If I didn't know better I would think it was my birthday - because it's not often that an anti-feminist organization gives you a gift like this one.
The Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute* has put out Sense & Sexuality, a handy little anti-feminist guide to sex by none other than Miriam Grossman, author of the slut-shaming book Unprotected (not to be confused with the similarly titled slut-shaming book Unhooked).
Seriously, every page is priceless - so it's hard to know what to highlight. But here are some of my favorite tidbits.
On the biology of why dudes will fuck you and dump you:
When it comes to sex, oxytocin, like alcohol, turns red lights green. It plays a major role in what's called "the biochemistry of attachment." Because of it, you could develop feelings for a guy whose last intention is to bond with you. You might think of him all day, but he can't remember your name.
On the dangers of "hooking up":
As the number of casual sex partners in the past year increased, so did signs of depression in college women.
On why women with HPV are unlovable drop-outs:
Even though these infections are common, and usually disappear with time, learning you have one can be devastating. Natural reactions are shock, anger, and confusion. Who did I get this from, and when? Was he unfaithful? Who should I tell? And hardest of all: Who will want me now? These concerns can affect your mood, concentration, and sleep. They can deal a serious blow to your self esteem. And to your GPA.
On why you should get to the baby-making ASAP:
Remember that motherhood doesn't always happen when the time is right for you; there's a window of opportunity, then the window closes.
On wishing herpes on fictional characters:
It's easy to forget, but the characters on Grey's Anatomy and Sex in the City are not real. In real life, Meredith and Carrie would have warts or herpes. They'd likely be on Prozac or Zoloft.
But really and truly it's page 16, in its entirety, that's my favorite. Check it after the jump. Then laugh yourself to sleep tonight. I know I will.
*The organization that also brought you one of the top 10 anti-feminist videos and the "bring back the hope chest" campaign.
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Oh darlin' you hit the nail on the head.
Now if we could manage to marry you off, maybe you'd get a better attitude... ;)
Holy shit- I think I may have strained something in my neck laughing! I need that on a t-shirt.
I find most of this advice applies to me. I wish I had had it in college. I did spend nights pining after guys who couldn't remember my name. I did have friends with STDs who felt unlovable. I did get depressed as the years went by and the partners increased.
I think the difference may be that I was sexually abused as a child, so I was acting out sexually.
Perhaps for a young woman with a healthy sexual self-image, making the choice to have casual sex wouldn't be traumatic....
You see, I would never have fully understood this issue if I didn't have a little red sign to tell me so.
Someone spent a lot of thought on that advice. Deep, Deep thought.
I think it needs to be poster size.
Wow, Page 16. Just wow.
It's downright amazing someone would put something so judgemental so eloquently, but so obvious someone could use a little backdoor action.
I mean, how can you knock it til you try it, Clare Booth Luce Institute, huh?
I second the t-shirt notion. "Clare Booth Luce says...'The rectum is an exit, not an entrance'" Perhaps with a motherly type wagering a finger or something.
Sound advice. HAHAHA
That is the saddest/funniest thing I have ever read. Thank you.
Dear Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute,
Correlation does not imply causation.
Sincerely,
K. Lightning
Fired Up and Fancy- now THAT is a t-shirt I would gladly wear around town!
... the mind boggles.
Also, kid_lightning? Great answer. :)
I have trouble reconciling the Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute with the Clare Boothe Luce Program for women in science. It's clear to me that the only thing these two things have in common is a name.
Steph...a lot of the reasons we "feel bad" is because society tells us to, and it also tell men that they're often expected to be asshats (pun...intended?) I think the important lesson is that shaming women into being either "sluts" or "prudes" is equally terrible and misogynistic.
I am sorry for the abuse you experienced. No one should have to go through that.
AR
Perhaps there are some other, more science educated commenters who can help me out but don't men release oxytocin as well? It's not just a "female" thing.
And why is that the main thing these anti-sex people seem to glom onto when slut shaming? Oh wait, they believe women are slaves to their hormones...
I'm insulted that they borrowed the name from one of my favorite books.
Though, I guess so-called "conservative feminists" love Jane Austen the same way they love Susan B. Anthony, etc. They were the "real feminists" who were fighting for the rights to vote and for women to have the right to speak their minds in society. The feminist movement ended when we got the right to vote. Those rabble-rousers in the 60s and beyond were just trying to cause trouble and ruin families.
Damn, apparently "timeout" actually meant "posting your comment 8 billion times". FAIL.
Rectum! Nearly killed 'um!
Gotta love that logic. So, rates of women having casual sex have gone up, and so have women's depression rates. Well, that must be the reason why! I mean, I have purple underwear on today and it rained. I guess my undergarments are the reason why.
I could easily take their argument and say.. birth control prices for college women have gone up.. and so have rates of depression among young women.
Gotta love that logic. So, rates of women having casual sex have gone up, and so have women's depression rates. Well, that must be the reason why! I mean, I have purple underwear on today and it rained. I guess my undergarments are the reason why.
I could easily take their argument and say.. birth control prices for college women have gone up.. and so have rates of depression among young women.
This is only peripherally related and I'm sure nobody cares but I figured I'd at least get it off my chest in a sympathetic environment:
So I'm leaving for college tomorrow. I was at Kohl's yesterday with my mom and younger sister, and we were sitting in the dressing room, and in between berating my sister for trying everything on a size too small, my mom gets it in her head to lean over and whisper very loudly in my ear, "IF YOU DO HAVE SEX IN COLLEGE MAKE SURE YOU HAVE SAFE SEX, OKAY?"
So I kind of spluttered and was like, "Okay, first of all, I'm way ahead of you, and secondly, don't you think it's kind of a moot point to introduce now, considering that you really never told us anything, and for all you know I might have no idea what 'safe sex' even means? I never even had sex ed in school. I had to look all this stuff up for myself. So yeah, Mom, don't worry about it."
Her: (indignantly) "I told you stuff! 'Don't give it all away, you'll regret it!'"
Me: (facepalm) "That's not really the kind of thing I was talking about, Mom."
Sigh. Ah well. Clearly she could have been a lot worse, as she frequently reminds us, and as "the College Girl's Guide" serves to illustrate. At least I didn't find a copy on the bathroom counter or anything.
Look on the bright side, Misspelled: your mother could have loudly informed you in the dressing room that "your rectum is an exit, not an entrance".
i'm pretty sure the rectum-exit-only screenshot has to become my background on my computer. i work with the gays, and certainly it can be FULLY appreciated for all its glory here... ha!
Misspelled, congrats on leaving for college!
Forget all this stuff about how women are depressed because they keep having sex. I think it's not just sex, but specifically a certain kind of sex. All I'm saying -- and I'm sure that Clare Boothe Luce would agree with me here -- is that Prozac sales sure would be going down if only more women had the right directional sign hanging over their rectum!
Now I have visions of a neon "exit" sign stuck on some poor woman's butt. Clearly there's something wrong with me.
My comment on p.16 (and I say from experience):
YMMV.
Oh, man. Page 6 made me laugh so hard my belly hurt. I love it.
I think there was something in Ms. Grossman's rectum when she wrote this.
oh man, hilarious.
it would be more so if people didn't actually listen to this bs though.
steph, that really sucks, but part of what feminists want to do is to help more women grow up with a healthy sexual image (and correct medical information!) in the first place. people who write this tripe on the other hand just want us to feel bad for having sexual feelings in the first place, much less ever acting on them (outside of marriage i guess. to a dude. whenever said dude wants and in dude-pleasing ways.)
I realize that I'm going to get yelled at about 50 different ways for this. I apologize in advance.
I don't want to hook up. Ever. I don't want to have sex outside of relationships. This might mean until marriage, and this might not. I haven't decided yet because I have yet to have a relationship, for various reasons. I've already been over the fact that the ability to have casual sex or "hook up" is a privilege.
But this does NOT mean I'm not comfortable with my sexuality! Casual sex isn't for everyone. Saying it's for everyone is rather like saying everyone should have a certain fetish. It doesn't work that way. Sexuality is an individual thing.
I'm sorry, again, but I can already see this conversation heading in that direction. Nobody's quite said it yet, but there have been hints.
Aw, thanks, Jessica. : )
katemoore, no yelling from me. If you don't want to have sex outside of a committed relationship, someone "yelling" at you for that is no better than this book. The sex you have or don't have is your decision, and it's up to you to be sure what you want ANYWHERE along the sexual continuum.
Personally, my issue isn't with the entirety of what they're saying (finding out I had precancerous lesions on my cervix was certainly upsetting and depressing) - it's with their generalization and moral superiority.
These excerpts remind me of the people who jump to "Why couldn't she keep her legs closed?" but not "Why didn't he keep it his pants?" in the case of an unexpected pregnancy. Very lopsided.
No one would want to yell at you for that, katemoore, or assume that you're not comfortable with your sexuality. Everyone deserves to make their own choices without being shamed or lied to in an attempt to manipulate those choices.
katemoore, Why would anyone yell at you for that?!
I don't think not wanting to hook up is a bad thing. I think any informed decision women make about their sexuality should be respected, whether it's casual sex, abstinence, or anything in between. Like you said, sexuality is an individual thing. And I think that's what bugs me most about stuff like this "guide" - it ignores any nuance and complexity women might have in their sexual and personal desires and replaces it with hackneyed stereotypes based on what THEY want for women.
katemoore, nobody has said any such thing. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to hook up. The important thing here is that we all feel women should be able to choose under what circumstances they have sex without being made to feel bad either way. If a girl wants to hook up only because she thinks it will make her popular, she very likely does not have a healthy outlook on sex. The same goes for a girl who wants to hook up but doesn't because she doesn't want to be "a slut." Do what you want, and don't let it be dictated by fears of being called a "slut" or a "prude" by society.
I agree, Cynical Nymph. My mother, sister, and myself are all very very active feminists, and my mother AND father were both virgins until they married (I myself feel a little 'yikes' when i tell people this, but still, my parents DO kick azz), and my sister also wants to be a virgin til she marries but DOES NOT want any kids, ever. However, I am the complete opposite sexually. I was promiscuous in college, but sadly, I think part of it (although not all of it) was because I was not 100% sexually 'healthy'. I had an unsettling situation or two.
I do also want to add to Steph's post. I have HPV, and found out during college. It was devastating to me, and my boyfriend actually dumped me because of it. And although the vast majority of boyfriends afterwards who were willing to be educated on it came to be cool with it, I did have two more that did not want to participate in sexual activities because of it. So, actually, that section was not so out of the park for me. Pretty on target, actually. And I now am suffering from repeated abnormal paps, resulting in painful biopsies and cryotherapies. And condoms don't fully protect from it. So...yeah. That one actually is a good point - although it never stopped me from having a healthy sexual appetite. I still love sex! And have a loving partner who is 100% cool and understanding about it.
Ande- It is now the background on my computer as well, and I am going to cry laughing every time I open my laptop.
katemoore,
Feminism is about giving women the tools they need to be successfulFirst -
katemoore,
Feminism is about giving women the tools they need to be successful in any and all endeavors they choose. This means empowering women with the truth about their sexuality (among many other things). The problem with this book is that it does not tell the truth. A simple search of oxytocin on wikipedia shows that women AND MEN release oxytocin while sexually aroused, but even that is unclear. “Slut shaming” books like this one scare women into thinking that their sexual desires are evil and bad and should never be expressed.
As for you not wanting to have casual sex, I don’t want to have casual sex either. I don’t think it is a good choice for me. In fact, I’ve only had one sexual partner and I plan on being with him for the rest of my life. I don’t think I’m crazy, and I doubt any person will challenge my choice. You should never apologize for your sexuality and the choices you make for yourself. I’ve been reading this website for a while and have yet to see anyone proclaim that casual sex/many partners is the only way that people should behave. What I have seen is women supporting each other in what choices they make for themselves.
Second:
On the HPV thing. I found out I had HPV a couple months ago. I’ve only ever been with one partner and been with him for 4.5 years. Was I freaked out? A little. But only because I did not have enough information before I got it. I later learned HPV can remained latent in one’s system and after years finally produce symptoms. But seriously, I was not aware that 50% of people ages 20-24 have it and men cannot be screened for HPV.
Learning you have HPV is only devastating if you know nothing about it. Which is why I’m so angry at my sex-ed and this book. Had I known (and my partner known) that most cases of HPV are no big deal, we would not have worried at all.
What these snippets of the book say to me is “If women don’t know the truth or have the knowledge about the things they may face, we can keep them afraid of the big bad world. If we keep telling women lies and misinformation, we can control them.”
"I don't think not wanting to hook up is a bad thing. I think any informed decision women make about their sexuality should be respected, whether it's casual sex, abstinence, or anything in between. Like you said, sexuality is an individual thing. And I think that's what bugs me most about stuff like this "guide" - it ignores any nuance and complexity women might have in their sexual and personal desires and replaces it with hackneyed stereotypes based on what THEY want for women."
amen!
this is a personal thing and it varies by individual. women should do whatever they damn well please without guilt or shame or judgment either way. it's a problem when people like these clare booth luce nutjobs fail to grasp that women are PEOPLE, not some homogenous mass of estrogen or whatever and as a result, opinions on sex and decisions in that are will differ based on an individual woman's thoughts and feelings.
MLEmac, I agree, I'm pretty horrified that they're ripping of Sense and Sensibility.
Don't forget the Clare Booth Luce Policy Institute also sponsors Christina Hoff Summer's jaunts across America to tell us to stop achieving because it's hurting the boys.
Femgineer, i have to disagree on your comments about HPV from personal experience. My original freak-out could have definitely been avoided had I had the education on it first. However, it has become something to be worried about since. I am now at high risk for cervical cancer, and as I mentioned, have gone through 3 painful (very for me, but i have low tolerance for pain!) biopsies and what will now be two also painful treatments of cryotherapy. So, I would not say AT ALL that HPV is not devastating! It turns out I will probably have to go through this cycle of biopsy/cryo every ten, fifteen or so years. That's nothing to be blip about. Also, the numbers are actually 80% of sexually active women between the ages of 18-24 that have HPV. It's only the men which can say it is no big deal, as they are only carriers of high risk hpv and have no symptoms. I was not one of the lucky ones to have it go latent. Additionally, there is low-risk hpv, which causes warts, which can be very devastating as well. My friend in college was actually a virgin and STILL got hpv from a guy who performed oral sex on her. She was extremely depressed from her gyno treatments for several months. Definitely can be devastating.
Ugh. So many things wrong with this. For one, can't ANY conservatives do any research on oxytocin? Please? First of all, it's WAY too poorly understood to be throwing it like that, declaring with authority that it will do certain things to your sex life. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, most research suggests that--gasp!--men experience its effects during sex too! So this argument that women are doomed to fall in love with their 1-night stands and men aren't because of biology = fail.
Also, way to equate taking antidepressants with being a slut, Miriam. There's nothing wrong with you if you take Prozac or Zoloft or any other antidepressant. Not that having herpes makes you a bad person either. But really? Not all sexually active people are depressed and vice versa.
This author needs to grow the hell up.
As for the Page 6 thing, maybe she's just upset because she just got done with a bad colonoscopy?
Posted by a.k.a UltraMagnus:
I'm insulted that they borrowed the name from one of my favorite books.
Though, I guess so-called "conservative feminists" love Jane Austen the same way they love Susan B. Anthony, etc. They were the "real feminists" who were fighting for the rights to vote and for women to have the right to speak their minds in society. The feminist movement ended when we got the right to vote. Those rabble-rousers in the 60s and beyond were just trying to cause trouble and ruin families.
It also could be that she sees Jane Austen as a defender of traditional values, which is not uncommon. It's easy to read P&P or S&S and miss the irony and subtle social criticism. Many, many women read Austen and see only that her novels dictate marriage as the perfect happy ending for women. Removed from historical context and read shallowly by women who crave traditional romance plots, an Austen novel can become pretty depressing.
Note to KateMoore, if there's room for me in the feminist movement there's room for you.
Real feminists love that you never want to hook up, they think it's fantastic that you have a diverse and uniquely feminine voice. The sex doesn't make you a feminist, your voice does.
I have chosen every path that my mother's generation tried to avoid, guess what? It was my choice. You have a choice and so do I.
At least that's what my husband told me to say...
era4allNOW,
I posted that before I read your previous one. So, I apologize for making it seem that I meant that ALL HPV is not devastating. But, MOST people will not develop symptoms or health problems related to HPV.
The main point I was trying to make is that the book
probably does not give hard figures, it seems to only tell girls that their self esteem will go down as well as their GPA and that no one will want them. This approach only scares young women, instead of giving them good information to help them make good decisions.