Silda Wall Spitzer went to Harvard Law and gave up her career when he decided to go into politics. It makes me so angry when I hear stories like this.

As someone said on another blog I was reading, he went to prostitutes by himself; he can give this press conference by himself.

I could care less what their wives do or how they show support/desertion during these "scandals." I don't give a damn if a politician is having sex with someone who he is not legally joined with. The obsession that this nation has with monogamy in marriage is absurd. It is not against the law, and I personally do not believe that it should ever be a matter outside of their personal relationship. Who are we to judge him? To judge her? This is their lives and their commitment to one another for them to work out so that they both feel comfortable otherwise the uncomfortable party should depart.

I sure don't think this reflects on this person's politics or judgment and the bigger fuss made about this kind of trivial crap the more our culture revolves around sex as ownership.

Interesting timing:

http://www.democracynow.org/2008/3/10/new_york_bill_to_declare_abortion

Pro-choice activists are gathering around the country today to mark the National Day of Appreciation for Abortion Providers. In Albany, New York Governor Eliot Spitzer is addressing the Family Planning Advocates of New York State. Shortly after taking office last year, Spitzer introduced a bill that would declare abortion a fundamental right for women. The bill would also ensure abortion remains legal in New York should the Supreme Court overturn Roe v. Wade.

The right would have loved this to pieces anyway, of course.

Kate 21:It is not against the law, and I personally do not believe that it should ever be a matter outside of their personal relationship.
Except that in this case it's prostitution, so it is against the law.
What I hate about having the wives stand up with them in this situation is that it reduces what is undoubtedly a complicated and dynamic set of thoughts, emotions, and priorities to an image of a woman with a single task or ambition, to support this man.

The Billie Jean King documentary was on HBO this morning. Her husband Larry appeared with her at the press conference when she confessed to her affair with her female hairdresser. Was it demeaning to him?

The Billie Jean King documentary was on HBO this morning. Her husband Larry appeared with her at the press conference when she confessed to her affair with her female hairdresser. Was it demeaning to him?

Yes, I think that husbands should stop appearing at these press conferences where powerful women admit to some kind of sexual misconduct. Since they happen every 60 years or so, we're probably due for another one in a couple decades.

Instead of focusing on Ms. Spitzer, I suggest we focus on the issue of prostitution -- how and why women's bodies continue to be bought and sold.

Who knows why she is standing beside her husband during the press conference . . . whether it's political or because she believes in her marriage no matter what comes her way. My father cheated on my mother many times and she never left him. While I would leave my spouse if he cheated on me, I don't pretend to know what anyone else's relationship is like. Everyone has different values within their own marriages/relationships and while I take a hard line on unacceptable behavior, I know others who would be a lot more forgiving.

So, instead of discussing the merits of not standing by your partner, we should be focusing on the selling of women's bodies and why many men, no matter how powerful, can't seem to keep their pants zipped.

Is it just me reading my emotions into it, or does Tammy kind of look like she also hates that song, in the video?

I'm with Kate21. In this case, Spitzer engaged in an illegal activity, so apologizing to his public seems inevitable. In every other case, though, I dooooo not care what is going on in politicians' sex lives/marriages/relationships/whatevs. I also resent the idea that the wives are automatically the victims in these situations. We just do not know the details of these marriages; that is, we don't know if they had open marriages or other agreements about sexual activity, and it somehow makes me mad to automatically assume that Spitzer is "in the doghouse" for his behavior.

Having the wife there just seems self-serving. Whether they had an open relationship or not, we don't know, but we can be sure that he's humiliated her and alienated their children -- my guess is she's upset. Putting on a brave face smacks of taking one for the team. If he really was contrite and regaining his family's trust, he'd be doing it on their terms. I could be wrong but something just tells me she wasn't up for this. I know I wouldn't be.

This is demeaning. Why can't he apologize on his own? Why does his wife have to be put through what I would say is a form of public humiliation for his actions? And not only is she publicly humiliated, it is also reinforcing the idea that a wife must be dutiful to her husband in the face of pretty much anything. What the hell. If she doesn't want to be humiliated or wants to leave him, she should in no way be held to our lame traditionalist sexist views that she needs to save the marriage and stand by him. Yuck. Let him humiliate himself alone and let her be a viewer like the rest of us watching this.

Tammy Wynette's hair in that video is fake... right?...

Personally, I don't care "why many men...can't seem to keep their pants zipped." I don't think men need to do that any more than women need to keep their legs closed. What I do agree with december on, however, is that the prostitution side of this story is more demeaning than Spitzer's wife standing next to him at the press conference (not that that isn't also humiliating, imo).

What concerns me is that women still find that the best money they can make is through selling their bodies, by prostituting or stripping or that sort of thing. I subscribe to the philosophy that a society spends the most money on the things it cares most about. Evaluating ourselves that way, apparently our society cares most about the military and sex, both of which are pathetic obsessions and opposite poles on the spectrum of our society's version of gender as well. Until we can somehow change that, sexism will continue to thrive and women will continue be reduced to sexual objects that can be bought and sold, used and abused.

LOL Bethany!!! I was just thinking the same thing. Tammy isn't buying what she's selling. Any of it :)

On the more serious issue at hand, I have to agree that the bigger issue here isn't the cheating, or the fact that his wife is standing by, it's that prostitution is still such a part of the culture of powerful men.

And in this case, I believe I heard that he had an ongoing relationship with the pimp in question so as to just make regular payments to him (like a water bill, an electric bill, etc.).

This was also an allegedly "high dollar" prostitution ring. This makes me feel gross in so many ways. So if I woman is beautiful/ young/ virginal/ experienced at S&M, etc. she's worth a higher fetching price than an average prostitute? How is there a market for this? Who decides what a round with a specific women costs? Are there A, B, and C models? I could go on. You understand my hurt and pain in even thinking this kind of world exists.

This is especially sad, given Spitzer's record of fighting for women's rights. I guess I should be glad that he's fighting for the prostitutes' rights in addition to supporting their livelihood (with his own genitals, even! Way to support the cause.) I don't have a problem with non-monogamy, but participating in a huge pay-for-sex ring where women were paid $5,500/hour is just another example of societal-sanctioned male entitlement and women used as toys/ entertainment, once again reinforcing the idea that woman's true (or only) value is as a sexual product/property to be used, bought and sold, going to the highest bidder. I really wonder if his wife had participated in such a scheme (on either side, mind you), would he standing by her side? Or his three daughters? Nice going, dad.

On the more serious issue at hand, I have to agree that the bigger issue here isn't the cheating, or the fact that his wife is standing by, it's that prostitution is still such a part of the culture of powerful men.

Exactly. While the myth of an independent female sex worker may be appealing to some degree, it is mostly that in this patriarchal society -- a myth.

Also, Eliot Spitzer's former job was as Attorney General, which presumably involved cracking down on prostitution rings and their (male) organized crime masters. Which makes his lapse here especially heinous.

If a politician decides to cheat on their spouse with a willing (unpaid) lover aka Bill Clinton, then I really couldn't give two s**ts. But this is completely different. Spitzer should resign.

Just once, I wish a wife would agree to accompany her cheating husband to a press conference and then promptly kick him in the ass, catapulting him right off the stage.

I have to wonder how much she knew before she went out there- and what she was told to do. Remember, Jim McGreevey's wife was blindsided just moments before and told to stand, smile and do her best Jackie Kennedy impression.

Just once, I wish a wife would agree to accompany her cheating husband to a press conference and then promptly kick him in the ass, catapulting him right off the stage.

Yea, domestic violence is such a wonderful tool to solve such issues.

"What I do agree with december on, however, is that the prostitution side of this story is more demeaning than Spitzer's wife standing next to him at the press conference (not that that isn't also humiliating, imo)."

I totally agree.

"I subscribe to the philosophy that a society spends the most money on the things it cares most about."

Nitpick: Doesn't that analysis ignore the supply side of supply and demand?

For example, I suspect that part (not all, just part) of the reason elementary school teachers get paid less than pro baseball players is the way they outnumber pro baseball players so much (imagine what elementary schooling would be like if it was like pro baseball, with a few millionaire teachers and teacher-student ratios approaching pro ballpark capacity...).

I'm just going to chime in and say that not every sex worker a) hates his or her job, b) is a slave or victim of patriarchy, or c) demonizes a certain amount of sexual objectification. Instead of removing prostitution, I'm a proponent of reforming and legitimizing it.

Which is completely separate from the issue at hand, but it seems to have been brought up in the comments, and I just want to include a feminist support for prostitution, since the majority of feminist opinion seems to be against it.

Spitzer's mistake was getting married in the first place. If he didn't have a wife he could simply date young attractive women rather than having to sneak around with prostitutes.

"...rather than having to sneak around with prostitutes."

It might just be that sneaking around with prostitutes is what floats his boat, and the family just functions as cover for that. ¿Quien sabe?

I have zero symptathy for this apparent criminal. I don't assume he's truly contrite -- but his wife might believe he is.

I would hope that if MY wife or girlfriend ever landed herself in serious hot water that I would stand by her. I would expect that none of you would begrudge me that or belittle my choice to do so. And if you would not belittle me for standing by the woman I love, I don't understand why you presume to stereotype the wife in this instance and assume she's acting as a tool of the patriarchy.

She might really love the guy, and she might think he's contrite, and who are you to criticize her?

Having the wifey next to you seems essential to the Busted Man... whether you're denying cruising for sex in bathroom stalls or, in this case, grimacing next to your john husband.
I think the reason it bothers me most is that it seems like something the sleazebag PR people suggest, rather than some native feeling of wanting to show support.

If it truly is Mrs. Craig's or Mrs. Spitzer's choice to look miserable on national television while their husbands act contrite, or embarrassed to be caught, or whatever... so be it.

If I were guilty of cheating and whoring, I certainly wouldn't ask my SO to stand up and potentially be humiliated next to me, though.

Just once, I wish a wife would agree to accompany her cheating husband to a press conference and then promptly kick him in the ass, catapulting him right off the stage.

Yes. Or I would also like to see the wife just matter-of-factly state "We have an open marriage and the two of us do whatever the hell we want to." I wonder how the public would react to that.

Mina, I see your point and it is an interesting one, but I still think it applies. After all, there are a lot of groups that are very much a minority (off the top of my head: Native Americans, or firefighters) that get paid next to nothing, even if they do a valuable service. Also, it's hard to see how "supply" would matter when we're talking about a group that is a little over half of the entire human population.

First of all, any speculation that Spitzer's wife was forced or obligated to stand there next to him is just that: speculation. For all you know, he told her about this a long time ago, was contrite, and she forgave him. For all you know, he WAS in the doghouse for months, and now they would like to move on. For all you know, they had an open marriage and "one-offs" were acceptable to them. Ripping on Spitzer's wife given your lack of any behind-the-scenes knowledge is thus unwarranted. In addition, it assumes that this intelligent woman lacks any autonomy of her own.

Secondly, those of you who assumed this prostitution ring was run by men are also jumping to conclusions. From what I have read, the "pimp" who hooked Spitzer up with the call girl was a woman named Temeka Rachelle Lewis. While it is true that there are many sex rings in this country and worldwide that are despicable and reek of exploitation, I can't find much of a problem with "Emperor's Club" (other than it being illegal). I think there are many people out there (men and women) who would JUMP at the prospect of being paid >$4000 per day to have sex with a wealthy stranger.

According to New York 1 News, Spitzer paid $ 4,300 in cash (plus trainfare from New York City to Washington DC, cab fare from the train station to the hotel and, of course, the cost of the hotel room)

He got 4 hours for his money - with some of the $ 4,300 acting as a "deposit" on future visits.

Apparently, based on the discussion between Kristin (the prostitute) and her dispatcher, Spitzer insisted on an "American" (by which he presumably meant White) woman - and she would have to do some "dangerous" things with him (preseumably unprotected sex).

When Spitzer got elected, he said "on day one, everything changes!!!"

Maybe not so much....

Oh, I forgot to mention - the reason we know what Kristin and her dispatcher said about Eliot Spitzer's racial and sex preferences is because there was a wiretap.

IRS investigators had stumbled across the Emperor's Club prostitution ring during a routine tax audit.

They set up wiretaps, discovered the true nature of the Emperor's Club's business - and found out details on many customers, including Governor Spitzer.

"I would hope that if MY wife or girlfriend ever landed herself in serious hot water that I would stand by her. I would expect that none of you would begrudge me that or belittle my choice to do so. And if you would not belittle me for standing by the woman I love, I don't understand why you presume to stereotype the wife in this instance and assume she's acting as a tool of the patriarchy."

Personally I don't think anyone is upset about the idea that she chose to stand by him. I at least speak for myself when I say I seriously doubt she chose to do that without at least facing severe pressure to do so.

Has anyone ever seen a case where a man in politics caught cheating on his wife actaully did not have his wife standing with him? I ask as I cannot think of a single case. What I am concerned with is the pressure and expectations that the wife MUST be dutiful and stand with him. She looked like she was going to die for christs sakes. The other problem is that once she does stand by him, succumbing to these expectations, she's then subject to MORE criticism when the public declares she needs to leave him. I take Hillary Clinton as my example. I'm sure she was pressured to stand by him and now she's being criticized for his sexual escapades.

I mean yeah it's speculation that she was pressured to stand there, but I'd certainly bet a good sum of money on it.

I don't think that just because a service is run by a women that it doesn't mean that it can't be exploitative. A lot of sex workers have been victims of sexual assault or abuse and a lot of them are doing it because they feel they have to because of the money (as opposed to doing a certain job because of an inherent passion or interest in it) and this sort of thing has nothing to do with the sex of the person who is running the service. I understand that this of course doesn't apply to all sex workers, and that many women run operations are often better than male run operations. But I think just the fact that an overwhelming amount of women are exploited in this line of work, sometimes to the point of being kidnapped and forced into the work, and that many women have troubled pasts filled with abuse and assault. I think those facts should draw our attention to the issue, steps need to be taken to reduce the potential harm done and increase safety and services for these workers while not criminalizing them for what they do since that nothing good will ever come of punishment. (Although I have no problem with arresting those who exploit, just not the exploited)

As for Spitzer, I'm torn over whether he should resign or not, he probably will, and I think that's important for the reputation of the party that he do resign. But at the same time - I hate it every time someones personal sex life gets brought into politics. Granted he broke the law - and this is what separates Spitzer from say Bill Clinton, who simply got a blow job from another consenting adult. It's the focus on politicians personal life's that bothers me, rather than a focus on policy and positions. It's like infotainment vs. all the other important stuff that really matters. Although I agree that this act on the part of Spitzer is disgusting considering this is the exact type of thing he tried to prosecute when he was AG, it's the ultimate hypocrisy, kinda like Larry Craig building his reputation by promoting hatred toward gays.

Instead of focusing on Ms. Spitzer, I suggest we focus on the issue of prostitution -- how and why women's bodies continue to be bought and sold.

But I would argue that these two things are closely connected. The constant "stand by your man" positioning of politicians wives is the selling of women's bodies--it's about what the women's bodies symbolize what we're expected to "buy." By having the wife standing there, the story being sold is that Spitzer is penitent and has been forgiven by the woman whom he has harmed in this situation (provided that the prostitute herself is not in a coerced situation) and that, more importantly, these events have not damaged his patriarchal status as head of the household, able to command the loyalty and respect of his woman and children. The woman's body is essential to selling this image and this story.

I know I'm coming to this way late but I just want to say that there is a very PR reason for having the wife stand by the man's side, it sends the message that he is "forgiven" by the person it has affected most (the cheated on spouse, the children don't have such a relationship with their parent, though I wouldn't be surprised to find the PR people trotting them out in the future), and it's supposed to show the public that it's not that "bad" after all. Look at Kobe Bryant and his wife, he sat there and admitted he'd cheated on her while she held his hand and had she dumped his ass do you know what kind of "message" that would have sent to the public during a potential rape trial? You bet your ass it was in his PR people's best interest to have her there. And I'm not denying these political wives their anonymity or the power to choose, but remember it doesn't have to be for the "I love my husband and I'm standing by him" line. There is money, a lifestyle and reputation involved. They could very well love their husbands, they could also be looking out for their own self interests in the long run and that could have nothing to do with love.

For those of you questioning why these politicians have to do this in the first place, I agree that they shouldn't, it's a private matter. But I will admit that when you've got some political touting "family values" as their platform, and lets face it, adultery, whether you believe in it or not, isn't part of "family values" is a big deal and they should be raked over the coals for it because they're hypocrites and perhaps it sends the message that these things called "family values" aren't set in stone and everyone has different needs (especially when it comes to consensual sex between adults).

P.S.

From what I've read on other sites, Spitzer's wife gave up her own career to allow him his, so that might also play into her wanting to show her support so she can keep up appearances (after this blows over). It's quite difficult when you give up years of your life and your ambitions for another person, only to have shit like this happen. She herself might be trying to save face.

EG,
I couldn't agree more. Thank you for putting that so beautifully.

I've often wondered how many marriages between people of power, influence, and/or "good breeding" are marriages of convenience. Being the spouse of a governor or senator or whatever must almost be a career in and of itself.

Personally, however, if she's standing up there and supporting him, she's fair game for the press as well.

So it seems reasonable to me to ask her if she's received STD screening. It's very possible that he brought something home with him, other than bad press. Wikipedia reports that his "assignation" was on Feb 13, so it's probably too late for HIV prophylaxis, but asking the question could raise awareness of the issue.

Narc,
So you are all for further public humiliation of her in order to "raise awareness of the issue" of HIV? I'm sure she couldn't have possibly thought of that already on her own....

EG """But I would argue that these two things are closely connected. The constant "stand by your man" positioning of politicians wives is the selling of women's bodies--it's about what the women's bodies symbolize what we're expected to "buy.""""

You know, I'd really appreciate it if you would write a book called "How to Think All Smart-Like: A Lesson on Learning to Think Critically Like EG. By EG." I'd totally buy it to learn your witty and insightful ways.

It was apparently not the case that "IRS investigators had stumbled across the Emperor's Club prostitution ring during a routine tax audit." It was Governor Spitzer's financial transactions that aroused suspicion that he was structuring cash payments to avoid Treasury Department reporting requirements.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/11/nyregion/11inquire.html?hp

I would contend that criminalizing consensual, adult prostitution does more harm than good (by putting thugs and lowlifes in charge