I'm going to have to go ahead and go with "fucking pathetic" as the descriptor. No wonder the jerks's relationship ended disastrously. He sounds like a pretty good disaster all by himself.

I'm surprised someone went out with this loser for two years. Hopefully she was able to escape without any lasting scars or memories of weekly weigh-ins to live up to his "expectations". LAME.

i almost punched my computer screen, imagining it was this guy's face. the sad thing is, some poor, pathetic girl will likely answer this d-bag's 'ad.' blech.

Wow, talk about having image issues. Dang.

This classy guy forgot Rule #1 of Being a Classy Guy: if you have to tell them it's classy, it's not.

As an MIT grad, I don't think I've ever been as proud of my alma mater.

I think it's funny that he specifies that he wants a white person, then later says "no asians". And what I mean by funny is fucking stupid.

Pseudogenerous hyper-entitled?

If I fit his description, I might answer his ad and go, just to have fun deliberately embarrassing the hell out of that guy. Ruining his social chances for the next five years. I hope some woman does it, and gets a really good evening gown out of the deal. Shoes, too. Need some Louboutins for a shindig like that, right? After all, it's extremely classy and upscale. Boy, I hope someone teaches this guy a lesson about life.

No MIT students, huh? Because they might not know when to be quiet? Who does this prehistoric knuckle dragger think he is?

He thinks an ad like this will make him more attractive to the opposite sex? Absolutely pathetic.

W
T
F

Erm, he already said white only. No asian girl is going to think "Hey, that's me!!!!" Why put no asians at the end?

At least he's airing out his douchebaggery in the open, rather than pretend to be "nice."

and GAWD, if he's comparing this party to the fuckng prom? Wha? huh? Uh? Proms are cheesy, so I think this party is like Brie x10.

"You must be in school, preferably Tufts or Wellesley but BU and BC are acceptable (definitely not MIT)."

Guess he wants smart, but not smarter than him.

This is priceless. Absolutely priceless.

Takes me back to classist arrogance at Princeton in the late 1980s and early 1990. I was the king of Not Out Kind, Dear, replete with financial aid beyond all recognition, only person I knew more out of the loop was a young woman whose father picked grapes in California's Central Valley. Funny how quickly it all comes back. Actually decent of this fellow to wear a day-glo asshole label.

Damn, was it ever a mistake not applying to MIT, went to the admissions presentation....

OH MY DOG! This reminds me of something that happened to me... I can't describe it, you just have to read it... it's not a personals add but someone was looking for "hot" girls to audition for this "band" and approached me about it... I blogged it:

http://painfulreminder.blogspot.com/2007/07/almighty-man-and-his-imaculate-music.html

I think there's a consensus that there is a word, and it is douchebag.*

I'd like to think that the very ad is getting enough coverage it will get around to his finals club, resulting in mortification, regardless of his date.

*Incidentally my husband asked if I considered douchebag a sexist term. I answered no, because while traditionally related to feminine hygiene, we now know it's not good for anyone.

See, the ad probably traces the entire history of his long-term relationship: Starts off unsure, fairly pedestrian. Then, he wins her over with the "Imagine your prom, minus the bad music" bit. (What? I thought it was cute, and I started to believe that you were being sincere about it being a charming ad.) But then, he starts to make ridiculous demands. She hears his casual racism ("you must be white"), but it's gone so quickly she chooses to ignore it. Finally, though, he reveals himself in all his ass-holery, she dumps him, and he's left without a date.

Don't worry this guy probably only ahs a few years left of any social success. Once he is 40, paying a ton of child and spousal support to his 'trophy wife(ves), and nursing a healthy drinking problem, he's ability to manipulate others will rapidly decline.

Instead of nice outings he'll sit in his house wondering why no one sees the greatness that is him.

This is a small point, but I love the fact that he rejects MIT, likes Tufts or Wellesley, but doesn't even conceive of the possibility that there might be actual women going to Harvard.

What would he do with a woman like me, who went to UCLA? It's a great school, but it seems as though some people feel that the people outside their immediate social sphere are warmed by a different sun. The worlds some people occupy are so small.

How about Racist-Classist-Sexist-Abhorrent?

W00t! As a BU alum I would have been deemed "acceptable!" But my short stature would have ruined everything. That, and I'm sure I'm now "too old" for him.

"Smart, but not smarter than him" - exactly.

What a creep. I hope he has a terrible time at his "college prom." Finals clubs are fun in that it feels like you're at an upscale society shindig but the douchebaggery of the guys more than makes up for it.

Heyheyhey!

I figured out why his past relationship ended in disaster!

...I'll bet he just can't seem to figure to out why, though...

I feel like figuring who this guy is, and harassing him for the rest of his natural existance, wouldn't be terribly hard. Anyone going to this event?

It's obviously a very poorly done joke. I mean, nobody would be that stupid, right? Right?

/snark

Sheesh.

my favorite part isn't that he says it's "classy." It's that the reference that he uses for what "classy" and "upscale" mean is a fucking high school prom. heh.

I don't even think not wanting an MIT-er is about him not wanting someone smarter than him. It's that he doesn't want the other boys to think he's dating someone that smart. This is all about image, and I think it's telling that he doesn't want the image of a guy who dates smart women.

At least he is honest about what he wants... I guess.

You've got a point, Noname. I'd rather know my prospective date's a racist, classist asshat before the party than in the middle of it. But he's still an asshat.

SarahMC - Agreed. If I am expected to be an accessory, I want to know in advance.

Hey, he didn't specify "no drag queens"... anyone know a good place to repost this ad?

(Oh dear, I know I'm going to get jumped on for that. But it would be fun to mess with his expectations.)

He doesn't mention how much he's willing to pay for the service provided. It seems like the going rate for a trophy date would be in the range of $100-$200 an hour.

Maybe it's a joke? I keep hoping some of these are jokes, but sadly, they don't seem to be.

It's the "white only" part that pisses me off the most.

know when to be quiet, and polite in all your behavior

-- To me, the above is maybe the most obnoxious. Apparently, if he's with a smart woman (MIT student, gasp) with a will and mind of her own, he might have trouble living up to the expectations he mentions near the end of the ad.

Smart women with wills and minds of their own are so much more attractive. You've missed the boat, the pier, and the shoreline on this one, pal.

"I just can't stand here listening to you, you and your racist friend."

If the word douchebag is too...whatever, we could also try UsedCondom.

Personally I'm going to draw from the germans and go with UberLoser. Not only is he such a loser that he can't get a date by, y'know... asking someone, he is a big enough loser to post a pathetic ad for a woman who would never give him the time of day. (I have a hard time imagining a Wellesly student falling for this tripe.) His loserness is thus compounds to make him more than just loser, now he is an UberLoser.

Forgive me for the poor taste, but here's the best personal ad ever, taken from Season 3 of Mr. Show:

"Wanted: Single, straight, last Native American Indian seeks any female for fun and procreation as soon as possible. Enjoys food, slow short walks, aging, wolves, peyote. Hate cowboys. Eyesight poor; please send large picture. No fatties."

'vomit inducing' is what i'm going with.

So wait, if you put up with this bigot for a night, do you get to keep the dress? Or, do you get nothing for your trouble?

Probably a lady who's either really lonely or wants good photo ops will answer to this... Best wishes to her... Hope she doesn't stick around since this sounds like it'd be a shallow and unsatisfying relationship...

I think I meet all of his criteria except for a couple. Do you think he would accept a Smithie? It's close enough, right? If so I'll dye my hair blond and show this old boy a good time.

"You also must be able to bake dinner in high heels for my polo chaps and I, and you mustn't have ever had sex relations with any Mexicans. Your manicure must be in soft colors--no fuschia, please, for it clashes with the drapes."

Ironically, the kind of girl he's looking for (one with class, presumably) would by definition never respond to such an ad. I can't say I'm surprised that he wants a girl from a finishing school like Wellesley.

Some of us should answer his ad and string him along just to waste his time, kind of like they do on that one website that fucks with the Nigerian e-mail scammers.

Also, frog queen, did you notice that the band asshole spelled comfortable as comFARTable?!? I don't usually like to make fun of people's grammar and spelling, but that one's too good to pass up. Aren't you sad that now he won't be able to make you comfartable in his Hawt Chix of Doom band?!?

I mean come on girls, he's "willing to show you a great time." I bet.

I'm trying not to have hurt feelings that I didn't make the cut on most of his criteria...I'm 30, 5'2, brunette, and I definitely am not polite. And I went to plebeian ol' Emerson college too. DANG.

How much you want to bet people at Harvard have already figured out who he is.

I think he confused a singles ad application for an escort request form...

Tellingly, he says nothing about who he is, only what he expects.

But I can guess his height is around 5 10- 5 11, thanks to his height preference (not so short she looks odd on the photos but certainly not taller than me!)

So he wants an attractive, slim, white girl who is well groomed, obedient, polite, and reasonably educated/intelligent.

And he wants her to be so desperate for a date or so easy she'll take a complete mystery man who also happens to be racist and clearly immensely shallow.

Chances, anyone?

i think "fucking pathetic" works, and i like "douchebag" for its directness and pure simplicity.

my contribution: delusionally elitist.

oh, and am i the only one who has never heard of a "final club" before???

Well, if I were younger and didn't dye my hair, I would be acceptable.

No MIT girls? Let me guess why: they are engineers. Insecure men HATE women who are good at math.

Why is this pathetic? I like when people come with warning labels. It's kind of like the Surgeon General's warning on cigarettes. :)

*Incidentally my husband asked if I considered douchebag a sexist term. I answered no, because while traditionally related to feminine hygiene, we now know it's not good for anyone.

I had this discussion with my SO the other day. The great thing about "Douchebag" is that it sounds sexist, so you hit the douchebag where it hurts (he thinks he's being feminized), but at the same time, it means "patriarchal product that exists to both inculcate shame into women and profit off of that shame while harming women's bodies in the process."

So really, it's very fitting.

LaFilleTorpille, I'm not sure if you gleaned this "finishing school" idea about Wellesley from Mona Lisa Smile, but I assure you that it is NOT a finishing school, and while there might be a few goldiggers there, as anywhere, it is an extremely feminist place and most of them would give hell to this guy. (Sorry, have to defend my fellow Seven Sister!)

Incidentally, I fit most of his criteria. Sadly for him, I don't date douchebags.

Don't worry this guy probably only ahs a few years left of any social success. Once he is 40, paying a ton of child and spousal support to his 'trophy wife(ves), and nursing a healthy drinking problem, he's ability to manipulate others will rapidly decline.

Instead of nice outings he'll sit in his house wondering why no one sees the greatness that is him.

He'll probably be heading up a MRA group.

I hope a smart and cunning woman responds to this, acts all "perfect" to get the date, and then brings a copy of the personals ad to the function, and gives it to everyone who asks "so how did you meet then?"