If sex sells men on housework, bring on the Victoria's Secret-branded mops.

I love how this is always framed as some kind of mystifying new glimpse into the minds of those crazy womenfolk: "You'll never guess what they're thinking now... but if you play your cards right, it's one step closer to the goal in your tireless masculine quest for sex, sex, sex!"

As opposed to: "Hey, guess what? Your wife would probably enjoy your company a little more if you stopped assuming she likes scraping congealed barbecue sauce off the refrigerator shelf. In other news, the Pope is Catholic and puppies are cuddly and adorable."

Ok, I freely admit in public and to my husband that the more housework he does, the more likely I am to have sex with him on any given day. I don't think he's ever thought that it was actually the sight of him wiping down the counters that turned me on. I don't think he's ever thought that he could skip foreplay if he mopped the floor earlier. Seriously, who are these people?

When I feel like our partnership is more equal, when I'm not stressed out about the house, when I'm not tired from a ton of housework, I'm more likely to be horny. My husband has never found that to be a surprise or revelation.

Of course, he's a feminist. I've heard they're smarter.

Who isn't more likely to want to sex their partner if they're happy? I don't know about any of you, but if I got home and my non-cooking boyfriend started sauteeing some eggplant I would eff his brains out.

Y'know, when my bf does something nice for me, such as, but not limited to housework, I'm definitely appreciative. I know for a fact that he doesn't care if the dishes aren't done, so for sure he only does them to make me happy. Dunno if there is a connection between appreciation and getting laid, but I'm not willing to say there isn't.

One of the assumptions that really bothers me here is that men want sex more than women do (therefore they have to bribe women somehow). That has not been my experience.

That's a good point, Flyinfur. But these kinds of articles have to assume that, or they'd risk admitting that women aren't the gatekeepers of sex who have to be carefully manipulated and controlled at all times.

Yeah, women are more likely to make love if you treat them like your lover, not your maid, and clean up your mess like an adult, so she doesn't feel like your un-liberated mother. SHOCK.

Hops,

Doesn't care if the dishes are done? Are you saying that if you just plop his food directly onto the table, he'd be fine? Bullshit!
This is from a woman who really doesn't care, very much, until the moment I go to the sink to wash a plate for my food.

How funny -- my local paper (SF Chronicle)presented this study in a way better way. Some examples:

"Some couples have forged partnerships they consider fully equitable."

leading to

"equitable sharing of housework can lead to a happier marriage and more frequent sex."

None of this "foreplay" bullshit. Nothing about swapping dust-bunny sweeping for a peek at the titties.

yeahhhh. I was flipping through the channels last night and as I passed by FOX news (yeah you probably know what to expect next) I noticed the headline so I sighed and paused for a moment.

My mistake. I paused just long enough to hear the loud mouth greaser host say something to the effect of.. "So what.. have our wives just beaten us into total submission or what?" along with a few other comments/jokey-jokes along the same line. *sigh* I should add there was only one woman on the "panel", and she was an over made up, breast implant low cut blouse babe over in the corner who didn't talk. She just laughed and smiled and nodded at everything like it was the funniest thing ever. (Not judging breast implants, make up etc, but clearly she was just on the sidelines for show.)

This was all within the span of 15 seconds or so. I got pissed off, yelled at the TV and quickly changed the channel.

Roro80, Glad to hear about the SF Chronicle and makes me happy I live in SF.

My mother told me once about something she saw on the news, some study about what gets women in the mood. She said all she ever needed was to hear those three little words; "I cleaned up".
I think the explanation behind all this is that men who do housework show women that they are appreciated and are thought of as an equal. Evolved men are the ones who get the girls. Most women are not turned on by scars on the knuckles from being dragged along the ground. Cutting edge isn't it?

"But these kinds of articles have to assume that (men want sex more than women), or they'd risk admitting that women aren't the gatekeepers of sex who have to be carefully manipulated and controlled at all times."

Av0gadro, I'm sure straight FEMINIST women are very mucy NOT the gatekeepers of sex in their relationships, and, on average, want it as much as their male partners do.

But, as you know just as well as I do, many women are NOT feminists, and are very influenced by patriarcial concepts - like, for instance, the idea that women are supposed to be the "gatekeepers of sex" who ration out sex to men to control and manipulate the man's behavior.

You've got to admit, there are still quite a few non feminist and/or anti feminist women who conduct their personal relationships like that.

I'm not saying that's a good thing - far from it!

But, it is a reality in many nonegalitarian male/female relationships.

I would find it a miracle if my partner (regardless of gender) made me happy.

Then again, I live within an area where there are inconsiderate men.

Also, since I do housework like cooking, cleaning and taking care of young animals (cats to be exact), I hope my partner would participate in helping out, regardless if the reward is sex.

I have to admit, I sent the article to my husband in hopes of encouraging him to do more house work. The piece does bring to light some inequalities in the home. But how lame am I for wanting to reward him with sex for doing the dishes? Shameful, yet I continue to do it.

What really sucks about this is that it reinforces(sp?) that guys shouldn't do housework just to be nice. At least that's how I perceive it. It shouldn't matter whether or not you want sex. It should be that you care for your female partner and would help her out without expecting some kind of reward.

This is ridiculous. There shouldn't be a reason for guys to do housework other than to help out his partner and take pride in the living space. He shouldn't have to expect a reward for doing something like this. Guys should do it because they are nice. If sex is the outcome, it's okay. But guys shouldn't be disappointed if sex isn't the outcome of them picking up a mop or anything. All this really says is there's some manipulation of men (at the men's choice to be manipulated) by rewarding them with sex. It'd be nice if the article had a better message like "My partner honestly/seriously does housework and he doesn't expect sex from me because he knows he's being a great man. Not a guy, not a boy. A man". Something like that.

Sorry I posted twice. lol. Didn't know the first one went through.

Yeah, the relationship that I at least had the most sex in was with the man who understood that he's not "helping me" with the housework, he's doing his half. It might be a minor semantic difference, but it's a major difference in attitude. Though that said, I'm kind of all for "bring on the Victoria's Secret mops" But I would like to think most guys realized it's the whole only x number of hours in a day issue-if your partner doesn't have to spend all of them cleaning, sex is a pretty fun way to spend some time. maybe I'm just too optimistic.

Thank you ainomiaka! I was JUST thinking this exact thing. This whole "help me around the house" business pretty much assumes that it is somehow my job to do the housework. It most certainly isn't. Everyone does their share and he would be doing his HALF, like any grown up would do.

Well, considering that UPI is the press organ of Reverend Moon's Unification Church (I couldn't make this stuff up - look it up), the same people who own the nauseating Washington Times, I can't say it surprises me.

You have to take everything that comes out of there with, well, a Biblical city worth of salt.

I hate this kind of crap. I actually saw this as advice given to a woman in a newspaper column. Its incredibly offensive and amounts to prostitution. It insinuates that the woman is always the default cleaner and she has no power in her own house to make a man do his half. It sexually castrates her by saying she only has sex to get something because she doesnt have the power to do it by other means, and that she doesnt enjoy sex, but is simply a means of exchange. Where does the husband do something where he treats his body like its something to be used in exchange for something, simply to get something basic done in the house. He'll clean because he doesnt want to live in a pig sty-same as a woman.

Isnt this like a form of rape? If a man does his share of the housework, is it always insinutaed that she give him sex?

Gopher II, I think you are taking it too far. The article just says that women report more sexual interest in partners who help with housework. It doesn't signify any quid pro quo.

To which, I echo the sentiments of many of the women above who are saying, it isn't the housework, it's the fact that the partner is treating his wife/girlfriend/whatever with respect.

I am very guilty of taking my husband for granted. He's a total neat freak and loves nothing more than to "get chores out of the way." I forget just how many dudes are complete slobs.

One of my good friends asked her husband when they bought their house and started their "real" jobs whether he would be willing to help with cleaning, laundry, etc. He whined and essentially said "no because my dad never had to clean the bathroom." Her response was pretty priceless. She has a cleaning lady, set up laundry service for his clothes, a yard boy and a personal chef. She cleans her own clothes. Now I realize she's pretty privileged in that she can afford that, but I think she was wise not to just give in and say "oh, al right I'll do the housework then."

I keep seeing housework described as something men do "to be nice," or something they do for you. Housework is not a man's gift to his woman. It's his DUTY as an adult.
All this talk of "helping" with housework, yada yada yada implies that housework is the woman's job and a "nice" man will "help" her with it.

anonymous,
I'm looking at it from a different perspective. I agree with some of the second wave feminists who thought even consensual sex was like a form of rape back in the 50's and 60's. Sex was for keeping a man around to earn the bread, and because a woman was so detached from her sexual body it was like her body was used for his sexual service, not her own. I think if society would believe this article it would become essentially the same thing. I think it edges close to a form of rape.

I saw an article yesterday by Dave Barry in my local newspaper in which he attempted to poke fun at this article.

I hate Dave Barry.

Gopher,

To me the important issue is that rape is nonconsensual. If a woman chooses to have sex when she doesn't really feel like it, because she has some ulterior motive, then she is consenting, even though I wouldn't necessarily support her decision. The point, for me at least, is that she is making that decision herself.

Beckybecks,
I understand that its important to ensure that the lawful definition of rape is nonconsensual, however, some women are so completetly distorted about male and female natures (thanks to societal exagerrations of "inate" sex drive differences)that they believe this is the only way they can have a man "help" around the house. No matter how much medical, social, or investigative research you show these women as evidence that guys arent "sex-obsessed" and women the "gatekeepers" of sex they still dont get it. For these women, having sex as a way of exchanging to get 'help' around the house is a clear distortion of her power as lacking in her own home for her to feel she has to make up the difference by 'giving' sex. Its easy for a man to use this distortion as leverage to get sex. Thats why I think its like a FORM of rape because even though shes consenting, the choice she bases her consent on is completetly distorted and so it robs her of really being able to apply the reality of the situation into her life.

Beckybecks,
I understand that its important to ensure that the lawful definition of rape is nonconsensual, however, some women are so completetly distorted about male and female natures (thanks to societal exagerrations of "inate" sex drive differences)that they believe this is the only way they can have a man "help" around the house. No matter how much medical, social, or investigative research you show these women as evidence that guys arent "sex-obsessed" and women the "gatekeepers" of sex they still dont get it. For these women, having sex as a way of exchanging to get 'help' around the house is a clear distortion of her power as lacking in her own home for her to feel she has to make up the difference by 'giving' sex. Its easy for a man to use this distortion as leverage to get sex. Thats why I think its like a FORM of rape because even though shes consenting, the choice she bases her consent on is completetly distorted and so it robs her of really being able to apply the reality of the situation into her life.