Oral sex is 100x safer than vaginal or anal sex, huh? The scientific evidence for that is...?

I guess the whole thing of saying no to sex and having your wishes respected is just a silly notion.

Ummm. So if you can not get out of sex offer oral instead. Is she talking about rape because that's the only time that you "can't get out of sex". How about this to fix her statement. It you're in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, kick the guy really hard in the nuts. O-O-O, how about offering oral sex and then bitting down really hard, like the shawshank redemtion scene where he discussed lockjaw.

This is so distressing. How about telling young women this:

"If you don't want sex, say no. If you say no and someone tries to force or bully you, that's rape. You have the right to say no and have your decision and your limits respected. If you only want to have certain kinds of sex, it's your right to set limits. If your comfortable kissing but not doing anything else, that's your right. If you're comfortable having oral sex but not vaginal or anal, it's your body and your decision to make. If somebody tries to force or bully you to do something you don't want to do, even if you're done other sexual things with that person, it's rape. You have the right to have your limits respected. There is no such thing as "point of no return." You never owe anyone else sex, and nothing you do obligates you to do anything sexual with anyone.

If you want sex, it's your responsibility to communicate clearly with your partner about what's okay and what's not. If you can't do that, you're not ready. If you're not sure you can do that, you should say no. If you can communicate clearly about what you want to do, then you're old enough to protect yourself against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. Lots of activities are safer than vaginal or anal intercourse. Oral sex is not entirely free of risk, some sexually transmitted infections can be transmitted that way; but the risk is a lot lower. If you decide to have penetrative sex, condoms are not optional, and you need a back-up method of contraception. If you're not ready to deal with condoms and a back-up method of contraception, you're not ready for penetrative sex."

I don't know how much better this makes things, but what say we give Sharon Stone the benefit of the doubt and assume that she's thinking of someone feeling pressured to do something sexual (or fear losing their partner, for example) rather than someone being forced. Admittedly, one would still say the girl ought to stand up for herself, but how likely is she to listen to such advice?

That sounds a little strict to me. People who have had very little sex, can't really know what they want and will enjoy. It is entirely possible to change your mind about what you want to do, right in the middle of it.

Does the average 30 year old have the comfort level(particularly involving sex) and the communication skill necessary for this? It can be very difficult to communicate with someone who doesn't really want to listen.

Everyone involved in sexual activity should try to be sensitive to what is going on, and they should be willing to take some responsibility for protection from pregnancy and stds. Particulary inexperienced people should be handled with care. We become comfortable with sex by having it.

Somehow this feels like all of the responsibility is being placed on the woman. People don't rape because they didn't realize you didn't want to. They rape because they want to.

Of course, lots of adults have sex and have not a damned idea about how to communicate with a sex partner. As far as messages to young people, I think we ought to normalize the idea of open communication. I'm also a proponent of empowering teens with benchmarks to determine their own readiness for sexual intimacy. Ultimately, they are going to be the ones who have to make that call anyway. Nobody's parents give them a gold star that says, "you're ready to be sexual with a partner" (except religious conservatives at a wedding, which smacks of property transaction). Even if folks are well into adulthood before they really get comfortable talking about sex, I would rather have them thinking in terms of, "am I ready to deal with barriers and contraception and setting limits and saying what I want?" I think that provides much more guidance for a teen to think about having partnered sex than either "you'll know when it's right" or "wait until you're married."

what an idiot.

Oh, and Jane, I completely agree that rape does not arise from bad communication. Self-blame among rape victims arises from attitudes like what Sharon Stone expressed. A woman who has been raped doesn't need to hear, "couldn't you have just given him a blowjob?" She needs to hear, "it's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You had a right to say no. What he did to you was criminal." The stuff about communication is not about rape prevention. It's about providing a model for how teens ought to determine their own readiness.

Sharon Stone means - what to do when you are being pressed for sex and hoping to be offered an $8 million acting role.

wow! sharon stone really said that? she is a very sick woman. she must have been molested as a kid. she needs help and now!

I can't believe it, my co-worker just bought a car for $57285. Isn't that crazy!