"she felt like she had to give up a lot to be such an involved parent. That wasn't because of my brother and I. That was because of a society that told both of my parents that his job was more important, that she should be flexible because of her gender, that "equal parenting" was a feminist pipe dream. It's not my brother and I that my mom resents; it is the either/or culture that forced her to choose."

HELL YES and AMEN. Excellent piece.

Have you seen Rebecca's response to the Salon article? - she calls the original Daily Mail article "an inaccurate tabloidization of an interview I gave", though as The Lipster points out she doesn't go into much detail about how much of the article was accurate and how much was the bloody Daily Mail's horrid brand of "journalism".

Best to take anything that paper prints with a pinch of salt - especially when an article manages to slate so many of the things they love to rail against - abortion, underage sex, divorce, feminism... surprising they didn't try and get 'quotes' about immigration and lesbians in there somewhere.

But it wasn't an essay, it was a "tabloidization" of an interview. In the Daily Mail.

But she is listed as the author of the essay. I find it easy to believe that some things she might have said were "tabloidized," but I have seen other recent interviews she has given where she trashes her mother. Sadly, it seems to be an attempt to drum up interest in her book that was just released in paperback.

I think that despite how much Rebecca Walker's words were twisted, the article does reflect a not-uncommon view of feminism and motherhood. Twisting her words to make her echo a sentiment that is popular or widespread isn't hard to believe. Courtney's response can be taken in response to that bigger notion, highlighted (however falsely) in the Daily Mail piece.

And it was a kick-ass response.

thank you Courtney- spot on!! As Alice was to one extreme, her daughter fell to the other- every action has an equal and opposite reaction, sadly enough in this case. Thank you for speaking out for those of us who believe in a compromise on the matter.

Courtney,

It's weird to me that you imply in your essay (as you did in your post) that Rebecca might be just making this stuff up about her mother:

"Whatever the factual details surrounding her relationship with her mother -- who is known widely as the adopter of the word "womanist" in reaction to feminism's racist past -- it is unarguable that she is exposing the emotional truth of what she experienced."

Why won't you take her at her word on this, rather than suggest that Rebecca's account is not factually accurate? This "emotional truth" concept seems like a dodge. If you think she's lying about her mom, say it. If you think she's not lying, then I think you have to take a little more seriously her contention that certain aspects of her mother's feminist views--not her other character traits--made her a bad parent. Describing Rebecca's disclosure as an "emotional truth" is condescending.

I wish your article had engaged the criticism a little more: did feminists, at least in the early movement, have some unfavorable views towards motherhood that were damaging? Is there something true--factually, not emotionally--about this claim? Maybe, maybe not. But the emotional truth rhetoric cheapens Rebecca's experience with and claims about feminism.

Danielleamir – this is what the Mail does. It talks to someone enough to call it an "interview" then turns it into a first-person statement. Of limited accuracy. And unless you have a ton of money to sue them, there's not much you can do.

"It is not our biology that is making us sad; it is our thwarted destinies."

a-fucking-men!

nice response, courtney.

Why won't you take her at her word on this, rather than suggest that Rebecca's account is not factually accurate? This "emotional truth" concept seems like a dodge. If you think she's lying about her mom, say it. If you think she's not lying, then I think you have to take a little more seriously her contention that certain aspects of her mother's feminist views--not her other character traits--made her a bad parent. Describing Rebecca's disclosure as an "emotional truth" is condescending.

No, it's being a diligent, careful journalist. Why, in writing about the aspersions Rebecca Walker cast on feminism, would you expect a journalist to take sides in a mother-daughter feud?

I don't purport to speak for Courtney, but as I read her piece, it was irrelevant whether or not Rebecca Walker's specific allegations about her mother's behavior are true.

Blake-
What's condescending is your assertion that "emotional truth" isn't a real thing. In graduate school we talked about literature in terms of an author's emotional truth-it's a widely accepted literary term-and how the facts of an event are inextricably bound up in what one remembers of that event. The genre is called "Memoir." When Rebecca Walker talks about her experiences as a child, she's not stating fact upon fact, she's talking about how she felt as a response to those events. And again, we don't even know if she wrote the original DM piece in the first place- so the emotional truth of the piece may be the ONLY thing about it that is true.

I agree with the take on Rebecca's article but felt the statement "What I take issue with, and I am not alone, is Rebecca's black and white take on mothering" was a unnessesary play on words. Maybe it wasn't intentional, but it still seemed off key.

Adminassistant:

I didn't say emotional truth wasn't real. I said employing it in the way courtney did was condescending.

Courtney contrasts the indisputable emotional truth of Rebecca's experience with the factual truth
of whatever really happened.

The reason I found that condescending was because the piece did not engage that emotional truth at all. On the contrary, it explained how that emotional truth could not validly be applied to a critique of feminism--precisely because that truth was emotional, personal, and unobjective rather than rational and objective. Courtney's article, in short, reads: "Rebecca, you're upset, and your not being rational about this." That strikes me as condescending.

Having said that, everything Courtney said about how feminism ought to think about motherhood seemed right. I just thought that the distinction between factual truth and emotional truth seemed to go towards undermining Rebecca's claims. Why ever bring up the question the factual accuracy of Rebecca's memory in the first place if not to undercut the inductive evidence she uses for her critique of feminism? A piece that had taken Rebecca's emotional truth seriously would have considered the implications of that truth, rather than denying its relevance to feminism.

Again, I think Courtney's argument is right on the merits. It's just that one moment in the piece that I think was uncharitable and dismissive.

What I take issue with, and I am not alone, is Rebecca's black and white take on mothering -- there is her mother, the selfish careerist, and then there is her, the new mom who argues that all that should matter to a young woman with children is "a happy family."

But in Rebecca's experience, it might be that black-and-white. Maybe the larger point is that Rebecca's experience is one person's experience, part of a symphony of experiences which have to be viewed collectively to see the large picture.

Blake Emerson -

I don't know about Courtney, but I question the accuracy of Ms. Walker's statements because some of them are flat-out ridiculous (like being sent off to preschool at the age of one, by herself, including walking down the block alone).

Also, the very same week she published this article slamming Alice Walker as a terrible mother came out, she published *another* article lauding her mother for all the wonderful opportunities she provided, including meeting celebrities and historical figures. That really makes me question what the "emotional truth" is in this case. She's also published essays contradicting some of the same points she makes in her Daily Mail piece.

I had just left a performance (avant garde) and was heading home to relive my babysitter, when a young man (who was an artist/writer/musician) said, "You should be home making sandwiches"...

I reminded him that even though his mother sat home to make sandwiches for her two sons and husband, one turned out a junkie and the other was in a mental institution.

To the people who believe all the problems in their lives lead back to those damn sandwiches being made or not by female parents hands:

We wont be your excuses anymore. You can't have freedom for some and call it freedom.
Happy fathers day- go ask your dad for a sandwich!