I suggest a quick trip to survivinginfidelity.com for those dumb enough to go this route.

And that service is probably only beat by the website that hosts forums for people who "enjoy" the company of married men.

It just kills me that they cast a fat woman as the 'annoying' wife. Like, "How can you blame me for wanting an affair when my wife is overweight?" So fucking gross. (The commercial, not the wife).

I saw this on jezebel (I know, I know) and I headed over to the site to check out what kind of people were on it. You have to sign in to view profiles, but it's free for women. I signed in with minimal info and no pic in order to view these dudes and their cheating hearts.

Anyhoo, the vast majority of the men on this site were schlubby dudes who reeked of entitlement. I know, that's not surprising, but I was online for a whopping ten minutes and I received three inbox messages and 2 im requests. And the descriptions that they placed on what they were looking for were very idealized, lots of massaging, fondling, fore-play-heavy sexay times.

On the one hand, I think it sucks that these guys feel like they are entitled to cheat on their spouse (don't worry who you hurt, chief, your dick is king!) On the other hand, it makes me sad that these middle-aged men still believe that there's some dream lover out there on a cheater's site that gonna fulfill them.

I saw this on jezebel (I know, I know) and I headed over to the site to check out what kind of people were on it. You have to sign in to view profiles, but it's free for women. I signed in with minimal info and no pic in order to view these dudes and their cheating hearts.

Anyhoo, the vast majority of the men on this site were schlubby dudes who reeked of entitlement. I know, that's not surprising, but I was online for a whopping ten minutes and I received three inbox messages and 2 im requests. And the descriptions that they placed on what they were looking for were very idealized, lots of massaging, fondling, fore-play-heavy sexay times.

On the one hand, I think it sucks that these guys feel like they are entitled to cheat on their spouse (don't worry who you hurt, chief, your dick is king!) On the other hand, it makes me sad that these middle-aged men still believe that there's some dream lover out there on a cheater's site that gonna fulfill them.

This is a very funny satire...oh wait, it's real.

BTW, does the website also support women who are looking to cheat on their husbands?

Bondo, yes, if you are a woman it's free to join the site. You can designate yourself as single, attached or married.

I doubt they'll have any ads targeted directly at women, though.

I have very mixed feelings about this site. I mean, I wish people could be honest with their significant others and break up and then go find someone else rather than cheating, but the reality of the situation is that there will always be people (whether men or women) who are going to cheat and the internet has made it significantly easier for them to do that. I would, however, perfer to see an internet site that is honest about its purpose so people can choose to go that route if they wish rather than have someone be out there lying about being single and engaging in relationships with single people who do not wish to knowingly be involved in a relationship with a married man. I have found in the internet dating realm that there are a lot of losers who want to lie about being married and if they'd stick to sites like the one in the ad at least women getting involved would know what they were in for.

Get a freaking divorce you POS.

I have no tolerance for people who consider cheating something as "bad" as calling in sick when you want to go play golf. If you're miserable in your marriage get a divorce. If you want to stay married, keep it (all of it) in your pants. If you want an open marriage, talk to your spouse and if they aren't agreeable, you're back to your first two options.

Weak. So weak.

And thank you uplate for pointing out the blatant sexism in the commercial. Clearly, he's entitled to cheat. His wife is fat. (Never mind that he's not exactly a hottie himself).

This sort of reminds me of the Klondike commercials where the guy gets a treat for not checking out other chicks, even though his "wife" is actually pretty hot. I always think , "Yeah, cause you're SUCH a hot commodity, tubby." And my husband always says, "Yeah, cause all dudes are all heartless sex machines. Way to ram home THAT stereotype." And then I have to feel kinda bad for the menz too.

A few of you have already mentioned the grossness of implying that it's ok for him to cheat because his wife is fat, but I had to add my two cents. They're really, essentially, the same size. It's an interplay of how the commercial has cast the wife and how the gendered expectations surrounding size and beauty are used to make her seem repellant. He's just lying in bed, she's got her face all smooshed and I think she's snoring. She's not being delicate and feminine. He's smiling for the camera in the wedding picture (or maybe looking disturbed, I can't quite remember) and she's making a ridiculous face and wearing very bad makeup, AND she's taking up more physical space in the picture than he is- she's pushed a bit forward, edging him out. By being fat, she's crossing boundaries. He's the same size, and he's just being himself- a henpecked, put-upon self. Poor him. Vomit.

Love the tagline: "Life' short. Have an affair."

I can't even believe this commercial. Wow.

In addition to being larger than is socially acceptable, I noticed that the bride seems to be laughing or talking in the wedding pic. So, she's doubly violating the norms by being "too big" and "too loud" -- taking up physical and social space she's not entitled to. Bad woman! No fidelity for you! (Kidding, of course.)

On the other hand, I never thought monogamy was that important a social ideal. After all, it comes from the patriarchal belief that women are property and only "legitimate" children should inherit. I say we all go matrilineal -- children get their mother's names and inherit not from their fathers but from their mothers and her brothers. Then it doesn't matter who the father is.

"I doubt they'll have any ads targeted directly at women, though."

Umm, their commercials, which have been on Howard Stern for over a year or more, almost always feature women looking to cheat on their boyfriends/husbands. Yes, its a very equal opportunity company so just because this ad is male oriented doesn't mean it all is.

Amusing to see people defending this company as not sexist. For a moment, let's ignore the obviously sexist imagery in the above ad. Assuming the people who run this company are NOT sexist, they are undoubtedly HUGE scumbags. So do they really deserve your defense at all?

Anyway, as long as we're talking about horribly sexist ads:

"Share a Guinness with a friend. Or two."

On the other hand, I never thought monogamy was that important a social ideal. After all, it comes from the patriarchal belief that women are property and only "legitimate" children should inherit. I say we all go matrilineal -- children get their mother's names and inherit not from their fathers but from their mothers and her brothers. Then it doesn't matter who the father is.

That's a very valid point, but the ad isn't aimed at those who are in honest open or polyamorous relationships, it's targeting men who want to screw around on wives who believe them to be monogamous. Otherwise the tagline would be waaaaaaay different.

what a hate-on. This reminds of a sex column (Savage Love) where people write in to, essentially, ask permission from the columnist to cheat on their girlfriends and wives because the latter have gained weight. Wonder how much of that weight gain comes from, oh, I don't know, taking care of the kids, making dinner, doing all the housework, working overtime earning only 71 cents per male dollar with no paid overtime, and maybe being sick enough of leering from other guys that being pretty just doesn't seem like such a great thing to happen... I remember seeing articles in women's mags actually having to counsel readers to ask their men for help in the kitchen or with the kids, to give them time to go to the gym... Unbelievable.

It is gross, the choice of an overweight woman as the wife is just reinforcing the idea that fat makes women are less valid as humans. But this ad would only appeal to people who are morally deranged and may have little impact outside of that group. There has been a trend in commercials lately that has presented men lying to or tricking women as cute and funny. I am bothered by the more subtle KitKat commercial where the guy is trying to lure a woman back to his place by lying. What exactly is going to happen to the woman? In KitKat commercials all year men have been using a moment supposedly given to them by the candy to think of a plausible lie.

Do you think the log-out page reminds you to clear your browser history? Otherwise I bet that gets a lot of these cheating spouses caught.

The original - and somehow much less offensive - here: "Good Morning" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmdxW3ifYfE

So perhaps I'm a pig, but I find the Man Stroke Woman skits pretty bleeding funny overall. While the don't always portray women in the best light, the weight of the satire is generally pitched toward men.

E.g., "Man Cold" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXLHWmjA5IE

As far as I can tell, the reason the wife is the "wrong woman" is because she's fat.

FUCK!

I can't take more fatism today.

This commercial is wrong. That man is wrong. If she's the "wrong" woman, which is pretty stupid if he married her just the way she is, they have issues to deal with.

I'd just like to remind people that if the man is hetero, there's also a woman involved, probably just as married.

My wife has had at least two affairs, and been pregnant by men unknown to me, at least twice. She said after the first one (during our engagement/at the start of our marriage), that she had needed emotional closeness with someone (a former married lover) as I was uninterested in the wedding planning stage - e.g., I saw what services and products were available and how much they cost for about a hundred guests (other than a literal handful of coworkers, the "go-betweens", my mother, and my grandmother, every other guest was hers), make a selection, done; was my attitude, I didn't see the need to sit around with the planning company and talk about it for hours at a time for months. I didn't see why it had to cost $20,000 (in Jan. 1997), which is EXTREMELY reasonable in Japan:

"In 1996, the average Japanese wedding cost 7.94 million yen (66000 dollars), according to a survey by a leading bank.This includes the costs of the ceremony and reception, the honeymoon, and the newlyweds' furniture and household appliances." (We got married, had a honeymoon in Hawaii and set up house for about $35,000 cash.)

http://web-japan.org/trends98/honbun/ntj971111.html

I didn't see the need for all the Japanese ritual, either. That's just money for those in the bridal business who've brainwashed mainly women into wanting it, and men willing to go along with it.

My wife felt alienated, and went back to something she felt comfortable with (a Japanese married older male former coworker), while maintaining the appearance of a happy bride-to-be/newlywed. She got pregnant, and secretly had an abortion.

When I found out about this abortion and the affair later (she saved the receipt from the hospital), I was extremely upset. I wanted to expose that man to his own wife. I demanded a divorce and that she leave immediately, which she refused - she said she needed a week to make arrangements. Then I decided that my wife married me, and it wasn't a real problem again, even when she later got pregnant and had an abortion again after our first child was born, because she claimed she did not know who the father was. It was then I told her that I would accept any child born in this family as my own. She also "generously" "gave me permission" to have affairs to fill my needs elsewhere, for sex, my taste for young Japanese and Filipino women, or whatever. I don't.

There seem to have been no more "problems" regarding unwanted pregnancy or paternity. Also, my wife went on low dose contraception (not legally available in Japan at the time, and in any case, not covered by insurance in Japan) to control her heavy, irregular menstruation.

Aviva, I suspect that some people would sign up with this service in the hopes that their spouse will find out and dump them, because they're too cowardly to bring up divorce with their spouses themselves.

Are people no longer worried about HIV? Or about any other STDs? Obviously the trust you have put in someone when you marry them (and have an agreement of monogamy) is broken when you cheat - but isn't it so so much worse (deadly?) when he or she cheats without protection and lies to you that they are only sleeping with you? Does that not freak anyone else out? I'm no conservative - but I guess having grown up at the height of AIDS awareness makes me wonder if we've all forgotten those scary sex ed videos. Or do we just don't want to think about the fact that someone could look just fine, and you sleep with them once, and you get HIV? I know drugs are helping people with HIV live longer lives (thank goodness) but it is still a very serious disease - no cure, no vaccine. Not something you want to bring home to your husband or wife, right? I feel like with all our medical advancements we have gone back to the 1950s where the worst that could happen would be a girl "getting in trouble" and we are forgetting the other consequences for having unprotected sex (for the guys and gals). Yikes is all I can say.

My parents recently got a divorce and I would have been devastated if it was because one of them had an affair.

Having an affair is selfish because it's a huge fuck you to your partner and everyone else involved.

If you're that unhappy with your marriage, then get a divorce. You owe it to your partner to be honest.

(Just for the record, my rant isn't meant to admonish anyone on this board)

"Having an affair is selfish because it's a huge fuck you to your partner and everyone else involved."

Yes it is, and why I was initially so upset with my wife doing it from the outset, being secretly pregnant at our wedding, of all things, before having an abortion to hide the fact. However, I heard her reasons and agreed I was not being supportive as a man. I also felt for her feeling she had to go through that decision and pain alone. I've explicitly expressed my support in that regard in the future. In return, she says I can look for someone else, as well. I don't, and have no plans to. The only reason for me to leave my wife is if she develops destructive habits like beating the children, and refuses help. She stopped hitting our children about five years ago, after I reasoned with her. I've also found her recommendations for professional and consulate assistance if needed.

If my wife believes she is happier elsewhere, or with someone else, she can have affairs, or leave as she wishes. I am not a suspicious man, but I did politely inquire why she spent so much time alone with our son's divorced scoutmaster, who appears to be a devoted joint custody father and nice guy. I accepted her word that it was nothing.

I cannot "make" her love me the way she says she used to, or make her feel the way I do about her, that she is my "best partner", my biggest supporter, and after 14 years invested, irreplaceable.

"isn't it so so much worse (deadly?) when he or she cheats without protection and lies to you that they are only sleeping with you? Does that not freak anyone else out?"

I assume this is how most married women get STDs/STIs, and why millions of women in Africa are dying of AIDS like their husbands and boyfriends. I'm not being flippant; it's a tragedy of unprecedented scale when talking about a quarter of all young adults in an entire nation.

Yes, scary as hell. Fortunately for my wife and I, the STD/STI situation is quite different in Japan, from that of the US or other parts of the world, mostly in part to conservative values (now changing among the young) which limited risks, as well as comprehensive national health care. She's certifiably clean to tests so far. And if she or I carry some sort of HPV, a leading cause of cervical cancer in women, and oral cancer in men (gee, how does that happen?) well it's too late to worry about that, and studies suggest even condoms can't be trusted to reduce risk of HPV infection in women more than 70%, even with 100% usage by partners.

"Not something you want to bring home to your husband or wife, right?"

Would people who care, be having affairs, and unprotected sex, and lying about it or keeping it secret? I told my wife plainly that she can talk to me about her going elsewhere or wanting out, and that she'll be looked after. She also doesn't need to fear being pregnant again. The only dispute we may have in a split, is about the children, because she would go back to her country. Not amenable to regular visits or special occasions.