Man, they really spruced up that Rodeway Inn!

Is anybody else bothered by the similarities between the way girls are dressed up for these events and for paegents?

There's just a really strong disconnect for me in dressing girls up, putting them in make up and having someone do their hair - basically objectifying them into mini sex objects - and then making everyone swear that they'll do everything they can to prevent these girls from ever being sexual. I understand that these are supposed to be formal events, but in effect what's going on is that these girls are playing dress up with adult female beauty standards and then being made to promise that they not mature sexually - they'll look the part, but never play it. The implication that it's ok for a young woman to be a sex object (or that being that perfectly done up sex object is just part of who she is) so long as she's daddy's little sex object is disturbing and creepy. If this was really about a formal event to impress girls with the importance of their virginity, shouldn't mom be there too to drive home the point that the family cares? Or would that distract from the father's ownership of his daughter's sexuality?

I am so glad my family never subjected me to this kind of thing.

The young woman's hymen belongs to the father? Isn't that, at least symbolically, a little bit incestuous?

Where's Mom?

'pretty little hymens, all in a row'

Holy moly. You certainly have a way with a caption, Jessica.

Sigh...

Just when I start to think I miss my hometown...

How do Protestant pastors manage to always have the same exact voice and tempo when talking?

I like how the little fertile 'hymens' dance around the cross like it's a May pole when they're celebrating .. not using their fertility. Until daddy sells/transfers her body to a husband.

I'm willing to bet one of those fathers will molest his child if he hasn't already. This kind of crap is so horrible.

Right there with Michael's comment about the mothers, where are the sons?

They're at ! Sorry, this joke needs to be made at least once per interminable purity ball thread.

The mothers and sons are at an Integrity Ball.

Right. Because women have to be pure, but men have to have integrity.

I understand that these fathers are trying to care for their daughters. You know how my dad cared for me? He taught me to play pool, darts, ping pong and poker. He came to all my soccer games, all my basketball games, and most of my marching band events. He taught me to drive at 14. So no, I won't be a virgin when I marry, but I have a great relationship with my dad that's not at all tied to my virginity. I think that's more valuble.

This quote from the website about is fabulous--it's just loaded with subtext:
"Think of it from their perspective:
My daddy thinks I'm beautiful in my own unique way.
...as long as my hymen is still intact. (covers even the ugly ones, and keeps the pretty ones from getting too full of themselves)
My daddy is treating me with respect and honor.
...by treating me like a very valuable commodity!
My daddy has taken time to be silly, and even made a fool of himself, learning how to dance.
Dressing up, learning to dance, humiliating himself--and all for a mere female! Let's face it, it's fucking demeaning...to him!
My daddy really loves me!
Well he must, to be willing to endure all this crap just so you don't bang every boy in town like a little slut...

Yeah, that about sums it up.
They're just no way to sell this that's not offensive, is there? This is the best they could do!

Fascinatingly, my dad thinks I'm beautiful, and he really loves me, even though I've had sex with not one, not two, not even three, but a whole slew of people.

Because, you know, he loves me unconditionally and doesn't consider my sex life to be any of his business. He's weird like that.

(I'd talk about him being silly and learning how to dance, except he was doing both those things long before I came along!)

Here's what really bugs me about the whole "purity ball" thing--the idea that a young girl is going to pledge her "purity" to one man while waiting for the another one to come along so she can them "give" him that purity. Can't she "preserve" her purity (or, hell, lose her virginity) because it is her choice, and she is doing it for herself?

Also, I'm really glad these weren't around when I was 13, cos I'm sure I would have gone to one. I love my parents, but they're still more than a bit stuck in the 1950s when it comes to sex and relationships. Phew.

"I'm willing to bet one of those fathers will molest his child if he hasn't already."

There's 9 girls in that photo. Statisically, at least one of the dads in that pic is doing exactly that.

I feel like the formal sexing-up is supposed to remind fathers of how randy they were with their own prom dates, and vow never to let some lustful boy get their hands on their own daughter.

it also highlights how incredibly, sadly starved a tremendous number of Americans are for anything that is special, a ritual, a tradition. Our lives are pointedly devoid of such things - I bet a lot of these girls are just really, really excited to get dressed up and do something Special, and end up harnessed to an oppressive message of patriarchal domination and control.

I'm ashamed to admit that I live in the same country as these people.

I shed tears of terror for all of humanity.

Genny,

Right on. My dad taught me that "no means no" and to make my sexual intent clear to my partner (as to whether or not I wanted to have sex). To not drink anything that's already been opened nor to drink a drink after I've left it alone. Always be aware of my surroundings, especially if I'm walking home alone at night (this was mostly for college) though he would prefer if I didn't walk home alone at night he knows sometimes you have to. He taught me to look after my friends and to make sure I had someone to look after me if I chose to get shit faced and to always use protection when I did have sex.

My dad laid no claim to my hymn nor did he place my worth on whether or not my hymen was intact. Which it wasn't seeing as I lost it because of my frequent bike riding as a young kid.

I thank god for my dad:) (mom too!)

The Father Daughter Purity Ball is a memorable ceremony for fathers to sign commitments to be responsible men of integrity in all areas of purity. The commitment also includes their vow to protect their daughters in their choices for purity. The daughters silently commit to live pure lives before God...

So the men do all the talking and doing and the girls silently act submissively (oh sorry they lay down a rose). Well we all knew women shouldn't speak anyways (sarcasm). I will agree with Micheal that this just oozes with incest. I'm really glad my dad never did this to me I think I would hate him if he did, or at least think he was a creep.

When I was religious enough to want to participate in a Purity Ball-esque event, I was very angry and disappointed that I wouldn't be able to do so because I didn't have a real relationship with my father. My entire family was not religious (I was the sole wacko in the family! Cool!), so there's no way that my stepdad would have agreed to do doing something like this. So what girls like me? Or what those with abusive fathers? I felt horribly excluded and blamed myself for not being able to shine bright enough for Jesus so that my whole family would want to be converted.

Yeah, that should be "what *about* girls like me" and so on.

You know, my father once brought me to a daddy daughter dance at the community center. We danced. I never pledged my hymen to him.

I talked to him about this, and he said that I'd never have to worry about this shit coming from him. I love my dad.

Daisy:

I think it is one thing, as a Christian, to make a pledge towards sexual purity, to vow to be a person of integrity - before witnesses, in full regalia (as the individual prefers) and all.

It is another thing completely to do as these "Purity Balls" propose, which is, once again, to reduce women and girls to passive objects of purity with their fathers as their keepers, owners.

So what girls like me? Or what those with abusive fathers? I felt horribly excluded and blamed myself for not being able to shine bright enough for Jesus so that my whole family would want to be converted.
Uhm, why is it your business if your family doesn't want to convert? & more importantly, why is your self-esteem so dependent on it that their failure to convert or want to participate in a Purity Ball affects you?

Daisy:

I think it is one thing, as a Christian, to make a pledge towards sexual purity, to vow to be a person of integrity - before witnesses, in full regalia (as the individual prefers) and all.

It is another thing completely to do as these "Purity Balls" propose, which is, once again, to reduce women and girls to passive objects of purity with their fathers as their keepers, owners.

I am not Christian myself, but it strikes me that only G-D should have "authority" over a young woman. As an omnipotent being, G-D hardly needs a third-party stand-in.

I don't think that by saying "what about girls like me," or girls with abusive or absent fathers, that Daisy is claiming that she had the right to determine her family's beliefs. I think that what she's noting is that these Purity Balls assume a normative model of family that excludes a lot of girls, and implicitly makes their model of Christian good-girlness automatically out of the reach of any girl who didn't happen to be born into the right kind of family.

*sigh*

Treating women as property. When she is a girl she belongs to her father, when she is a wife her body belongs to her husband.

So sickening.

I had reasonable traditional Christian wedding last September, but one thing I knew would never happen was my father giving me away. Because he didn't want to, and my mother would not have let it happen if he had agreed.

Instead we borrowed the Jewish tradition of having both parents walk both my husband and me to the altar, and incorporated a statement of welcome and support for the *new* son and daughter instead of giving anyone away.

There are ways to honor faith and sacred ceremony without succumbing to the tired old concepts of women-as-property that have coexisted with that faith in the past.

Purity balls serve to furhter intertwine religion and sexism in a way that makes me very upset as a feminist of faith.

Moxie, I can't speak for Daisy, but as someone who grew up in a religious conservative environment (in Colorado Springs, in fact -- and yeah, a LOT of people there are like this), I think EG's assessment is spot-on. These sorts of ceremonies, etc., make people feel as though they're responsible for the decisions *other* people make (e.g., conversion). It's exactly this sort of obsession with what other people do/believe that drives them to want to legislate dogma. They feel that if they *don't* they have somehow failed God's call to spread the Gospel, etc.

Purity balls serve to furhter intertwine religion and sexism in a way that makes me very upset as a feminist of faith.

legallyblondeez, that's *exactly* how I feel. I hate seeing my faith twisted into a weapon against women.

I see a lot of stoic looking faces on those girls dancing with their dads. I'm curious about how they really feel about being there.

Moxie, I can't speak for Daisy, but as someone who grew up in a religious conservative environment (in Colorado Springs, in fact -- and yeah, a LOT of people there are like this), I think EG's assessment is spot-on. These sorts of ceremonies, etc., make people feel as though they're responsible for the decisions *other* people make (e.g., conversion). It's exactly this sort of obsession with what other people do/believe that drives them to want to legislate dogma. They feel that if they *don't* they have somehow failed God's call to spread the Gospel, etc.
As an agnostic wiccan, the idea of conversion makes my skin crawl. I don't have a problem with people voluntarily changing religion if they find a faith that fits them better, but the idea of actively seeking people and trying to "fix" them really irritates me. Even though my college (Rutgers) is in the Northeast, my branch has a lot of religious fundamentalists & I can't tell you how many people have tried to convert me.

"I understand that these fathers are trying to care for their daughters. You know how my dad cared for me? He taught me to play pool, darts, ping pong and poker. He came to all my soccer games, all my basketball games, and most of my marching band events. He taught me to drive at 14. So no, I won't be a virgin when I marry, but I have a great relationship with my dad that's not at all tied to my virginity. I think that's more valuble."

Great point. It also reminds me that part of the Purity Ball issue might have nothing to do with hymens.

Suppose you're a traditional macho man who's just spent years teaching your kids that all leisure activities apart from dating are for boys or for girls but not for both. Then you find out that spending time with your daughters can be good for them. You might feel that you have to take them on dates for this because you've ruled out every other activity as too masculine for them or too feminine for you...

http://www.centerforvaginalsurgery.com/nyclabiaplasty/hymenrepairnyc.htm?zztype=ppc&source=Adwords&detail=HymenoplastyNoLimit

These girls don't have to worry about a thing anymore...in fact, they are probably snickering behind their father's back. lol

Man, they really spruced up that Rodeway Inn!

Sadly, I lived in Colorado Springs for 9 years and I recognize the hotel right away. It is the Broadmoor Hotel (next to Vail and Steamboat, the most monied place in the state). These are girls of families that go to private schools and have riding lessons but not enough to be considered true 'upper class'... I think not only is this a religious crock to keep male control of the female body, but it is a way for them to have there own version of a debutante ball.

And just as a side note, some of the poses they were taking photos of were what I'd expect of someone just getting married, and not a pose you'd do with daddy.

"i pledged my virginity to my father, and all i got was this lousy tshirt".

actually, my father did lay claim to my hymen, but in a much less public way that required far more therapy. as someone who has been there, i have to tell you, this screams incest to me too. theres just something wrong and off about promising your dad youll stay untainted. like "dont worry dad, im keeping the candy in the wrapper, just in case you want some."

sorry if i got all tmi with my incest history, but if im ok, you should be ok with my history too. so we're ok.

"I'm willing to bet one of those fathers will molest his child if he hasn't already."

There's 9 girls in that photo. Statisically, at least one of the dads in that pic is doing exactly that.

jessilikewhoa I admire you for your post. I was just gonna say that the body language of the fathers when the girls are laying down the rose - esp the one little girl in the first black dress. I had to stop watching. And I was thinking statistics too.

On top of everything else disgusting and horrific about purity balls, something that really gets to me is the level of classism that goes on. Beyond the fancy clothes, and spruced-up Rodeway Inn, what becomes of girls who don't have a father with "integrity"? How many children out there actually have two parents in their lives, much less a father in their lives on a regular basis? I'm not saying it is a necessity (I was raised by my mother), but, seriously, how do they expect their way of life to be accepted? Kids with two parents are becoming a minority.

lol, that video is one of the most perverted and creepy things I've ever seen. The way some of the fathers were looking at their daughters....

Right on, Abi. I was thinking the same thing.

It also totally exploits most little girls' "desire" to get dressed up and wear pretty stuff.

Blahhhhhh

i feel like no one is going to read this, but i must point out that on the purity ball website is an article that jennifer baumgardner wrote in glamour about the purity ball. oh, the irony! these fools can't sense her skepticism...

i feel like no one is going to read this, but i must point out that on the purity ball website is an article that jennifer baumgardner wrote in glamour about the purity ball. oh, the irony! these fools can't sense her skepticism...