe's black manly shower poof. Oh wait, I loved that actually. So many lulz.

FuckDecaf –Not being willfully obtuse, I just quit writing too soon. What I failed to say is that I get similar dirty looks for wearing a shirt with a verse from the Bible (1 Timothy 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence) or a shirt that simply states that I am a feminist. Now there is nothing inherently upsetting about these two, but some individuals (of all ages) still seem to find them shocking so they stop to stare and sneer. I understand that even thought the ‘upsetting’ word was redacted on the shirt (containing symbols instead of some letters & stamped [censored]) some individuals will be upset. There is a certain shock value to this image, but I consider that shock to be part of the message and I expect people to stare. Nevertheless, I could do without the sneering.

Hey Dirtsa,
in case you read this far down the thread!
I'm sorry you've been made to feel excluded. I think sometimes all that happens is that we each get so focused on our own issues, the things that bother us most, that we often forget that those very things might be totally irrelevant to other people. We could probably all work harder at trying to make our points, small and large, without being exclusive--fighting for the right not to shave one's legs without denigrating those who do choose to shave; pushing for marriage equality without rhetorically devaluing existing marriages or non-marriage!

"7. Shallow guys. Especially ugly shallow guys. Especially nerdy ugly shallow guys."

...This is being ironic on purpose, right?

1. The phrase "throws like a girl" being an insult, even if you are a girl.

2. Women being called a "special interest"

3. Obama not being able to advertise the fact that his nomination is historic (too alienating), while Palin can take credit for the historic work Clinton did

4. My feminist cred and my intelligence being questioned because *right now* I am a stay at home mom

5. The way the media keeps shoving the "mommy wars" down our throats, when it really does not exist except in the minds of a few condescending book writers on both sides

6. The fact that there are so many frustrating things that this post gets well over 100 comments

1.People telling me that raising boys is "easier" than raising girls.

2.Physical therapy for back problems due to slouching and trying to hide my big breasts from ogling men when I was just a teenager.

3.big breasts ( on me)

4. Sarah Palin

5.Pro-Lifers (Sarah Palin)

6. My Mom giving my husband the bigger plate of food( he is a man so he needs to eat more).

7.Religion

8.home appliances as "gifts".

9.McCain

10. anyone who does not want me to make choices in regards to my body, against equal pay for women, who cut funding for pregnant teenagers and who make rape victims pay for their own rape kits(Sarah Palin).

@ mama mia

Can I add your list to my list? spot on.

In the order of what's bothered me most recently, not of importance:

1. The technician at work telling my male coworker about the problems with the equipment when *I'm* the one who's actually *using* the damn equipment!

2. Being called "sir" at work when the person is expecting a man (and they're *always* expecting a man), then having them switch to "sweetie" or "honey" the minute they hear my decidedly feminine voice.

3. Being made to feel like a bad person for my (actually fairly conservative for a 20-something woman) sexual choices.

4. Having to explain to otherwise reasonably feminist people that it's not okay to suggest that rape victims bring it on themselves by comparing a woman who gets raped because she was alone and/or provocatively dressed to a man who gets mugged because he walked in a bad neighbourhood.

5. Not being able to feel safe when walking alone in the dark, even when it's still early and I'm walking along busy main roads.

6. Street harassment.

7. Having people assume that I only got my job because of Employment Equity, not because I was a better candidate than the men who made it to the interview stage.

1) that I didn't slap that friend-of-a-friend across the face the night that he grabbed me and kissed me in the bar because I'm trained to laugh that off.

2) the look I get when I admit that I don't cook - I know how to cook, I just don't do it. That I still think of it as some kind of confession.

3) that people assume I'm driving some man's off-road pickup truck.

4) that regardless of my legitimate and hard-earned top ranking at a top law school, I am regularly compared to Elle Woods. I am only complimented on my physical appearance and adornment. Is this the only option when you are blonde, in the legal profession, and not a secretary? I have not ended up where I am because I was rejected by a man or because I know a lot about hair.

5) the frequent use of feminine or gendered terms to describe distasteful, unpleasant, or undesirable things. (I make exception for "douchebag" only because vaginal douching is, in fact, misogynistic and actually bad for women but marketed as something good for them and therefore, I believe, often a highly appropriate use of the term.)

Being told I'm bad at my job and my superiors actively dislike me and refuse to work with me because I don't smile "enough." While making an effort to smile at least as much as my MALE coworkers. (That is NOT ENOUGH.)

Being expected to be stupid because I'm American and female (I live in Asia). And dealing with the consequences of not playing that role.

Hating my body shape because it's unusual here and clothes may fit but not correctly. And shop clerks who give me stinkeye for buying the size that would fit me.

Being stared at every fucking day by adults and children.

No Mexican food. (Okay, that's not sexism related, but it does piss me off.)

Fair enough, squeezle.

I just read your initial post and thought of the look on my feminist mother's face if she saw that word on a t-shirt (quoting McCain or otherwise.) She wouldn't sneer, but she would certainly be visibly bothered by it.

I do agree that a lot of people get defensive or even hostile at the public display of a feminist message.

6) that when asked to provide feedback about the quality of my work, many people will happily critique my personality, appearance, or character.

The story I just saw on Entertainment Tonight dedicated to revealing the dress sizes of Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Cindy McCain and Sarah Palin.

In no particular order:

1. That female celebrities’ bodies are always analyzed in one of two ways. If she’s dangerously emaciated – if the magazine-cover picture shows her with ribs and hipbones and shoulder blades painfully sticking out – the caption will be “JANIE FILMSTAR: ANOREXIC?” If she’s less than dangerously emaciated, if the picture shows her with even the slightest layer of flesh actually covering those ribs and hipbones and shoulder blades, the caption will be “JANIE FILMSTAR: PORKING OUT!”

1a. That in the second category, the photographer apparently gets some kind of bonus if he can get a photograph of her with (shock horror!) food in her hand. Because everyone knows there's nothing so offensive as the sight of a woman eating in public. Eating, for a woman, is something that should only be done in absolute privacy where she knows she can't be seen, like shitting or masturbating.

2. Law&Order: Sadists and Voyeurs Unlimited.

3. Men who dismiss my arguments, if they’re framed in slightly annoyed or heated terms or include mild profanity, with “Now, Wren, that’s not ladylike.”

4. Libertarianism. Libertarianism, deprived of its polysyllables and Ayn Rand, is the mindset of a two-year-old child when someone suggests she share her candy: a shriek of “NOOOOO!!! MIIIIIIIINNNE!!!!!”

5. Perfect strangers who assume that their religious beliefs are of any interest to me, or that mine are any concern of theirs.

6. You-know-I’m-right pseudo-arguments such “The truth hurts”, “You must be in such pain!”, “Why are you in denial?”, and the classic, “It’s always easy to tell when people feel threatened.” Just because you’re full of shit doesn’t mean any intelligent person regards you or your shit as a threat.

7. People who assume because I’m pro-choice, or because I’m childfree, or because I’m pro-choice and childfree, that I must necessarily have had multiple abortions myself. (I’m thinking here of the entity on talk.abortion who asked me solicitously, “How many of your children have you killed, if you don’t mind my asking? Do you know what sex they were? I hope you don’t think it rude of me to ask.”)

8. People who try to deny the meaning of the term “pro-choice” in the context of the abortion debate, either by denying the context itself (“I’m pro-choice myself, on a lot of things. I’d never own a slave, but I’m pro-choice-to-own-slaves! I’d never rape a woman, but I’m pro-choice-to-rape!”) or by pretending the only choice we want to protect is the choice to terminate (this usually entails twisting the English language into knots to get the terms “pro-” and “abortion” together: I can’t count the number of times I’ve been called “pro-abortion-choice”).

9. People who endlessly repeat things that have long since been proven false, like the Lady Hope story (Darwin’s deathbed conversion), the Paluxy footprints, the abortion-breast cancer “connection”, or the endless invented derivations for “fetus”.

10. Nthing Axe commercials.

11. The idea most (male) film and TV writers seem to have, that there’s no point including a female character unless she’s to be the male lead’s love interest. (Just once, just once, I’d like to see a “caper” or “heist” flick in which one member of the quirky team is a woman: not the hero’s girlfriend, but just another member of the team.)

12. Men who whine about how all the cute hot (white) chicks with long blonde hair and perfect teeth and perky tits and long slim tanned legs and three-molecule noses are just so damned hung up on the way guys look.

13. The male restaurant staff who’ve commented on how unusual it is for me to order a steak medium rare, because women always want their steaks well-done.

14. Feeling as though I am somehow insufficiently liberal or inadequate as a progressive because I’m not a 9/11 MIHOP. (Frankly I find it hard to give the Bush administration credit for that much competence.)

15. Babytalk neologisms for articles of women’s clothing. You’ll never see a man’s garment saddled with cutesy tags such as “shacket” or “skort” or “skegging” or “bootie”.

16. The certainty that most people I know would be horrified and nauseated to realize that I, female and fat and forty-plus, am still a sexual being.

BTW: my usual response to “Smile!” is a scowl and “I am smiling.” (This cracked the photographer at the Motor Vehicle Department up.)

1. A customer asking when I " was gonna give up this school crap and just be a good housewive". Also, if I was in school for my MRS?!?!?!?

2. Street harassment
3. Leering. Being stared at is one of the most infuriating things ever.

4. Being annoyed that my 15 year old sister has poor images of women in music, tv and magazines.

5. Being annoyed that she soaks up episodes of 'America's Next Top Model' as if it represents something important.

6. Sleazy men telling me I should get a sugar daddy (or most often, let THEM be my sugar daddy) to help pay for school. Barffffff.

7. Watching close friends 'go back to him'. The reason is always shitty and the results are even shittier.

8. Being told that my suffering as a female in America is not that bad compared to in other countries.

9. Feeling unsafe at night and in big crowds, like concerts or mosh pits.

10. Men acting surprised when I am right or successful. Yeah, no shit!! I actually know what I'm doing and take action rather than standing around talking about it.

First post. Thanks for letting me vent!

Your kiss is on my list /hall and oates

"Being asked by everyone and their mother when I'm going to get married."

And as my wife has found out, after getting married always being given "hints" about having a baby.

Thank you for this post!

1- that no male employees at my work are "allowed" to answer the phone (except for the really gay guy with the "feminine voice" who has since left and only did it a few times) or type from dictation tapes. I guess typing is a female job.

2- hearing the male attorneys at work pick on this one female attorney, who was absolutely awesome and smart and went to the same law school they did, as to when she's going to have a baby or her sex life details (she has left too).

3- having my mom excitedly ask me "are you so excited for Sarah Palin?!?!" knowing full well that Sarah Palin is against everything I stand for.

4- sports.

5- guys who don't think of themselves as feminists because they think only women can be feminists.

6- every single woman in my family having self-esteem issues due to their weight (even though they are all beautiful and successful women).

7- weddings and the whole industry and sexism that surrounds it.

8- my lover telling me that someone at his work was offended by a piece of artwork he had up because it had a boob in it (and similarly, something happened like that happened at my work too). The female body is a beautiful thing... it is not pornographic or dirty.

9- paying less for birth control at planned parenthood than being prescribed bc with my insurance and buying it from my drug store. WTF is that?!

10- cat calling for me, or any other women. and for the record, when I see women being cat called, I tell the man to leave her alone and that women hate that. What exactly gives them that right?

There's so much more! And I absolutely love everyone else's responses! Sometimes it's good to have a shit list. This way, maybe we can combat these things that make us angry!

*when the insurance policy that I negotiated and covers both my husband and I has HIS name listed first.
*how many accountants comment on our tax returns having MY name listed first
*people getting miffed when I don't go into detail about not changing my "maiden" name. IT's irrelevant to me and my husband, so there's no big story. He didn't change his, I didn't change mine.
*the term "maiden" name. I was never a "maiden", dickhead.
*fighting to keep my identity as opposed to X's wife, Y's Mom etc.
*People who introduce themselves as Xs wife and then state their name. Surely it should be the other way around.
*spanx
*being nervous in a parking lot/dark street/quiet location when alone. I resent this.
*Obviously, pay inequality. Major peeve and outrage.
*bullies. Not afraid of you, never will be. In my mind I'm 6 feet tall and have hulk strength:)
*spending a lot of time getting a good work environment for women and then a totally brainwashed woman comes in and undermines every single thing we've fought for. Oh Hillary, I feel your pain.

*that childcare and workplace flexibility and supports for families are considered benefits rather than integral components of a public safety net

*being asked by my boyfriend's friend every time he sees me, "how's the women's movement going?" because, over a year ago, i used to work for a feminist research organization. because that's apparently the ONLY thing there is about me?

*being treated like i'm being a militant, feminist bitch who can't take a joke if i call someone out saying something sexist, homophobic, racist, classist, etc.

*that my wonderful, amazing, supportive boyfriend hesitated before "realizing" that he is a feminist. that anyone, such as female friends, is afraid to admit they're feminist.

*when it's my turn to pay for dinner at a restaurant, the waitstaff always hands my boyfriend back the check to sign, even though the credit card inside says "ANNA"

*seconding the orginal post's #7: worrying about being too "high maintanence" in my relationship

*that when my brother was planning his wedding (my sister-in-law was overseas at the time), vendors would assume he was clueless. when in fact he knew way more about the specificities of the wedding industrial complex than anyone i've ever seen.

*the assumption that men can't cook, but famous chef's all being men. ie a female friend's astonishment and amazement when realizing that my boyfriend is an amazing cook, and disbelief that my father actually did the majority of cooking (and laundry) in my home.

adanzi, I hear you on the last one.
* our approach here is that each partner does whatever needs to be done. So we both clean the house, bathe the kids, walk the dog, fix the cabinet etc. But- cooking is better done by my husband so he tends to do that. Apparently from most outsiders, because he does housework he deserves an award as an exceptional human being, correction an exceptional man because we women are expected/required to perform these duties as well as our fulltime jobs. I find this irksome but am grateful that we have an equal division of labor. I am happily working on raising expectations in other households.

I absolutely hate the "Smile, honey!" garbage. I used to waitress and would get that a lot. Just because I didn't walk around with a goofy grin plastered on my face, it didn't mean that I was rude or in a bad mood. It's hard to remember to smile constantly when you're being pulled in 1000 directions by customers and co-workers a like.

1. The word "Vagina" because of its origins being linked with rampant rape by Roman soldiers.

2. Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter, Bill O'Reilly, etc.

3. Being made to feel like I'm somehow a bad feminist because I am happiest being a stay-at-home mom and how people seem to think that means I'm against their choice not to. It definitely isn't a lifestyle for everyone.

4. Religious majorities whining about being oppressed simply because religious minorities simply want to be respected. How is my wanting to be allowed to practice my religion taking away your right to practice yours?

6. The sexualization of children

7. Wiggle and Learn (That show is so irritating!)

8. Victim blaming and the trivialization of rape.

9. The phrase "collateral damage"

10. That society seems to be moving away from tolerance and that my daughter may grow up in a more hateful world than I did.

11. "Do it for the children/next generation" because it is too often given as lip service and used as a procrastination mantra than a call to action. I heard that phrase all the time as a kid about making the environment better. I was a kid at the time and now I'm an adult and things are only worse. What the hell have people been doing all this time?

12. Axe Commercials and the adolescent boys who believe them. An entire bottle used in one day is too much!

Courtney- I dig thicker eyebrows. So many women tend to over tweeze/wax them and it looks so barren and unnatural.

Oh jeez...what could I do without....

-People who assume short hair makes me A) a boy, B)a lesbian (I have no problem with either, but I am not either and I think my hair has little if anything to do with my sex or sexuality)

-People who give me nasty looks and/or are vocal about said hair.

-My mom freaking out when I go anywhere at night without my partner (Erm...I'm 25!)

-People who tell me I should start wearing make-up.

-When I do wear a dress, people I know who freak out as if I have to wear one a certain number of times per month to be granted "permission" to do so.

-When attractive women get told by some guy to "suck his dick" or something equally vulgar (as if they'll actually comply)

-That people don't hold sexist terms against women to the same negativity as they due any racist term.

-When people ask when me & my (male) partner will get married.

-When I mention wanted to have children and people are confused because I don't wish to get married.

-When a product has a "men" and "women" version and the "women" version is usually seriously inferior, choosing looks over functionality and is usually pink or pastel.

-When Border's book has a "women's" section, that doesn't actually include any real feminist writing, but vapid novels about shopping and love triangles. It also implies that all other works in the store are for men (even those written by women and/or with feminist viewpoints) or that most books are not for women and women's books can not be read by men.

-Women who call other women "bitches" simply for being attractive/thinner or having an attractive boyfriend.

-The way the media responded to Hillary Clinton's entire campaign.

-The entire campaign of McCain/Palin

-The way the media reported on the New Jersey 4.

-When sitcoms make jokes about having sex with drunk women, as if it's just men being mischievous and not RAPISTS! (or, at least creepy sexual opportunists)

-Trying to buy women's jeans when you're short and have a big ass at the same time. Apparently I'm not supposed to have both. Also, women's size numbers make no sense and don't refer to any measurement system other than shame.

...That's all I got off the top of my head.

This is my 3rd comment on this post.
Just have to add this to the list of things I can do without:

-The label "chick flicks"
and the fact that I am the target audience of films being marketed as such. It dismisses the work of women in film.
Is Stop Loss a Chick Flick?
Frozen River?
North Country?
Rabbit Fence?
Terminator?
They're all films directed, written produced by and/ or about women.

-The idea that "all girls have a wedding fantasy"
I don't.
-The idea that "all girls love shopping"
I don't.

Ten things I can do with:
1) Feminist Blogs
2) Sarah Haskins, Tina Fey and other comedians who make us laugh their intelligent, often feminist, comedy
3) Women I work with in the Film Industry
4) Child care
5) The changing definition of family
6) The New Thought / Ancient Wisdom movement
7) CHOICE
8) Plan B!
9) Continued acceptance of homosexuality. We've come a long way since Phil Donahue had his first talk show addressing homosexuality. It's in comedy, drama and "reality" TV (shows like Will and Grace would have never happened when I was a kid) as ridiculous, good and bad as it can be, it's come a long way.
10) Continued advances with Race issues. People are finally challenging the idea of race, knowing it is a cultural construct, without dismissing how real and effed up racism is. More of us are embracing "mixed" heritage,
"inter-racial" couples, families and children are accepted more.

A. People who, when they discover I am very religious, automatically assume I am bigoted/stupid/anti-feminist/anti-choice/conservative. And then tell me I'm not a real feminist.

B. People within my religious tradition who tell me I can't be a true __________ because of my feminist beliefs.

C. The landlord that would not rent to my male partner and I because we weren't married.

D. Being questioned at the pharmacy about why I need my BC prescription filled.

E. Being called a feminazi by a professor in the middle of class.

Love the site, btw.

Oh this has made my day!

1) Being told that if I was less feminist/independent/individual I'd attract more men.

2) People telling me that a man grabbing my arse/commenting on my boobs/being an all round creep in a bar or suchlike isn't 'really' sexual harassment or that 'it's really rare' or 'it's just a compliment' to try and discount the issues that yes it IS sexual harassment and it happens quite frequently.

3) Anyone who does the whole 'so you're a lesbian now?' or assume I don't shave my legs/hate all men/shot Andy Warhol bullshit when I mention feminism.

4) The celebrity 'thin' and beauty culture that causes women to hate themselves and to see this hatred as NORMAL.

5) The fact that lads want to grow up to be footballers and girls want to grow up to be footballers wives and the whole culture/ideal of a woman only being worthwhile for being with a bloke as opposed to for her own merits thats till sadly holds sway.

6) The fact they'll make something identical to a man's in pink and charge twice as much for it.

7) It being assumed I know fuck all about anything when I go into a computer shop/music shop/shop of any 'guy' domain.

8) Celebrity magazines, esp when they interview emale celebrities and ask all about thier diets and figures and beauty regimes and forget to mention stuff like thier career/fact they've just sold a few million records/been in a sucessful film etc.

9) The whole 'like a girl' or 'girly' thing to mean an insult 'ie 'throw like a girl' etc. And those bloody adverts where a bloke is sahmed for being 'girly'.

10) Being pitied and all the 'poor yous' I get when I mention I'm single and have been for ages. I actually *shock horror* don't mind it.

I'd like to add my annoyance of the 'Cheer up love!' thing. I didn't put it on my list because it had been in so many others. This annoys me so much, especially as the last time it happened was the day after I'd moved back from staying at my parents after my Grandmother's funeral, which I like to think would entitle me to look a bit gloomy.

1. The waiter returning the credit card slip with my name on it to my male partner. ALWAYS.
2. Hearing "Oooh, good for you!" or "He'd better get on it!" when people hear my partner is a doctor.
3. Repeatedly being called "Kid" by the AFLAC guy at work, when he calls all the guys "Mr. So and So."
4. The pinkifying of life, and the sexy, "sassy" women depicted in all commercials.
5. Hearing male friends critique the bodies of every woman that walks by.
6. Catcalls and rude comments on the street.
7. Avoiding certain jobs I would've liked -- like driving a taxi or waiting tables -- because I knew there'd be sexual harassment from customers.
8. Being told endlessly to be careful on walks and bike rides.
9. Hearing men express a creepy combination of desire and contempt for "sexy" women, as if they are sluts who deserve to be trashed or hurt.
10. Being told I'm "coming unhinged" when I'm just expressing frustration.

1) the phrase "innocent women and children".
2) people (of any gender) dismissing women who are stressed or angry by saying "she just needs to get laid".
3) people referring to any woman they don't like as a "slut".
4) the e-mails my mom forwards me about how women should never go out alone at night.

(this is my first post, btw. hi, everyone!)

P.S.

11. Men who, in a small group of men and women, only address and make eye contact with the men.

1. Walking home at night, and evaluating how potentially dangerous every man I walk past is.

2. Avoiding asking my roommate to wash his dishes because I don't want to "act like his mom".

3. People telling me I "look like a lesbian".

4. "A Gender Studies degree?? What will you do with that?"

5. Being called a "free spirit" instead of a feminist.

6. People acting like my political beliefs are a phase I will grow out of.

Oh Marigoldie, I was about to say "yeah yeah!" to your list and then I noticed that it was you. Hee.

My big number one is being told that I am "angry" or "uptight" and that I "take exception" to too many things. You're darn tootin' I take exception if you keep making gay jokes or talking about woman drivers or whatever other bonehead thing you're doing.

In a close second place is being told "don't read too much into that" when dudes won't look me in the eye because there are other menz nearby who should be addressed, or when my credit card is handed back to my boyf at a restaurant, or when the bill is handed to him even though I asked for the check, etc etc ad vomitum.

1) Girls at parties who follow their boyfriends
around all night (silently, except for a few giggles here and there) as if they can't detach and mingle with strangers like the rest of us single ladies.

2) Being asked Are you mixed? Why do you speak so proper? You don't sound black. Do you only date white guys? Yes, I'm a big ol' multicultural mutt and I fuck who I want regardless of their skin, thank you.

3) INCONSIDERATE, OVERLY JUDGMENTAL GYNECOLOGISTS and other health care providers! (PS my dentist frequently calls me 'girlfriend' and I've yet to call him out because I really like him otherwise.)

4) Being teased by my mom and little brother, together tag team style because I'm becoming less militant about shaving my body hair.

5) Being asked throughout my life several times in different ways by my mother If I'm a Lesbian to the point where I actually act Extra-heterosexual around her.

6) My uncle telling me at a recent labor day gathering that I've really filled out and that I used to be so stick thin he NEVER thought I'd fill out. Sorry but the term "filling out" is really creepy, especially when a male family member says it.

7) My little brother one day saying, out of no where, "You're 21 and not married, I dunno that's just weird."

8) People telling me how much they LOVE black people or how, deep down, they're really black because they like rap, can dance, etc. as a means to prove to me that they are not racist.

9) How a certain frat at my school still exists after numerous claims over the years of systematically using roofies and raping girls at parties. How everyone feels the need to "out" these victims in order to shame them and call them liars. How juicycampus.com exponentially facilitated this culture of protecting rapists.

10) How sex shops are so confusing. I want a list that says "If you want to FEEL this, BUY this" or something. It took me forever to pick out my first vibrator, and it's not even that amazing.

1. I also hate being told to smile
2. Men who act like I was put on this earth to smile for them.
3. Feeling like I'm constantly on the defensive because of aforementioned men.
4. Being underpaid at my pink-collar job (I love the job, I just hate knowing that if it wasn't "woman's work" I would probably be making as much money as a construction worker).
5. Men staring at my boobs.
6. People thinking that I'm either stupid or a slutty manstealer (or whatever) because I have big boobs.

-"Nice old men" suggesting that I leave my (top) college to go nursing school, or become a secretary, upon learning that being a waitress is not my only goal in life.
-"Nice old women" telling me I should look into modeling- you don't have to go to college!
-My male boss suggesting that I'll be working full time at his restaurant in a year, as I will have gotten myself pregnant and will have to drop out of school.
-Men who insist on being seen as not "gender normative" while refusing to stop making sexist jokes and questioning their assumptions about women.
-My highly intelligent female friends who believe they're not smart enough to succeed in math or science, or who have been religiously brainwashed so much that they believe it is not their place to lead.
-Having large-ish breasts, wearing something other than a T-shirt and being told that "my boobs are great" by my male friends and that my shirt is a little too "booby" by my female friends.
-Sarah Palin

and facebook's sexist advertising!

Oh and I used to work at a gas station and had people coming in to ask for directions all the time. If a man happened to walk into the store, whoever I was talking to would turn around while I was mid-sentence and ask him.

I watched people get sent the wrong way several times. Oh well!

So exactly what is the problem with saying one is being "bad" for eating dessert? Exactly what is enlightening about not thinking you've been "bad" for eaten dessert? Could it possibly be that those persons are being conscious about what they eat vis-a-vis the health lifestyle they have chosen? A "bad" eating choice could blow an entire day's workout or worse. That's important to some people.

Off the top of my head...

Education Edition:

* People who underestimate my intelligence because I have breasts.

* People (especially women) who act like I'm some sort of freak because I like and am good at math.

* The politician who visited my physics class (I'm not sure why) on Wednesday and called us "the sons of working men." I go to a community college and he was trying to make a point about class, but still.
-I am, however, thankful for my professor (a white man in his sixties or seventies), who immediately interupted with "and daughters" while pointing out me and the only other woman in the class.

* The fact that there are only two women in my thirty person physics class.

* Worrying that the men in that class (and calculus) will resent me if I answer too many questions too quickly.

Sexuality Edition:

* The assumption that women want sex less than men do and the hassles that result from the fact that in my life this just isn't true.

* People who assume that my (male) partner and I are just friends because I am more traditionally attractive that he is.

* The reactions when said people learn that we do,in fact, have sex (and that it's often my idea).

* Being slightly ashamed of how much I enjoy sex even though I know I shouldn't be.

* The fact that I have trouble reconciling degading and exploitative media images of women with my sexual submissiveness. I shouldn't have to feel bad because of what turns me on!

* The fact that some people will try to argue that I am less of a feminist because of that submissiveness.

Politics Edition:

* Sarah Palin!!!

* Federal funding of pseudo-science such as the kind found in abstinence-only sex ed, "crisis prgnancy centers," and "Intelligent Design."

* The use of language like "women's issues" to dismiss policies that are benificial to society at large.

Oh, and I pretty much second everything that has been said so far. There's definitely more, this is just what came to mind. Thanks for the chance to vent without being labeled as a bitch.

lambt: Remove your gender from your facebook profile. The MUFFIN TOP?! OUT OF SHAPE?!! FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???!!! ads will stop immediately. It's fabulous.

- having to explain that feminism is 1) still relevant and 2) not a bunch of man-hating lesbians making dramatic but ultimately futile gestures that have no relation to the actual problems women still face.

- the voice in my head that freaks out when it looks at me in the mirror

- feeling afraid because I'm a Pakistani woman living in America and if one day the powers that be decided I was in some mysterious way linked to some undefined "suspicious activity," I could be arrested, raped and tortured and have no legal recourse, no matter how innocent/pacifist/agnostic/feminist/social-working-do-gooder I am.

To add to the already great comments that I understand too well:

+ Feeling like I would be a bitch if I tell strange men on the street or subway I don't feel comfortable talking to them.

+ Having people make me feel like my boyfriend is a loser because he doesn't feel the need to show his love by spending money on me.

Here’s another, courtesy of my mom, a conservative who gets fed up with other conservatives’ erstwhile sexism:

When the Republican National Committee kept addressing all their fundraising letters and thank-you notes to my dad, even though my mom was the only one who had ever given them money. She finally called them and kept saying, "Those checks might be from a joint account, but I wrote them, and it was my money I was giving. My name was on the return address, and my name is legible in the signature. Please don’t ask me to give you any more money."

She hasn’t given the RNC any more money, but unfortunately their sexism hasn’t kept her from voting Republican.

And another, relating to my mom: When Mom worriedly asks my younger (gorgeous, outgoing, buxom and slightly scatterbrained) sister things like, "You don't walk home by yourself late at night wearing outfits like that, do you?" As though, if anybody fucks with her, it's all the fault of that short skirt she's wearing. Argh!

Oh, and Hara, hell yeah on this: How a single father who struggles to raise his child is a hero, but, a single mother is pitiful. I think it's one of those things that I have somewhat internalized, too, unfortunately: When I see a youngish guy on the subway alone with his kid, I think, "Oh, how great that he is involved in parenting that kid while Mom goes to work." I guess this is part and parcel of the reduced expectations of men's parental roles.

A. People who, when they discover I am very religious, automatically assume I am bigoted/stupid/anti-feminist/anti-choice/conservative. And then tell me I'm not a real feminist.

B. People within my religious tradition who tell me I can't be a true __________ because of my feminist beliefs.

YES! This! I was going to say that exact thing. I gave a sermon on feminism at my church. It actually went over surprisingly well. But the sexism there sure hasn't changed. :(

My other things:
1. Progressive men who don't understand why 'cunt' is such an insult, and insist it's the same as 'dick' and not even in the same league as 'nigger'.
2. People who insist my husband should get an award for doing the housework he does.
3. Unsolicited parenting advice.
4. People who touch my pregnant belly. I touch their bellies back now. When they give me a weird look or get upset, I say, "Uncomfortable, isn't it?" One person said, "But I'm not pregnant" and I say, "So?" Reply was, "But I wanted to touch the baby." *shakes head* "Yeah, but that's me, not the baby. Me." "Oh..." *sigh*
5. Not being able to find clothes that fit properly.
6. The apparent loss of feminism cred because I'm a stay-at-home Mom.
7. The idea that Moms aren't sexy. MILF, anyone?
8. People who ask personal questions and get offended when I won't answer. "Did you plan this child?" Seriously? You wanna know if I was fucking to a schedule back in May?
9. HATING my fat belly. I'd love to accept my fat. I just don't. Yet.
10. The assumption that I'm a racist because I'm white. I understand it. But I could do without it. KWIM.

Oh, and if I say I'm bad for eating dessert, it's not because of the fat and calories, it's because I know it'll make me sick later. Just for the record. :)

everybodyever,

your lack of respect for your mother is disturbing.

1. Having my mom tell me I should be making sure my husband goes to work well-dressed and in iron shirts, because he just isn't capable of dealing with these things, and it's my job. Besides the sexist ideas of who is good at and should be doing domestic work, WHY would I even CARE what he wears to work??
2. Hearing people around me, in a very liberal environment, repeat things like "being able to distinguish more than 10 colors is an X chromosome trait".
3. "She's wearing a revealing top, so of course she wants to be stared at!". Yeah, 'cause it's impossible for women to choose their clothes because THEY like them.
4. People repeating that guys would like me more if I shaved my legs, cooked more, argued less, or such. And even despite the fact that guys like me plenty already, thank you very much.
5. Only women getting asked to bake something when we're having a dessert competition at work.
6. "only girls with no self-respect have one-night stands". Because girls couldn't possibly just *want* to have sex, they only it in return for something else, and girls with self-respect would sell themselves for a higher price?
7. "Don't you think your husband left you because you didn't change your name / didn't cook enough / didn't wear make-up?". I know why my husband left me, thank you very much. I've even explained this to you already. And it had nothing to do with this stuff.
8. The idea that women who don't like to "look feminine" (i.e. wear make-up, shave various body parts, wear revealing clothing, etc.) are "ashamed of their femininity (and possibly need therapy)". Yeah, because my female body naturally comes with make-up and no body hair, right?
9. New guys coming to karate class and assuming they'll naturally be better than the women who've been practicing for years. Well, at least I get to beat them up ;-D
10. The "girls like romance" assumption. With its common "girls will believe in romance regardless of how unlikely it is". No, I don't believe the reason you want to make out with me at the bus stop is that you just fell in love with me at first sight, and you've never done anything like that before. Moreover, I actually would enjoy making out with you at the bus stop, if only you stopped spouting ridiculous romantic crap. Figure it out already.

1. Having my mom tell me I should be making sure my husband goes to work well-dressed and in iron shirts, because he just isn't capable of dealing with these things, and it's my job. Besides the sexist ideas of who is good at and should be doing domestic work, WHY would I even CARE what he wears to work??

2. Hearing people around me, in a very liberal environment, repeat things like "being able to distinguish more than 10 colors is an X chromosome trait".

3. "She's wearing a revealing top, so of course she wants to be stared at!". Yeah, 'cause it's impossible for women to choose their clothes because THEY like them.

4. People repeating that guys would like me more if I shaved my legs, cooked more, argued less, or such. And even despite the fact that guys like me plenty already, thank you very much.

5. Only women getting asked to bake something when we're having a dessert competition at work.

6. "only girls with no self-respect have one-night stands". Because girls couldn't possibly just *want* to have sex, they only it in return for something else, and girls with self-respect would sell themselves for a higher price?

7. "Don't you think your husband left you because you didn't change your name / didn't cook enough / didn't wear make-up?". I know why my husband left me, thank you very much. I've even explained this to you already. And it had nothing to do with this stuff.

8. The idea that women who don't like to "look feminine" (i.e. wear make-up, shave various body parts, wear revealing clothing, etc.) are "ashamed of their femininity (and possibly need therapy)". Yeah, because my female body naturally comes with make-up and no body hair, right?

9. New guys coming to karate class and assuming they'll naturally be better than the women who've been practicing for years. Well, at least I get to beat them up ;-D

10. The "girls like romance" assumption. With its common "girls will believe in romance regardless of how unlikely it is" corollary. No, I don't believe the reason you want to make out with me at the bus stop is that you just fell in love with me at first sight, and you've never done anything like that before. Moreover, I actually would enjoy making out with you at the bus stop, if only you stopped spouting ridiculous romantic crap. Figure it out already.

sorry about the double-posting, it never loaded the first time...

When people are having a conversation about Parvo(an often fatal virus dogs can get) and someone mentions that they will never forget the smell and some dude makes a comment like, "I once smelled something familiar when this girl dropped her pants".. yeah, yeah, vaginas are icky and groooosss. ::eye roll:: it's even worse when women laugh and encourage it, and say they're going to throw up thinking about it.

Watching an SNL re-run and, my sister and I both laughing when Jimmy Fallon "punches" Tina Fey in the face, and then realizing that it wouldn't have been as funny for some reason, if Tina had punched Jimmy.

I've watched wrestling (WWE) ever since I was a little kid. And yes, it's cheesy and stupid, but it's my guilty pleasure; sue me. I'm sick of people hearing that I'm a fan and deciding that the only reason I'm watching is because I must be attracted to the men grappling each other with little clothing on.

When someone tells a joke about rape or domestic violence and expects me to laugh.. and then tells me I don't have a sense of humor because I don't. I do have a sense of humor; your jokes just aren't fucking funny!

The whole "cougar" thing. I've heard it used a lot lately, and I'm guilty of using the term myself when joking amongst my female friends. It just bugs me. Maybe i'd feel differently if there was a similar term for men dating younger women, but of course, there isn't one.

This is more amusing to me than anything but-- people who criticize Barack Obama's name (why does it matter anyway?) but not names like Track, Trig, Tweeker or whatever the hell those kids' names are.

The fact that, although I love walking my dog, I don't want to do it along busy streets because I don't want to deal with the cat callers driving by.. so I seek places like the woods to walk her. It just sucks that something I enjoy doing can be ruined by a bunch of dirtbags.

The fact that my mom has made my sister and I sacrifice more than my brother. The fact that she expects us to clean and maintain the upkeep of the house, and he's free to do whatever he wants.

"everybodyever, your lack of respect for your mother is disturbing."- TLS

I realize this wasn't directed at me, but WTF? This thread is full of people discussing the ways they wish their mothers/fathers/second cousins were more sensitive to feminist issues. Why single everybodyever out?

Is there anything particularly offensive/disrespectful about that post? Seems like Mom was getting some props there, and a little bit of "but we disagree on ___" thrown in. I wish my mother agreed with me on some things she doesn't, but I still respect the hell out of her.

Wow. This is a fantabulous idea. I have a long list:

1. As a mother, the fact that I worry so much about whether my daughter will be a victim of some sort of crime due to her gender.

2. As a mother, the fact that all of the toys for girls are PINK and none of them are very scientific at all. It makes me sad.

3. Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly and all those who make it a sport to belittle people of color and women, and especially women of color - i.e. Michelle Obama

4. The fact that even though I have not one, but two degrees, people usually think that I am an intern or a secretary or something at my work.

5. Sarah Palin and Phyllis Schafly and all of the other republican women who want to have their cake and eat it too. These women crave power and can hold power and be heard in society because other women came before them. But they want to use their power to ensure that no women will ever have the power or the freedom that they have. Booooooo!!!

6. BMI indexes. According that thing, I'm supposedly overweight, and I could probably lose a few, but if I went as low as they say, I'd be all skin and bones. Who wants that?

7. Guilt for being a working mom. This guilt would be greatly reduced if this country actually had a system of true family values that would give people the opportunity to maybe actually balance work and family a little better.

8. Anything that encourages young women to think that their whole life and future depends on whether or not they are in a relationship. Being single can be lots of fun.

9. Election style - White women who say things like, "Well, you know, I'm a lesbian pro-choice environmentalist first-amendment person, but you know, I'm voting for McCain-Palin because I can **identify** with Sarah Palin." Pul-leaze. If this is what you need to tell yourself to get away from the fact that it's really racism at play here, fine, do that. And yes, it is racism when there is a candidate in the race who beleives everything that you believe, but you "identify" with someone who is going to do you no good just because she looks like you.

10. The weakening of Roe v. Wade

"9. People who endlessly repeat things that have long since been proven false, like the Lady Hope story (Darwin’s deathbed conversion), the Paluxy footprints, the abortion-breast cancer “connection”, or the endless invented derivations for “fetus”."
Or the Zuiyo-Maru carcass. Creationists have been beating that dead horse (or should I say, dead shark), for decades now...

I wish I didn't feel I had to disprove stereotypes and could just be whatever skill level I happen to be without feeling I'm proving a stereotype right.

I wish women didn't get fed sexy women. Where do I go for sexy men? Gay magazines, it seems. It makes me feel like I'm not supposed to be straight or something. It's so confusing! Why is it that a sexy woman is for everyone while a sexy man is automatically homoerotic?

I wish "strong female" on TV didn't involve that horrible attitude that's been going around shows like the Disney Sitcoms. I really could do without the "Witty/snarky girl and dumb/rude boy" dynamic. It's lived its life.

1. The harassment I put up with every day at work in a bar. Yesterday a guy openly stared at my breasts and licked his lips in the creepiest possible way. Another female customer had already commented on this guy's creepiness so I let him have it, forcefully informing him over the bar that he could "fuck right off" and that he should "never ever fucking do that again".

2. That all my female friends have many similar stories.

2. The fact that dickheads are always really surprised I react in this way, as though they were expecting me to swoon instead. On a more positive note, I love that my male boss backs me up every time.

3. That my enlightened male friends still see me as something that needs protecting and keeping out of harm's way, not as someone that can protect herself. Then I put myself in stupid situations to prove them wrong.

4. I have internalized so much bullshit that I ask my boyfriend to take the bin out or put a load of washing in "for me", as though it's my responsibility and he's doing me a huge favour.

5. That I wouldn't dream of going to work without makeup.

6. My otherwise enlightened friends still regarding trans-gendered people as freaks.

7. Sarah Palin.

8. Almost all mainstream media.

1. In total agreement with Jadelyn's number four (4. People saying "Oh, you'll change your mind" when I say I don't ever want kids.). I was told this by my male friend who actually considers himself to be a feminist, yet he didn't even understand how that could piss me off.

2. The fact that my seriousness as a feminist is doubted because I actually care about the way I look. I'm interested in fashion. And this interest is in no way linked with a want to look sexually appealing.

3. And on that note, being asked "When are you going to try to look sexy for once?".

4. In shopping malls around where I like, the bathrooms are set out like this:

[MEN] | [WOMEN/BABIES ROOM/DISABLED]

5. Being told by a male friend "Hey, I'm a guy." Don't insult my intelligence by attempting to use your gender as an excuse for being incompetent / sexually inappropriate / absent minded / whatever else you did wrong this time. Sorry, but I do have other male friends, a father, and a brother. I happen to know it's just you.

6. Previously mentioned 'feminist' male friend finding the idea of menstruation disgusting. GET. OVER. IT.

7. Making a 'womens forum' at my high school and being told that the word 'feminist' could be included nowhere in the description as it was result in permission notes signed by parents being required in order to actually attend. The fact that in order to get more than 5 out of 1400 people to attend I had to actually go around and personally talk to people I'd never even looked at before, only to discover that the vast majority of people didn't want to come because rather than not reading the student news, actually they just couldn't care less.

8. Also, how I later discovered that there were a couple of boys that were actually interested but didn't come because they thought they might get yelled at ):

9. WWE !!

10. How women and children are grouped together.

1. Being snickered at at work when I affirm to a coworker I'm a feminist

2. The two facets of sexist anti-progress "Sexism isn't a problem in our society anymore" and "Women's roles are there for a reason now."

3. The assumption that feminists want women to also be an exact, certain way. (Or, more generalized, the stereotypes about feminism and feminist viewpoints.)

4. The fact that women are told all sorts of ways to avoid sexual assault, like not being alone at night and learning self-defense techniques, while the real issue is glossed over: this society needs to learn to despite gender show constant and continuous respect for other people.

5. The fact that any woman that comes up in conversation amongst most males I know is eventually judged on whether or not people want to fuck them.

6. The belief that masculinity is supposed to directly subvert femininity and is supposed to be by nature objectifying and dominant.

7. People blaming the proportionately low volume of women in mathematics, computer science, or engineering departments on "wiring" as if women really weren't able to achieve these goals.

8. Barrages of media in public places reaffirm cultural norms on exactly how women are supposed to look, and the implication that this is about all there is to it.

9. That female stars in mainstream film is almost invariably in accessory roles, or only what is typical of them.

10. Words like "slut" and "bitch" being used in ways that are fully inappropriate, but people getting defensive and attqacking me for pointing this out. Anywhere.

-Having my father limit where I may apply to college under the principle that he doesn't like to think of me being out of state. I realize this could simply be an overprotective parent, but he readily admitted that if I were a boy, it "would be different." Boys don't "need their fathers close by."
On a related note, I will be attending the school of my choice. Out of state.

-My manager not allowing me to do the day's profit margins. Because he "knew how his (own) daughter and math got along".

-Having my father limit where I may apply to college under the principle that he doesn't like to think of me being out of state. I realize this could simply be an overprotective parent, but he readily admitted that if I were a boy, it "would be different." Boys don't "need their fathers close by."
On a related note, I will be attending the school of my choice. Out of state.

-My manager not allowing me to do the day's profit margins. Because he "knew how his (own) daughter and math got along".

-Having my father limit where I may apply to college under the principle that he doesn't like to think of me being out of state. I realize this could simply be an overprotective parent, but he readily admitted that if I were a boy, it "would be different." Boys don't "need their fathers close by."
On a related note, I will be attending the school of my choice. Out of state.

-My manager not allowing me to do the day's profit margins. Because he "knew how his (own) daughter and math got along".

Sorry for the triple post. Slow computer.

1. Any comment on my mood as unpleasant to males. ie "smile" (My mail man just mocked me for saying good by with food in my mouth.)

2. Taking into consideration my boyfriends fear of body hair when trying to go from a woman who shaves 1-2 times a month (once a month for the pits) to shaving once a month or two. As if our totally rock solid relationship could be recalculated if he saw just how hairy my legs could get.

3. That when I saw the owner of the restaurant slap the "bumper" of a female pattron (whether they have a relationship between them or not it was inappropriate for his pattrons to see him do this to ANY woman) that I didn't call him on it right then infront of the restaurant pattrons/pattron who got slapped (and didn't smile about it I might add), and instead waited until the end of the meal at which point he was gone and the female manager had to relate my disappointment to her obviously sexist boss for me. ( I asked her if she would feel comfortable doing so.)

4. That my bestfriend is a vocal advocate for childfree/reproductive rights/pro-choice topics but literally joked that someone had implied that she was a feminist and she said "are you trying to insult me or something?" (That she relayed the story to me whom she knows is not affraid to call myself a feminist and didn't realize until I didn't laugh that she had just insulted me.)

5. Trolls who get off on making the feminist rilled up. (The fact that I wanted to post about 3 different post in responce but finally realized it wasn't worth my time.) I'm really proud of the posters here who did say something.. and all of the posters who didn't.

6. Being the only one at my hostessing job who realizes how totally sexist the family owned restaurant business is and being picked on when I call the chefs on their sexist behavior. Also allowing them to get away with most of it because I don't want to point it out TOO often.

7. The 40 year old attractive woman server I work with (I mentioned the attractive on purpose) who just had her 5th child who thinks Sarah Palin is awesome even though all of the assistance programs she relies on are of NO concern to Ms. Palin. (Although I did get her to research the Obama/Muslum question and when she found no supporting evidence to convince herself she passed it along to the person who had forwarded the email to her in the 1st place.)

8. Having my aunt (who is a stay at home wife of a man who molested me) ask me why I don't wear crew neck shirts since my extra large breasts show so much cleavage in regular clothes. (Although she did get really excited a few years later when I brought my copy of the Feminine Mystique to a family gathering and she instigated the first family conversation about feminisim in a family that has 6 strong female matriarchs and 12 female cousins (only 2 boys).)

9. That my family has such strong vibrant imaginitive woman but there every move seems to be to make sure the men to stay. I realize that because my grandfather left my family (after having 5 daughters) for another woman but died shortly afterward, that my family not only suffers from the loss of a father but that they don't see that HE LEFT not that he just died, but saying that my mother shouldn't press charges against my uncle for molesting me because it would "break up the family" is bogus! Telling my mom to change and submit to my stepdad so he will stay around, bogus! Writing a letter to the court to keep my stepdad from being convicted of raping my mother while she slept (on pain meds) so that my brother "wouldn't have a father in jail." BOGUS! These are smart strong women who are held down (and back for that matter) just because they think they can only survive with a man to take care of them. And it's middle america folks!

10. Feeling bad when I forget to/choose to not wear make up to either of my jobs. I still try to wear it to my restaurant job but have given up at my receptionist job in an office with 2 other women. Just don't have the time and energy. But I hate feeling like I don't "look awake" without it.

-My female business owner boss who still qualifies her decissions with what her husband says just because his name is on the paperwork.
-Repeatedly telling my boss that I am really uncomfortable with the computer technician that gets off on bringing up politics to piss of the woman in the office, and that she just keeps saying that she totally agrees and that is how he is. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO NOT USE HIS BUSINESS!
-The smart young vocal woman who is the boss's daughter who thinks she has reinvented the young unplanned pregnancy/just work for your parents for the rest of your life model in some way. Don't sell yourself short just cuz you have a comfy situation that allows you to limit your ambitions.
-MEN WHO TALK TO MY BOOBS!
-Woman and men who like to point out that I have big boobs. Like I just looked down and saw them for the first time in the shower this morning?
-Woman who ask me out of the blue if I have ever considered a breast reduction. (Shutting her up by responding with "have you ever thought of getting a boob job?")
-Being asked by my District manager of the clothing store (which had a policy of wearing the clothes from said store) to "cover those up." The look on my manager's face when I said "You don't pay me enough." (When she said "you're right" my manager said I was luck she did.)
-All the men who have ever told me that my tire was flat! I FUCKING KNOW! I just haven't made it to the gas station yet! And all the men who stop to try to help me fix my flat. I can change it in under five minutes actually.
-That my mother still hasn't told my stepdad that she knows more about cars than him. That he won't let me drive his truck even though I can drive stick (and more kinds of stick) than he can.

SOMEONE STOP ME NOW!!! Or don't...

1. Having to make my dad go running with me so that the creepy men in my neighborhood don't whistle
2. People acting surprised when I let it slip that I'm learning pre-Calc in 10th grade
3. My mom constantly sacrificing for my dad's job
4. Everyone assuming I have good handwriting because I'm a girl and all girls have good handwriting
5. Being called a slut for doing stuff with a boyfriend that I loved
6. Being called a tease and a bitch for not doing everything with that boyfriend
7. Constantly having to prove myself every time I get a new lab partner in one of my science classes
8. Not being taken seriously about camping
"You go camping?" "In tents?" "Outside?"
9. Having to do all the cooking for my family when my brother (who's only 3 years younger) is allowed to go outside and play because "He won't ever need to know how to cook"
10. Dreading going to school on days when I'm tired or don't look perfect.
11. Knowing that perfection is the standard upon which I will be judged
12. Being catcalled in middle school
13. Teachers who favor boys
14. "Haha what a blonde thing to say"
15. "Are you even old enough to call yourself a feminist?"
16. Being asked if I'm a lesbian because I go to an all-girls overnight camp. That question is insulting to everyone involved.
and many more...

1. People saying, "that's gay."
*2. People complaining about double standards.
3. Girls who call themselves pigs for eating a lot of food.
4. Calling girls/guys sluts/man sluts, whores/manswhores, etc...
5. Calling stuff manpurse, guyliner, etc... It's eyeliner and a purse regardless of gender.
6. I once heard in a documentary, "where I come from men are men and woman are women." That made me mad!
7. People who try to turn whatever knowledge you have on a subject against you. "How would you know that?"
8. Apparently people can't feel a certain way on something because it's not up to someone else's standards.
9. Taboos.
10. Calling people pussies, dicks, etc...

*When I mean complain, I mean when people complain about a double standard, yet will rag on someone for whatever, or vise versa. Because no matter, you have to realize that there is a double standard with everything and you can't let 'em get to you and move on. Not to say it's always easy or whatever.