All-out awful. He's treating her like a pet. None of this is for anyone but her to decide. I'm revolted.

I don't know what to make of this exactly, but I don't like it.

What's not to know? It's fat-bashing, pure and simple. Are you saying you don't know what to make of fat-bashing?

I didn't read the whole thing, but what I saw seemed to be about a couple who were coming to terms with their attitudes about weight gain--specifically that what they wanted didn't mesh with what society said they should want.
I could do without the objectifiying language, but it does seem like he loves her at any size, which is better, in my mind, than men who cling to the unrealistic notion that the slim, pretty young woman they married won't (or has no right to) change, and thus it's okay to cheat on and/or divorce her and "trade up" to a younger model. The body's metabolism is slower at 30 than it is at 20 for both sexes, and that's just the way it goes. She's going to go grey and/or put on some weight once she's had a couple kids, just like you're going to gain a spare tire and lose your hair, stud.
That said, I think it'd be fair turnabout if she put up a website showing photos of him over the years--how much do you want to bet he's not as hawt as he used to be, either?

There's a HUGE difference between putting on a few pounds because you are gettign older and doubling your body size in just a few years, as this woman did. It is terribly unhealthy. Not that putting up a website and embarrassing her is the answer, but don't make up nonsense about this gal gaining weight naturally. She's on a dangerous path and has exponentially increased her chances of heart disease, diabetes, and stroke. It does sound like he loves her. Bad choice of venues, but definitely the correct concerns.

There seem to be very few people on the website with healthy views about the body and women... it's an almost even split between the fatty fetishests (which are every bit as bad as the skinny fetishests -- it's all about objectifying the woman without regard for her health or well-being) and the skinny snobs. Very few people who understand that "healthy" generally means somewhere between extremely skinny and extremely fat... for that matter, very few people concerned with what's healthy at all.

You call yourself a feminist and you don't know what to make of this? This is revolting! He's objectifying her, and wether that objectification has a positive or negative affect, he's judging her worth on how much she weighs. And do we even know if he has Angela's permission to do this? How humiliating, to be stuck on the Internet and judged in such a way -- like cattle. Disgusting!

Wow, only four comments in and we've already got the "health concerns" line going on. You think this man loves his wife when he puts pictures of her up on the internet, invites strangers to discuss her appearance, and says he's repulsed by her?

This website has nothing to do with health. And fat people definitely don't need self-defined do-gooders warning them about the health risks of obesity. Guess what? We all know! All the health risks in the world don't justify the hatred that's leveled at fat people every day.

This is an awful concept for so many reasons. The entitlement abounds, both in the idea that he deserves a wife that will never change her appearance, and in the idea that he even has the right to put these pictures up for comment.

OH, this is a bad deal. Vervain is right that it initially looks as though this guy is coming to terms with his wife's more natural body--but he is eventually just disgusted by her obesity.

Take a look at the comments! One addresses the woman, saying that her husband doesn't love her. The commenter wants to feed her and then graphically describes what he would do to her.

Any person who would put their partner on the web either as an object of ridicule or admiration has a problem. Would normal person--man or woman--want others to talk about their partners in the way that these commenters do?

It's wrong, I tell you. yick.

It's definitely an objectifying, sexist site, but it doesn't seem like a fat-hating site. The message board is clearly populated by men who like bigger women. One woman asks something like "where are the guys who like big girls?" and a commenter replies "Actually, you'd be presently surprised how many men like a few extra pounds. Else, why would this site exist?"

Whatever the hell you make of it, these women have a lot more people discussing their bodies than they ever did before.
I don't how many people were looking at the site before, but I'm guessing the audience just tripled at the very least.
The question remains: are we solving the problem or just taking part in it?

To be quite honest, I can't tell if parts of the site are a joke or not. If you read other posts on the site it discusses women who are approaching 750lbs, and saying that that is their mates ideal. Very weird. I agree with Feminist Housewife that putting up your partner to that kind of ridicule is not the sign of a healthy relationship.

The comments in the fat model thread were more a condemnation of beauty standards than fetishization of fat and Law Fairy is no "concern troll".

I'm with Law Fairy. This looks like a site where fetishism and hate come together in a big sticky misogynist mess. I don't like it a bit.

Cheers,

TH

I thought LF was talking about Feministing! That website is definitely sexist and sizist!

Well, I don't care what the shit people assume about my size or my health. When I see things like this, I have three reactions depending on my mood:

1) Never eating again.
2) Eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's in honor of that person putting up with that asshole.
3) Calling all my fat friends and doing a pile-on that asshole.

Right now, I'm wavering between #2 and #3. Maybe #2 then #3.

THe biggest problem I have with overweight people is that by eating and consuming 2x what a person actually requires, they are doing great harm to the enviroment. Obesity and such are part of america's addiction to exessive consumption in all forms.

JesusJonesSuperstar, thank you for that opinion. Do you have a buck fifty? Because if you combine the two, you can buy a cup of coffee.

Cheers,

TH

There are really two issues here, and they have to be seperated for some people to see what's wrong with this.

The first is what a lot of people are stalling on, and that's that most people feel disrespected if a partner decides that because they have a mate, theres no reason to stay in whatever shape they used to stay in. And in my experience, women feel this way as often as men, even if they vocalize it less often. Gaining wait rapidly is taken a sign that your partner just doesn't value you. Someone used to care about their appearence, then they found you and decided it no longer mattered. You're now being taken for granted.

The second is what is something that is more unambigously wrong. The fact that this guy is supposed to care about his girlfriend, and yet puts her up for a public shaming. It's never right to violate someones trust and their feeling of safety about you when you're dating them. If he's not happy and feels taken for granted, he should leave her.

Yes, people have the right to change their appearence. But just like every other change you might make, a relationship won't always survive the transition. Like it or not, everyone you've ever been with has found you at least Aesthetically pleasing enough for them. You have found everyone you've dated at least aesthetically pleasing enough. If either of these aren't true, then ulterior and usually far worse motives were involved. Someone wanted to feel like a better person than they are, or was trying to exploit the other. That's life.

Gaining wait rapidly is taken a sign that your partner just doesn't value you. Someone used to care about their appearance, then they found you and decided it no longer mattered.

Or, y'know, the measures that you took at 20 don't have as much of an effect at 40.

Or perhaps she gained weight because of stress eating due to living with an unsupportive jerk. Why is it automatically that she didn't care about her body any more, and poor, poor him that he has to "put up" with it? Perhaps the first sentence "Gaining weight rapidly is taken as a sign that your partner just doesn't value you" is right, but not in the way you meant. It's a sign that the still-thin partner doesn't value her any more, and is a by-product of feeling lonely and rejected.

Or, hey, here's a thought --maybe she LIKES her body like it is now? I know, shocking isn't it? A fat woman who actually values and loves her body. Who'd have thunk it?

And maybe she gained weight because of an underlying medical condition. Or because of medication. Or because she decided that being ultratwiggy was too much of a hassle and she didn't want to continue to starve herself to stay that way. (Yes, yes, I know. Not all size four women starve themselves just like all size 24 women are not unhealthy Jababeasts. That's not what I'm saying.)

The notion that you don't care about your partner if you put on weight is ridiculous. I say this as a woman who gained about 100 pounds over the course of a 6 year relationship. It had absolutely nothing to do with how I felt about my partner. It had a hell of a lot to do with how I felt about myself, however. (It also had a lot to do with an unknown underlying medical condition too.) Unlike Angela, however, my partner never once tried to convince me to lose weight. He never stopped telling me I was beautiful and sexy, even though I didn't feel that way about myself. I absolutely never felt he was ashamed to be seen with me -- because he wasn't. He understood that my size was no reflection on him and certainly no indication of my value as a human being.

What this guy is doing is frankly unforgiveable. If she doesn't know about it, he's betraying her trust. And if she does know about it, then she knows he values her so very little he's willing to allow people to spew vile hatred at her without standing up for them. Oh yeah, this relationship is one for the ages.

I was working up a small rant to go on, but I think Zan just about covered it.

I love how the internet enhances freedom of speech and democracy! Something like this is long overdue; it's just too bad that whoever's responsible didn't spring for a proper domain.

Sure, the guy's obviously a jerk, but that's between him and his main squeeze--every last pulpy bit of her. Bad manners, though, don't add up to injustice.

I think it's sad that one of the pictured "fat girlfriends" was obviously pregnant. I want to choke her picture-taking partner and say: "She's PREGNANT! She's gonna gain weight!"

Its things like this that make me want to have a long-term relationship with my vibrator. My undemanding, non-judgmental vibrator.

I finally looked at that website, and now I feel dirty. The whole concept--putting pictures of your girlfriend up on the web and soliciting strangers' opinions, and then posting those opinions publicly, including the really nasty ones--disturbs me. I want to scrub my brain with bleach.

Yes, EG, and I'm sure all the men who posted the pictures are all five-star studs.

It reminds me of some ridiculous talk show I saw years ago where men brought their girlfriends/wives on to complain about their looks and weight. It saddens me that there is an audience for a pot-bellied, balding, pasty man who complains that his girfriend isn't "pretty enough."

I've visited the Fat Girlfriends site numerous times over the last 8 years to comment om BBW issues. Its not a fat bashing site, but a fat celebration site. It is, however, poorly moderated - allowing in my opinion too many anti-fat posts and obvious fakes.

Believe it or not, there are men who prefer heavier women. I married one and am now a 4 time grandpa.
I have never tried to get my wife to gain additional weight and we do monitor gor health issues, but I love her as she is. There is major controversey over whether weight loss or adequate exercise and attention to food types ingested is the key to resolving the so called "obesity epidemic."

I am not alone. There are dozens of BBW sites, including some paysites. dimendsionsmagazine.com is the center of size celebration on the Internet.

If you think this site is bad check out

www.myfatspouse.com

its more of the same only worse

this is worse thing that i have read on this blog. For men to post their wife's that are overweight is so sad. Natural Weight Loss Products