As if all of the existing "feminine hygiene" commercials weren't bad enough (who could forget the mother-daughter talk on the beach about feeling "not so fresh."), now we have to deal with a whole new generation of products that tell us we're inherently dirty.

So ladies, make way for Vaginal Cleansing Film (VCF). It's like a big ole Listerine breath strip for your pussy. Or a scented mini-dental dam that dissolves. If you're not already huddled on the floor in the fetal position, check out the lovely fragrances VCF is available in: Chamomile, Island Breeze, Fresh Flowers, and Baby Powder.

OK, I can see the Fresh Flowers and Baby Powder, but what marketing genius thought that a flavor of tea and an umbrella-laden drink would be appropriate vaginal scents? Just think, if they made a Long Island Iced Tea version, your partner could catch a buzz while noshing.

What is truly hysterical about this nonsense is that Apothecus Pharmaceutical Corp., who put out VCF, thinks that they�re like the pussy innovators of the century. Check out the first couple of lines from VCF press release:

Dump the douche. Toss the towelette. Spare the spray. Now there's a modern, convenient alternative to old-fashioned feminine hygiene products�

(Dump the douche!? Wasn't that my mom's advice about my last boyfriend?)

Yeah ladies, give those antiquated douches and sprays the boot; now we have a brand-spanking new way to feel bad about our vaginas!