hehehe, it's news parody day here on feministing. First the study by Sam Schuster (Scheister) and then the "banter" of laura ingersall.

Way to stand up to her bullying.

Interesting article. To recap/expand a little on your argument:

Abstinence only education and suppression of female sexual desire causes women to view their sexual desires as wrong and shameful. They learn that these desires should be suppressed and never acted on until that sexuality can be given to their husband.

At the same time, they are learning through millions of advertisements and from boys that their bodies are objects - they exist for the pleasure of men, not for their own pleasure.

This leads women to both suppress their own sexual desires and strive to please men by shaping their bodies into what men find sexually desirable. This leads to more lower body image and dieting behaviors, which are risk factors for developing eating disorders.

Is that about right?

Great article. It's really hard for any woman (adults included) to completely reject what's constantly being thrust at us through the media (i.e. anything larger than a size 0 is fat), and even harder for a teenager. The double standard of the slut/madonna complex is so pervasive, that, fuck it, I own the label of slut. I like sex, I've had sex with lots of different kinds of people, and I like to be safe about it. If I ever have a daughter, I hope that media images change somewhat by the time she's a teenager, but I won't hold my breath for a complete turnaround.

Thanks for writing such a thoughtful article. Young adults should be taught that sex is not shameful and dirty, but it's also critical that we recognize the risks of promiscuity. Own your sexuality, know how to protect yourself, but don't feel that you have to engage in meaningless hook-ups because that's what society tells you your peers are doing.

Brava, Courtney--fantastic op-ed.

I saw the confrontation with Ingraham, and that was so phony on her part. She ginned things up to try to represent what her dim understanding of a social conservative position would be (she is completely faux on that front, from everything I have heard about her).

"As a man, you are inevitably obsessed -- sometimes stupidly so -- with the female form."

This, sadly, is very true as well. Really, it's kind of embarrassing. Even when it's just inside my own mind, I'm embarrassed for myself! LOL

This all makes me think of something my partner and I were discussing just the other day. It's from a NY Times article concerning a sort of "Girls Gone Wild" tradition that has developed at Jets games where men chant for women to take their tops off. Specifically, this portion:

Denisse Rivera, a 23-year-old from the Bronx, was on a first date Sunday. When she arrived at the crowd at Gate D, several men pointed at her, signaling men at all levels to chant in her direction. After a brief moment of hesitation, she flashed them. Then she took a bow.

"I don't care," Rivera said when told that video clips of previous incidents, taken on cellphones, ended up online. "I love my body and I like what I have, so let everybody share it."

Should we, I wondered, at least be glad that she "loves her body" in this era when so many women do not? Yet your discussion of the male "gaze" underlines the point my partner made, which is that she suspects Ms. Rivera in fact has low self esteem and seeks approval from men to compensate.

Alan

I know the makeup can feel like a mask, but if it helps, you should realize that it's really not all about trying to make you look "prettier" or conform to a stereotypical feminine image--Makeup really is necessary on TV or stage because of how unmade up skin absorbs/reflects the high lights studios and stages use--Your skin would look freakishly transparent without it.

If I ever flash people at a sports game, it will be because of low, not high, self esteem. (But I won't.) But I'm sure some women have managed to feel good about themselves despite all the messages we get and despite the objectification coming from the men who were chanting. I think we should stop wasting our time debating whether women should or shouldn't be sexual or exhibitionists or whatever, and start pointing fingers at the assholes who pressure women to take their shirts off in the first place.

Great op-ed. I think there needs to be a major push by artists and feminists in the media. We need to see movies where women and men have all kinds of relationships to debunk this fairytale ideology. I was curious what the "sex-ed" program at my former middle school was like and it had Briar Rose and Beauty & the Beast to teach "today's teens" about love and romance. Really.
Also, those "news" shows don't actually give anyone news. It is like you have to work for journalistic integrity in every other media except for stupid pundit shows where anyone can make any unsubstantiated claim and as long as they say it the loudest it is right. Guests on the O'reily show never get to say anything cause he always tells people to shut up. How rude!

I think it would be great if you or any other feministing gals went on Charlie Rose. I think he is the best interviewer - he asks in-depth questions so people can learn a lot about the topics/people he interviews.

I think it would be great if you or any other feministing gals went on Charlie Rose. I think he is the best interviewer - he asks in-depth questions so people can learn a lot about the topics/people he interviews.

"If I ever flash people at a sports game, it will be because of low, not high, self esteem."

you said it. I think for the most part, exhibition of body parts is because of a LACK of self esteem. At least, that's been true for every single person (including me) I've ever met. No offense to anyone else, just saying this as an opinion.

I used to want to be an actress so I could flaunt and trot down the red carpet for the male gaze and the women's jealousy, only because I was so lacking in self esteem that I needed to feel desired. Now, I don't give a shit if people see me, I like my body.

"besides having my face airbrushed with make-up, literally"

well, if it makes you feel any better, they are equal opportunity when it comes down to caking on the makeup for TV. I bet O'Reilly was wearing more makeup than you!

You got it UCLABodyImage! Two polarized view points on sex, neither of which reflects women's real experiences of their bodies or desires.
Thanks for the support everyone. And, yeah, I know every person that goes on TV is tortured with the makeup. It just sucks when you write a book advocating that women accept their imperfections and then every one of yours is airbrushed out. Feels a little hypocritical.

Excellent piece. I completely agree with you. And not to sound like an old fogey, but I feel really sorry for young women who hit puberty after the Internet porn rush started. Even though I'm sure the boys watched porn, at least in college, when I was a teen, it wasn't as available, and they were not so jaded by all the stuff that's so easy to get, that they were actually excited about seeing a girl's naked bits up close for the first time. Add to that the authorities at school just saying "don't do it, it's evil" and you get a whole generation of people who have no concept of the joy or passion of sex, even as they have performed the most gymnastic and extreme acts imaginable before they leave college.

So true, jetgirl. I think it's sad that people (both male and female) have come to think that what is shown on porn is the "right" way to have sex. I am no prude and would be open to watching even explicit erotica if it were more realistic, more sensuous, featured higher production values and real body parts, etc. Not to mention if it did not tend so much toward the misogynistic! But what is out there, at least that I've seen...eccchhh.

The acts themselves aren't what bother me (whatever does it for you, as long as you're not doing someone damage, right?). It's the way they're presented. And I've been doing some research lately (ok, I've been shamelessly watching what is being termed "gonzo" porn online) and thought most of it was incredibly boring and not in the least good for the woman. Here's the formula: girl gives guy (or guys) 10 minutes of oral sex. Guy gropes her breasts and vulva 2.5 seconds. Intercourse begins -- the less comfortable position, the better, particularly if your neck is all bent and your leg is over your head. Various orifices on her body are/aren't explored. Another 10 minutes of her performing oral sex on him, presumably because it's so "hot" that he has just stuck it in various taboo areas. He ejaculates all over her face. End.
The only times I have seen a woman get oral sex for longer than a minute is in lesbian scenes. And those always end when the guy bursts in and they all pay attention to him.
Now, my pornrizons may be fairly limited, but if that's mostly what's out there (or in vogue) I weep for today's young men and women.
Anyone want to start a company with me to make some truly erotic porn?
Oh that's right, I forgot, abstinence only. Sex is evil. The San Fernando Valley has a license to print money.

Excellent piece, Courtney. Every time I read something of yours I think "gosh, I really need to read her book". I'll get on that soon, I swear. :)

Both the op-ed and the interview were fantastic. I can't imagine how frustrating it must have been to be on that show and not to get completely pissed off or totally lose your train of thought with how she was speaking to you, so good on you.

I've dealt with this a lot, lately. I'm with my first partner and although I consciously know it's wrong, I still unconsciously do things like shy away from him, and get pretty uncomfortable with enjoying myself "too much".
Not to mention the other night: I'm on a new arthritis medication (mmm, chronic pain at 19.) and it makes me really susceptible to passing out, getting dizzy, hyperventilating. He stopped to make sure I was OK; I wasn't. I thanked him for stopping, saying it would've been just as easy for him to keep going. An hour or so later, I realized that I'd thanked him for not raping me.
I sooo wish I hadn't grown up with this confusing media. :(

Beautifully explained.

Great article, very illuminating for such a complex subject.

Another point I would like to add, though, is how the age at which teens have sex being treated as the definitive mark of success for sex-ed programs. Maybe I'm just being defensive, but I lost my virginity at 16 and was engaging in oral/manual sex at 15 (both safely) and I have no regrets or diseases and I feel my self-esteem to be pretty normal, as normal as it can be in such a fucked body-obsessed culture. I am sick of reading things that make teens who engage in sex out to be victims or delinquents. On Jezebel, the comments for the story about abstinence-only sex-ed research were flooded with all kinds of negative, lecturey remarks on how we need to scare teens away from sex. Maybe I'm still too young to realize what an idiot i was at 16 (i'm 18 now), but I do not like feeling that my first sexual experiences are perverted and wrong just because I was 16. I strongly believe that teens can make smart decisions about their own sexuality and decide when they are ready for sex. There is a huge difference between a child and a teenager, and that difference is still greatly ignored.

"you said it. I think for the most part, exhibition of body parts is because of a LACK of self esteem. At least, that's been true for every single person (including me) I've ever met. No offense to anyone else, just saying this as an opinion."

OTOH, what one person calls exhibition another person can call ventilation...

This reinforces for me all the reasons I have been researching sex education and designing curriculum that incorporated media literacy into a comprehensive sex education curriculum. After I finish my masters degree in media literacy I plan on getting certified to teach Health.
There need to be more feminist sex educators.

Alecksander, good point. I don't believe there's anything inherently wrong with teens having sex. I've said this to people before and they've come back (pretty much every time) with "wait until your daughter is a teen and see what you say then". I sure hope I don't magically turn into some patriarchal prude at that point, but we shall see.

Alan