hahaha
SEXUAL CHAOS

Dandelion greens are tasty.

That's in interesting analogy, considering that dandelions are much more fun to play with than roses.

I've never really thought of dandelions as "weeds" myself. But then, my parents' backyard had kids running back and forth across it for twenty years. They were glad of anything green that could survive that much trampling. Dandelions are hardy things. The rose bushes, on the other hand, were fragile, bedraggled things that never produced more than a couple pitiful blooms a year.

I notice that "adoption" is nowhere to be found on the rose analogy.

Tiniest of details, I know, but I wonder what makes "Natural Family Planning" more "natural" than coitus interruptus? Pulling out doesn't involve any surgery, chemicals, or barriers. Heck, in a way, they're the same method - trying to use timing to avoid pregnancy. The only difference is the timing has to be a lot more precise. And both are a lot more likely to result in surprise (mustn't say "accidental") pregnancy than any of the other methods on the "bad" side.

What, exactly, is the point here? Are people not allowed to have sex *at all* unless - if I may be so crude - every load of sperm is deposited cervix-deep for maximum possibility of pregnancy? Seems like all that abstinence would put a strain on the marriage.

Unless, of course, the couple is supposed to have sex whenever, and the woman is supposed to be kept constantly preg...

I think I may have answered my own question.

Whoo hoo! Dial ups not keeping me down!!

This is utterly stupid. Why do these people constantly have to use either cartoons or diagrams to try and get us whores to understand our dieviant (sp?) ways? I love how this is all still aimed at women as "Security for Women and Children" (because there is NO difference between women and children so they must be lumped together) and "Women's Health" are on there and yet there is NOTHING for the men who are whores? Don't they feel left out? :*(

Wow. How does one even respond to that? Apparently all forms of contraception (even for married people) are bad. And 'artificial reproductive technologies' are somehow anti-life. Because, you know, when you're having trouble conceiving, going to the fertility clinic is killing your baby. I also love how contraception is being tied to euthanasia, poor health, poor education, and something called 'lethal experimentation'. Cause using the pill really makes me want to kill things.

That said, I love the imagery. Roses with their delicate blooms and vicious thorns have always had a double meaing symbolically. On the otherhand, I've got nothing but repect for dandelions. You can't kill them no matter how hard you try and you just have to respect something that can pop up through concrete.

I think it's funny that chastity grows in the soil of generosity.

Cause I always thought I was being generous by putting out.

I'd love to hear how the chaste roots are going to bring to bloom strong social structures.

My personal favorite is how chasitity is connected to love of children. Um, yeah. But I'm confused: since I'm on Depo, my problem is selfishness, clearly. But if I switched to the pill, it would be hedonism. Lunelle leads to individualism - that doesn't sound too bad - but the IUD is associate with lust.

Colleen - I totally agree that putting out is generous.

I think we can all agree that there are thorns in any family, no matter how strong.

It's funny, because most of the "cures" on the flower part of the rose are not unreasonable suggestions, like security and quality health care--but I don't see how contraception runs counter to any of those things, really. Women's heath would certainly be better if they avoided perpetual pregnancy, and I suspect a healthy sex life would be beneficial for good marriages, especially if it doesn't carry with it the concerns of whether or not it will result in the conception of a child the couple can't afford to feed, house and educate. Actually, they've got poverty and poor education as negative results of contraception, which seem to me a more likely result of us spawning away like salmon.
It's as if they've decided from the get-go that they're against contraception, and thus completely overlook the possible ways it could contribute to achieving their ultimate goals in their fervent efforts to denounce it. That's assuming the goals they have listed are really the goals they're after, though.

I do wonder why "Individualism" is a bad thing, though. Are they suggesting God wants us to be mindless automatons?
Hmm...I guess so. For people who prefer to cling to ideas out of "faith" even when those ideas defy logic and rational thought, thinking for yourself is probably super bad.
Their mantra should be: Don't think, just breed.

Where do vasectomies and tubal ligation fit into all this? Is it like pruning? Because I want it to be like pruning. Even though it fills my head with a picture of a doctor approaching my vas deferens with a pair of shears.

And does anyone besides the pro-coathanger nutballs use the word "abortifacient?"

Christ, what the hell is wrong with some people. cohabitation? Pre-Marital sex? Are these people living in a 1950's television show?

People are probably too careless with other peoples emotions. They don't understand the impact they have on eachother and need to be taught to be more respectful of one another. If theres any problems when it comes to sex and relationships those are pretty much it as I see things. These people are ultimately part of the problem. Their lack of respect for other peoples lifestyles and their lack of understanding for other peoples situations is what has given us such a cruel, petty and hateful culture.

hi hi, abortofacient... doctors and some gardners/herbalists (some standard and readily avaliable herbs and gardening plants are common abortifacients) might use the term in their professional jargon. It is a real word that far outdates the modern anti-choice movement. I'd imagine they're the only ones who use it in the vernacular, and their use includes several drugs that are not abortifacients in the traditional sense.

also hi hi, if I have bad dreams involving any part of my penis and pruning shears, I'm hunting you down... I'm not sure what i'll do when I get you, but rest assured that it will be horrible.

On the "sexual chaos" one, one of the leaves says "cohabitation" but when I first saw it, I read it as "cannibalism".
Maby it's because I'm sitting in history class watching a video about the Donner perty.

:-p

Aren't "fornication" and "pre-marital sex" the same thing? I guess it's so horrible it had to be mentioned twice...

And I love how using the pill will drive me to homicide, suicide, and infanticide. Gee, who to kill first!

Right... contraception causes fornication which causes poverty, crime, poor health and education. No other causes at all.

Thanks soullite. I just remember when I was in Catholic school and the word was tossed around like it was one of the laws of thermodynamics or something.

And sorry about the penis images...

Man, those are the worst looking greeting cards I've ever seen, unless it's a "Congratulations on Your Active Euthanasia!" card.

My favorite is how keeping your legs closed leads to better care for the elderly. I'm trying to get my mind around that one and not having much luck.

Actually, if you go to the site, there's even more ironic humor.

http://img.waffleimages.com/e4bb9f52f2a80ff75ec9412308d2bc92520884ba/nfp.png

I know this isn't what they were going for, but "sexual chaos" sounds way more fun than anything on the other diagram.

Sexual chaos.

Exciting!

Hey, if the rose's roots are all close together like that, wouldn't it be pretty easy to grab hold and just yank the whole thing out? Is that what happened to people like Ted Haggard? The evil dandelions suddenly growing legs, walking over, and ripping out the bloom of his family?

this is from their website too. wow. i need to integrate "contraceptive mentality" into my vocab

"even if couples do not impede the procreative potential of a given act of intercourse, (i.e., even if they do not contracept), they may well be engaging in their acts of intercourse with a mentality opposed to the good of children. Such a mentality (some call it a "contraceptive mentality") is utterly contrary to the meaning of marital love."

"Sexual chaos" would make an awesome screename.

Actually, I think my life could really use some sexual chaos right about now.

What the hell is with all these assholes comparing women to plants?

Sexual Chaos... are they touring again?

the right wing doesn't really grasp the concept of "analogy".
Aren't weeds a helluva lot harder to kill than roses?

There's so much hypocrisy in this I hardly know where to begin. But, "security for women and children"? Right, because without men and chastity, were would we'd just be vulnerable and weak.

Forgive me for stating the obvious, but it's the obvious here that is pissing me off.

Sure, the message is ludicrous but the presentation says to me, "You female. You stupid. You like pretty. See pretty picture. Want be like pretty picture? We tell you how."

Seriously....that's what I got out of this.

This picture is even better if you imagine Poison's "Every Rose Has it's Thorn" playing in the background.

Seriously, try it.

The Bourbs is completely baggled by all the pretty colors. They're trying to break my libido, but they just confused me, and instead of having protected sex with one, or maybe two partners, I just want to have unprotected sex with plants.

Seraph,

Every sperm is sacred,
every sperm is great,
if a sperm gets wasted,
God gets quite irate.

I think Monty Python's Meaning of Life answered your question already.

If the pro-lifers ever knew how promiscuous plants really are. Each pistil/ovary can be fertilized by a different grain of pollen. So basically a flower can have sex with hundreds of other flowers at once. And bear all of their children outside of wedlock.

And roses really aren't any more virtuous than dandelions in that regard, unless they've been bred for sterility. And isn't that a no-no anyway?

Looking at all the stuff these folks try to link together, the word "non-sequiter" comes to mind. Also "fantasy."

Looking at all the stuff these folks try to link together, the word "non-sequiter" comes to mind. Also "fantasy."

Wait, so if you just put words over a picture, even if the two are in no way related and there's no sense of cause and effect, it instantly makes sense? AWESOME.

Also, if you use contraception, you're an individual. I guess if you're chaste, you support the Borg.

I fail to understand how use of contraception leads to MORE single-parent families instead of less. Also, how are "Sexual Chaos" and "Strong Family Life" dichotomous? If your family has issues, you're a sexual deviant?

I wonder what these folks would think about masturbation, because if real women actually followed this "advice," both they and their husbands would be doing a lot of it.

republicans hate anything that isn't "natural" -- you know, like sex, masturbation, homosexuality, individuality, common sense

Someone explain to me how sterilization at the root will cause abortion up top?

About strong families that care for the elderly and sexual faithfulness:

In my experience, the people I know who are really close to their parents and siblings usually have a number of "cousins" or "nephews" in the family.

This is anecdotal, I haven't got statistics on this or anything. But I have noticed that none of the people I know who are as distant from their parents as I am seem to have any of these "cousins" hanging around.

If you don't understand, it just means you're participating in the secular conspiracy to destroy all that is good in the world. You must try to understand, and if you don't, convert and try even harder.

Their site is even more comical than that poster. It's so out of touch with reality I can't even get angry about it.

I like their bit on "Natural Family Planning." It's okay to lose an unfertilized egg by abstaining from sex during ovulation, but it's never okay for a man to "waste" any sperm by pulling out...that would just be unnatural!

Either way, I don't think I'd trust any "Family Planning" advice from a website that uses the phrase "be fruitful and multiply" several times and has an article about every baby being a magical gift from god.

republicans hate anything that isn't "natural"

notice the only things that are unnatural to conservatives involve gender issues like feminism and homosexuality. alot of things are unnatural in the world. curing diseases, taking medications, using computers and technology, landing on the moon, cutting grass instead of letting it grow five feet high which is natural, etc. etc. something is only "unnatural" when it threatens their way of life.

I want that rose v. dandelion thing as a poster. It's hilarious in a sad way.

Putzi: I'm confused about what you mean by ""cousins""...I have lots of cousins...my family's really into the NFP thing and you've got me scratching my head about what difference my cousins might have to your "cousins"...

Also, I second everyone who noted the fact that contraception leads to individualism (oh! horror of horrors!!!). And a third to all the Sexual Chaos people: I want the SN, the blog, the band...maybe I should get the license plate. Or I that could be my superhero-alter-ego. I burst into right wingers 50s-TV-seperate-bed-bedrooms and ignite Sexual Chaos!.

even if couples do not impede the procreative potential of a given act of intercourse, (i.e., even if they do not contracept), they may well be engaging in their acts of intercourse with a mentality opposed to the good of children. Such a mentality (some call it a "contraceptive mentality") is utterly contrary to the meaning of marital love.

What do they mean exactly? Does it mean that when people are having sex, they should be thinking about their children? Ewwww...
Although that's not so surprising from people who fetishize their own daughter's hymens.

Image fixed

http://img271.imageshack.us/my.php?image=nfpnw6.png

Wow, fundies must really like their vegetation. I remember once seeing a chart like this that was a "Tree of Evil." It's roots were grounded in, horror of horrors, EVOLUTION, and it produced such despicable fruit as communism, art, and WOMEN AND CHILDRENS' LIBERATION. My first instinct is to laugh and never stop laughing, but then I take into consideration how many people these ignorant attitudes hurt and it ceases to be funny. :(

I love the "top quality healthcare for children, elderly, disabled".

That one defies logic. Never mind the same people pushing this nonsense are the same ones who want to do away with all the social programs that actually help the people in question.

So what is the difference between natural family planning and contraception use? Both prevent pregnancy. So if using a contraception product is bad then wouldn't natural family planning be bad too? They both achieve the same result.

Eric Scheidler’s testimony is that of a man who reluctantly agreed to stop using contraception and to try Natural Family Planning in his marriage. What followed in his heart, his marriage, and his family was nothing short of a miracle.

Pickleberry – *lol*. Damn those flowers! Putting it out all over the place...

"...that could be my superhero-alter-ego. I burst into right wingers 50s-TV-seperate-bed-bedrooms and ignite Sexual Chaos!"
-Miko Monkey

That made me laugh out loud. Thanks.

BTW ... how is it "selfish" not to want to have children?

From an evolutionary point of view it's selfish to have children, nu?

Oh yes, these people probably don't believe in evolution. To adapt a P.J. O'Rourke quote originally applied to people in a different place in the political spectrum (maybe there is something to the "crunchy conservative" label? some conservatives are the realization of stereotypes of liberals? talk about your projection, eh?): "people appreciating nature by holding natural science in contempt" ... it does make the head spin, nu?

Dandelions are edible and quite tasty when young and fresh. They also have medicinal uses.

Roses have thorns and are often saturated with pesticides.

Enough said.

Is premature ejaculation in the rose or dandylion chart?!