Rebecca Traister has a great piece up today about a new magazine, Total 180, which is targeted towards the always-controversial population of women who have “opted-out” of work. (Cause they can.)
The magazine seems terrifying from Traister’s description, kind of like it’s run by a bunch of depressed Stepford wives.
Whatever studies tell us about whether privileged women are or aren't opting out, this magazine, produced by women who have, suggests that some stay-at-home moms are in a dark, dark place. As a woman who is neither married nor a mother, but who someday hopes to have children with a partner, I was left petrified by Total 180! and its vivid depiction of the inequities of domestic life that I -- apparently naively -- had assumed were a thing of the past in a post-feminist world.An editor's letter by Erika Kotite kicks off by describing pizza joints where groups of "stay-at-home moms 'let out' by their husbands" huddle "for a once-weekly session of lamenting, venting, laughing and girding for the next week of chaos." Let out? Yikes.
There's also a message from Total 180! founders Debbie Klett, Kirstie Zamboanga and Andrea Bandle, who write, "We hear what you're screaming because we're screaming it, too!" Can you hear them, Clarice?
The first item in a section about goods "that no stay-at-home mom should do without" is a big bottle of Rodney Strong Chardonnay. A photograph illustrating a piece called "Martha Doesn't Live Here" depicts a crazy-eyed woman wielding a turkey-carving knife...
In addition the less-than-desirable descriptions of what stay at home life is like, the magazine’s editors seem to have a bit of a 50s fetish.
One chart called "Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda" compares, "just for fun," what CHOs are obligated to do during the holidays vs. what they would actually like to do. Among the required tasks? "Do all the shopping for my entire family and my husband's relatives," "Buy a new dress for my husband's company party," "Cook endless batches of cookies" and "Put the decorations away and clean the house on New Year's Day."...Why are these women doing all the baking and cleaning and schlepping to husbands' office parties? In a feature called "Gettin' CHOey," the Total 180! ladies write that "We needed to validate, support and reassure one another. Lord knows our husbands can't do that for us, and we shouldn't expect them to -- that's what girlfriends are for." Why is there no expectation of validation, support or reassurance from the husbands whose dinners they're cooking? Did they all marry the Great Santini?
(The 50s love is even more evident in Traister’s interview with magazine co-founder Debbie Klett, so make sure to check it out.)
Also, Amanda at Pandagon points out the very scary “Sex Scorecard” feature that pretty much advocates that the happy housewives use sex to get stuff from their husbands.
In summation--I’m scared shitless. Not only is it frustrating to see the glorification of a certain group of privileged women, but that these seemingly smart, accomplished women would resign themselves to an unhappy life is just too much to take.
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If I ever have kids, I can see myself spending maybe 6 months at home with an infant, nursing and such. I like my work, but it seems like it would be a great way to spend a while thinking about things differently.
What I think is weird about these magazine people is the way they have to Be Stay At Home Moms. It's not the most interesting job in the world, especially since we don't know your kids. No one cares about the horse snot I test at work, but I'm not writing a magazine trying to make it seem glamorous. Women who are highly-educated are probably used to other people giving a damn about what they do - they get grades or recognition or raises. Stay at home momming's accomplishments are hard to appraise from afar, so they just aren't going to get that recognition. You could be the Best Mom Ever and no one would really be able to tell. Why do I need to validate their lifestyle?
Felix, what the feminist movement did for women was help them to gain education and skills, so that they had the financial ability to leave a situation where they were poorly treated. While I'm sure there are women who neglect their kids, the majority of women who work do so because they have to - or because they want to. And if they do want to, that's their right to self-realization.
Oh, and using the word "feminazi" makes you sound like a 14 year old that got rejected by a high school cheerleader.
I don't think there is anything wrong with women who choose to be stay-at-home moms. It is not something I'd want to do myself but I can respect the women who do it because it's hard work that often goes without recognition. Maybe somebody should publish a magazine for mothers that isn't full of stereotypes.
Felix, you act like there's no choice between daycare and being a housewife. The 'feminazi revolution' also made it possible for dads to stay home with their kids. I personally think men are perfectly capable of being the main caregiver.
But what do I know? I'm a man-hating feminist (with a fiance who happens to be a great dad).
I (heart) feministing for also referring to mothers who don't have the option of "opting out." Too often the debate is whether or not mothers should leave their jobs, ignoring the millions of working-class mothers who may want to but cannot.
"Oh, and using the word "feminazi" makes you sound like a 14 year old that got rejected by a high school cheerleader."
How do you know he's not?
Remember, Republican labor policies that depress wages for the working-class and force mothers into the workplace no matter if they'd like to 'opt-out' or not have nothing to do with this. Nope, nothing. Move along, nothing to see here except feminazis. Economic policy is for eggheads, it doesn't really matter.
But if we raise the minimum wage the economy will collapse because all the CEO's might have to like live in a house that's smaller than 50,000 sq feet.
we're working on it felix, but thanks for letting us know "it's time."
listen, if you want to be condescending you're going to get a smart-ass reply. deal.
Did anyone else who read this article think that the questions were incredibly judgmental? I didn't think that Traister recognized the fact that the goal should be to have choices (and yes, I know that there are many women who don't have this choice). She put the co-founder on the defense from the first question. Although I think that Total 180 is a very silly premise for a magazine, I think there is room for more than one opinion on the subject. It's not just: you quit your job to raise your children so you are clearly not a feminist.